How to Break the Touch Barrier with a Girl You Like
Lots of guys have a hard time figuring how to break the touch barrier with women that they’re interested in. You want to be able to escalate the chemistry between you two and touch is a great way to do this.
However, efforts to break the touch barrier can put you in a tricky position. You don’t want to be timid to the point that a woman questions your interest but you also don’t want to make her uncomfortable.
Lucky for you, I have some expert strategies on how to break the touch barrier with a girl or woman in order to elevate your relationship in a safe, non-threatening way.
How to Break the Touch Barrier With Women
Sit Next to Her, Not Across
When you’re on a date with a girl, sit next to her. A lot of people fall into the rut of sitting across from a person interview-style during a date. This sets a stiff, overly professional tone that isn’t appropriate for a date and, moreover, hinders chances of elevating sexual chemistry.
Find opportunities during a date to sit next to a girl and gauge her comfort level. If she moves away from you or seems like she’s about to belt out her own rendition of “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” by The Police, back off. She probably isn’t interested in you touching her at this point.
But if she’s smiling and seems happy to have you close to her side, you can proceed with breaking the touch barrier.
Focus on Touching “Safe Spots”
When it comes to breaking the touch barrier, you want to be sure to focus on safe, non-sexual areas during the first date or if it’s with a girl you’re interested in asking out on a date.
Touch places like the shoulders, arms, upper back, and hands. At certain points, it can be alright to touch a woman’s lower back or legs, but this should only be done at a particular point (more on that in a bit).
In the beginning, you want to break the touch barrier in a safe and non-threatening way. You also want to be playful about it. Instead of saying hello, pat her on the shoulder or give her a playful shove when she tells you a joke, or (depending on the type of relationship you have and what you are sure she is comfortable with), wrap her up in a playful bear hug.
One way to naturally allow for playful touch is by crafting compelling date ideas that allow you to be playful. How do you do this?
Focus on Fun
When crafting a date, choose something that will be fun for both of you based on your shared interests. Here’s some examples….
If you both have an interest in arts and culture, look for a cool and slightly unusual museum.
If you both are adrenaline junkies or extreme sports fanatics, consider taking a kiteboarding or air trapeze class.
If you like to be active and get your heart pumping without feeling like you’re working out, take a dance class.
If you’re all about holistic wellness, take a partner yoga class.
For more, here’s a list of fun date ideas to get you started.
Choose Locations That Are Naturally Playful
If you want to have an easier time breaking the touch barrier, choose locations that are naturally playful.
For example, you could grab a coffee near a park and ask her when the last time was that she jumped on a swing set was. If she seems interested, you can enjoy swinging for a bit or even push her on one of the swings, which is flirty and sweet. If you’re in a park setting, you could also do something like challenging her to a race to a nearby tree or lake.
Being outdoors during a date is also awesome because it naturally stimulates positive energy and good conversation.
Another location I really like for nostalgic dates is a bowling alley. Not only is bowling fun (regardless of whether or not you’re good at it), but there’s typically a lot more to do than just bowl. You could go to an arcade or challenge her to a game of pool or skeeball. Some bowling alleys even have bars with karaoke nights, which would be a great way to be playful, silly and even show a little bravery.
How to Break the Touch Barrier #4: Show Her Something
If you know of a funny meme she’d like or — even better — a hilarious YouTube video that will get her laughing, sidle up next to her and whip out your phone. You’ll already be sitting next to her and the fact that you two are laughing together offers you the opportunity to brush her arm or even nonchalantly place your arm around the back of her chair.
Guide Her Along The Way, But Don’t Grab Her Neck
If you’re on a date and it’s been going well, you can place your hand on the small of her back as you’re guiding her to the next location. This works great for the second date, which I recommend involve something physical so that you can escalate sexual tension.
This move remains non-threatening but it a bit more intimate than simply putting your hand on her shoulder. Of course, you can also place your hand on the small of her back or even touch her hand while seated if she’s sending you a million signs she wants you to notice her and is super into you. For example…
A Small of the Back Story
A friend of mine was extremely interested in a guy. This friend also happens to be extremely transparent when she likes someone, so she ended up sending him a ton of signals that she was crushing hard, including:
- Giggling so hard, her chortles rivaled those of the hyenas in The Lion King
- Playing with her hair
- Massive eye contact
- Finding any excuse to talk to him and looking like she was gonna borderline faint when he smiled at her
- And so on and so forth…
Interestingly, while she was super obvious he was admittedly “dense” when it came to picking up on flirting signals. One night they both went to a dive bar for karaoke and she dressed as if she was going to the hottest club in Manhattan because she was so excited to be hanging out one-on-one with him and wanted to look great.
After sending many other signals, he STILL didn’t pick up on the fact she liked him. When he went to reach for something, his hand accidentally (yes, ACCIDENTALLY) touched the small of her back. Worrying he had offended her, he immediately recoiled and exclaimed, “Oh jeez, I’m sorry!”
To which she responded, “It’s OK. No, seriously…I like you…it’s O-FREAKIN’-KAY.”
It was then (and only then) that this man realized this woman was interested and happily broke the touch barrier on purpose, placing his arm around her shoulders. And, thus, romantic bliss ensued.
The moral of the story? Pay attention. If a woman is giving you a lot of signs she’s interested and wants you to touch her, go for it. As long as you’re not being aggressive, the worst she can say to you is, “Please take your hand off my shoulder.” And that’s not the end of the world.
Of course, just as you shouldn’t be uber reticent when it comes to breaking the touch barrier, you also shouldn’t be overly bold.
Case in point…
Shattering the Touch Barrier Too Soon
Some men don’t simply break the touch barrier — they shatter it. And if you decide to get handsy with a woman or rush in for a kiss at the first sign of interest, you’re likely to scare her off.
The same friend from the story above experienced this during a date with a guy she met on Tinder. It was the first date.
First of all, the date didn’t start off well (for her, anyway), because the guy was 15 minutes late. He texted her to let her know he was running late, but the date had been planned well in advance and he didn’t live far. He didn’t have a legitimate excuse other than, “Whoops, I’m late.”
GUYS. Listen up.
Do. Not. Be. Late.
If you show up late for a first date, you instantly set a negative tone for the rest of the date, which can be hard to reverse.
Anyway, the guy arrived and my friend was already one vodka soda deep as she braced herself for what was likely to be a terrible date. And it was. The man proceeded to dive deep into the fact that he had a gas washing machine and he wasn’t really sure how to deal with it because he was used to only using electric washing machines.
“What should I do?” he asked. “Should I install an electric one? I’m not sure what wiring needs to be done? Have you ever had a gas washing machine?”
The obvious answer to all of these questions is that no one gives a single F about your washing machine Matt, and please stop showing up late for dates over your laundry-themed existential crisis.
Moving along, my friend did her best to veer the conversation into a borderline interesting territory. At one point the guy made a joke (it wasn’t funny but oh well) and she laughed, and that’s when things got strange.
The guy put one hand on her knee and immediately went in for a kiss. It was so abrupt and there had been literally no flirtation. She went from bored to super uncomfortable and found an excuse to end the date right then and there.
Moral of the story? Don’t simply pick an opportunity to kiss a girl and aggressively dive in before there has been any flirtation or buildup to the moment. Breaking the touch barrier is one way to gauge if a girl is interested and build sexual tension, which can lead to a kiss. But you shouldn’t just kiss a woman out of nowhere — particularly when you showed up late for a date and waxed poetic about electric washing machines.
How to Break the Touch Barrier #6: Experiment
When in doubt, experiment. If you’re at a point where the chemistry is escalated and you’re having a great time, consider placing your hand on her knee and see how she reacts. Act as if your hand belongs on the top of her knee and see how she reacts.
Of course, an act like this should come after you’ve spent a bit of time together (or have had massive communication via phone or text). Don’t simply place your hand on her knee as a knee-jerk reaction.
Pace Your Dates
Just as certain dating environments allow you to break the touch barrier naturally, pacing yourself for the first three dates can help build anticipation and lead you toward a path of fiery chemistry with a woman. The first three dates are crucial when it comes to developing a connection with someone, breaking the touch barrier and avoiding the friendzone.
For optimal success, follow my failproof dating blueprint:
First date: The first date should be under an hour, cost less than $15 and should be something based on shared interests. The goal of the first date is to build trust and rapport. If you see strong potential with the girl in question, always steer clear of first date sex.
Second date: The second date should be something active and free. This allows you to escalate sexual tension, as any physical activity provides tons of opportunities for breaking the touch barrier.
Third date: The third date is where you can go all out with a romantic dinner. Ask third date questions to assess whether or not the two of you are a good fit as far as morals and values go and don’t be afraid to show some vulnerability. This date is also the one that often leads to physical intimacy.
Finally, one of the best ways you can practice breaking the touch barrier is by MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves going on dates with several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your social calendar full.
MegaDating is the strategy I used during my 100-date experiment. It helped me understand all the intricacies of the dating world and also helped me find a compatible, long-term partner.
MegaDating is not about being a player; it’s about seeing that there are plenty of fish in the sea so that you don’t settle for a partner who isn’t right for you. It’s also about increasing your self-esteem and becoming the best version of YOU in and outside of the dating world.
Moreover, practicing your dating approach and strategy helps to alleviate anxiety tenfold. Sometimes the pressure of dating one person at a time and constantly trying to put our best foot forward with “the one” can sabotage your efforts.
Instead of allowing a conversation to flow naturally and seeing if the chemistry can lead to things like breaking the touch barrier, this anxiety renders you completely awkward and unable to be your authentic self.
MegaDating helps you behave genuinely and with finesse. And the confidence you exude will help you attract tons of gorgeous women so that you can find the woman of your dreams!
Want Individualized Support?
I hope my tips on how to break the touch barrier with a woman you like help you in you speed up your dating success.
Do you want additional guidance in the dating world? Do you want to overcome your dating roadblocks and start reaching your goals immediately?
If so, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today! During our session, we’ll diagnose your dating history, create an action plan tailored to your specific needs and goals so that you can stress less, and see if my three month coaching or matchmaking programs could be right for you!