Does height matter to women while dating? This is a question I’m often asked by male clients.
Many of the men I speak to are concerned that being short puts women off. They also tell me that many women list a preferred or ideal height for men they would date well above a short man’s height and — in some cases — the height of the average male.
To be honest, the answer to the question, “Does height matter to women?” and the more specific question of, “Do women like taller or shorter men?” can vary depending on where you look.
A study cited by Psychology Today found that women preferred the men they were dating to be taller than them — up to eight inches taller, in fact! Men, on the other hand, preferred women to be shorter than them, but a taller woman certainly wouldn’t be considered a deal breaker. They also didn’t prefer as big as a difference in height as the woman, stating they would prefer a woman to be about three inches shorter.
There are several other studies floating around the internet with contradictory results.
Instead of citing them all and making your head spin, I’ll just get down to my answer to the question, “Does height matter to women while dating?” based on my research and experience.
For most women, height is not going to matter (or won’t matter eventually) if you refuse to let it matter to you.
If you walk up to a woman on the straight and ask her about height when dating, she will likely have some sort of preference, but everyone has a list of things they would consider typically attractive.
In all honesty, though, superficial traits like height and weight can spark an initial attraction, but they’re hardly the thing that is going to make an impression that truly lasts. Moreover, physical attributes end up being pretty low on the totem pole when it comes to couples keeping the romance alive and making a long-term, satisfying commitment to one another.
Still, there’s no denying that superficial, self-absorbed people exist. And if your height has been something that has either been pointed out by a woman or simply makes you insecure, my words of wisdom aren’t necessarily going to ameliorate your frustrations.
That’s why I’ve put together this list of surprising facts, insights, and strategies you can use to stop allowing your height (or any woman’s opinion about height) to hinder your dating goals. Take a look below!
Being Too Tall vs. Being Too Short
I’ll be honest. Most insecurities in regards to height (when it comes to men) come from being too short as opposed to being too tall. But there can be caveats to both, with tall men wishing they could shrink themselves while short men pray for a few (or several) more inches.
Let’s take a look at some insecurities that men who are above or below average when it comes to height may encounter.
Being Too Tall:
- Tall men often have big feet and — despite the cliched innuendo describing that as awesome — shopping for shoes or renting shoes at a bowling alley can be a colossal PAIN.
- A woman may feel like she’s having a conversation with your torso as opposed to you when you’re both standing up.
- Sometimes you may end up having to get more creative with sexual positions.
- You’re always the first one to be found during a game of hide-and-seek.
- Getting lost in a crowd doesn’t come easily.
- Tall people tend to be more susceptible to back pain and muscle imbalances.
Being Too Short:
- A woman may feel self-conscious about towering over you or wearing her sky-high hooker heels.
- It can be hard to see above people.
- It can also be hard to reach certain things.
- You may also have to be creative with sexual positions (honestly, any vast height difference may call for some creativity).
- It may be difficult to find you in a crowd.
- Men who are short suffer more of a stigma.
Why Do Women Say That They Want Tall Guys?
It’s a question I get often when chatting with my clients.
A lot of women who have profiles on dating apps or websites set a height preference that is relatively high or at least above average.
A lot of times, though, this has nothing to do with something personal or is really even founded at all. In fact, there could be some insecurities the woman has that caused her to set that height preference.
A woman of above average height may be nervous that she will tower over you if you go on a date and she feels like wearing her sky-high stilettos. Someone who is self-assured will not allow this to bother them, or will at least let it go within a short time of dating someone.
And if not getting to wear high heels makes you a total deal breaker for her, consider the fact that you dodged a bullet. Someone who is that invested in these types of things likely would have made you miserable in the long run.
Short Guy Strategy: Check Out Famous Short Guys Like Kevin Hart
Kevin Hart is one A-lister who commands attention and oozes confidence. He’s also considered very short for a man at an estimated 5 feet 4 inches.
Addressing his height in a self-deprecating way has always been a staple of the stand-up comedy that made Kevin Hart a household name, and he also uses jokes about his height in movie scenes.
On a date, you can borrow one of his one-liners or come up with some of your own!
Hart also talked about his confidence and not allowing his stature to affect his self-esteem in an interview with Oprah, which you can view here.
Tall Guy Strategy: Don’t Shrink Because You’re Tall
Sometimes, tall men worry that their generous stature will come off as overwhelming or be intimidating to a woman, so they may try to appear to shrink themselves during the date. If you’re one of these guys — stop doing that now!
Don’t try to hunch down or shrink yourself on a date because you’re self-conscious about your stature. Being tall is a gift!
According to statistics, only 14% of American men are 6 feet or over. And, for those of you who are 6 foot 2 inches or over, you’re in an even smaller percentage. Only an estimated 3.9% of American men are 6 foot 2 inches or taller.
Being tall is unique and very attractive. Don’t shrink due to your size — celebrate it!
If you don’t want to come off as intimidating, smile and make eye contact. A smile can diffuse any type of awkwardness or intimidation. In fact, even a forced smile can increase confidence and ease stress according to research.
I delve deeper into the benefits of smiling and other confidence-boosting strategies in my article, How to Be Confident When Dating a Girl You Like.
Short Guys Strategy: Take Up Lots of Space
You know who is never afraid to take up space and command attention? Bruno Mars.
Have you ever seen the music video for Uptown Funk? If you haven’t seen it, go do yourself a favor and watch it now. And even if you have seen it already, go watch it again…and again…and again.
At 5 feet 5 inches, Bruno Mars constantly proves that you don’t need to be tall to have the most swagger in the room.
When you’re on a date with a girl, don’t allow your short stature to keep you from taking up lots of space. Show your confidence by sitting with your arms on the armrests beside you, standing with your feet wide apart and standing/sitting up straight; don’t hunch over.
Famous Short Guys
It can be really hard to tell somebody’s height on the big screen or a TV show, but several male actors — heartthrobs, actually — are short. Here are a few examples to give you a confidence boost:
- Usher (5 feet 7 inches)
- Robert Downey Jr. (5 feet 8 inches)
- Bruno Mars (5 feet 5 inches)
- Zach Efron (5 feet 8 inches)
- Kevin Hart (5 feet 4 inches)
- Dave Franco (5 feet 7 inches)
Famous Tall Guys
There’s also a lot of surprisingly tall male actors in Hollywood, who make women swoon without coming off as intimidating or awkward. Here are a few over 6 feet 3 inches that never seem to let a towering stature affect their appeal:
- Tyler Perry
- Jeff Goldblum
- Vince Vaughn
- John Corbett
- Liam Neeson
- Alexander Skarsgard
Famous Couples With Height Differences
- Miley Cyrus (5 feet 5 inches) and Liam Hemsworth (6 feet 3 inches)
- Christina Ricci (5 feet 1 inches) and Owen Benjamin (6 feet 6 inches)
- Daniel Radcliffe (5 feet 5 inches) and Erin Darke (5 feet 7 inches)
- Cameron Diaz (6 feet) and Benji Madden (5 feet 6 inches)
Short Guy Strategy: Try This Online Dating Exercise
If you’re wondering, “Does height matter to women while dating?” and you have a profile on dating apps or websites, below is a confidence exercise for online use.
First, set your height to the max square footage on your dating apps and see if women make a comment. If she does (i.e., “You don’t look that tall!” or “That can’t be your real height), say something like, “Uh oh, I was AFRAID you were going to be superficial.” Then you can follow up with something like, “That’s my way of testing to make sure you’re not just after me for my body.” From there, if she counters with anything else about height or is rude, simply share the information you’ve learned on why being short is actually super sexy.
This could make her want to continue the conversation or end it right there. But either way, it helps you weed out mean people and gets you used to conversation in a way that doesn’t allow you to shrink under pressure about your height.
And the point of this exercise isn’t to date a woman who considers a man less than 6 feet a dealbreaker — it’s to get used to putting it out there that you’re confident with yourself. Even if you don’t believe it now, this helps you face fears and get used to talking to different women and owning your truth.
Why is Being Tall So Important to Women?
One thing that frustrates a lot of short guys is that they feel several women seem to be interested in taller men and it’s a bummer when said women will let it be loudly known by listing a taller height as a requirement online.
Firstly, yes, there are plenty of superficials out there who will refuse to date a man who is not at least a foot taller than them. But a lot of times the height issue may not actually be so much about height as it is about confidence.
Sometimes women have bad experiences with men who are insecure about their height and point it out constantly or even get straight up mean about it.
In this blog post, a woman talked about how she refused to ever date another short man — not because of anything to do with a lack of attraction based on their height — but because of repeated experiences she had where the men would project their insecurities on her by making mean comments about her height.
During a 2016 interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, singer Kelly Clarkson (who is 5 feet 3 1/2 inches) recounted a terrible date she had at the age of 18. The man in question was 5 feet 2 inches and spent the entire date talking about his height and was clearly self-conscious about it. The height didn’t matter to Clarkson, but she ended up leaving the date due to his harping on the height issue — which wasn’t even an issue to her.
This harkens back to my point about how superficial qualities really aren’t what makes someone successful or unsuccessful in the dating world. It’s a lot more about you being confident with yourself and feeling worthy.
Does Height Matter to Women While Dating: The Long and Short of It
Still asking yourself “why do girls like tall guys?” or “am I too tall for her?”
If you’re worried about height hindering your dating goals, think about changing up your strategy. Have you heard of megadating? Megadating is a dating process that involves dating several different women at the same time in order to diffuse energy and increase confidence. By keeping your social calendar full and opening yourself to tons of different experience, you will increase confidence and learn how to cope with rejections when they happen.
Because megadating shows you that there is plenty of fish in the sea, you won’t worry so much about someone judging you for your height, because you’ll be too busy meeting tons of other women who couldn’t care less!
I used megadating during my 100-date experiment to find a compatible, long-term partner. It worked for me and it can work for you, too!
If you want to start crushing your dating goals, book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we’ll discuss your dating roadblocks and come up with an action plan to her you achieve your goals.
I also invite you to check out my Dating Profile Services and comprehensive online dating course. All of these services have been carefully designed to help you stay out of the friend-zone, live your best dating life and find a high-value, long-term girlfriend.