Why Am I Still Single
I completely understand why it may be hard to ask yourself the burning question of why am I still single? This often has to do with facing a certain reality that isn’t easy. This forces you to get out of your comfort zone.
Putting the burden on yourself isn’t easy, but it’s crucial. If you want to move forward in assessing your single status, then this is where you need to start. Though you may have had bad relationships in the past, it’s probably more than that. Let’s dive in.
Change Isn’t Always Easy But It’s Essential
I found myself at this crossroads in my own life and that’s exactly when I embarked on my 100 Date Experiment. This was truly the only way to go for me. It was my opportunity to try and enjoy the dating process again. It was also a way for me to figure out why I was still single. It was also a way for me to figure out which type of guy was best for my long term dating and relationship life.
I used this experiment to assess where things were going wrong. Each time I noticed an issue, I wrote it down and tried not to make that mistake with the next person. My experiment helped me learn about the opposite sex. But it wasn’t easy- I had to change my ways numerous times along my journey.
If you are open minded and willing to make changes, then you can try your own experiment (I call it megadating). You can even find the woman that you’re truly interested in and who will make you happy. Intrigued? Good, let’s get started and figure this all out!
Do You Hide Behind “Escapisms”?
I used to be the type of woman that you would call a creature of habit. I felt comfortable with going to the same bar each weekend. I would hit the same restaurants when I went out to dinner. I did the same sort of thing day in and day out.
It’s not to say that there is anything wrong with that per se. It may however contribute to why you are single in a way. If you’re never going to new places or meeting new people, then you’re limiting yourself. How are you going to find potential women to date?
I know, for a creature of habit to honestly say that they need to shake things up isn’t always easy. You might wonder what’s wrong with going to the same places, especially if you like them. So why is it so essential to change locations or mix up your life to a certain degree?
You Have To Create Opportunities To Meet New People
The reality is that changing things up a bit allows you to meet new people and try new things. Mixing it up ensures that you have a larger pool of potential women to pick from. It also means that you get to live it up a bit and therefore have more fun. Who doesn’t want more fun?
This all equates to putting you in a better mind frame to meet more new people. The more new people you meet, the higher likelihood that one of these people is a beautiful woman. And when this golden opportunity arises, don’t forget to directly ask for her phone number.
I know trying new things can be a struggle. What if you tried one new thing at a time? Have you always been interested in taking a yoga class? Have you long been interested in joining a biking club around town? There is no better time than the present! Just start with one thing and move forward.
New experiences keep life interesting and help you to meet new people. You may not necessarily try new things just for the sake of figuring out why you are single. You may need some fun or excitement, and these experiences help a lot.
If you go to a Meetup dating event or go to a local speed dating even, then your goal is obvious to everyone. You are using a direct approach. I don’t always recommend these types of events because a lot of people are forcing it.
When you try a new hobby you’d be using a indirect approach. I prefer this method because you’ll likely meet people that enjoy the same hobbies. This can lead to stronger friendships which will improve your chances of leaving your single life in the dust.
Do You Have An Incredible Fear of Rejection?
Yes I know, this may sound like a rather silly question. You might recognize that the reason why you are still single has everything to do with you being afraid of getting burned. You’ve been hurt before and you’re not going through that again!
Nobody wants to get hurt or go through another emotional roller coaster. Here’s the thing, everyone gets hurt. I know that when you try to assess why you are single that you probably feel alone. I promise you that you’re not!
Everyone has been rejected at some point in time, but you have to do your best to learn from it. Being rejected is a horrible feeling, but you have to turn it into a lesson. You have to figure out why it happened–and then try to avoid the same mistake or dating trap moving forward.
Play The Stats and Know It’s Not Just You
Okay here’s an analogy that may help you moving forward. You just had a bad date with a girl that was clearly not a match for you anyway. Try treating this completely disappointing date into a baseball situation. If a .300 average is very good for a baseball player, that still means that he fails 70% of the time.
That’s huge and therefore it shows you where your expectations should be. You will fail in dating, and you will find women that aren’t good matches. You will get rejected or feel disappointed. It’s part of the process.
Then you pick yourself up and brush off the dirt from your face. And you say to yourself rejection is just a 9 letter word. Think of it this way, know that 7 out of the next 10 dates that you go on will be less than stellar. Try to allow for a 70% failure rate and go in knowing that realistic statistic in your mind. Then the fear of rejection no longer rules your dating life.
If you can hold out for the right person (and not force it), you will get to the good stuff. You will break through the barrier and find your perfect partner. You’ll go on that one date that knocks you off your feet. Be patient, be diligent, and know that it can all come together if you get over your fear of rejection.
Have You Forgotten About Your Health?
In pondering why am I still single, have you taken a long hard look at yourself? This is not about blame or making yourself feel bad. This is just about facing facts and getting to the heart of why you are single and being real.
Do you really take good care of yourself? Do you make your health and well-being a priority? Ultimately you have to ask yourself if you look and feel as good as you want to or should?
The truth is that nobody really wants to say that they’ve let themselves go. Nobody wants to say that they need to get into better shape. Though your physical appearance should not be the only factor in attracting women, it matters.
She has to see you first and find you somewhat attractive before she gets to know you. This is where you need to take better care of yourself for it ties into the big picture. Look good, feel good, and women will notice!
Appearances Do Matter
Are you hiding behind an online dating profile picture that doesn’t even look like you anymore? If you can’t put forth a recently updated picture in your online dating profile and feel proud, something is wrong. If you don’t like how you look, women will never be comfortable with you.
Though women care about more than just appearances, they do factor it in. For example, if you don’t like your weight, then start learning about nutrition and hire a personal trainer. If you are short on cash, check out my boyfriends favorite workout site Bodybuilding.com. They have hundreds of workout routines listed with video instruction! Put in the work to create an appearance that you can be proud of. She’ll notice and you’ll be more confident too.
Are You Being Too Picky?
Are you looking for a woman that is a match for what you have to offer? So many men have a tendency to find themselves alone because they aren’t realistic. Think about what you’re really looking for in a woman and consider what it includes.
I understand that you’re not going to date just any woman. That being said, you may have unrealistic standards of what you are looking for. If you are looking for very specific criteria then it may be limiting you significantly.
If you find yourself asking why am I single often, then being too picky may lie at the heart of the issue. If you only go for a certain type of woman in terms of looks, then you are closing yourself off from other potentially great women.
There’s More To Life Than One Type
If you are only interested in dating blondes, that’s very limiting. If you only want women of a certain age, race, or any other super specific criteria, this won’t work. This is where change may be needed.
Try dating a brunette or be more open on her race or age. It sounds simple enough but you would be amazed at how opening up your dating pool a bit changes things. Instead of looking for the woman that is five years younger than you, try somebody closer your own age.
Look beyond looks or age and go for the whole package. Stop being so picky because you are ultimately getting in your own way. Open things up a bit and you are likely to find a pretty awesome woman.
Are You Too Selfish?
Do things seem to come to a screeching halt after about two months of dating the same woman? Do women tend to ghost you around this time frame, almost out of nowhere? If this sounds familiar then more than likely being way too selfish.
It’s quite possible that you have tried to make the relationship too much about you and not enough about her. You are consistently dating women but demanding that things be far too centered around your needs. We both know that won’t work!
Give and Take Is Essential
Sure your needs matter and you don’t want to ignore them. However if you are constantly asking yourself why you are single, consider the role that you play. If you see the same pattern of relationships breaking up around the same point in time, there’s something to it.
You have to recognize that relationships are a two way street. Give a little, get a little. Though it may be great at first when a woman gives you everything you want, it will get boring. She will get bored, you will get bored, and the relationship will never work in the long term.
So face that potential selfish streak and squash it once and for all. Recognize that a reputable woman is going to want to participate in a give and take relationship. Start compromising early and things will work out so much better for both of you in the end.
Are You Not Putting In The Work?
Dating can truly be a ton of work. You can get worn out or even burned out from the whole process. You have to ask yourself though if you are putting in the actual work?
Are you really and truly putting in the necessary time with online dating? Are you doing what you need to do to meet women that are a match for you? If the answer is no then this may be a really big factor as to why you are single and it’s time to change that.
You need to start networking with your buddies to see if their girlfriends have any single friends. You need to start putting in the real effort required for online dating (like updating your pictures) and really put yourself out there. If you’re not putting in the time and effort, then things are never going to change.
Put the video game or cell phone games aside and start putting that time into finding the right woman for you. It may require effort, but it’s going to pay off when you go on a date that actually makes you happy.
Many men want this dream girl to just show up at the door. That may be nice in theory but it’s not likely going to happen unless you put in the work.
Be Honest and Dedicated To Make Changes
It’s certainly not a cakewalk to assess why you are still single. But the answer is likely based upon one of above factors. If you want to change your fate and start enjoying dating again, then you have to make some changes.
If you continue to struggle with constantly being single, then try an intro Skype coaching session session with me to kick things off. I love working with smart, hardworking men dedicated to finding their perfect partner.