Have you been asking yourself ‘why am I still single?’ If so, kudos to you for facing a reality that isn’t easy and for getting out of your comfort zone.

Putting the burden on yourself isn’t easy, but it’s crucial if you want to find a love that lasts.

Though you may have had bad relationships in the past, if you’re seeing a pattern, it’s probably more than just your relationship history. So let’s dive in.

Why Am I Still Single?

Let’s find out why and what you can do to score more dates. 

Do You Keep Going To The Same Places?

I used to be a creature of habit. I felt comfortable going to the same coffee shop each morning, the same restaurant for dinner, and the same gym classes each week. 

It’s not to say that there is anything wrong with that per se. It may however contribute to why you’re single. If you’re never going to new places or meeting new people, then you’re limiting yourself. How are you going to find potential women to date?

I know, for a creature of habit to honestly say that they need to shake things up isn’t always easy. You might wonder what’s wrong with going to the same places, especially if you like them. So why is it so essential to change locations or mix up your life to a certain degree?

You Have To Create Opportunities To Meet New People

The reality is that changing things up allows you to meet new people and try new things. This ensures that you have a larger pool of potential women to pick from. It also means that you get to live it up and have more fun. Who doesn’t want more fun?

This all equates to putting you in a better frame of mind to meet more new people. The more new people you meet, the higher likelihood that one of these people is a beautiful woman. And when this golden opportunity arises, don’t forget to directly ask for her phone number. 

I know trying new things can be a struggle. What if you tried one new thing at a time? Have you always been interested in taking a yoga class? Have you long been interested in joining a biking club around town?

There is no better time than the present! Just start with one thing and move forward. New experiences keep life interesting and help you to meet new people. 

Do You Have An Incredible Fear Of Rejection?

Perhaps the reason why you are still single has to do with you being afraid of getting burned. Watch what Jia Jiang did when he realized his fear of rejection was holding him back from going after what he wanted. 

Make rejection your friend with the help of Jia Jiang.

Play The Stats And Know It’s Not Just You

Here’s an analogy that may help you move forward. You just had a bad date with a girl that was clearly not a match for you.

Try turning this disappointing date into a baseball situation.

If a .315 average is very good for a baseball player, that still means that he fails 70% of the time.

That’s huge and shows you where your expectations should be. In dating, you will find women that aren’t good matches. You will get rejected and feel disappointed. It’s part of the process. 

Then you pick yourself up and brush the dirt off your shoulders. And you say to yourself rejection is just a 9 letter word. Think of it this way, know that 7 out of the next 10 dates that you go on will be less than stellar. Try to allow for a 70% failure rate and go in knowing that realistic statistic in your mind. Then the fear of rejection no longer rules your dating life. 

If you can hold out for the right person (and not force it), you will get to the good stuff. You will break through the barrier and find your perfect partner.  You’ll go on that one date that knocks you off your feet. Be patient, be diligent, and know that it can all come together if you get over your fear of rejection.

Have You Forgotten About Your Health?

In pondering why am I still single, have you taken a long hard look at yourself? This is not about blame or making yourself feel bad. This is just about facing facts and getting to the heart of why you are single and being real.

Do you really take good care of yourself? Do you make your health and well-being a priority? Ultimately you have to ask yourself if you look and feel as good as you want to or should?

The truth is that nobody really wants to say that they’ve let themselves go. Nobody wants to say that they need to get into better shape. Though your physical appearance should not be the only factor in attracting women, it matters.

She has to see you first and find you somewhat attractive before she gets to know you. This is where you need to take better care of yourself for it ties into the big picture. Look good, feel good, and women will notice!

Appearances Matter

Are you hiding behind an online dating profile picture that doesn’t even look like you anymore? If you can’t put forth a recently updated picture in your online dating profile and feel proud, something is wrong. If you don’t like how you look, women will never be comfortable with you. 

Though women care about more than just appearances, looks do factor it in. For example, if you don’t like your weight, then hire a personal trainer and nutritionist. If you’re short on cash, check out my boyfriend’s favorite workout site Bodybuilding.com. They have hundreds of workout routines listed with video instructions! Put in the work to create an appearance that you can be proud of. She’ll notice and you’ll be more confident too.

Are You Being Too Picky?

Are you looking for a woman that is a match for what you have to offer? So many men have a tendency to find themselves alone because they aren’t realistic. Think about what you’re really looking for in a woman and consider what it includes.  

I understand that you’re not going to date just any woman. That being said, you may have unrealistic standards. Looking for very specific criteria may be limiting you. 

If you find yourself asking why am I single often, then being too picky may lie at the heart of the issue. If you only go for a certain type of woman in terms of looks, then you are closing yourself off from other potentially great women.

Realize, You Don’t Have A Type

If you are only interested in dating blondes, that’s very limiting.  If you only want women of a certain age, race, or any other super-specific criteria, this won’t work. This is where change may be needed.

Try dating a brunette or be more open about her race or age. It sounds simple enough but you would be amazed at how opening up your dating pool a bit changes things. Instead of looking for a woman that is five years younger than you, try somebody closer to your own age.

Look beyond appearances or age and go for the whole package. Stop being so picky because you are ultimately getting in your own way. Open things up a bit and you are likely to find a pretty awesome woman.

Are You Too Selfish?

Do things seem to come to a screeching halt after about two months of dating the same woman? Do women tend to ghost you around this time frame, almost out of nowhere? If this sounds familiar then more than likely you’re being way too selfish.

It’s quite possible that you have tried to make the relationship too much about you and not enough about her. You are consistently dating women but demanding that things be far too centered around your needs. We both know that won’t work!

Give And Take Is A Must

Sure your needs matter and you don’t want to ignore them. However, if you’re constantly asking yourself why you’re single, consider the role that you play. If you see the same pattern of relationships breaking up around the same point in time, there’s something to it.

You have to recognize that relationships are a two-way street. Give a little, get a little. Though it may be great at first when a woman gives you everything you want, it will get boring. She will get bored, you will get bored, and the relationship will never work in the long term.

So face that potential selfish streak and squash it once and for all. Recognize that a reputable woman is going to want to participate in a give-and-take relationship. Start compromising early and things will work out so much better for both of you in the end.

Are You Not Putting In The Work?

Dating can truly be a ton of work. You can get worn out or even burned out from the whole process. You have to ask yourself though if you are putting in the actual work.

Are you really and truly putting in the necessary time with online dating? Are you doing what you need to do to meet women that are a match for you? If the answer is no then this may be a really big factor as to why you are single and it’s time to change that.

You need to start networking with your buddies to see if their girlfriends have any single friends. You need to start putting in the real effort required for online dating (like updating your pictures) and really put yourself out there. If you’re not putting in the time and effort, then things are never going to change.

Set the video games aside and start putting that time into finding the right woman for you. It may require effort, but it’s going to pay off when you go on a date that actually makes you happy.

Many men want this dream girl to just show up at their door. That may be nice in theory but it’s not likely going to happen unless you put in the work. 

Don’t Forget About You

It can be easy to get swept up in your new life of looking for the one. But it’s important that you don’t sacrifice quality social bonds in the search for new ones.

Make sure your platonic and familial bonds don’t fall by the wayside as you begin dating more women. Ironically, maintaining these bonds will help you find a woman. Women love independent men who have lives of their own.

Keep enjoying your hobbies, friends, and autonomy. Post about your passions and keep feeding your passions whatever they may be.

The Impact Of Being Single For Too Long

Too often students come to us after being single for many years (usually in the late 30s to 50s).

They’re sad, lonely, and yes depressed.

Being single for too long can have disastrous effects on your life. You’ll be less empathetic, self-esteem will plummet, your social life will worsen, and you’ll have less of a will to live, and even chances of a heart attack will rise.

The men that come to us want to make a change but fear they can’t. Struggling with confidence they believe their time has passed them by.

Spoiler: It hasn’t!

At emlovz we specialize in helping men that haven’t dated in years fill up their social calendar and start dating prolifically.

To help you start dating again, it’s helpful to understand your attachment style.

There are two primary negative attachment styles:

• Avoidant
• Anxious

More often than not, our students come to us with avoidant attachment styles.

You developed the foundation of your attachment style during childhood. Avoidant men were children with parents that were emotionally distant, fickle with their love, and came and went as they pleased.

Avoidant people shy away from building strong relationships. They fear that once they build that attraction they’ll be abandoned. Sadly, children with avoidant parents often turn into avoidant adults.

Are you the type of person who runs away as soon as things get serious?

If so, it’s time to look yourself in the mirror and call out your bad behavior. Identify your attachment style so you can work towards developing a secure attachment style.

Be Honest And Dedicated To Making Changes

It’s certainly not a cakewalk to assess why you are still single. But the answer is likely based on one of the factors above. If you want to change your fate and start enjoying dating again, then you have to make some changes.

If you continue to struggle with constantly being single and you’re ready to find love fast, schedule an intro Zoom coaching session with my team. We love working with smart, hardworking men dedicated to finding their perfect partner.

See what our students are saying about our coaching program here.