Hey guys, it’s Emyli here. Today’s topic is on how to ask a girl out online. As a personal dating coach, I get asked for tips on how to ask a girl out online all the time, and it’s one of my favorite topics.
While on my 100-date experiment, I became very familiar with the ins and outs of online dating, and used some great dating sites (and here’s a list of my favorite free dating sites and apps) to connect with people and fill up my social calendar. I received a lot of messages everyday from guys wanting to talk to me or ask me out, and learned quite a bit about what kind of direct messages piqued my interest in someone, and what turned me off.
If you’re wondering how to ask a girl out on a dating site, I have good news–and bad news.
The bad news is that online dating is just as competitive as dating offline. Attractive, successful women with dating profiles are bombarded with messages from guys on a daily basis. Some women receive up to 100 messages per day or more, so if you’re writing to her without a strategy, your message is likely to be ignored.
Still, being ignored is far better than the in-your-face rejection that could happen when asking a girl out in person. Asking a girl out online is relatively easy compared to asking her out face-to-face, but a lot of guys still get stuck at this important step.
Here’s the good news: there are a few tried-and-true ways to put yourself way ahead of the pack. Take a look at these guidelines and tips on how to ask a girl out online, and increase your chances of getting that date with her.
The First Message: Personalize, Personalize, Personalize!
Even if you’re messaging many women a day, you’re going to want to personalize the heck out of your first message to her. The first message should be sweet, thoughtful and very polite, while expressing your interest in her personality–not her looks.
Read through her profile and find some common ground–a shared interest, hobby, educational background–anything. You can use this as a starting point to relate to her through your similarities, which could help to create a sense of familiarity and closeness.
For example, let’s say that you’re both avid baseball fans. You could mention your loyalty to the Giants, while lightly teasing her for her passion for the Oakland A’s–and tell her you’d love to hear her thoughts on the subject sometime.
Chatting Before a Date: 10 Messages or Less
If your first message gets a response, congratulations–she’s interested. This is the time to get the ball rolling towards finding out how to ask a girl out as soon as possible.
No one wants to message back and forth forever without making plans to meet. Don’t leave her wondering whether you’re serious or just wasting her time, and build up the confidence to ask her out–quickly!
Also, when planning on how to ask a girl out on a dating site, keep in mind that she’s probably getting messages from other men, too–and perhaps from more straightforward types that won’t waste time. Take action and keep your messages to 10 or less before setting up a time and location to see her in person.
Be Direct – Setting a Time, Date, and Location
Men, if you want to set the tone for a really romantic night, be a leader and make plans yourself. Choose the restaurant and pick a date and the time, and then ask her out.
In general, ladies love it when men take initiative–especially on the first few dates. Don’t leave it up to her to tell you what she wants to do on your date–this will suck the romance out of it for her. I cover this “TDL” topic in high detail in my online dating course for men.
If you’re worried that she’ll hate the plans you choose, and want to get to know her a little better–try something I learned from one of the guys I dated during my 100-Date Experiment. I call it the “2-Option Close”.
Using the 2-Option Close to Ask Her Out
Here’s an example of a 2-Option Close from my 100-Date Experiment that a guy used on me, and it worked. He wrote:
How would you feel about turning a cup of coffee into a real adventure? I know that online dating can be a dangerous net to play in, so I have come with a few qualifying questions for my protection 🙂
One: Beach or Mountains? Two: Starbucks or Peet’s Coffee? Three: James Bond or Jack Bauer? Four: Tennis Shoes or Heels?
The idea behind this effective strategy on how to ask a girl out on a dating site is to get her to help you plan your date, while still being in control of the details. This tactic is also useful in qualifying her answers, which will help you determine your compatibility together.
If her answers don’t jibe with you, you might want to pass on her. Lastly, her answers will help you to create a wonderful plan for your date together. You’ll know what she enjoys doing, and can customize your night out to make it more fun for both of you.
Get Off Messaging and Get Her Phone Number
When planning on how to ask a girl out on a dating site, make sure to include a request for her phone number–especially after setting a date with her. Once you’ve decided to meet offline, you won’t want to continue communicating with her through the dating site.
Some women will be hesitant to give out their personal number before meeting in person. Try to keep the pressure off of her by giving her a casual reason for needing it. For example, you will need a quick way to contact her in case you can’t find her at Starbucks, or wherever you decided to meet each other.
Once she gives it to you, make that the primary means of communication. Don’t message her on the dating site again! Texting her will seem much more personal and give real-life perspective to your potential relationship, vs. chatting on the dating site.
You might want to send a couple of light, flirty texts a couple of hours before meeting her on your first date. This will do wonders to ease the tension and help with any nervousness on both sides.
Expect Her Objection and Overrule It
My response to the 2-Option Close message (see the 2-Option Close section above) was actually a rejection.
I responded, “if you did your homework, you’d know that a man should plan out the date. I liked the rest of your message, though.”
It could have ended there, but it didn’t.
He responded with “Em, rules are meant to be broken. Change things around, take risks and live! 🙂 Life is too short to have regrets. Coffee and conversation, Sunday 11am, Starbucks on the Embarcadero. Conversations topics include; 1. You answering all the questions from my first email. 2. Discussing the adventurous things you enjoy doing. 3. Us coming up with the next viral video 4. You subtly determining if I’m an honest man or not.”
Most women will say yes online after two or three attempts. Make a mental note to counter her objections up to three times with a new TDL (Time, Date, Location) before giving up on her. She’ll appreciate your persistence and you’re likely to value the date more after such a challenge.
Optimize Your Dating Profile and Get More Responses
This section might be the most important one of all in your success in how to ask a girl out on a dating site, and where so many of my clients need the most help.
Your dating profile (here’s an example of a great Bumble profile example) is your way of selling yourself to women. If you want to get more attention online and more responses, your profile should be a perfect portfolio designed to showcase the best of you–with attractive photos, engaging taglines, and effective descriptions.
I can help you create and/or optimize a super-effective dating profile that gets you instant results. Check out my calendar and book a new client session with me today. Take the step towards a rockstar profile designed to keep your inbox full and your date calendar busy. Plus, I can help you reach your short and long term dating goals like finding a girlfriend, wife, or long term partner this year.
Remember, you deserve the perfect relationship, and I’m here to help you find it.