When mulling your brain over where to meet women, your first choice (as well as your friends’ first choice, and go-to suggestion) may be the most obvious — bars. Bars have long been viewed by many people as the best places to meet women. However, there are several caveats that come with choosing bars as your primary spot to meet a long term girlfriend.
Look, I’m not saying that going to a bar is a bad idea when you’re single and hoping to find a long-term relationship. I am all for meeting people at bars. Bars are a great place to find someone to ask on a date because other singles usually go to bars with the intention of meeting someone. But even though you can find a bevy of eligible women at a bar on a Friday or Saturday night (or really any night of the week depending on the city), the single women you find at a bar may not always go with the intention of finding a long-term relationship.
Fortunately, there are a variety of ways you can meet women other than bars — and there are also some key strategies you can use in different situations that will help you get dates with several quality women, and eventually get a high-value girlfriend.
In this article, I’m going to break down the best places to meet women other than bars. I’m also going to provide some insights into the caveats that can come when you use bars as your main avenue for finding women, as well as red flags to keep in mind if you spot a woman at a bar that you’re interested in.
Meeting Women at Bars: An Analysis
Firstly, a disclaimer…
I am not against meeting women at bars. There are several people who have met and found long-term relationships — or even marriage — with people they ran into at a bar. When people in happy relationships talk about how they first met at a bar, the story can be told with a veneer of beautiful happenstance, e.g.:
“I saw her from across the bar, she smiled and I asked her if I could buy her a drink. We ended up talking the entire night and that’s when I knew this was something special.”
How sweet! Note that, however, these stories are often told with certain elements of that night missing. You’re not going to hear about how that guy got some draft beer spilled on his shoes while trying to elbow through a wall of fraternity brothers, bachelorette parties, or other various drunk patrons in order to talk to this girl. You’re not going to hear about how the conversation was interrupted by what sounded like a potential fight breaking out in the parking lot, or the blaring music, or anything else that might have been going on that night.
People often retell the stories of how they met someone they’re now in love with a glowing light that may or may not be entirely accurate — and that’s OK! Memory is a tricky thing, and sometimes the retelling of things like the start of a great relationship or the claim of love at first sight can be unintentionally inaccurate.
In short, it’s important to keep realistic expectations when going to a bar to meet someone.
Sometimes people are just out for a fun night on the town, but there are also emotional reasons that can drive people to a bar scene. Think about the time you or one of your friends were going through a bad breakup. Was the knee-jerk reaction to hit the bar scene to go live it up/drown your sorrows?
If you find a woman at a bar you are interested in, remember that there is a risk that she is emotionally unavailable.
Another thing to be wary of is that women — and people in general — go to bars to unwind, but there are also other types of people that frequent the bar scene…
Plenty of us has had a crazy night at a bar where we drank too much and paid for it in the morning. Keep in mind that the strangers you meet at a bar are that — strangers. This may be a woman who is just letting loose, or this could be someone who makes a daily routine of drinking in excess, which is not a person who is equipped to be in a relationship.
And what about when you see a woman drinking alone at a bar? She may be an alcoholic, or — OR — she may just want to enjoy a drink after a long day at work by herself – with the added enjoyment of the ambiance of a bar and silent people-watching.
In either case, my advice is to steer clear. Keep in mind, also, that women get hit on at bars A LOT. As in, all the freakin’ time. Particularly when you’re trying to enjoy a nice glass of wine by yourself before hopping on the train or taking an Uber to your final destination, being hit on or even approached is often the last thing she wants.
Where to Meet Women Place #1: In Person at a Friend’s Event
Despite what movies and sitcoms may have us believe, meeting the love of your life is rarely an act of serendipity.
In fact, a majority of people tend to meet their significant other through friends, according to a study. A survey of 2,373 people between the ages of 18-34 found that most people had met their significant other through mutual friends. In fact, according to the study, 40% of people said they were platonic friends with their current girlfriend or boyfriend before taking things to a romantic level.
If you want to meet a woman in person at a friend’s event — assuming it is a trusted friend — consider letting your friend know that you are single and hoping to meet someone. They may be able to practice some matchmaking skills to expedite the process.
And if you find yourself going on a date with a friend or someone you already know, click here to learn more about some talking points and how to keep things from becoming awkward.
Place #2: Through Dating Apps
Dating apps have arguably taken center stage when it comes to modern dating culture. Less than a decade ago, people still cringed at the idea of having to explain to their friends that they were going on a date or — gasp — had first met their significant other through some form of online dating.
Today is a totally different story. Dating apps are a great tool in meeting several different women that you can be compatible with, which is one of the reasons I recommend all my clients download not one, but several dating apps when beginning to embark on their path to dating and relationship success.
Bumble is an app that requires women to make the first move when it comes to sending the initial message after you two match (here’s a popular article on mine which shows you how to respond to a woman’s first message on Bumble). Hinge uses the idea of meeting through mutual friends by sending you matches based on your Facebook friends list.
Need some pointers on creating a great dating app profile? Recently, my friend was kind enough to share his tips for creating one of the best Bumble profiles for men.
If you’d like more help with sending a message to matches on your preferred dating app(s), be sure to download my mega-message template. This strategic tool will help you attract women and get offline to meet them face to face.
Place #3: Social Media Sites Like Facebook
This method can be just a wee bit tricky, since women you come across on social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram may or may not be looking for a relationship. With dating apps, you know automatically that women are interested in at least getting to know someone. But randomly hitting up a girl on social media can make you come off as creepy if you don’t make moves strategically.
Below are a few pointers on how to snag a date with a woman via social media.
Take a Gander at The Ladies in Your Friends’ Social Circles
Sure, you could just message random strangers, but that runs the risk of looking SUPER WEIRD, and there’s a good chance the woman in question would never even look at/accept the message.
Look at the friends of your friends instead. Reach out to your mutual connection to see what their story is, and you’ll be able to gauge whether or not it would be a good move to message her yourself or have your friend either set you two up or have both of you meet at an event they’ll be attending.
Like Their Responses, Posts or Tweets
Whether it’s on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, you can easily like a comment or post made by a friend of a friend. This is also a great way to transition into a one-on-one conversation with the person via private message.
For example, if they made a joke or referenced a movie/TV show you like, you could message them something like this:
“Hey, just had to give you a shoutout for that [insert joke or movie reference here]. Definitely gave me a good chuckle. Btw, I noticed you’re friends with Jake. He and I used to work together — how do you guys know each other?”
Using this type of strategy allows you to get to know someone and gauge whether or not they’d be interested in going on a date. It doesn’t make you come off as weird or creepy, because you happened upon them in a semi-organic way.
Place #4: A Group Workout Class
Talk about a twofer! Going to a group workout class is a great way to meet women and get in shape.
Along with the physical benefits that come with exercise, there are many mental health benefits to working out as well. Exercise releases feel-good hormones in the brain known as endorphins. These endorphins can lead to a decrease in stress and over time can improve your overall confidence.
And when you’re feeling happy and secure, it’s naturally a lot easier to approach women you’re attracted to.
Place #5: Adult Sport League
Piggybacking off of group workout classes is co-ed adult sports leagues.
Meeting women through social sports is a great way to get exercise, participate in — or revisit — something you’re passionate about.
Simply do a Google search of co-ed adult sports leagues or co-ed social sports in your area, and you’ll be able to find anything from softball to badminton teams.
It’s also a good idea to ask your circle of friends if they participate in any adult sports leagues. If they do, you won’t have to worry about going into the first day not knowing anyone.
Place #6: A Meetup.com Event
Meetup is a website and app that allows people throughout your community to create groups and events based on particular interests. These interests can range from dive bars to cooking classes, to book clubs, to — well, basically anything under the sun.
People often don’t know each other when first attending an event, so you don’t need to feel awkward. It’s also a great way to get to know people without the added pressure of it being an official date.
Place #7: On Vacation
If you’re going on a solo adventure of planning something with fellow singles (who have the same intent as you or are definitely not going to “block” you), a vacation can be one of the best ways to meet women.
Sure, it may not be as likely that a romance across the country or abroad will lead to anything long-term, but it can be a great way to practice approaching women and increase your confidence. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you are planning to go this route:
- Look into things like singles packages or young adults only hotels to stay in
- Be sure that you are with people who understand your intention to meet women, and will be cool with it
- Avoid making these moves on a family vacation
Place #8: Speed Dating
Yes, speed dating is one of the best places to meet women because of it’s efficiency.
Speed dating is a great option to get face-to-face with single women without the pressure of a full-on date. This form of dating gives you the opportunity to have several short conversations with women during a single evening (sometimes in just a couple hours).
You can Google “speed dating events near you” and find a variety of options. The aforementioned Meetup.com often has speed dating events, and Eventbrite is another great place to find speed dating options near you.
Place #9: Street Fairs or Festivals
For how to to meet women over the spring or summer, there are usually a variety of street fairs and festivals going on, regardless of which area you live in.
Again, Meetup.com and Eventbrite are great places to look for these types of events. Facebook also lists events near your area; local tourism websites and newspapers also normally have a calendar of events that are easy to browse.
Where to Meet Women Place #10: At Work
Yes, it is not always so taboo to date a colleague. Given that we tend to spend the majority of our day at work, it’s not surprising that this could be a place for attraction to bloom.
Most workplaces do not have a strict policy against colleagues dating, as long as it is not between a supervisor and a subordinate.
But before you consider getting down to a different type of business with a woman at work, check out my article: 7 Rules to Follow When Dating a Coworker.
Raise the Bar
I hope this article helped you solve your question regarding “where to meet women other than bars.”
Ready to raise the bar when it comes to dating? I’m here to help.
Being “over the bar scene” is just one of many things I hear from clients who are frustrated with the dating landscape. But finding a high-quality girlfriend doesn’t have to be stressful — it can actually be a lot of fun!
During my 100-date experiment, I discovered the strategy that is key to increasing self-esteem during the dating process, working through insecurities, and ultimately finding a long-term partner. This strategy is called megadating. Megadating is a technique where you date several people at one time in order to diffuse your energy, fill up your social calendar, and avoid settling for the mediocre. This strategy worked for me — and it can work for you too.
To get started, book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we’ll talk about your dating roadblocks and create an action plan to get you on the path toward finding a high-quality girlfriend.