When you’re a guy who has just started using dating apps, you may be wondering how to respond to a woman’s first message on Bumble.
If you’ve hopped on the online dating bandwagon (as well you should), one of the apps you’re probably on is Bumble. And when you’re a guy, a big question in your mind may be how to respond to a woman’s first message on Bumble.
Unlike certain sites and dating apps like OkCupid and Tinder, Bumble puts women in control of making the first move. Once you and a woman match, SHE has to be the one to start the conversation. This takes some much-needed pressure off you guys, but there’s still some stress that can come with how to reply to that first message on Bumble.
After all, despite not needing to worry about making the first move, you still need to keep in mind that women tend to get bombarded when it comes to digital dating. You need to make a good impression, but you can also use this newfound assertiveness that may not come so easily for women to your advantage.
Women are generally not hunters when it comes to dating. Societal norms have not required them to come up with witty pickup lines and how-tos on approaching men at bars. If anything, women have had to practice their best shutdowns for those guys who either come on overly aggressive or just CAN’T get the hint.
For this reason, sometimes a woman’s first message leaves something to be desired. In our testing, we noticed that women don’t send very creative messages. Their messages are usually “hi” or “how’s it going?” With so little to go on, you may feel stumped on how to respond.
Lucky for you, I’m here to help. Take a look below at my four strategies to help you come up with the perfect response to the first message on Bumble.
Strategy #1: Be Witty
Like I said, we women aren’t professionals when it comes to making the first move. And when you haven’t gone through the trial-and-error that many guys face when trying to hook a woman with a great first impression, even the most fascinating woman can deliver a greeting that resembles the personality of a fat-free plain yogurt — and not even a GREEK, fat-free plain yogurt, just a boring old fat-free yogurt. Basically, this is most likely going to be the personality of most of your first messages on Bumble.
Remember that a lack of personality during an initial message doesn’t mean that the woman in question is actually boring; she simply hasn’t garnered the experience (and hasn’t been required to make certain efforts) that guys have.
Let’s say her first message on bumble is something super boring like this:
Before you decide to disregard the very personification of fat-free plain yogurt, offer a witty response, such as this:
You: Try again :).
Always make sure that with a response like this you insert a smiley face (although our test user Rico decided the super masculine direct approach of no smiley-face, which worked for him), so she knows you’re not just being a jerk. By doing this, you give her the perfect opening to show her flirty side.
Strategy #2: Be Direct
Another route to take when a woman’s first message on Bumble is boring is to ask her to get more creative with her first message. She may not always give a monosyllabic “hi” BUT there are several symptoms of a bad copy-and-paste job when it comes to the first message. Symptoms include:
- Getting your name wrong
- A long first message that reads like a job description (i.e., “Hi Eric, my name’s Samantha. I read your profile and you seem like an interesting guy. My interests include XYZ and I am looking for…” etc.)
If that happens, say something like this:
You: Is that the best copy/paste job you can do 🙂 ?
Again, by using a smiley face you’re being direct without being a jerk. Being direct also shows that you have confidence, which is something that women LOVE and will flock to.
Why Do Women Want Directness From Men?
A direct man is someone who is secure in himself and knows what he wants. And that type of confidence can be sexier than a set of six-pack abs when you’re a woman on Bumble (or in the general public, really).
According to Psychology Today, a confident man is one who has found the “golden mean” between low self-esteem and arrogance.
When many self-proclaimed “nice guys” respond to a woman’s first message only to get crickets in return, they may assume that this is just another woman looking for an agro “bad boy.”
The truth is that us ladies DON’T want a jerk — at least not those of us that are searching for and ready to be in a mature, long-term relationship. Sometimes women will get initially drawn into a jerk due to the charm and confidence they exude.
Conversely, women may reject guys who are nice, but also exude a lot of shyness and low self-esteem. This isn’t a woman being mean, but simply wanting someone who is secure with himself, someone who knows what he wants and is willing to pursue it.
Strategy #3: Do Not Reply Back to a Lame Message With the Same Lame Message She Sent You
When a woman’s first message on bumble is something lame, never respond in kind:
This kind of thing will lead to one of two results:
Use one of the responses suggested in Strategy #1. Or, here are some other witty responses you can send to captivate her, in spite of her monosyllabic greeting:
- “We did it!”
- “You had me at ‘hi.'”
- “Hi! Phew, now that we finally got THAT out of the way, let’s get down to business: Does your typical Monday evening routine include happy hour, yoga, or Netflixing? Personally, I prefer all three at the same time.”
Bumble also gives you the option of sending GIFs in lieu of, or to accompany, your text responses, which can be a great way to break the ice. For example, if she says “Hi,” you can respond with something like this.
This can get her laughing and help her to loosen up.
Strategy #4: Stay Positive and Upbeat
One way to kill the initial attraction is by being negative. Venturing into unknown territory can be uncomfortable for anyone. And when online dating is said unknown territory, it can be easy to revert to complaining. Here are some examples of common negative responses that you should avoid when responding to the first message on Bumble:
- “Ugh, isn’t online dating just THE WORST?”
- “Hi. I honestly never know what to say on these things.”
Scientific research shows that complaining is bad for your brain and your overall health. And a woman will likely respond in kind. By showcasing your humor and positivity, you are taking the awkwardness out of the situation and opening the door to better communication and the likelihood of scoring a date.
As a bonus, don’t forget to check out our test users (Rico’s) Bumble profile example which is getting a ton of matches and messages. Can’t you just feel the good vibes on Rico’s profile?
How to Respond to a Woman’s First Message on Bumble Strategy #5: Get a Dating Coach
If you find yourself puzzled over how to respond to a woman’s first message on Bumble, or in simply navigating certain aspects of the modern dating world, you’re not alone. As a former serial monogamist, I can completely understand how awkward it can feel to dive into online dating sites, apps and the like.
During my 100-date experiment, I used myself as a guinea pig in my research to discover more about the intricacies that come with the dating world. I went on 101 dates in a year and ended up finding a happy long-term relationship — and I want to help you find one, too!
The strategy I used during my experiment (and what is now known as the Emlovz mantra) is MegaDating. Megadating is a strategy that involves dating multiple people at the same time in order to fill up your social calendar, decrease dating anxiety, increase self-esteem, and ultimately help you to find the person of your dreams.
As a dating coach, I help men just like you overcome their dating roadblocks, achieve their dating goals, and find a happy, healthy relationship. During my initial coaching sessions, I recommend that my clients download a variety of dating apps, such as Bumble. Dating apps have become so mainstream, that it doesn’t make sense to not use them when you’re trying to get yourself out there and on the road to finding a great girl.
But I also provide insights on meeting people out in the “real world” and through other means. When you go on over 100 dates in a year, you learn all the ins and outs of the dating world, and I love being able to apply what I’ve learned to help other people.
Want to get started? Book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During your session, we will work together to create an action plan that will help you achieve your dating goals. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you.