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Is Love at First Sight Real?

Is Love at First Sight Real?

Is love at first sight real? Or, are those butterflies in your stomach simply the result of a strong initial attraction? 

Discerning between love, lust, and infatuation can be a challenge for even the shrewdest dater. If you recently got bitten by the love bug (or simply want to be prepared when you do), take a look below.

The Art of Illusion

According to a 2017 study, people who have claimed to experience love at first sight may simply have a memory that plays tricks on them. People who reported experiencing love at first sight with partners they later got into long-term relationships with presumably were experiencing outcome bias.



Basically, it is easier to look back on a decision and claim you “knew it was love all along” based on current feelings of love and satisfaction in a relationship. Conversely, this type of altered memory can also occur after a breakup, i.e., when you or someone you know says something like, “It never felt right,” or “I always knew she wasn’t ‘the one.'”

Oddly enough, researchers found that the people who most likely didn’t experience love at first sight (even though they had claimed they had) were those that had found someone who reciprocated their feelings.

One-Sided Love

is love at first sight real

Interestingly, love, at first sight, is seldom a mutual thing. Most people who have reported experiencing the phenomenon said it only happened one time and was with someone who was unable to instantly return those feelings in the same way. 

This type of one-sided instant love is often seen in romantic books, movies, and television shows. Think about all the storylines you’ve seen with men pining after women who are either oblivious to the feelings or unable to reciprocate those feelings until the end of the movie/season finale.

Men Are More Likely to Experience It

Of the people surveyed in the study, more men than women reported that they had experienced love at first sight. Why is this? 

There isn’t one definitive answer, but part of the reason could be primal. According to a 2014 study, men may tend to fall in love faster than women due to biological urges to hunt and secure a mate, and even to “mark their territory.”

How romantic…

The moral of the story here is to avoid coming on too strong when you first meet a woman, even if your attraction to her nearly knocks you out of your seat. 

She’s Got the Look

This probably won’t come as a huge surprise if you’re wondering is love at first sight real.

People are more likely to experience love at first sight with people they find physically beautiful. Known as a “halo effect,” you may unconsciously assign positive personality traits to someone attractive, even before you’ve gotten to know anything about them. 



Love vs. Lust

is love at first sight real

It’s important to note the differences between love and lust, as the two can sometimes be difficult to discern. Both cause extremely powerful emotions and can be consuming.

According to researcher Stephanie Cacioppo, both love and lust light up certain parts of the brain that trigger the three dimensions of desire:

  • Chemistry
  • Cognition
  • Preference/rewarding mechanisms

But with love, a fourth dimension is involved — the desire to be with just that one person. 

Keep in mind that mutual love and what psychologists consider to be the foundations of love (a combination of commitment, intimacy, and passion) can’t take place during the stage people describe as love at first sight. 

 Love takes time. To learn more about the differences between love and lust, click here. 

Successful Stories of Love at First Sight

is love at first sight real

Statistically, more than 60% of people surveyed in a 2016 study said they believe in love at first sight. And there are many people that have reported finding successful relationships after that initial attraction. 

Recently, actress Emily Blunt recently told People that it was love at first sight for her the moment she met husband, John Krasinski, who infamously played Jim Halpert in the American reboot of The Office. The couple got married in 2010 after less than a year of dating and have two children together.

Another recent news story from Australia gave credibility to the phenomenon of love at first sight by interviewing a couple who is celebrating 60 years of marriage. 

And, of course, I think it’s safe to say that women across the globe joined in a collective swoon after hearing the story of how Prince Harry instantly fell in love after meeting wife-to-be, Meghan Markle.

But with all the joy that surrounds stories of instant love, there are also several things to be wary of if you find yourself falling fast.



Is Love at First Sight Real….The Dangers

is love at first sight real

Believing in things like love at first sight and soulmates is lovely, but can it also be dangerous?

YES.

Look, as someone who grew up watching Disney princesses eagerly seeking (and finding) prince charming, I totally get the appeal of instant love. People enjoy romantic comedies and fairy tales for good reason, and not every component of the aforementioned genres is fictional. Great romances exist, and an instant connection accompanies plenty of happy, long-term relationships. 

The danger comes in when you decide you found “the one” and decide that your head and heart should be closed off to any other potentially awesome woman — even if you’ve only known your supposed soulmate for a matter of minutes.

Let’s break it down a little further, shall we?

A Great High Can Lead to a Crushing Low

Rejection sucks for anyone, but what about when that rejection comes from the only woman you have eyes for? 

Ouch. 

Let’s take a look at a few of the dangers that can come with instant love.

You Don’t Believe There Are Other Options



When you get your heart broken by someone you thought was supposed to be your one and only, suddenly it feels like there’s nobody left for you. The reality is that there are more than 7 billion people in the world. With so many fish in the sea, it’s not very likely that “the one” exists so much as several versions of “the one” depending on where you live and what stage you are at in your life. 

What if She’s a Sociopath? 

But sometimes it isn’t just rejection you need to worry about. Things can get far more sinister when you think you’ve fallen for a woman who isn’t who she seems to be. 

Have you ever had a friend who, following a breakup, talked about how their girlfriend or boyfriend turned out to be a total psycho? As scary as this may sound, sometimes the ex in question actually IS a psycho!

People with antisocial personality disorder (commonly referred to as sociopaths) are not all serial killers or felons you see on the news. High functioning sociopaths walk among us unnoticed, and it’s likely you’ve met one or a few already in your lifetime. Sociopaths are master manipulators who can mirror exactly what you would find attractive in a woman, even if they don’t actually hold any of these traits. 

Sociopaths are self-interested, meaning that any relationships are simply a means to an end. Because they do not feel regret or empathy, it is likely that dating a sociopath can result in things like cheating and stealing. 

What if She’s Unavailable?

They say the heart wants what it wants, but what if it wants something that is off the market?

If you fall fast for one person and they’re in a relationship or married, it’s not going to do you any good to pursue something with them. And if they’ve recently gotten out of a relationship, the woman is still likely emotionally unavailable, which isn’t going to lead you toward a healthy relationship. 

The Solution

You can’t control who you’re attracted to, but you can control how it affects you. One of the problems I see often in the dating world is guys focusing on one person instead of having fun going on multiple dates. When you become fixated on “the one” before getting a chance to see what else is out there, this can lead to things like:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Stress and anxiety
  • General frustration and resentment toward modern dating

Luckily, there is a better way to date and find a girlfriend. It’s called megadating and it’s the strategy I used to find my own long-term relationship. Megadating involves dating several different people at one time in order to increase confidence, diffuse energy, and actually ENJOY dating rather than get stressed by it.

With megadating, you won’t be vulnerable to things like getting taken advantage of or getting stage-5-clinger obsessed with a girl, because you’ll constantly be meeting different, attractive and appealing women. If you’re worried that this going to make you seem like a player, let me assure you that that is NOT what megadating is about.



Before you become exclusive with someone, it’s totally acceptable to go out and enjoy a variety of different company. Once you have developed a strong connection with someone over an appropriate amount of time, megadating ends and a committed, fulfilling relationship begins. 

Ready to get started? Book a 50-minute Skype session with me today! During our session we’ll uncover your current dating roadblocks, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you. 

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