When chatting with my clients about their dating inquiries, this is one question I get repeatedly: “Should I put my height on Bumble and Tinder?” The long and short of it — or should I say, the tall and short of it — is yes, you should, in my humble opinion.
If you have sensitivities about your height, it’s understandable that you would hesitate to disclose your height on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and the like. But remember that you’re using these apps with the hope of meeting women in real life, and there’s no way to disguise your height when you’re in person. Wouldn’t it be better to let women know up front so that you can weed out the superficials who would consider a specific number of feet and inches a dealbreaker?
Of course, as I write this, I realize putting it all out there when it comes to height — or anything else for that matter — can be easier said than done. This is why I’m here to offer your some specific reasons and tips when it comes to disclosing your height on dating apps. I hope this will leave you feeling more strategic when it comes to the online dating world, and helps you to not sweat the small (or tall, or short) stuff.
Disclosing Your Height on Dating Apps Helps You Weed Out Superficial People
Let’s get this out of the way right now. If a woman is going to refuse to date you based solely on your height, that’s probably not the right person for you. Consider someone setting very rigid height preferences (i.e., she wants a guy that is 6-feet-3-inches or above) a red flag and move onto other women who will value things at a deeper level.
Now, I’m not saying that a woman who has height requirements is an awful person or a big diva, but there are some things that are problematic with someone not simply preferring — but requiring — that a guy be a certain height. It usually means that this woman is insecure and/or is afraid she won’t be able to wear her hooker heels on a date with you.
Ask yourself: is that an issue you really want to have to deal with, especially when you have just started dating a girl?
The initial stages of dating are the ones that are supposed to be fun. The first few dates will help you figure out if you’re compatible with someone in a way that could lead to a long-term partnership. If physical things you have no control over like height are an issue from the get-go, you’re already starting things off on the wrong foot.
Tip: Try This Exercise if You’re Nervous About Disclosing Your Height
If you want to really weed out women who are superficial — while also giving yourself the chance to initiate conversation with more potential matches on your dating apps — try this tongue-in-cheek exercise.
On your dating apps, set your height to the max square footage that the given app will allow if you’re on the shorter or average side. And if you’re super tall, set it the minimum square footage the app will allow.
This is going to confuse some of your potential matches, but that can actually be a good thing. It will likely compel women to message you just to ask you about it (i.e., “Is that your actual height?” or “There’s no way you’re that tall”). When they do this, it will allow you to call them out in a fun, flirty way. Say something like, “Uh oh, I was AFRAID you were going to be superficial,” or, “ That’s my way of testing to make sure you’re not just after me for my body.”
This is a way for you to weed out superficial women and it also gives you an opportunity to show her you’re confident enough to push back against being pigeonholed. And women love confidence.
If a woman is rude about your answer and/or pushes the height issue, you have all the information you need to come to the conclusion that this is not a good person for you to be around. End the conversation, un-match or block her (if she gets really aggressive) depending on which app you’re using.
But a woman may end up getting flirtatious with you as well and you can use this joke about superficiality to start and build rapport before asking her out on a date. (Hint: Don’t wait too long to offer a compelling dating idea with a TDL when it comes to online dating conversation).
Another important part of this exercise is getting comfortable with yourself and facing fears of rejection. You may find it hard to believe, but rejection is actually a good thing. When you put yourself out there and roll with the punches when it comes to rejection, you develop empathy, grown from the experience, and eventually get yourself closer to finding a compatible, long-term partner. As they say, practice makes perfect.
Remember: Would Peter Dinklage Lie About His Height?
You may scoff when I talk about how confidence is such a big part of attractiveness, but take a look at actors like Game of Thrones’ Peter Dinklage, who plays scene-stealing Tyrion Lannister in the series, and who’s character gets way more action than Jon Snow, Ron Stark and Jaime Lannister combined.
Dinklage, who was born with achondroplasia (a form of dwarfism) has not only found monstrous success, but he’s happily married with children. He has also been labeled a bonafide sex symbol and topic of discussion when it comes to hotness, despite the fact that he may not be what people would typically conceive of as a Hollywood heartthrob.
And there are plenty of other stars who embrace their stature with confidence. Kevin Hart is one example of a confident, short star who attracts tons of gorgeous women (sometimes too many, depending on who you’re asking — no judgment, just saying…). And here’s a few other short guys with tons of sex appeal to boost your ego:
- Dave Franco
- Zac Efron
- Bruno Mars
- Robert Downey Jr.
Reverse the Roles in Your Mind
Remember that guys aren’t the only ones who get insecure when it comes to disclosing their height on dating apps. Lots of taller women worry that they are going to put guys off by towering over them, and shorter women often buy five-inch heels just out of worry of conversing with their tall beau’s torso.
But in reality, big height discrepancies are a bit awkward at worst, and shouldn’t be a dealbreaker situation.
I mean, look at Pete Davidson (he’s 6-feet-2-inches) and Ariana Grande (she’s 5 feet). Tons of couples are able to enjoy fulfilling relationships despite genetics placing them in vastly different places when it comes to stature.
Remember that a girl you go out with may have her own hangups about height or other things related to physical appearance. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she will be, and the better your chances are of building a good connection.
Tip: Use More Than One App
I always advise my clients to use more than one app or website when it comes to online dating (here’s a list of free dating sites and apps). In fact, I recommend downloading a few different apps and seeing which one works best — or better — for you.
Some apps, like Bumble or Hinge, are more geared toward people looking exclusively for long-term relationships, whereas apps like Tinder have garnered a reputation as being more of a hookup app. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use Tinder — just be aware of that stigma.
Moreover, one of the ways to be successful on dating apps has nothing to do with your height, but how compelling of a profile you create, how strategic you are with your photos, and how you make yourself stand out when matching with messages.
Lastly, here’s a list of some of my online dating tip articles to help you increase your match and response rates:
- Best Tinder Bios for Guys
- Creating Great Taglines on Dating Apps
- Some of the Best Opening Lines That Get Responses
- Bumble Profile Example for Men
Tip: Don’t Just Use Apps to Meet Women
Want to feel less stressed about putting your height on Tinder, Bumble, or other dating apps and sites? Stop relying exclusively on the internet as a way to meet women. There are tons of ways to put yourself out there other than dating apps, and I’m not just talking about hitting the bar scene.
Meeting women when you’re out and about also relieves the pressure of wondering whether to put your height on dating apps because you just plain can’t hide it when you’re hanging out with someone in person. Some great places to get extra practice approaching women include:
- Meetup groups: Create an account (if you haven’t already) on Meetup.com and find a group that appeals to your hobbies, passions and general interests. You’ll automatically be meeting people that have something in common with you, and shared interests are one of the first steps in building trust and rapport.
- Speed dating: You can find a ton of these in your area by visiting sites like Eventbrite of LivingSocial.
- Ask a friend: Women usually feel safer and more comfortable when a trusted friend sets them up with someone. Let friends that you trust and who you think have good judgment know that you’re looking to meet someone and see if they have anyone to set you up with or introduce you to at an upcoming event.
- Adult sports league: If you’re an athletic type, join a co-ed sports league (or multiple co-ed sports leagues). It’s a great way to meet people and also get some exercise in at the same time! Being active will naturally decrease stress and nervousness, making this a great option to keep your social calendar full.
Improv class: This is a place where you can potentially meet women, but more importantly, taking an improv class can be a great place to increase your confidence, decrease social anxiety, and be able to think on your feet — all traits that will help you when it comes to approaching women and going on dates.
Putting yourself out there in many different ways is part of my top dating strategy, which is known as MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves going on dates with several different people at once in order to crush your dating goals FAST and meet a long-term, compatible partner. MegaDating was the main strategy I used during my 100-date experiment. It led me to the fulfilling relationship I have today and it can do the same for you!
MegaDating is also really important for people who are insecure about things like height or who tend to get hung up on chasing after “the one.” When you’re going on dates with a few different people as opposed to chasing after one person, you automatically become less insecure and stressed out because you are seeing firsthand that there is plenty of fish in the sea.
Ready to get started?
Should I Put My Height on Bumble and Tinder Wrap: Cut Dating Insecurities Down to Size
Worries about putting your height on Tinder or Bumble or other dating apps? This is one of many things that can make the dating world seem intimidating. But putting yourself out there doesn’t have to feel like a chore — in fact, it can actually be a lot of fun!
As a seasoned dating coach, I’ve helped men throughout the world find lasting love. If you’re ready for a little help, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we will diagnose your dating history, discuss any roadblocks you may be experiencing, create an individualized action plan to help you crush your dating goals, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you!
Images: Giphy (1)