You’ve worked up the courage to talk to her, and somehow built up the inner strength to ask her out on a date. At this point, instead of feeling relieved, most guys are feeling more pressure than ever as the date nears. What can you do to make a good impression on her in such a limited amount of time? And most of all–how do you learn how to keep the conversation going with a girl on a date?
Hey guys, it’s Emyli–America’s online dating coach and founder of Emlovz.com. Today, we’re going to talk about how to keep the conversation going with a girl on a date. As hard as it probably was for you to ask her out in the first place, the first date conversation can be the stuff of nightmares. Who wants an evening filled with awkward pauses and moments of nervous silence?
I should know. In 2011, I became curious about the science behind the dating process–and I decided to go on a 100-date experiment for research purposes. I gathered data, categorized tactics, and analyzed my findings based on several important key factors. My findings became the backbone of this website and my career as a dating coach and early-relationship expert.
This experience led me to many conclusions, and one of them is the importance of flowing conversation. Most guys I went out with had no idea how to keep the conversation going with a girl on a date, which makes the few guys that did really stand out. No matter how handsome, successful, intelligent, or physically fit you are, nothing matters more than what you say to her. Women can get over a guy’s looks if we’re feeling happy and having fun. But even the most attractive person in the world won’t win us over if the conversation falls flat.
If you’re really into her, you’re going to want to learn how to keep the conversation going. Nothing kills the chemistry faster between two people than an uncomfortable environment! It will help to have a few tricks up your sleeve to turn awkward silence into great conversation. And, quite possibly, you might even learn how to make her laugh.
How to Keep the Conversation Going with a Girl on a Date: Talking Points
Preparation is key, even when it comes to dating. Just like you wouldn’t dare to give a presentation at an important meeting without planning it out in advance, you shouldn’t expect just “go with the flow” on a date, either. Unless you’re unusually charismatic with the social skills of a proverbial butterfly, a little preparation goes a very long way.
As much as chemistry is important here, it’s important to note that chemistry often resembles good, flowing conversation. Try creating a few “talking points” beforehand–questions about her job, her hobbies, her favorite movies, etc. If there’s something that you’d really like to know about her, write it down and remember it for later.
It’s important here to remember to go slowly. Don’t drill her with the list of questions like a television reporter. Take one and see how far you can stretch the conversation out from it, before going on to the next one.
When the conversation gets scarily close to coming to a halt, pick up one of these prepared conversation starters and go with it. If you must, keep the list in your phone, but don’t stare at it for too long. Needless to say, staring at your phone on a date is rude. The best course of action here is to wait for her to use the restroom before you glance at your phone.
Focus on Her Favorite Things, and Remember Them!
Her favorite things aren’t just good topics for learning how to keep the conversation going with her. Having this information can earn you significant points later on when you remember it all!
Ask her about her favorite foods, restaurants, stores, coffee shops, bars, sports teams, books and music. When she talks about her favorite things, remember to focus. She’ll probably love the extra attention you’re giving her as you listen carefully about what she likes! Plus, your interest will make her feel motivated to keep talking about it.
Then, on your next date, you can surprise her by incorporating this new knowledge to impress her. Take her out to the best barbecue joint in your city, if barbecued ribs are her favorite meal. Or if she mentioned she used to ice skate, take her to the rink on your next date. Nothing makes us happier than feeling like you made an effort to remember the little things.
Use Your Environment For Inspiration
Men are usually creatures of habit, and throwing them into new places can sometimes make them feel nervous and awkward.
I’m speaking in general here, of course. Some lucky men are comfortable and at ease in any environment you throw them in. Most of them, however, can really be affected by their surroundings.
If you’re one of the latter types of people, you’re not alone. It’s going to help a lot to ensure that your surroundings aren’t adding to your sense of anxiety. Make sure your date is going to be somewhere you feel really comfortable. Go to your favorite restaurant, a bar where everybody knows your name, or a sporting event at your team’s arena.
It’s worth mentioning that if you are going somewhere new, it isn’t the end of the world. You’re going to be perfectly fine, especially if you’ve prepared yourself to be talkative in other ways. But if you are planning the date, going somewhere familiar is best – especially if you’re worried about lulls in the date conversation.
From Blind Date to MTV’s Next, almost every cheesy dating show that has ever aired on television features couples doing something active together. Whether it’s bowling, an art class, a dance class or a fun sports challenge–there’s always an engaging activity on the itinerary, and that’s completely strategic.
Without the activity segment, dating show viewers would be subjected to the uncomfortable silence of two strangers meeting each other for the first time, under very awkward circumstances and on top of it all, with cameras in their faces the entire time. If that’s not a recipe for an uncomfortable first date, I don’t know what is.
Doing something active together–preferably, something fun and exciting that makes you both laugh, is the best way to break the ice and avoid struggling with the issue of how to keep the conversation going with a girl on a date. If you suffer from anxiety, shyness, or just tend to freeze up when around new people (and especially beautiful new people), you should definitely look into planning an activity date to take the spotlight off your less-than-perfect communication skills.
Make Her Laugh!
Naturally, the dates I remember the most were with guys that could make me laugh. Not all of them did, so the moments where I could let loose and have fun really stick out in my mind. Date #91, the guy that ended up becoming my boyfriend, had a killer sense of humor. He had the power to make me burst into laughter from the very beginning–which is one of the reasons it worked out so well for us.
Not all of us are natural born comedians. In fact, most of us aren’t. But almost all of us have a sense of humor, and figuring out how to get in the right mood to make her laugh works wonders with the flow of conversation.
Have you ever stopped to think about your sense of humor? Are you a giant, playful goofball type, or do you kill ‘em with your spot-on observations about people? Do you do fantastic impersonations, or do you have a knack for coming up with hilarious analogies for the situations you find yourself in? Are you good at teasing people, or can you tell a “here’s what happened to me today” story like no other?
If you have never taken a moment to figure out your particular sense of humor, do so now. What turns you into a comedian, and what type of humor that makes you laugh the most? Use what you know about your sense of humor on your date, and make her laugh!
If you’re at a loss, and can’t think of how your personal sense of humor works–ask a friend or family member to provide insight into your personality for you. Ask them to describe your sense of humor and when you’re at your funniest. Then, think about what they tell you and how you can apply it on your date.
You can also ask me what I think about your sense of humor. Part of my personalized coaching sessions are an evaluation into your personality through the initial 50-minute intro session. I’d love to help you discover ways to use your sense of humor to get the girl of your dreams. Book your one-on-one session with me today to get started!
Avoid “I” Statements
One of the biggest issues that I frequently came across during my 100-date experiment, was when a guy would talk too much about himself.
This is a huge turn-off for a number of reasons. First and foremost, the guy ends up looking like a giant egomaniac. If you talk too much about yourself, you’ll make her feel like you really don’t care about her.
When this happened, I often felt like there was a great person underneath the egotistical, selfish facade they were presenting. Talking about themselves seemed more like a coping mechanism they weren’t even aware of. Kind of like a self-soothing technique meant to stroke their own egos and make it through the date.
Of course, there are plenty of seriously egotistical, selfish and entitled dudes out there. I’m sure I met my fair share of them, too. But I would be willing to bet that nine times out of ten, most guys are just deeply afraid of rejection, and dealing with it by building themselves up before that happens.
The bottom line is to try to avoid talking about yourself as much as you can. If she asks you if you work out, don’t flood her with facts about your workout schedule, protein supplements, or your long-term fitness goals. Instead, tell her that yes, you do. Or that you don’t, whatever the truth is. Then ask her if she does, too, and then follow-up with questions from there.
Keep the facts about yourself to a bare minimum, and then turn the conversation back to her. This will not only help with how to keep the conversation going smooth on your date, but it will make her feel like you really care.
When the Second Date Never Happens
After getting a first date with her, the next goal on the list is getting a second date. If you keep striking out here, it’s worth it to think about what you can do to ensure the success of your next attempt in the dating world.
If you’ve tried it all before, and you still don’t know how to keep the conversation going with a girl on a date, or are having other issues connecting with women, don’t hesitate to book a new client session with me today. During our intro session, we’ll diagnose your dating history, uncover anything that might be holding you back, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.