What are the top 15 dating red flags to look for in a woman? When we think about “dating red flags”, it’s easy to assume that things would be super easy to spot. A red flag that involves someone screaming or unloading all their baggage on a first date is definitely something that can send you running immediately, but several other dating red flags aren’t so conspicuous.
Lucky for you I am here to break down the top dating red flags — from the most blatant to obscure.
Red Flag #1: She Love Bombs You
In case you’re unfamiliar with the term, “love bombing” is a manipulative technique where a person you have just started dating will be overwhelmingly affectionate toward you. Some people call it the “saying I love you too soon red flag.”
People who love bomb will coax you to get really serious about the relationship fast — as in, they may want to put an exclusive label on the relationship in as little as a couple weeks. They may say “I love you” prematurely, describe you as their “soulmate” or “destiny” and wax poetic about how they’ve never felt for anyone the way they feel for you, even though you haven’t known each other for very long.
It can be easy to ignore this red flag when you’re infatuated with someone and may even find this type of extreme affectionate to be endearing.
But this honeymoon phase will end abruptly when the love bomber shows you her true colors. She could become angry, deceitful and controlling, and a relationship with a love bomber is the type of emotional rollercoaster you’ll want to exit IMMEDIATELY.
Sometimes love bombing is the result of infatuation or insecurity and can come from someone who does not have the maturity or is simply ill-equipped to move forward in a healthy way with a relationship. At its most insidious, love bombing can be a manipulative technique used by emotional abusers, including sociopaths.
Red Flag #2: She Has Trouble Regulating Her Emotions
She may describe herself as “passionate,” but her constantly fluctuating emotions may leave you with quite a different descriptor — like “unstable” or “bats**t insane.”
If she becomes angered easily, dissolves into tears frequently or has other types of episodes that show signs of emotional instability, the healthiest decision is to not let the relationship progress further. If you are using my megadating strategy, it won’t be too difficult to let her go.
Red Flag #3: She’s Jealous
Everyone gets jealous from time to time and in some circumstances, jealousy can even be a good thing. For example, if your girlfriend has a platonic friend who was constantly flirting with her or behaving in a way that made you feel disrespected, your jealousy may motivate you to have a conversation with your girlfriend about what you consider appropriate and inappropriate friend behavior. It can help you create healthy boundaries in a relationship and improve communication.
Unhealthy jealousy is a type of jealousy that occurs when your partner becomes irrationally jealous, to the point that they:
- Want to control you
- Want to know a play-by-play of everything you do
- Don’t want you spending time anywhere or with anyone without them
- Constantly accuse or suspect you of cheating
- Ask you to behave in certain ways that they deem acceptable
- Gets jealous of ANY female friendships and may even demand that you only be friends with other men
- Constantly calls and texts you and becomes angered if you don’t immediately respond
Red Flag #4: She Bashes Her Exes
Ahh, bashing exes – one of my favorite dating red flags in a woman.
Sure, plenty of us (most, even) have had some bad breakups, and not everyone looks back at an ex with fond memories or even something remotely resembling well wishes. But if the girl you’re dating describes all of her exes as “crazy,” and goes on and on about how terrible they are, that’s a definite red flag.
Even bad relationships teach us something and can help us grow. If she is emotionally invested in hating her ex, it could be a sign that she is lacking maturity or could still be hung up on her relationship.
Red Flag #5: She Very Recently Got Out Of a Relationship
If she just got out of a serious relationship or recently got divorced, that can be a red flag.
It’s good for people to take some time to heal after a serious relationship, and — although there’s a chance she was able to move on quickly — it’s not that common.
Red Flag #6: She Lies
This one is pretty straightforward. Good relationships are built on a solid foundation of friendship, intimacy and trust. If you can’t trust her, a relationship is going to be pretty much a no-go.
Red Flag #7: She Has a History of Cheating
There is a difference between someone who messed up once by being unfaithful, and a serial cheater.
According to a study published in Nature Neuroscience, people who cheat repeatedly feel less and less guilty about it each time. Basically, a part of your brain called the amygdala adapts to cheating by issuing a weaker and weaker negative response each time the cheater lies — which is nice for the cheater but super sucky for everyone else.
People who have narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder also tend to cheat repeatedly due to an inability to feel compassion or empathy for others.
So yeah, regardless of the reason, it’s best to steer clear of cheaters. This is one of the most harmful dating red flags – so be careful with cheaters.
Red Flag #8: She Has a Bad Work History
Has she been repeatedly fired from jobs? Does she not get along with her coworkers? Does she show signs of disrespect toward authority?
Although it may seem like her professional life shouldn’t affect your personal life, the way she conducts herself at work can be a reflection on how she treats other people overall, as well as things like taking responsibility for her actions and handling conflict.
Red Flag #9: She’s Bad With Her Finances
Someone who is responsible with their finances shows that they are good at handling things independently, are mature and can handle challenges. If she has serious financial issues (i.e., excess spending despite being in massive credit card debt), it’s a big red flag. Remember that regardless of who ends up being the breadwinner in a relationship, financial responsibilities are shared when you move in with someone, marry someone and/or start a family.
Red Flag #10: She’s Rude to Waitstaff and Doesn’t Tip Well
NEVER trust the person that is mean to the waiter, especially if it happens more than once. Treating a waiter poorly can be a sign that the person you’re dating has a dark, bullying side that will eventually come out on you.
Red Flag #11: She Demeans You With Sarcasm, Jokes and Backhanded Comments
Although it’s normal to argue from time to time in relationships, when someone makes a habit of demeaning or ridiculing you, that’s a big red flag.
Sarcasm in a relationship can be especially pernicious since the partner can easily pass off any hurtful remarks as “a joke.” But according to Dr. Clifford N. Lazarus of Psychology Today, sarcasm is sometimes “hostility disguised as humor.”
Red Flag #12: She’s Bashes Your Friends and Her Own Friends
Getting along with your friends should be a priority for her and vice versa. If she is condescending and mean toward your friends or talks badly about them to you, this can be a big red flag.
And if she is mean about her own friends, that also can be a sign of a disingenuous personality that you don’t want to be around.
Red Flag #13: She’s Rude to Your Family
This is like number 12 but A LOT worse. Someone who doesn’t get along with your family and makes a point to be rude to them can cause you and your loved ones a great deal of emotional strife.
It’s a red flag and shows that this person does not have respect or consideration for you.
Red Flag #14: She Shows Signs of Serious Substance Abuse Issues
Sure, a lot of us like to go out and get loose every so often — but are her “wild nights” every night? If she shows signs of alcoholism and/or drug abuse, it will be impossible to have a successful romantic relationship until after they receive treatment.
Several treatment options are available, as well as free 24/7 hotlines to direct people to appropriate help. Ultimately, acknowledging an issue and choosing to get help will be up to her.
Red Flag #15: She Is Extremely Secretive About Her Past
Don’t let the allure of mystery keep you from recognizing what could be one of the most serious dating red flags. There are several reasons a person may not want to talk too much about their past — particularly during the very early stages of a relationship — but if they are continually secretive and/or defensive when it comes to their past, there could be some dark stuff there.
Dating Red Flags Wrap-up and How Not To Settle
I hope my dating red flags checklist helped you learn a bit about the types of women to stay away from.
A lot of times we ignore simple red flags because — on a subconscious level — we don’t feel like there is anyone else out there, and we choose to settle for the mediocre.
But you don’t have to thanks to a great dating strategy known as megadating.
Megadating is a dating process that involves dating several people at one time in order to diffuse energy and increase self-confidence. When you’re dating multiple people, you see firsthand that there are plenty of fish in the sea. This strategy also helps you weed out people that show red flags.
Want to get started? Book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our intro session, we will discuss your dating roadblocks and come up with an action plan to help you achieve your dating goals. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.