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Why You Need to Use a TDL When Asking a Girl Out on a Date

By Emyli LovzMay 12, 2018Strategy
asking a girl out

Want to meet your dating goals and find a high-value girlfriend? You better make sure you use a TDL each and every time when asking a girl out on a date. The TDL is an important call-to-action in messaging. Without utilizing a compelling time, date, and location when asking a woman out on a date, it’s unlikely that you will ever mobilize her to actually go out with you.

What is a TDL?

A TDL is an acronym used to describe the three critical components of a date request’s call-to-action, the time, the date, and the location of the date. The “T” in TDL stands for the “Time” the date will take place. When asking for a date, you must give a woman the time you’d like to meet with her so that she knows whether she is available at that time or not. The “D” in TDL stands for the “Date.” When asking for a date, you must give a woman the date you’d like to meet her on so that she knows whether she is available on that date. The “L” in TDL stands for the “Location.” When asking for a date, you must give a woman the location you’d like to meet her at so that she knows whether or not she can meet you at that location.

Using a TDL when asking for the date assures that you won’t get stuck in limbo between talking and actually meeting up in person. Every client I’ve worked with who wasn’t getting dates before we started working together was failing to use TDLs when asking women out. Similarly, every client who learned to use and consistently employ the use of TDLs after working with me, has ended up getting more dates with beautiful women–some of them have even gotten more dates than they know what to do with. Use the TDL if you want to actually meet up with the woman you’re messaging on the dating apps or dating sites. If you’d prefer to just sit online and talk to randoms all day without actually meeting up, then disregard what I’m about to tell you.



So what exactly is so important about setting a time, date and location for your date?

Reason #1: It’s Chivalrous

Most women appreciate chivalry. Despite the word “chivalry” being seen as archaic by some, modern-day chivalry is really more about respect and consideration. By using a TDL, you are exhibiting chivalry by acknowledging that there is quite a bit of pre-date prep that women still endure, including things like:

  • Manicures and pedicures
  • Picking out the perfect outfit
  • Deciding on the best accessories to go with the aforementioned outfit
  • Makeup
  • Styling her hair and so on

With all that going on, the last thing a woman feels like doing is running around trying to get a dinner reservation set-up or listening to you be wishy-washy on a time to meet.

In this case, think of a TDL as being similar to opening a door or pulling out a chair for a woman; she’s fully capable of doing these types of things on her own, but the courtesy of doing it for her goes a long way.

To learn more about the reasons women appreciate chivalry, click here.

Reason #2: It Shows Initiative

In general, women love a man who takes initiative  and using a TDL does just that.

It really sucks the romance out of everything when you leave plans up to her or play a back-and-forth game of: “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

When you take initiative, you exude the following:

  • Confidence
  • Strength
  • Leadership

All three of those things are big turn-ons for women, which is just one more reason you need to use a TDL when asking a girl out on a date.

Of course, taking initiative can cause some understandable concern, such as:



What if She Hates the Date I Suggest?

Worried that she’ll veto the date you choose? I totally get if you have this concern, particularly if you’re asking a girl out from an online dating site or app, and you haven’t had the chance to get to know her.

If you find yourself in this situation, I suggest trying what I call the “2-Option Close.” The 2-Option Close involves getting to know a woman better by giving her some either-or scenarios.

For example, if you want to go to a happy hour for your first date, you can pose the following questions:

  • Barbecue wings or lettuce wraps?
  • Beer or wine?
  • Cosmopolitan or whiskey on the rocks?

This will help you customize your date in a way that you know both she and you will enjoy it. I learned about the 2-Option Close when a guy used this on me during my 100-date experiment. I actually ended up rejecting him at first, as I had clearly stated in my profile that I believed a man should plan out a date.

He took my rejection and used it to his advantage by overruling it. Instead of getting intimidated by my pass on the date, he accepted the challenge by letting me know “rules are meant to be broken” (take note: women love wit) and then laying out a specific time, date and location for us.

Whether or not she rebuffs your 2-Option-Close, give it at least a couple tries.

Let’s say that she answers the above hypothetical questions this way:

  • Lettuce wraps
  • Wine
  • Cosmopolitan

You could respond with something like this:

“Great answers. Let’s meet Thursday at 5:30pm at [insert applicable bar/restaurant here]. They’ve got some great lettuce wraps and make a mean cocktail. I’m not a big cosmo drinker, but from looking at the menu more than a few times I’ve noticed they have a bunch of options that should help you pick a perfect poison. The wine list is pretty extensive too. Sound good?”

As a note: I only recommend doing dinner and drinks on a third date. You can use the template above as a guide for crafting a 2-option close that follows my first date blueprint. Learn more about planning a first date here.

Reason #3: You Will Likely End Up in the Friend-zone

When you are wishy-washy or apprehensive when it comes to making concrete date plans, it lands you a one-way ticket into the friend zone.

Remember that  even if you’re super dejected when it comes to dating  it’s likely that a lot of women you come across are equally deflated. The dating world can bust and bruise you, and women (along with men) experience heartache, along with pernicious dating trends like ghosting and serendipidating.



Reason #4: Getting Rejected Can Be a Good Thing

They say that practice makes perfect and, when it comes to dating, rejection is something that you need to get used to, unfortunately.

Often times, a man won’t approach a woman or won’t ask her out on an “official” date because he’s worried that she is going to reject him. You might ask a woman to “hang out” or be wishy-washy with the exact plans (“It’s whatever”; “We can play it by ear” etc.) in order to lessen the pain of rejection if she isn’t interested in seeing you.

But by refusing to call something a “date” and, in turn, refusing to use a TDL, you’re actually more likely to lose a woman’s interest, because:

  • A woman who is looking for an actual relationship doesn’t want to just “hang out” with a guy unless he’s her friend
  • You show a lack of commitment when you don’t have clear intentions
  • Women get approached by many men this way, and it’s honestly frustrating, so you want to stand out
  • She may misunderstand your intentions and think you’re a player who might ghost her

Let’s say that you do use a TDL and make your intentions clear. And then let’s say she rejects you.

Getting rejected sucks, but it’s also a necessary part of the dating process. And by facing  and accepting  rejection, you actually improve your chances with women in the long run. Why?

  • It forces you to face your fears
  • You learn from your mistakes and improve your strategy the more you approach women
  • Getting rejected increases empathy and can help you be more compassionate if/when the tables are turned and you have to reject a girl who likes you

Perhaps most importantly, getting rejected let’s you know up front that a person you thought might make a good match is not the right person for you. If she turned you down, she obviously felt something between you two that just didn’t work. And it’s better to know that there isn’t a mutual connection sooner rather than later.

Learn more about why it is important to get rejected here.

The TDL Strategy: Make Your Intention Abundantly Clear

Aside from setting up a time, date and location, make sure that the girl you’re asking out knows 100% that this is a date. 

If the girl you’re asking out on a date for the first time is someone you met through a dating site or app, then it should be pretty clear that things are going to be romantic. But you still want to make sure you insert the big “D” into the conversation. For example, after plans are set, say something like, “Great. I’m really looking forward to our date on Wednesday.”

If the girl you’re asking out on a date is someone that you already know or met out and about, it’s especially important that you make it clear you want to take her out on a date and not take her out as a friend

Here are some examples of do’s and don’ts when it comes to asking a girl out on a date  and making sure she knows it’s a date:

  • Do: “I’d like to take you on a date.”
  • Don’t: “You wanna hang out sometime?”
  • Do: “I’m looking forward to our date on Saturday.”
  • Don’t: “Cool, I’ll see you then.”
  • Do: Make sure that she knows that the day or evening is a one-on-one type deal
  • Don’t: Make your first date a group thing, ask her to invite friends or let any of your own friends tag along

The TDL Strategy: How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text

If you’re asking a girl out for the first time using an online dating site or app, make sure that you get her primary phone number after plans are made and take communication offline from there. And if you meet her #IRL and don’t have her phone number, you definitely need to get that after setting things up.



Send a couple flirty text messages a few hours before the date in order to ease the tension. Don’t go overboard here. Send one or two simple messages to confirm that you’ll be on time for the date – with a wink (:)) is good.

The TDL Strategy: Use a TDL for the First Three Dates

It’s important that you show her that your good planning isn’t a one-time deal. Plan the time, date and location for the first three dates. In case you aren’t familiar, the EmLovz rule of thumb for the first three dates is as follows:

  • Date 1: Something casual like a happy hour or coffee. The date should not exceed an hour and shouldn’t cost more than $15
  • Date 2: Something active and free. If you need help coming up with second date ideas, check out my article on Top 20 Fun Date Ideas That Don’t Cost Money
  • Date 3: A romantic dinner

Always keep her interests in mind when planning these dates. If you met her online, you can use her list of interests to help guide you through the planning process. It’s also important to use what she tells you during dates to plan dates that will impress her.

For example, if she mentions that she likes rock climbing, one activity could be to go to a gym with a rock climbing wall.

The TDL Strategy: MegaDate

I hope after reading this article you agree that setting a TDL is the best way to ask a girl out on a date.

With that said, practice truly does make perfect, and there’s no better way to practice using a TDL than megadating. MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating several different people at the same time. By filling up your social calendar and opening yourself up to a variety of interesting experiences, you naturally increase self-esteem and reduce the stress that often accompanies dating.

And since you’ll be seeing multiple people, the pain of rejection is lessened. Megadating shows you that there truly are plenty of fish in the see and you don’t have to settle for a mediocre partnership.

It worked for me and it can work for you too!

If you’re ready to crush your dating goals, but would like some expert help, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. I also offer Dating Profile Services, as well as a comprehensive online dating course that will help you find a high-value girlfriend and stay OUT of the friend-zone!