Does height matter to women while dating?

This is a question I’m often asked by male students.

Many of the men I speak to are concerned that being short puts women off. They also tell me that many women list a preferred or ideal height for men they would date well above a short man’s height and — in some cases — the height of the average male.

To be honest, the answer to the question, “Does height matter to women?” and the more specific question of, “Do women like taller or shorter men?” can vary depending on where you look.

A study cited by Psychology Today found that women preferred the men they were dating to be taller than them — up to eight inches taller, in fact!

Conversely, a study cited by the Independent found that women actually prefer shorter men with dad bods.

There are several other studies floating around the internet with contradictory results.

Every woman has her own unique preference. It’s not like all women like guys that are 6’4. There is no magic number, however, there is a general preference.

Let’s discuss what women in general prefer while also addressing the nuances of attraction.

Being Too Tall vs. Being Too Short

I’ll be honest. Most insecurities in regards to height (when it comes to men) come from being too short as opposed to being too tall. But there can be caveats to both, with tall men wishing they could shrink themselves while short men pray for a few (or several) more inches.

Let’s take a look at some insecurities that men who are above or below average when it comes to height may encounter.

Being Too Tall

Tall men often have big feet and — despite the cliched innuendo describing that as awesome — shopping for shoes or renting shoes at a bowling alley can be a colossal PAIN.

A woman may feel like she’s having a conversation with your torso as opposed to you when you’re both standing up.

Sometimes you may end up having to get more creative with sexual positions.

You’re always the first one to be found during a game of hide-and-seek.

Getting lost in a crowd doesn’t come easily.

Tall people tend to be more susceptible to back pain and muscle imbalances.

Being Too Short

A woman may feel self-conscious about towering over you or wearing her sky-high hooker heels.

It can be hard to see above people.

It can also be hard to reach certain things.

You may also have to be creative with sexual positions (honestly, any vast height difference may call for some creativity).

It may be difficult to find you in a crowd.

Men who are short suffer more of a stigma.

Why Do Women Say That They Want Tall Guys?

It’s a question I get often when chatting with my students and one Naeem was able to answer when he chatted about how he’s bagged 31 dates since enrolling in Dating Decoded.

A lot of women who have profiles on dating apps or websites set a height preference that is relatively high or at least above average.

A lot of times, though, this has nothing to do with something personal or is really even founded at all. In fact, there could be some insecurities the woman has that caused her to set that height preference.

A woman of above average height may be nervous that she will tower over you if you go on a date and she feels like wearing her sky-high stilettos. Someone who is self-assured will not allow this to bother them, or will at least let it go within a short time of dating someone.

And if not getting to wear high heels makes you a total deal breaker for her, consider the fact that you dodged a bullet. Someone who is that invested in these types of things likely would have made you miserable in the long run.

Short Guy Strategy: Check Out Famous Short Guys Like Kevin Hart

Kevin Hart is one A-lister who commands attention and oozes confidence. He’s also considered very short for a man at an estimated 5 feet 4 inches.

Addressing his height in a self-deprecating way has always been a staple of the stand-up comedy that made Kevin Hart a household name, and he also uses jokes about his height in movie scenes.

On a date, you can borrow one of his one-liners or come up with some of your own!

Hart also talked about his confidence and not allowing his stature to affect his self-esteem in an interview with Oprah, which you can view here.

Tall Guy Strategy: Don’t Shrink Because You’re Tall

Sometimes, tall men worry that their generous stature will come off as overwhelming or be intimidating to a woman, so they may try to appear to shrink themselves during the date. If you’re one of these guys — stop doing that now!

Don’t try to hunch down or shrink yourself on a date because you’re self-conscious about your stature. Being tall is a gift!

According to statistics, only 14% of American men are 6 feet or over. And, for those of you who are 6 foot 2 inches or over, you’re in an even smaller percentage. Only an estimated 3.9% of American men are 6 foot 2 inches or taller.

Being tall is unique and very attractive. Don’t shrink due to your size — celebrate it!

If you don’t want to come off as intimidating, smile and make eye contact. A smile can diffuse any type of awkwardness or intimidation. In fact, even a forced smile can increase confidence and ease stress according to research.

I delve deeper into the benefits of smiling and other confidence-boosting strategies in my article, How to Be Confident When Dating a Girl You Like.

Short Guys Strategy: Take Up Lots of Space

You know who is never afraid to take up space and command attention? Bruno Mars.

Have you ever seen the music video for Uptown Funk? If you haven’t seen it, go do yourself a favor and watch it now. And even if you have seen it already, go watch it again…and again…and again.

At 5 feet 5 inches, Bruno Mars constantly proves that you don’t need to be tall to have the most swagger in the room.

When you’re on a date with a girl, don’t allow your short stature to keep you from taking up lots of space. Show your confidence by sitting with your arms on the armrests beside you, standing with your feet wide apart and standing/sitting up straight; don’t hunch over. Sure in this way you appear bigger, but you also appear more confident. Stretching out and taking up space signals dominance and confidence. The reason why women love tall men is because they assume they are more confident as a result of their height. It’s true that you can’t grow taller (unless you want your legs broken first) but you can exude the confidence of a man who is 6’6.

Tall Tip For Short Men: Appear taller on dating apps by decreasing white space. Make sure there is more of you than there is background in your dating app photos. In this way you’ll appear taller.

If you want dating advice from a short guy, just check out the tips our student Aryan wants other short guys to know. After a few months in Dating Decoded he found a girlfriend.

Famous Short Guys

It can be really hard to tell somebody’s height on the big screen or a TV show, but several male actors — heartthrobs, actually — are short. Here are a few examples to give you a confidence boost:

-Usher (5 feet 7 inches)

-Robert Downey Jr. (5 feet 8 inches)

-Bruno Mars (5 feet 5 inches)

-Zach Efron (5 feet 8 inches)

-Kevin Hart (5 feet 4 inches)

-Dave Franco (5 feet 7 inches)

Famous Tall Guys

There’s also a lot of surprisingly tall male actors in Hollywood, who make women swoon without coming off as intimidating or awkward. Here are a few over 6 feet 3 inches that never seem to let a towering stature affect their appeal:

-Tyler Perry

-Jeff Goldblum

-Vince Vaughn

-John Corbett

-Liam Neeson

-Alexander Skarsgard

Famous Couples With Height Differences

And if you’re worried a big discrepancy in height is going to hinder your dating efforts, keep in mind that plenty of people make it work, including a few celebrity couples, such as:

-Miley Cyrus (5 feet 5 inches) and Liam Hemsworth (6 feet 3 inches)

-Christina Ricci (5 feet 1 inches) and Owen Benjamin (6 feet 6 inches)

-Daniel Radcliffe (5 feet 5 inches) and Erin Darke (5 feet 7 inches)

-Cameron Diaz (6 feet) and Benji Madden (5 feet 6 inches)

Short Guy Strategy: Try This Online Dating Exercise

Give your personality a chance to shine when you trick the dating app filters.

First, set your height to the max square footage on your dating apps and see if women make a comment. If she does (i.e., “You don’t look that tall!” or “That can’t be your real height), say something like, “Uh oh, I was AFRAID you were going to be superficial.” Then you can follow up with something like, “That’s my way of testing to make sure you’re not just after me for my body.” From there, if she counters with anything else about height or is rude, simply share the information you’ve learned on why being short is actually super sexy.

This could make her want to continue the conversation or end it right there. But either way, it helps you weed out mean people and gets you used to conversation in a way that doesn’t allow you to shrink under pressure about your height.

And the point of this exercise isn’t to date a woman who considers a man less than 6 feet a dealbreaker — it’s to get used to putting it out there that you’re confident with yourself. Even if you don’t believe it now, this helps you face fears and get used to talking to different women and owning your truth.

Why is Being Tall So Important to Women?

One thing that frustrates a lot of short guys is that they feel several women seem to be interested in taller men and it’s a bummer when said women will let it be loudly known by listing a taller height as a requirement online.

Firstly, yes, there are plenty of superficials out there who will refuse to date a man who is not at least a foot taller than them. But a lot of times the height issue may not actually be so much about height as it is about confidence.

Sometimes women have bad experiences with men who are insecure about their height and point it out constantly or even get straight up mean about it.

In this blog post, a woman talked about how she refused to ever date another short man — not because of anything to do with a lack of attraction based on their height — but because of repeated experiences she had where the men would project their insecurities on her by making mean comments about her height.

During a 2016 interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, singer Kelly Clarkson (who is 5 feet 3 1/2 inches) recounted a terrible date she had at the age of 18. The man in question was 5 feet 2 inches and spent the entire date talking about his height and was clearly self-conscious about it. The height didn’t matter to Clarkson, but she ended up leaving the date due to his harping on the height issue — which wasn’t even an issue to her.

This harkens back to my point about how superficial qualities really aren’t what makes someone successful or unsuccessful in the dating world. It’s a lot more about you being confident with yourself and feeling worthy.

Rapid Fire Questions – Does Height Matter?

Here are burning questions our students have had over the years concerning the connection between height and attraction. Let’s answer them with the help of some studies.

Do Women Like Short Guys?

It’s true that women tend to prefer men taller than themselves. But a distinction must be made. Short women don’t swoon for super-tall men. Few women that are 5 feet tall want partners that are over 6 feet. When it comes to attraction most women tend to shack up with someone that is about 5 inches taller than they are, at least that’s what a recent study out of the UK found.

The study looked at 10,000 couples and found that in 92% of the relationships, the men were taller than the women.

They also found that the average difference in inches between couples was 5. 

If you’re a short guy asking yourself does height matter, maybe you’re asking the wrong question.

What you should be asking is, am I around 5 inches taller than her?

If you’re 5’7 shoot for women 5’2 or shorter. Lucky for you the average height of an American woman is just 5’4. There are thousands of short women in your area for you to target. But you don’t need to limit yourself to women 5 inches shorter than you. Of course, you can go for someone taller, however, dating someone considerably shorter should increase your odds of winning her affection.

Are Tall Guys More Attractive?

Yes, tall guys are more attractive than short guys.

But there’s a massive problem with this question – it takes a single physical trait into account and nothing more.

Men are more than their height.

There are funny men, men with green eyes, men that play pickleball, men that love videos games, men that care for their mothers, men that have awesome careers, etc.

There are a billion and one other traits that women take into account when deciding whether or not to invest in a man.

It’s true, height is one of the first traits that take note of, but that’s only because it’s obvious and they have little else to go on. That’s why short guys tend to do worse than tell men on dating apps. She has to make her choice to swipe left or right based on limited information.

A 2019 study asked women 68,000 women what they look for most in a partner.

Here are the traits they care about even more than height:

• Kindness
• Supportiveness
• Intelligence

Only 22.3% of women thought an attractive body was a very important trait. 

What Height Do Women Like?

Your hunch isn’t wrong, in general women think tall guys are more attractive.

According to Psychology Today, a woman’s boyfriend would ideally be 8 inches taller. Lucky for men there aren’t a ton of men that are 8 inches taller than the average woman. The average height for an American woman is 5’4 with the average height for men being 5’9. This is a five, not eight-inch difference.

Most women aren’t going to get their way, but that’s fine. As previously cited the average relationship has a height difference of 5 inches. Even if you’re not 8 inches taller than her there are only so many guys out there that are. Let your other traits both physical and otherwise help make up for the lack of height.

Does Height Matter to Women While Dating: The Long and Short of It

Still asking yourself “why do girls like tall guys?” or “am I too tall for her?”

If you’re worried about height hindering your dating goals, think about changing up your strategy. Have you heard of MegaDating? Megadating is the emlovz dating process that involves dating several different people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and increase confidence. By keeping your social calendar full and opening yourself to tons of different experience, you will increase confidence and learn how to cope with rejections when they happen.

Because MegaDating shows you that there is plenty of fish in the sea, you won’t worry so much about someone judging you for your height, because you’ll be too busy meeting tons of other women who couldn’t care less!

We have guys of all shapes and sizes in our program, Dating Decoded.

We have a track record of helping men of all shapes and sizes find their forever partner.

Stop wishing you were taller and focus instead on what you can control. 

Book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my other coaches today. During our session, we’ll discuss your dating roadblocks and come up with an action plan to her you achieve your goals, and yes we can even address if height does matter to women.

There’s still time to find a girlfriend this year.

Learn how below!