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11 Ways to Show Affection to a Woman You’re Dating

11 Ways to Show Affection to a Woman You’re Dating

11 Ways to Show Affection to a Woman You’re Dating

Looking for ways to show affection to a woman you’re dating?

How many times have you thought everything was going fine with a woman you just started dating, only to find out later that she feels like you “just don’t care?”

It’s no secret that men and women often have problems communicating. And it’s no one’s fault. We’re just different. But when it comes to getting a new relationship off to a good start, you not only have to express your feelings, but you have to express them in a way she’ll understand.

More than anything else, you’ve got to SHOW your affection for her, rather than just tell her. Women know when you’re really trying … and when you’re all talk and no action.

So, here are some of the best ways to show affection to a woman you’re dating. Try a few of these out, and you might be surprised at how well they work. (You’re welcome.)

1. Go Out of Your Way for Her

Do her a favor that takes extra time and effort, and believe me, she’ll notice … and will definitely want to keep you around. I know I did.

Quick story: Several years ago, when my boyfriend and I first started dating, I slept over at his place on a weeknight. When it was time to leave, I figured I’d have a cab drop me off at the BART train station to take me to Berkeley, which was about 45 minutes away from his place in San Francisco. But then, he offered to drive me to the train station so I wouldn’t have to take a cab — which I so appreciated.

Later, we were in the car and he drove past the train stop. I blurted out, “Hey that was the train station! You missed the turnoff.” He replied and said, “I was having such a nice time with you, I thought I’d extend the ride and just take you all the way home.”

Sneaky guy! But it was such a great example of showing affection, because I knew it was almost 2 hours out of his way (returning over the Bay Bridge on a weekday morning … yikes).

The point is, if you show that you’re willing to go the extra mile for her, it will make a huge impression. Nobody forgets when someone does something nice for them. Think about those big inconveniences in her life that she could use help with. Maybe she’s moving and needs a hand, or needs a ride to the airport. (Yes, those things are big. But that’s the level you need to be thinking at!)

2. Remember Her Favorite Coffee Drink

One of the cutest ways to show affection for a woman is to memorize her coffee order and then show up with it unexpectedly. My boyfriend does a great job of always grabbing Skinny Peppermint Mochas for me, for example.

So find out what she loves, and then pick it up for her randomly. If you’re the type who has a hard time remembering stuff like that, you could even create a note in your smartphone titled something like “Sophie’s favorites” and jot down things she loves.

Why does this work? Because it shows you’re paying attention to her even when she thought you weren’t. Attentiveness is incredibly sexy. Don’t miss a chance to show her that you’re listening!

3. Foot the Bill for the First 3 Dates

Hear me out: I’m not saying you should spend a gazillion dollars on wining and dining her. In fact, you’ll realize it’s pretty affordable if you’re familiar with my dating blueprint:

  • First date: Spend $10-$15 only. Think perhaps a drink at a bar, a cup of coffee, or a quick dessert.
  • Second date: Spend nothing. Yep. This date should be something active, like maybe hiking, or taking your dogs to the park … and most importantly, FREE.
  • Third date: Spend a little more (enough for a nice dinner).

As you can see, paying for the first three dates won’t break the bank if you do it this way. But she’ll still feel like you’re making a good effort. And if you’re looking for more date idea/structure examples, here’s a three articles that’ll help you:

4. Take Your Conversations Deeper

Nobody really listens anymore. Everyone has their own agenda. So when if she feels like you understand her, she’ll be all-in. The most attractive and powerful thing you can do is listen and show her you understand her more than anyone else.

One of the best ways to do this is by asking her questions when she brings up a topic that’s personal. Obviously you don’t want to be invasive. But as an example, let’s say that she happens to mention her parents’ divorce. A lot of guys might handle it like this:

Her: So, where does your family live?

YOU: Actually most of my family lives on the East Coast, so I don’t get to see them often.

Her: Ha, you’re lucky! Both of my parents live close by, and splitting time during the holidays has been so hard since they divorced.

YOU: Aw, that sounds tough. Yeah, sometimes I’m kind of glad that my family is across the country. I think it’s good for us. Anyway, want to get something to eat?

In this scenario, you showed sympathy, which isn’t bad. But a topic like parental divorce is a biggie. Instead of sweeping it under the rug and turning the conversation back to yourself, you could ask a question or two that’ll help you get to know her more. Like this:

Her: So, where does your family live?

YOU: Actually most of my family lives on the East Coast, so I don’t get to see them often.

Her: Ha, you’re lucky! Both of my parents live close by, and splitting time during the holidays has been so hard since they divorced.

YOU: Gosh, I’m sorry. When did they split up?

Her: Just two years ago …. they were married for 30 years.

YOU: Wow. That’s tough. So how do you guys handle the holidays now?

Her: Honestly, it’s exhausting. Last year, I finally got the guts to tell my mother I couldn’t see her on Christmas Day and we had one of the worst fights ever. She thinks I’m taking my dad’s side.

YOU: That must have been hard to hear. How are you guys getting along now?

Her: Not great …


As you can see, to make a woman feel heard, you just need to show sympathy, and then ask another question. It instantly takes the conversation deeper — and you don’t even have to offer any advice. In fact, I don’t recommend you offer up any advice unless she explicitly asks for some.

5. Fix Something in Her House or Apartment

If you’re at her place and you see a broken faucet or something that you could fix … by all means, do it. There are some things most women just don’t like to do, and fixing things is one of them. Even if it’s that’s easy for you, it’ll mean a lot to her.

Caveat: This will have less impact when you guys live together!

6. Be Chivalrous When You’re Out in Public

Being chivalrous still has an effect on women. For one thing, it makes them feel cared for. So, unfortunately you’re not off the hook when it comes to this one.

Here are some chivalrous ways to show affection for a woman:

  • Bring her flowers.
  • Hold the door for her.
  • Drive her around (don’t let her drive you!)
  • Call her an Uber or Lyft.
  • Help her out of the car.
  • Hold her hand in public.
  • Help her put her coat on.
  • Speak up for her (like if her restaurant order is wrong, if someone says something rude to her, etc.)
  • Text her after a date to make sure she got home okay.
  • Compliment her when she dresses up or wears something unique.

7. Be Kind to Her Friends and Family

Making an effort to get her friends and family to like you is a big one, because it shows you respect her and want to be a part of her life.

So make sure she notices that you care about those who are important to her. Joke around with her friends and show them a good time. And if she invites you to meet any of her family members, make sure you’re dressed appropriately (or even dress up a little if it’s one of her parents).

8. Leave Her Handwritten Notes

This actually works wonders. It’s amazing that more men don’t do this. Again, this is another one of those things that will show you’re thinking about her, and it’s super romantic.

Think about her morning routine, and maybe figure out some places you could tuck a note before she heads off to work. You might slip one in her computer bag when you’re at her place on a Sunday night for her to find on Monday morning. Or stick a Post-It with an inside joke onto her coffeemaker before she wakes up. It doesn’t have to be over the top — just a little something for her to find later that will make her smile. (I’m melting already.)

9. Text Her Randomly

Text her when you suspect she might be lonely, bored at work, or when you know she has free time – just to let her know she’s on your mind (assuming you’re past the 3rd date). To make it even more meaningful, ask her about anything that’s currently going on that you know is important to her.

Remember those questions you’ve been asking in order to deepen your conversations? Maybe use some of that info to help guide you on what to say. For example, if she’s having a conflict with someone at work, you could jokingly reference it by texting something like, “Is Amy behaving today?”

Or if you see something funny, or that reminds you of her, you could shoot her a quick photo of it. Stuff like that.

10. Look Deeply into Her Eyes

Sounds corny, but this is actually a thing. Research shows that simple, loving eye contact can immediately deepen feelings of attraction, or even create them on the spot.

In fact, you don’t even have to know each other at all in order for it to work. One experiment reported by Psychology Today proved that even complete strangers who exchanged a “mutual, unbroken eye gaze for 2 minutes with a stranger of the opposite sex reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other.”

Hmm. If that’s the case, then imagine what it can do for the two of you! So, next time you look at her, hold your gaze a bit longer and smile.

11. Touch Her Often

Physical touch is often one of the biggest ways you can make someone feel cared about. And it doesn’t always have to be sexual! A simple caress or light touch often is enough to deepen your connection without saying a word. It can also diffuse any tension that might be between you, and keep the spark in your relationship alive.

So give it a try. For instance, you might sneak up behind her and rub her back, or her shoulders. She’ll love it, especially if she’s tense in that area. Or you might do something even simpler like tousling her hair, giving her a quick kiss on the neck, or picking her up and giving her a huge hug when you see her.

Ways to Show Affection to a Woman: Wrap-Up

There are so many ways to show affection to a woman that it’s practically impossible to list them all. But whatever you do for her, just make sure you’re doing it because you really care, and not because you want something in return. There are too many people in our everyday lives who take more than they give. Don’t be that guy.

That said, if this is an area that’s truly challenging for you, don’t worry! Learning how to show affection in ways that women appreciate can often be difficult.

A female dating coach like myself can help show you the differences in how men and women communicate, and come up with strategies that will help take your relationships to new levels. Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me if you’d like more personal feedback. We’ll also determine if my 3-month Signature program is right for you.

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