Are you wondering how to be confident when dating a girl you like? You’ve come to the right place.
Even the most self-assured people can find their confidence shaken when dealing with the many intricacies of the dating world. And when you start dating a girl you like (I mean, a girl that you really, really, really, really, really, really like), being confident an seem downright impossible.
That’s where I come in. As a dating coach and expert, I understand how important confidence is when it comes to dating success. Women find confident men very appealing, and exuding a sense of self-worth can actually help you attract any woman.
To help you not only exude confidence but actually feel confident when dating a girl you like, I’ve used my expertise and research to come up with 8 tips that will help you be confident when dating a girl you like. Take a look below!
How To Be Confident Tip #1: Don’t Be Outcome-Focused
I touched on the concept of being too focused on the outcome — rather than the process — when I wrote about why it can be so hard to approach women you’re attracted to. Now I’d like to delve a bit deeper into why being outcome-focused can be detrimental in the dating process.
When you’re outcome-focused in the dating world, your thoughts are fixated on one thing — finding a long-term partner. While it’s great to have that goal, don’t let a fixation on said goal keep you from enjoying the dating process, and being present during a date.
According to bestselling author and relationship expert, Margaret Paul, Ph.D., focusing on an outcome instead of the process can lead you to:
- Attach your worth to the goal, which can further decrease your self-esteem
- Cause you to be resistant to trying new things out of a fear of failure
- Increases anxiety
Conversely, when you focus on the process without worrying about the outcome, you are more likely to:
- Feel excited — rather than stressed out — by the prospect of taking a risk and facing a new challenge
- Give your all to something
- Be OK with rejection
One way to put this into practice is megadating, which is what I used during my 100-date experiment and is also my second tip on this list!
Tip #2: Set up More Than One Date Per Week
Another way of building confidence is to expend energy rather than let it build up into nervous energy. Megadating is an excellent dating technique (and also happens to be the EmLovz mantra) when it comes to improving your confidence when dating a girl you like.
Megadating is when you go out with several people at once in order to polish your dating game, expend your energy and increase confidence. Now, you may balk at this idea, being that you clicked on this article most likely because you’re preparing for a date with someone you really, really like. But megadating isn’t about cheating on someone or sleeping around. Sex isn’t a part of it, and sex doesn’t have to part of any stage of your early dating process until you and your partner have committed and feel ready.
By megadating, you are showing yourself that there are several other fish in the sea so that you don’t have to put all your energy into one person, because doing so can increase stress and even lead to self-sabotage.
If you get rejected or things don’t work out with the person you like, it’s not going to be such a blow, since you’re already talking to other people. And because megadating increase confidence, it can also make you exude more appeal to the girl you like, and actually increase your chances of continuing to date her and making her your girlfriend.
Tip #3: Get a New Fitter for Your Upcoming Dates
It isn’t just us women who can benefit from a shopping trip before a big date. Getting some new clothes or shoes can make you feel confident and actually increase your success in dating, as well as other areas of your life — it’s science.
Kyle Borrison of Mantelligence actually took it upon himself to break down 16 scientific studies (yes, 16) that prove dressing well can take you far.
Basically, when you put effort into your appearance, you:
- Are more likely to receive help from strangers
- Are perceived as more competent and trustworthy
- Tend to experience more success at work and can even end up with a higher salary
- Will be perceived by women as more physically attractive when you dress well, regardless of things like height, weight and musculature
- Will more likely be viewed as sexually attractive by women
- May have better job success
- Will be perceived as more intelligent
- Will think highly of yourself
With all those positives, investing a little extra money in your date prep can make women want to invest more time in you.
Tip #4: Get Warmed Up Before Your Date Arrives
Just as it is important to warm up before going for a run or strength training, you can also do a few things to socially warm up before your date arrives.
Let’s say your date is going to be arriving at 4pm. I suggest heading out around 2:30pm to briefly socialize with other friends or even baristas at your local coffee shop. This will help you warm up and, by spending this time with others, you won’t have time to ruminate and thrust yourself into a worry spiral before the date.
*This was my boyfriend’s favorite strategy when he was worrying about how to be confident on dates (back before we met).
Tip #5: Review Her Interests
If you met on a dating site or app, review the interests she has listed on the profile before your date. This can give you an idea of some things to talk about with her and you could even structure dates accordingly around these interests.
For example, let’s say that she’s interested in a certain type of music or band. Check around for an event that features the type of music she likes or a festival.
If you’re going to dinner, see if there are any types of foods or places she has listed that she’s really into and you can take her there. People also often mention favorite places they’ve traveled on their dating profiles. If she’s waxed poetic about a trip to Italy or Greece, do your research on a place in your area that is well reviewed and serves an authentic type of that cuisine. You can even use this as a great conversation starter, eg:
“I know it’s not exactly Rome, but I tried to get as close as possible.”
This will automatically score some brownie points because it shows her you were paying attention and wanted to do something that would specifically cater to her interests. Do this and you won’t have to worry about building confidence any longer – because you prepared by reviewing her interests.
Tip #6: Talk to Yourself in the Third Person
We tend to be our own worst critics, and it can be WAY easier to give a pep talk to a friend in a similar situation than yourself.
Think about it. If your friend, Steve, was nervous about going on a date with a girl he really liked, what kinds of things would you say to him? (Let’s assume in this scenario that Steve is a really cool dude and not the friend that nobody likes.) You’d probably tell him that things were going to be fine and even if it didn’t go well, there’s plenty of other women out there.
Before your date, give yourself a pep talk in third person. Research shows that talking to yourself in the third person (saying to yourself, “[Insert your name here] are going to be fine,” vs. “I am going to be fine) can actually help you see yourself objectively, in the same way you would a friend or coworker. This is a simple tactic to implement when learning how to gain confidence – and nobody has to know about it.
Tip #7: Smile
Learning how to build confidence while dating can be frustrating. But almost anyone can smile! Even if you don’t feel like smiling, practice doing so before the date and during the date. Although it may seem counterintuitive (why smile if you don’t feel happy?) research shows that smiling can actually ease stress and increase confidence immediately.
Not only does slapping a smile on your kisser improve your mood regardless of whether or not you feel like smiling, a big grin can be contagious. Your smiling will put your date at ease, and it will make her want to reciprocate the smile by showing her own pearly whites. This reciprocal smiling can actually ease you both and lead to things like laughter, less nerves and give you a real reason to smile.
Tip #8: Take a Stand
Wanna learn how to be more confident on a date, or in general- without even saying word? Take a stand — literally and figuratively.
In a now iconic TED talk, Harvard professor Amy Cuddy detailed the many benefits of “power posing.” Power posing involves shifting your body in a way that appears powerful in order to make you feel confident. These poses include things the powerful stands made famous by Superman and Wonder Woman (hands on hips, feet shoulder width apart), along with several others, such as:
- Raising your arms in a high V as if you’re crossing a finish line
- Leaning forward with your hands placed on a table as a show of dominance
- Clasping your hands behind your head and resting your feet on a table when sitting
Now, DON’T practice any of these poses while you’re actually in front of your date. Practice these poses at home (or even during a bathroom break if appropriate) to put yourself in a more confident mindset. You can check out eight examples of power posing here.
And when it comes to standing up in the figurative sense, I advise you to take a stand on what you believe in and avoid lying or shying away from certain opinions simply to appease everything your date says. To learn how to do this, check out my article on the problem with being too agreeable on a date.
How to Be More Confident with My Dating Services
Still wondering how to be confident when dating a girl you like? Do you want to discover a confidence you may not even know you have when it comes to dating? Are you tired of settling for the mediocre and ending up in the friend-zone time and time again? Are you ready to attract gorgeous women and meet a high-value girlfriend?
As America’s #1 dating coach, I’m excited to help you make your dating goals a reality.
In the earlier sections of this article, I mentioned how megadating is the best strategy you can use when finding a compatible, long-term mate. Megadating is the strategy I used during my 100-date experiment, and I believe it’s one of the key reasons I was able to have so much success during my experiment and ultimately find an amazing, long-term relationship.
I’d love the opportunity to offer you more insights into megadating, as well as a variety of other tactics that can help you overcome your personal dating roadblocks and achieve your goals. Ready to get started? Head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our intro session, you and I will come up with an individualized action plan to get you started down a dating road that includes more dates, better quality dates, confidence and a great girlfriend for you to share your time — and maybe even your life — with.