Do you think you may be dating a sociopath woman? Even asking the question can send shivers down your spine. But if something feels dangerously amiss in your relationship, it’s critical to address the issue.
Before we get into different ways to know if you’re dating a sociopath, let’s take a look at what a sociopath is.
Someone who is considered a sociopath is a person who suffers from antisocial personality disorder. In a nutshell, someone with antisocial personality disorder is someone who does not experience guilt and does not place importance on right or wrong. If a sociopath causes physical or emotional harm to someone, they do not show remorse for their behavior.
People who are not sociopaths have a conscience that can guide them away from things like manipulation, criminal and impulsive behavior. Of course, we all screw up and different circumstances can lead us to some not-so-great decisions. But these missteps often come with regret and, as we mature, we learn from these mistakes and the hurt we may have caused.
A sociopath will not have regrets, because their motivations are largely dependent on their own personal gratification and success. Sadism can also be a part of one’s sociopathy. Often times, sociopaths will hurt people deliberately, but not with a need for vengeance. Frighteningly, some of the most wicked deeds committed by a sociopath can be for the sociopath’s own personal amusement; you don’t even necessarily need to get on a sociopath’s bad side to be a victim of her vitriol.
Now that you have a basic understanding of what a sociopath is, let’s take a look at some of the telltale signs that you may be dating a sociopath woman. Keep in mind that antisocial personality disorder is defined by several traits — not just one or two. If you have a partner who has cheated, that trait alone doesn’t make them a sociopath. But if they lie, cheat, steal and are master manipulators, you may very well have a sociopath on your hands.
Sign #1: They Cheat
Cheating sucks no matter what the circumstance. But if you’re dating a sociopath, there is an added level of cruelty when it comes to cheating. As noted earlier, sociopaths do not feel remorse over any of their bad behavior.
Sociopaths often become bored in relationships and — once this happens — cheating can ensue. It doesn’t matter how exciting and extraordinary you are, a sociopath will often seek stimulation that is outside of their romantic relationship.
Because sociopaths are impulsive, they will often cheat when an opportunity that seems adequate in meeting their personal needs and gratification presents itself.
Sex is not an act of intimacy to the sociopath. Moreover, because a sociopath does not experience regret over their actions, they will not be fazed by the prospect of hurting you with infidelity. Click to read my other article on the top signs she is cheating on you to learn more.
Sign #2: They’re Charming
With what we’ve learned about sociopaths so far, you may be wondering how you or ANYONE could end up dating a sociopath.
However, if sociopaths were as easy to spot as a crazed chick wielding a knife and boiling bunny rabbits, you probably wouldn’t have started dating one in the first place. Sociopaths are notoriously charming; they understand that it is in their best interest to appeal to others to fulfill their own personal needs.
Moreover, sociopaths are chameleons. A sociopath can often pick up on what type of woman you desire and take on that person in order to reel you in.
They are actors who make everyday interactions their own personal stage. They will play the part of the cool girl, the demure ingenue or the mysterious seductress, depending on what they read as being your preference.
Sign #3: They Show Signs of Narcissism
It probably comes as no surprise that sociopaths think very, VERY highly of themselves (one of the major dating red flags to be aware of). Sociopaths and narcissists have a lot in common. Both people with antisocial and narcissistic personality disorder have motivations that are extremely self-serving, have an overblown sense of entitlement, and possess the charisma to achieve personal goals.
The main difference between sociopaths and narcissists is that narcissists work hard to be respected and admired, and become frustrated and upset when their efforts fail. Sociopaths, on the other hand, do not have the emotional reserves to feel upset when their hard work goes unnoticed.
In fact, they’d prefer to do as little work as possible. Sociopaths will use their powers of manipulation to get other people to do their bidding.
Sign #4: Impulsive Behavior
Sociopaths are major risk takers. And when you’re someone who doesn’t feel remorse after a wild night out goes awry, there is nothing to stymie those impulses over time. A sociopath will often engage in extreme behaviors, some that could even land them in jail. These behaviors can include:
- Excessive drinking
- Drug use
- Unsafe sex
- Other dangerous or criminal activities
Sign #5: Irresponsibility at Work and with Finances
Sure, it’s normal — and my recommendation — that you pay for at least the first three dates when dating a woman. And if you’re the breadwinner in the relationship, it can make sense that you’d be the one reaching for your wallet more often than not.
This is one reason that it can take longer to spot a female sociopath than a male sociopath. However, take note if your lady is asking for a large chunk (or chunks) of change…and never pays you back. This can be a major sign that you’re dating a sociopath woman.
Because sociopaths don’t take kindly to playing by the rules, they tend to have difficulties meeting work and financial obligations. Also, notice if your cash or other valuables slowly start disappearing. Sociopaths are notorious for thievery. Getting financially taken advantage while dating is the worst, don’t let it happen to you.
Sign #6: Difficulty in Relationships
It isn’t only romantic relationships that sociopaths have difficulty succeeding in. Friends, colleagues, supervisors and family members can all fall victim to sociopaths.
Coworkers and subordinates often feel the effects of a sociopath when they are subjected to sudden bursts of anger and are manipulated into taking on the sociopath’s workload.
Friends may be few and far between when it comes to sociopaths — or at least those that rise above acquaintance status. They may appear to have a large network of people in their lives, but this is often for appearances only. You’re not going to find many sociopaths that have been able to maintain deep friendships over many years. Friends either catch on to the deceit after a certain period of time or have never become close enough to the sociopath to be victimized.
Family members arguably have the most difficult history with sociopaths. Remember that a sociopath isn’t just that girl who is making you question your own sanity with her manipulation — this vindictive person is also someone’s daughter, sister, and cousin. You likely won’t be meeting a sociopath’s family, as their vindictive behavior has often fractured any relationship.
Sign #7: Manipulation and Deceit
Manipulation and deceit pervade almost every behavior of a sociopath. Unlike other people who seek friendships and relationships for happiness and intimacy, any relationship a sociopath engages in is simply as a means to an end or personal gratification.
Life is a game for sociopaths, and when you’re dating a sociopath, you are simply a chess piece there to help her make her next move.
Have you ever been ghosted by a person after a few dates? Click to learn why she may have ghosted you after seeming interested.
Sign #8: You Have Witnessed a Reptilian Stare
What is a sociopathic stare? It is that reptilian or shark-like look in a sociopath’s eyes when their facade falls and their true selves make an appearance. It is a vacant, flat look that can make your skin crawl. You may see this look after confronting a sociopath, as they may be sizing you up and planning their next move.
Sign #9: Violence
Not all sociopaths are violent, but it is a risk factor. In her book, Confessions of a Sociopath, author M.E. Thomas (not her real name) described an instance where she was chastised by a city worker. After the interaction, Thomas stated that she began stalking the man with thoughts of murder fueling her pursuit.
“I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to actually kill him,” she said, “but I’m also relatively certain I would have assaulted him.”
Sign #10: They Use Pity Plays
Just because a sociopath lacks emotion doesn’t mean that they can’t fake it. Sociopaths will hone in on the most vulnerable parts they sense in you and use it to their advantage. Whether this involves tears, tales of woe, or table-turning.
Sociopaths can chip away at your self-esteem by making you feel like the issues in your relationship are your fault. You may start to question your own sanity as a sociopath accuses you of being “jealous,” “possessive” or “toxic,” even when they are entirely responsible for the toxicity in your relationship.
Dating a Sociopath Woman: It’s Not Your Fault
It is common for someone to exit a relationship with a sociopath hurt, betrayed and wondering how they never were able to see the person behind the mask.
Antisocial personality disorder is extremely difficult to diagnose due to the cunning nature of sociopaths. Most people suffering from antisocial personality disorder will not seek psychological help on their own.
Whether or not you are 100% sure that you are dating a sociopath, the most important thing is to take care of your wellbeing. You likely clicked on this article because you’re feeling unhappy and mistreated in your relationship. If that’s the case, let go of that negativity and move forward.
If you’re in a troubling situation with a sociopath, tell your friends that you might be in danger. Then make an appointment with your psychologist to confirm your situation. They will likely help you create a relationship exit plan.
And when you’re ready to dive back into the dating world, I’m here to help. Book a one-on-one Skype session with me and I’ll teach you how to successfully reach your dating and new relationship goals!