Her dislike of the conversation, the fact that you wore a tie to a date, or your coffee breath will never be explicit. And most likely, you don’t want it to be. As much as we think we’re tough, humans often feel their egos cripple at the sound of the unflattering truth. Knowing this, we often keep our criticisms to ourselves.
Your date will never give you a verbal sign that she’s not into you – and even if she did would you be thankful for it? Luckily, your brain has been coding body language even since you were a child. Subconsciously we can easily identify nonverbal cues.
Numerous behavioral studies have unearthed that the processing of facial expressions is an automatic process that happens without conscious awareness. The issue here is that our recognition of body language is a process that takes place below the surface. To react to signs that she’s not into you in a meaningful way you must become conscious of the signs.
Your brain is already working to discern positive from negative non-verbal cues. Pair the process involving an intricate network of neurons with the conscious process of identifying signs she’s not into you. To do this, start being more cognizant of the following body language. Accurately interpreting negative cues will allow you to turn the date around. However, if three or more of these signs are discerned on a date, it’s best that you move on.
Signs She’s Not Into You: Folded Arms
A closed posture is never a positive sign. Crossing one’s arms is in a sense creating a shield. A woman will resort to this makeshift shield if she’s feeling uncomfortable. Sure it could also be a sign that she’s cold, but either way you’ll want to remedy the situation.
Crack her open emotionally by choosing a relaxing public place for a first or second date. Make sure you’re not overly sexual and leave plenty of space between the two of you. Try to open her up by asking safe, yet probing questions or by soliciting her advice on a problem you might have.
Having your date resemble the tin-man is a problem that needs resolving. But what does behaving stiffly look like? A lack of movement, a closed-body posture, or contrived movements are all signs of stiffness. It could just be that the woman you’re dating is stiff in general or she’s high-strung from a prior event. Whatever the case may be it’s your mission to get her out of her head and more relaxed. Establish trust and chop through the tension by playing games, joking, or chatting about light topics such as her hobbies or favorite vacations.
Legs Are Crossed And Pointed Away From You
It’s only natural that we point our bodies towards the person or thing that we’re most interested in. The next time you’re chatting amongst a group of people, be cognizant as to what direction your body is facing. Most likely you’ll be pointing at the most interesting person in the group.
Naturally if you’re on a date you’d expect the person seated across from you to be giving you their full attention. If this is the case, why was she seated in a closed position with her legs crossed and pointed away from you?
This is a subconscious posture that she adopted because she either wasn’t comfortable or interested. Unbeknownst to her, she’s using her arms and legs as a barrier. By placing one on top of the other she’s fortifying her defense.
Showing her that you’re relaxed will signal her to do so as well. Keep the conversation light by asking her about her interests. Asking questions that are responded to with positive answers will put her at ease and make the date more enjoyable for the both of you.
Body Pointed In The Opposite Direction
Body language is like Captain Jack Sparrow’s compass. It has nothing to do with (coordinates) and everything to do what you want most. If her entire body is facing towards the exit, she probably wants to make a run for it.
Hopefully you’re not the recipient of such an impassioned gesture on a date. If she spends more than a few minutes with her body pointed away for you, end the date early. Doing so means ending an awkward situation and avoiding investing time in a person that isn’t vibing with you.
There’s at least one good takeaway from a woman leaning back on a date; she’s comfortable. But comfort isn’t always a good thing. Generally leaning back means disengaging from the conversation. You want your date’s pupils to dilate with her entire body leaning towards you.
Turn the conversation on its head by broaching a stimulating subject and then leaning back yourself. If she perks up and then leans forward your change in conversation has proved successful.
Avoiding Eye Contact
70-30 is the rule that many non-verbal cue enthusiasts subscribe to. If she’s making eye contact 70% of the time or more, you’re in the green. Any less and this could be a sign that she’s not into you.
More than anything, eye contact is a sign of both trust and interest. Think back to the last meeting you had. Were there moments when you felt yourself nodding off or when the person speaking just didn’t have your respect? Chances are your disinterest and lack of respect manifested themselves by moving your gaze away from the speaker.
When it comes to not making eye contact you might just be as to blame as she is. Studies have shown that women are generally more comfortable when it comes to making eye contact than men are. Whereas men sometimes interpret prolonged eye contact as a threat, women do so to a lesser degree.
A Stoic Face
Smiling, laughing, or being surprised are all sensations that express themselves in the face. These are most involuntary signs that we use to communicate with each other. An expressionless face means that she isn’t being moved.
Zap her out of boredom by asking a random question or even a divisive one. Make those cheek muscles flex by telling a joke or have her eyebrows jump by telling her an outlandish story. Boredom isn’t a sign that she dislikes you, but it’s definitely a sign that she’s not into you.
Women find themselves pursing their lips in more than just selfies. In the context of a selfie, she’s just trying to look cute, when it’s with you, more likely than not she is not into you. In a romantic setting, tightening of the lips occurs when she’s feeling uncomfortable. Heed the warnings broadcasted by the lips without staring. Resting your gaze a touch too long on her lips will only exacerbate the situation.
The no brainer of body language is the most unholy of facial expressions, the frown. A frown here and there doesn’t mean you’ve passed the point of redemption. She’ll most likely frown should you do something unexpected or disagree with her. Creating a conflict or disagreeing with your date isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s nothing less sexy than going on a date with a yes man. Should the frown become chronic, cut your losses and get out of there.
The dropping of one’s eyebrows is a universal sign of pain, anger, or aggression. Lowered eyebrows aren’t akin to lowering one’s horns and charging, though it should be feared. Alleviate the situation by reassessing your behavior.
Did you say something to make her feel uncomfortable? Perhaps the issue isn’t with your behavior but with the environment. If you can’t turn the situation around with your conversation, consider asking her directly if she’s okay. Though this should be a last resort.
Whether the wrinkling is intentional or not, it’s nearly always interpreted as a sign of disgust. Identifying a wrinkled nose takes practice. One you’ve identified the discomfort do what needs to be done to ameliorate the situation.
Scanning The Room While You’re Talking
Harken back to your schoolboy days and you’ll surely remember your teachers pestering you to “keep your eyes up front!” This was a demonstrative display of discontent from your teacher. Teaching is hard enough without the added downer of having a room full of hyper students that could care less about the information being disclosed by the teacher. Maybe it took a few years, but now you can probably resonate with how Mrs. Levine felt during your Elementary School years.
Considering a normal conversation should be comprised of 60-70% eye contact, it’ll be fairly easy to notice if she’s looking past you. Earn back her attention by asking a penetrating question.
Looking At The Ends Of Her Hair
It’s true that women love their hair, but even more than perky locks we enjoy a stimulating encounter. That being said, if you can’t give us that we’ll gladly resort to examining our split ends.
Now, don’t get it twisted. Playing with hair can be a flirty non-verbal cue. I’m referring to that listless look where she looks at her split end, tosses her hair back, and proceeds to give you a perfunctory one and a half word answer… uh huh, yup.
Has there ever been a yawn of excitement or surprise? Yawning is a universal sign that often denotes boredom. It can also be a sign of hunger, fatigue, and a deficiency of oxygen in the brain. The good news is that identifying a yawn is as easy to notice as a lip pimple before a first date.
While the jury is still out, recently psychologists have revealed multiple theories as to why people roll their eyes. She might feel annoyed to talk about a certain topic or be attempting to keep it together. Most recently, researchers have observed that eye rolling is a sign of extreme dislike. You won’t need much practice to notice a discontented, eye-rolling dinner companion. Maybe you should skip dessert and ask for the check.
Head Shaking “No”
We lie with our mouths, but we reveal ourselves with our bodies. Body language is often a subconscious involuntary display of emotion. Equip yourself with the emotional intelligence to read the person across from you and you’ll become a master dater.
A nod in the negative cancels out a response in the affirmative. It’s a simple social calculation that with enough practice you’ll be able to compute without thought.
Hands In The Pocket
Don’t let your date go the way of Alanis Morissette as she keeps one hand in her pocket as the other hails a taxi to make for a quick getaway. Hiding a hand in a pocket is what people do when they’re uncomfortable.
Have you ever walked into a room of powerful people and felt the need to seek cover? Pockets give us that sense of security that we’re stretching for. Make her feel confident and comfortable by complimenting her and smiling.
Feet Under The Chair
Whether she’s aware of it or not, that chair is giving her the protection she’s looking for. It acts as a buffer between her and the stimulus that’s causing her distress. It doesn’t matter if a second date might be in play, as the person she chose to spend time with it’s your job to make her feel at home.
Pulling Away When Touched
As we’ve learned, humans tend to physically gravitate towards the person or thing that they’re interested in. A gut pull back when touched is just another of the many signs she’s not into you. It doesn’t matter if the reaction is a reflex or a deliberate move away from you, both are objectively negative.
She’s Suddenly Become Engrossed In Her Phone
Even if she’s a phone addict, a good date will pull an addict away from their phone at least for an hour. MegaDating –or prolific dating- will help you quickly filter out incompatible mates that show signs of not being into you by way of body language. Don’t waste time with someone that prefers to mindlessly browse the muck of Instagram instead of spending time with you. She’s not worth it man, on to the next one.
Understanding her body language will come with time. Your brain has been effortlessly cataloging nonverbal cues since infancy. I work with men each and every day to help them uncover the ins and outs of female body language. Trust me, it’s only a single piece of the puzzle regarding why you may not be reaching your dating goals.
If you’re actively pursuing your dating goals, and need 1-on-1 support – don’t hesitate to book a New Client Skype Session with me today. During our session we’ll diagnose your current dating blocks, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program is right for you.