If you look up the official definition of chivalry, it references knights in shining armor, noblemen seeking justice, and something about a moral and social code.
Nowadays, you don’t have to be donning a full body of metal and saving damsels in distress whilst riding a white stallion. However, chivalry in the modern sense is still appreciated by women, despite many people believing that “chivalry is dead.”
Despite what some believe, you can be a chivalrous man and still respect — and support the progress women have made in the last several decades.
Because chivalry can be a bit of a confusing concept to navigate in the 21st century, I have compiled a list of 8 reasons that women appreciate chivalry. These reasons will offer you insight into the modern definition of chivalry, and can also help you find more success in the modern dating world.
Reason #1: Chivalry is Work
Becoming a chivalrous gentleman takes effort. You need to make sure you are focused throughout the time you spend with a girl in ways she doesn’t necessarily have to be. For example:
- Is that a door? Yes, and you better get to it before her so you can open it.
- Is that a chair? You’d BETTER pull it out for her before she has a chance to sit down.
- Is that a check on your first, second, or third date? Don’t let her get to it or even SEE the bill. You snatch that baby up STAT before she has a chance to reach for her wallet
- Is that a door to her place? You better walk her to it (HINT: It’s ok for her to open this one herself).
- Is that a —
You get the point.
When a guy takes that extra time to show this type of courtesy, a little goes a long way with women. Yes, women are plenty strong enough to open a door and pull out a chair, but that isn’t the point. The point is that even if we have the strength to open a 700-lb door, it’s still nice to be treated like a lady.
Showing effort during the first date and early stages of a relationship let women know that you are more likely to put in effort throughout the relationship, which can make you seem more valuable than some other guys when it comes to choosing a partner.
Reason #2: Statistics
Women have made several strides over the past few decades. The opportunities are endless when it comes to finding a career, with many women in management and leadership positions. This financial independence means that women no longer have to be financially reliant on men, and more and more women are also holding off on marriage and families in order to advance their careers.
Because of these advances, I understand why requiring a man to pay for a date can seem archaic. But hear me out.
Despite the progress that has been made, statistics show that men continue to earn more money overall than their female counterparts. This is one reason that I advise my clients to pay for the first three dates.
But don’t worry, guys. I’m not asking you to ruin your credit score by making each first date one that lands you at a five-star restaurant. In fact, I don’t really even think food needs to be involved on the first date. I recommend making the first date something that will be under an hour and won’t cost above $15; making the second date something free and outdoorsy; and saving the third date as the nice, classy dinner type deal.
Learn more about my modern dating rules that will help you land a girl (without landing in debt) here.
Reason #3: Biology and a Sense of Safety
If you’ve ever watched the Discovery Channel, you probably noticed that men in the wild are the hunters and also responsible for proving themselves to be more worthy than other competitors in the male species. In nature, the female needs to be selective because she is the one that will be bearing and taking care of children.
Even though humans are not doing mating dances and many of the modern population is delaying or completely foregoing having a marriage and children, it can be hard to shake off certain ideas that get instilled early on. Stereotypes about men being commitment-phobes are rapidly decreasing in these progressive times, but it’s hard for a lot of women to stop being wary overnight.
Remember, also, that women deal with shutting down skeezy guys at bars and aggressive behavior more than men do in general. Chivalry provides us with a sense of safety, security, and respect.
And speaking of respect…
Reason #4: Chivalry is Synonymous With Respect
No, you don’t have to show up on a white horse and sporting a knight’s armor to be considered a chivalrous man (although that WOULD be really cool). Like many things in life, chivalry took on a bit of a different meaning way back when due to the context of the time.
But just as we as a society continue to evolve, the definition of things like chivalry evolves as well. In my opinion, chivalry is not dead, it has simply progressed.
When women talk about wanting a man who is chivalrous, a large part of what they’re talking about is finding someone who will show them respect. Holding open a door, paying for the first date and making sure you get home safely are kind and respectful acts. And isn’t respect something we all want?
Reason #5: Women Value Strength
Women value strength in a man and someone who is willing to do things like holding open a door, paying the bill, and even carrying a woman’s luggage shows strength.
Reason #6: Women Are Colder Than Men
No, I don’t mean that we’re cold in the callous, The Devil Wears Prada sense — we are literally cold right now!
There are several scientific reasons that women tend to run colder than men. So if you notice a woman wrapping her arms around herself on a brisk night (or even if you don’t) offer her your jacket or sweater. This seemingly small gesture goes a long way — trust me.
Reasons #7: Being Chivalrous Means Showing That You Are a Good Planner
One element of modern chivalry involves is securing a time, date, and location for a date — what we here at EmLovz call “TDL.”
Keep in mind that women have a lot of pre-date prep to worry about that you don’t see. This preparation can involve things like:
- Manicures and pedicures
- Picking out the perfect outfit
- Deciding on the best accessories to go with the aforementioned outfit
- Styling her hair and so on
It really means a lot to a woman when you have everything for the date set beforehand (check out my article on setting a TDL for more info), so she doesn’t have to scramble to find a reservation or spend extra time deciding on a plan with you.
Why Women Appreciate Chivalry Reason #8: You Get What You Give
Like I said before, chivalry is ultimately about respect. And when you give respect, the right woman will give it back to you. Respect is an integral part of any relationship. When you use respect to set the tone early on in a relationship, you are more likely to build a foundation that is based on trust and intimacy.
Ready for Your Chivalry to Pay Off?
If you’ve been struggling in the dating world, I’m here to help. Before I embarked on my 100-date experiment, I was questioning if I would ever find love — or if love even existed.
After going on over 100 dates, I completed my experiment with a Rolodex of knowledge about the dating world and a successful relationship to boot!
I want to help you find the relationship you deserve by rediscovering the fun side of dating. One of the strategies I recommend to all of my clients is MegaDating. MegaDating is a strategy that involves dating several people at once in order to increase your confidence so that you can stop settling for the mediocre and avoid the friend-zone.
Ready to get started? Head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today! During our intro session, we’ll discuss more ways you can overcome your personal roadblocks when it comes to dating. We will also talk about your dating goals and create an action plan to help you achieve those goals. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.
My coaching sessions and program has helped men just like you get more dates, become more confident, and has even led men to “the one” they want to spend the rest of their lives with!
Chivalry isn’t just reserved for knights and shining armor and neither are successful, long-term relationships. I look forward to connecting with you soon to help you achieve your goals!