You were shooting for the end zone but wound up in the friend zone. Now you’re in a position of wondering what to do when a girl just wants to be friends.
We’ve all watched our fare share of friend zone movies. Typically the once friend zoned person winds up with the girl. That being said, we live in a world where the magic of Hollywood rarely makes it out of the confines of the big-screen. This isn’t to say that there’s a zero percent chance that your movie keeps to the Hollywood script. Rather, there are certain steps that can be taken after someone is demoted from romantic interest to friend zone. Some err away from that script while others keep you on tract to have your big-screen ending.
Let’s go ahead and break down what to do when a girl just wants to be friends.
The Hollywood Script Scenario
We all know how this film ends, but right now we’re at the beginning. At the current juncture, our loveable male lead has just been told that he’s beloved by the female lead… but not romantically. As a consequence of learning of this unrequited love he doesn’t slink off into the abyss of the friend zone. Instead he fights back.
The best way to quickly extricate yourself from the friend zone is to clearly indicate your feelings. Have you been reticent about expressing your attraction for her? Abruptly change this by asking her out on a date, making physical contact, and heating things up.
It’s more than possible that she didn’t put you in the friend zone as much as you did it to yourself. If each meeting is explicitly platonic, then you’re putting yourself on an organic trajectory towards the friend zone. Turn up the heat by making skin-to-skin contact, complimenting her, and ultimately kissing your way out of the friend zone. Making your attraction for her overt will force her to consider you in a different light. This is the short game of escaping the friend zone. The long game is, well, longer.
To be clear, I don’t recommend the long game. It involves sticking by her side and gradually waiting around for her to see you in a romantic light. The long game requires takes dedication, time, money, and a steady stream of subtle rejections. It also has a low success rate.
Sticking around is a waste of time. During my 100 date experiment I can vividly remember two men whom I relegated to the friend zone over and over again. There was just no chemistry on my end – but they never went away. They finally disappeared when I entered into a long term relationship with my now boyfriend. I hope the time, money, and energy they spent on me was a learning experience for them.
What To Do When A Girl Just Wants To Be Friends: Replay Your Interactions In Search For Hints
Let’s cross our legs, close those eyes, and think back to your most recent interactions with your love interest. How has she been greeting you as of late? Does she ever address you as dude or bro? Does she shy away from your flirtations? What you’re doing is looking for signs that she’s not romantically into you. The key here is to look at times when she’s deflected or downplayed moments of romance.
Garner friend zone moments and romantic moments and place them in the appropriate categories. Which category is more full? Getting out there and dating will sharpen your ability to discern the difference between signs of affection and fraternal signs.
Take A Deep Breath, Rejection Is Part Of The Process
Even Fabio has been rejected before. Learning how to cope with rejection is part of dating. If you plan on getting back out there you better learn how to rebound when things don’t go your way. Being fearful of rejection will result in a pretty lonely existence. It’s better to have been rejected than to have never tried at all. Sure it’s cliché, but it’s true isn’t it? Here’s my story of rejection and what I learned from it.
Did You Have The Relationship Talk Too Early?
Jumping the gun too early by broaching the ‘relationship talk’ is a sure-fire way to scare her off. It’s more than plausible that she liked you –this is indicative of her always accepting to go out with you- but that doesn’t mean she wanted to enter into an exclusive relationship so soon.
Being on two completely different wavelengths is a turn off. Even though she might have considered transitioning into an exclusive relationship, because you pushed the envelope too soon she freaked out. Displaying strong emotions too early in a relationship is a red flag for both men and women. Something seems to be off about the person that is already writing poems about the other after a paltry three dates. She probably interprets your premature feelings as desperation. The normal person doesn’t act this way, so she’s determined that you don’t have adequate emotional intelligence.
Consider the possibility that your attachment style compromised your nascent relationship. An avoidant attachment style is developed during childhood. A person who has an anxious attachment most likely suffered a traumatic experience in their youth. Sexual abuse and the abrupt disappearance of a parent can have a lasting effect on a child. As a result this children may develop a tendency to quickly latch onto another, whether this be in a platonic or romantic manner. Knowing which attachment style you have will allow you to target emotional aspects of your personality in need of development.
The next time you want to slap a label on a relationship, look for signs that she’s not dating anyone. If she remains taciturn on the matter you can always outright ask her if she’s seeing anyone else. Sensitive matters such as these are best discussed with levity and tact. Never abruptly pose such a question. Instead, organically steer the conversation so that there’s a natural crescendo leading to the sensitive question. In such tense situations humor is always appreciated by all parties involved.
Is Your Mood Compounded By Your Open Calendar?
What to do when a girl just wants to be friends is a question that your dude friends would answer in unison –find a rebound!
Is it possible that you and your love-interest turned friend aren’t that compatible? Perhaps you’re having such a difficult time letting her go because you felt as though she was your best chance at a romantic connection. The sting of such a loss would be mitigated if you had other romantic prospects lined up.
Your more frat-minded buddies would recommend having sex with someone else. This may help heal your wounded heart, but it’s not the only way to improve the situation. What you need is to know for a certainty that there are women out there that are interested in you romantically. This need not be achieved by having sex with a random woman that you scooped up off Tinder at 3 a.m.
Seek and receive an emotional connection with a female through MegaDating. MD is a dating strategy aimed at exposing you to ample romantic prospects in a short period of time thus enabling you to quickly find a romantic partner. The dating tactic involves going on multiple dates a week. This is achieved by mining various social channels ranging from dating applications to friend circles. Dating a host of people in a short period of time has a range of benefits including:
- Reduction of anxiety
- Avoiding settling for mediocrity
- Lessens the blow of rejection
- Boosts self-confidence
- Sharpens flirting/social/emotional skills
- Helps you discover what you look for in a partner
Post Your Highlights
It may sound a bit petty, but it works. Posting your highlights on social media gives off the impression that you live an awesome life. Naturally, other users will see this and envy you. Drumming up this sort of jealously has a few effects.
The first is that single women will message you via SM channels signaling their interest in your life. Once this happens you’re only a quick message away from a first date.
Collecting self-aggrandizing content makes for great online dating material. Those pictures of you hiking, crashing a toy dog competition, and sailing the Pacific all make for awesome Bumble, Hinge, or Match.com photos.
Let’s also not forget that even though you’re no longer following her on SM, she’s still has her eye on you. Making noise on SM means that eventually she’ll run into you. If she repeatedly sees that you’re living your best life (thank you for that reference The Situation), she’ll want a piece of it too.
If she shoots you a message, playfully inform her that she can come along on your next adventure as long as it doubles as a date. Just remember if it’s been weeks or months since you’ve heard from this said girl, wait a few hours or even a full day before responding.
Need A Deeper Diagnosis… Get In Touch with Me
Why is it that all of your friends and family double as dating and/or relationship experts? They’ll give you pats on the back, hugs, buy you drinks, comfort you, and ultimately give you advice that comes from a good place. Sure it sounds good at the time, but what is their advice founded on?
Their advice on what to do when a girl just wants to be friends most likely comes from anecdotal experience. If it worked for them it must work for everyone else. We both know this isn’t the case.
When you consult with an expert such as myself you’re talking to someone whose full time job is improving the dating lives of men and women. When I advise a client on how they should proceed in a romantic situation my opinions is informed by the experience of the masses and scientific research.
If you’re looking for a shortcut to love, here it is. Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me today to learn what else you can do when she just wants to be friends. During the session we can discuss any other burning concerns you have, diagnose your dating history, co-create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program is right for you.