Hi! It’s Emyli, founder of Emlovz.com and America’s online dating coach. Today, we’re going to go over something that’s pretty darn important when it comes to dating, and that’s how to start a conversation with a girl you like in person. Not over text, not through an instant message or over a comment on one of her social media posts. I’m talking about starting a real conversation the old-fashioned way, face-to-face.
In fact, this is arguably one of the most crucial aspects of the whole entire dating process itself. First of all, first impressions can really be lasting ones (there are exceptions, but this is pretty true in most cases). Secondly, if you never talk to her, you’ll never know whether she was right for you or not!
Listen, I know how nerve-wracking first conversations can be. During my 100-date experiment, I experienced a lot of first conversations, and picked up a lot of useful information about how to make the process as smooth and natural as it could possibly be. Like most women, I’ve also been hit on a lot, and I’ve got plenty to say about how to do this properly. There are very few “right ways” to hit on a girl you like, and lots of wrong ones, so it makes sense to pay attention here, and learn some great tips to help you perfect this super important skill.
How to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Like In Person: Get in the Right Mood
Sorry to generalize here, and this isn’t always the case—but I’ve noticed that many men can be unaware of how they’re projecting their feelings at any given time. If you’re feeling stressed out, something’s bothering you, or you’re anxious or nervous—nine times out of ten, we know. And the energy you’re giving off, whether it’s something you’re aware of or not, will help us decide how to proceed with the conversation.
What does this mean for you? Well, one of the most important things you can do when learning how to start a conversation with a girl you like in person is to feel positive, upbeat and friendly when you talk to her. If you feel nervous, agitated or any other negative emotion before approaching her, stop and wait until you’re feeling better.
The simplest way to approach her with a warm and inviting vibe, is to wait until you have one. Wait for a moment when you’re feeling happy and confident, maybe right after the boss just complimented your work, you made a sale, gave a great presentation or were promoted—and use that great energy you’ve built up to make your move and talk to her.
If you’re not having a great day and hoping that starting a conversation with the girl you like in person will improve your mood, you might want to reconsider. Like I said before, she’s likely to pick up on the weird vibe and misinterpret it as a reflection of your usual personality.
If you don’t see her regularly, for example, you’ve just noticed her across the room at a party, a wedding, or she shows up randomly in places where you are, you won’t have the luxury to wait for the perfect moment. In this case, you’ll have to use your powers of the mind to calm the adrenaline you’ll get from seeing her, get in the right mind frame and just go for it. Read on to find out how.
Meditation and Alcohol: Two Simple Ways to Calm Your Nerves
As I just mentioned, a happy, peaceful vibe is pretty important when it comes to starting conversation with a woman you might like. An especially powerful breathing exercise is the popular 4-7-8 technique, which is proven to reduce stress, slow your breathing, and promote the sense of relaxation and well-being. You want to feel calm and comfortable talking to her, and doing a little pre-chat meditation beforehand is usually pretty helpful.
To do this exercise, simply breath in for four counts, hold your breath for seven counts, then exhale for eight counts, then repeat. Don’t believe me? Try it a few times right now—it’s surprisingly effective. You may be surprised at how relaxed, happy and calm you feel—and trust me, she’ll notice too.
Another great way to get the right vibe going before starting a conversation with a girl you like is to have one drink beforehand. For more great tips on how to relax and feel more natural when around a girl you like, check out my article from on how to not be nervous on a date.
Ask Her a Question
Again, this tactic is very useful for those of you that are crushing on someone from work, school, or somewhere else that you see her regularly. If you work together, ask her something about a project your team is working on or another work-related topic. If you go to the same gym, ask her about closing hours over the holidays or whether or not the spin classes are any good.
These questions seem natural and will hopefully come across as friendly and casual, which will allow for both of you to feel more comfortable around each other. It’ll also provide you with the opportunity to expand the conversation and get to know each other a little better, while giving her a subtle clue that you’re into her.
If the conversation is easy and flowing, that’s great! She might even be flirting with you, which would be a great sign she’s into you, too. You might want to keep this going as long as possible, and if it feels comfortable and natural, steer the conversation towards getting her phone number, or possibly meeting each other for coffee or drinks. If that happens, read this article for helpful tips on what to talk about on your first date.
If it Doesn’t Feel Right, Don’t Push It
If it doesn’t feel comfortable, for any reason—for example, you feel nervous, or she seems uncomfortable—end the conversation on a light, friendly note, and walk away. If this happens, don’t worry—this doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road just yet.
In fact, ending the conversation without asking for her number (or anything else) could quite possibly work in your favor. You’ve put yourself on her radar, and there’s a big possibility that she’s going to think about you after the conversation is over. If she decides she’s interested, she’ll make it easier for you to approach her the second time around, and you’ll probably feel more comfortable asking her out that time.
A lot of my clients contact me for help in determining whether or not she’s interested. If you need dating advice or help figuring out how to proceed with your particular dating situation, don’t hesitate to contact me now.
Use Your Friends (To Break the Ice)
Are you crushing on someone from within your social circle? If so, I’ve got great news for you—you’ve just hit the “get to know her” jackpot. This is one of the best ways to determine how start a conversation with a girl you like, because you already have something in common. Bring up your mutual friends and you’ll have plenty to talk about!
If you aren’t sure whether or not you have mutual friends, it’s pretty easy these days to find out—given that she has a social media profile. Facebook is a great way to find out who you have in common—given that she shares that information, of course.
If she doesn’t, then you’re out of luck—but try finding her on Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn before giving up completely, just in case. Oh, and make sure that if you’re using LinkedIn, that your browsing in private mode!
Don’t Use Pickup Lines
When it comes to how to starting conversation with women, this is super important, guys—so listen up. Don’t use pick-up lines on us. We’re tired of them, and they don’t work. If you are a fan of pick-up lines, please reconsider using them to hit on women, even if you’ve had luck with them in the past.
Using “lines” are an outdated way to connect with women, and they’re pretty ineffective nowadays. You should show respect when speaking to other people, most of all, the woman you’re interested in—and pick-up lines tend to have the opposite effect on us.
Evaluate (and Update) Your Strategy
It’s a sad truth that in this society, amazing men can be labeled as stalkers (or far worse)—just for trying to talk to someone they’re interested in. We can’t blame women for this—it’s not their fault that some not-so-great guys have ruined the innocence of the dating game for all of us, after all. Women are conditioned from an early age to be skeptical about men that show interest in us, especially if they’re strangers approaching us in public, and men today have that against them when trying to start a conversation with a girl they like.
These days, there’s a fine line between coming across as charming and creepy. If you’re constantly striking out at approaching women to start a conversation, there might be a simple reason why—or it could be something more complicated than that. I have helped many men figure out what they’re doing wrong when starting conversations with beautiful women, and how they can change their approach to turn their rejections into first dates, and eventually, great relationships.
If you need a new strategy to help you achieve your dating goals, check out my online dating services, or book a one-on-one session with me today. You deserve to find love, and I can’t wait to help you get started on the right path towards relationship success!