“Why did she act interested during our first few dates and then ghost me?”

Oomph. That stings.

Getting ghosted is arguably one of the most confusing and painful things permeating modern dating culture. It’s also extremely common.

Ghosting occurs when someone you are dating seemingly vanishes out of thin air. Things seem to be going well and suddenly they stop returning your calls and texts. They offer no explanation for their sudden exit.

When this happens, you are left hurt and perplexed. And when you’re wondering “why did she act interested?” it hurts even more.

Getting the Rug Pulled Out From Under You

Is there anything more exciting than starting to fall for someone new? The conversation flows easily. The physical chemistry is off the charts. And you just seem to get each other.

Your first few dates are some of the best dates in recent memory. As you trot giddily along cloud nine, you send her a text about meeting up.

No response.

A day goes by and you send a followup text.

Still no response.

A week goes by…

Two weeks go by…

A month…

Yup. You have officially been ghosted.

But why did she act interested? How could she drop you with absolutely no explanation?

In this article, I offer several different reasons that women (and, honestly, people in general) ghost.

But First, Remember This

Before I get into the various reasons people ghost other people, I want you to keep something very important in mind.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Ghosting can have serious effects on self-esteem. When someone drops out of your life without warning, you may feel like they are basically telling you that you aren’t worthy of an explanation. You may also ruminate over what you could have done differently to preserve the relationship. Being left in the dust can make you wonder if you did something wrong.

The truth is, if things were going well (or even if they weren’t), you deserved an explanation. A lot of people ghost as a way to avoid conflict or a challenging conversation. Making a clean break seems like an easy way out.

But doing this is cowardly and disrespectful. It shows that this person probably has some work to do in the empathy department.

You didn’t do anything wrong. And even if you didn’t behave perfectly (who does??), the fact that you are asking the question “why did she act interested?” tells me that there was likely something going on in this woman’s life that had nothing to do with you.

This leads me to several possible answers to your question…..

“Why Did She Act Interested During Our First Few Dates and Then Ghost Me?”

 Reason #1: She is Emotionally Unavailable

No one puts all of their cards on the table during the very early stages of dating. Remember that this is a person you don’t know very well. You don’t know her background, her insecurities or her hangups. And it’s easy to miss red flags when you’re infatuated with someone.

If a woman is emotionally unavailable, she’s not going to be able to make a commitment to you.

“Why did she act interested?”

Because she probably was. Unfortunately, this interest may have freaked her out to the point that she went into fight-or-flight mode over it.

She chose flight.

Some signs of an emotionally unavailable woman include:

• Mood swings
• Bashing her ex or, conversely, praising her ex to the point of excess
• She said things like “I’m not into labels”
• Addictive behavior
• She tried to speed up the relationship in a way that was unnatural in order to counteract her commitment issues

Regardless of the reason, you’re better off. If a woman is emotionally unavailable, she needs to stay single until she works through that.

Reason #2: She’s Secretly Married or Has a Boyfriend

It’s easy to conceal things in the early stages of marriage — like a wedding ring or long-term relationship.

Infidelity happens, unfortunately, and it happens pretty often according to statistics. In 2017, it was reported that cheating occurs in over 1/3 of marriages. Although men are statistically more likely to cheat, women make up a good chunk of the percentage when it comes to spouses who choose to step out on their partners.

Reason #3: She’s Recently Divorced or Had a Bad Breakup

If the woman you went out with is recently divorced or just got out of a serious relationship, she may be on the rebound.

Furthermore, she may not realize she’s on the rebound. After going through a heartbreak, you want to escape the pain.

Developing feelings for someone after a heartache can be very excited. Yet if she isn’t over her ex yet, this places her in the emotionally unavailable category. Once again, she may have fled when things started to get real.

Reason #4: She Got Back Together With Her Ex

You went on a few dates with her. But she has a long history with her ex. If the ex came calling, it could be a reason that she ghosted you.

There are several reasons a woman chooses to go back to her ex, including:

• Financial reasons
• She’s still in love with him
• It felt safe and comfortable
• The sex (sorry)

Remember that this decision has nothing to do with you being good enough for her. It has nothing to do with your behavior during those first few dates.

It just happens sometimes and it’s better that it happened sooner rather than later.

Reason #5: She’s Legit Insane

This one is less likely but possible.

Ask yourself:

• Was this girl really phenomenal?
• Were there absolutely no red flags?
• Did something just feel off?
• Did you feel like she was the type to take advantage of someone financially?
• Was she moody?
• Did she love bomb you?

There is a chance this woman either suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder or is a sociopath.

Signs of Narcissism

Signs of a narcissist include:

• Overly inflated ego
• Talking badly about colleagues, friends, and family
• During a conversation, you can’t get a word in edgewise
• Sudden fits of anger
• She wants to make you jealous
• Dressing and acting provocatively

Signs of Sociopathy

Signs of sociopathy include:

• A history of infidelity
• Impulsive behavior
• Irresponsibility at work and with finances
• Difficulty in relationships
• Manipulation and deceit
• Reptilian stare
• Violence
• Pity plays

Because narcissists and sociopaths are master manipulators, it can be difficult to see the signs at first. But if any of these symptoms made a lightbulb go off in your brain, you may have been seeing someone with one or both of these personality disorders.

In that case, be happy you escaped unscathed.

Reason #6: She Just Wasn’t That Into You

It’s happened to me and virtually every person on the planet.

Sometimes, even though you want it to work out, the person you’re seeing is just not that into you.

But why did she act interested?

She may have acted interested because she’s really good at it — acting.

Again, this isn’t something you should beat yourself up over. It happens to everyone.

(Psst…later in this article, I offer a strategy that will help you find someone that truly is into you. Stay tuned!)

Reason #7: She’s Dealt With Angry, Aggressive Guys Before

There are a few times that ghosting is understandable. This is one of them.

Let’s say the girl you went on a few dates with previously broke things off with a guy the right way.

And let’s say that didn’t go well…at all.

She may have ghosted you because she was afraid of going through that experience again. Furthermore, if she has dealt with dating violence or emotional abuse in the past, her ghosting could be a result of that trauma.

Reason #8: She Has Many Options

Just like you’re (ideally) MegaDating, she may also be dating around.

The more options we have the less likely we are to stick around. This is the case with everything, from ice cream flavors, to movies, to how we decide to spend our Friday nights. We’re always changing things up because we have an abundance of options to choose from.

Women in particular, have more options than ever before. 

I’m referring to the gender ratios on apps like Tinder and Bumble.

Tinder has 9 men to every 1 woman. Bumble has 7 men to every 3 women.

Every time she opens that app she has a new shiny toy (or 10) to play with. With the abundance of romantic options in her pocket, she doesn’t have to settle for anything less than fairytale love.

It’s for this reason that you need to be on the top of your game both on and offline.

You’ll need to optimize your profile to stand out online AND optimize your in-person dating habits to get what you want from your romantic life.

Things to Be Wary Of

Now you know a few possible answers to the question “why did she act interested during our first few dates and then ghosted me?” It’s time to move forward.

It’s important to keep in mind that you should not get back together with this woman if she suddenly shows up. As far as red flags go, ghosting is one of the biggest red flags that exist.

However, there is a chance that this “ghost” may reappear. Another dating trend that has reared its ugly head in today’s dating culture is orbiting.

Orbiting takes ghosting a step further. With orbiting, a person will ghost you but remain a presence in your digital life by stalking you on social media.

You may notice this woman liking your photos on Instagram or Facebook and viewing your Snapchats.

This is strange, a giant red flag and you should block her immediately.

Don’t hold out hope that this woman is going to come to her senses and resume a relationship with you.

And even if she wanted to, you deserve better than that.

Remember that, ultimately, ghosting someone is disrespecting someone. The best relationships are built on a foundation of communication, trust, and honesty. When someone up and drops you, how are you supposed to trust them?

A Better Way to Date

During my 100-date experiment, I used MegaDating as my main dating strategy. It helped me understand myself better, successfully navigate my way through the dating world and ultimately led me to a satisfying, long-term relationship.

So what is MegaDating? MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves going out on dates with several women at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your social calendar full.

When you MegaDate, it’s easier to handle rejection and instances of ghosting because you’ll be hanging out with other interesting people. You won’t spend time over wondering “why did she act interested?” because you’ll be able to roll with the punches.

MegaDating also helps you get really good at your dating approach because, after all, practice makes perfect.

Want to Attract the Right Long-Term Partner?

Dating Decoded

If you want to put an end to being ghosted, you’ll have to step up your game. 

That means learnings the Xs and Os of modern dating.

At emlovz teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine your not only your dating skills but who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll have a team of romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.