Coming up with an online dating profile isn’t easy. And, let’s be honest — approaching women in person isn’t easy, either. Obviously, you want to put your best foot forward and show her your best qualities. But that raises the ultimate question: What do girls like in guys? No doubt, it can be a tough nut to crack.
Before we get into it, though, I want to warn you — nothing turns a woman off faster than if you’re not being yourself. Anyone can see right through forced, inauthentic gestures. So if you’re hoping to use this as a checklist of how to fool a woman into thinking you’re someone you’re not … think again, player.
Instead, when you look at this list, ask yourself if you already possess these qualities, even if they’re buried deep. And if not, then check your intentions: Are these qualities you’d genuinely like to have? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, then it’s time to get to work and unleash your inner Don Juan!
So, What DO Girls Like in Guys? First, a Willingness to Take Charge
This doesn’t mean walking around with a major attitude and your chest puffed out. I’m talking about showing a healthy level of confidence — in other words, one of those “alpha male” characteristics that women have been attracted to since the beginning of time.
A great way to show your initiative is to be decisive and specific about your first date. You’ll want to give her what I call a TDL – meaning Time, Date, and Location — to let her know that not only are you interested enough to come up with something you think she’ll like, but that you have no problem taking the lead.
So instead of asking, “What do you feel like eating?” start with, “Since you love Indian food, I want to take you to Tandoori Oven on Beverly and 3rd — they have the absolute best flatbread. I can pick you up at 7pm on Friday if that works?”
Remember, this doesn’t have to be over the top. She may have other ideas, but the key is just to show her that you’re willing to lead the conversation. So give it a try — and think of other ways you can take the lead. Just remember to always pay attention to how she responds, and then adjust accordingly.
Chivalry (Nope, It’s Not Dead)
You can’t answer a question like “What do girls like in guys?” without mentioning chivalry. You might think it’s old fashioned, but believe it or not, chivalry is a great way to show your leadership.
While women don’t need to depend on men, it’s nice when a guy goes out of his way to do something to make us comfortable. It’s a sign of respect, but it also makes us feel valued and safe — in other words, cared for.
Making a woman feel cared for automatically puts you in a position of strength. She’s also likely to take it as a sign that you can protect and provide for her in bigger ways.
When you are chivalrous, it’s like you’re taking control of life’s little moments of inconvenience and telling her, “I’ve got this.” For example, you might notice she’s shivering, and offer her your jacket. You might grab the door for her before she gets a chance to do it herself. You could subtly pull out her seat before she sits down, or open her car door and let her in first, before getting in on the driver’s side.
They’re small things, but they will register with her. At the same time, don’t feel like you have to go overboard. Instead, wait to see if she appreciates it first. For example, if you tell her you’ll pick her up for your date and she says no, don’t insist. Sometimes, what you think is a nice gesture just might be uncomfortable for a particular person.
Not Coming Across as Needy
One of the best things you can do to improve your life (not to mention your attractiveness to women) is to develop your self-esteem. It sounds like a basic thing, but it’s huge. A strong sense of self can affect how people see you in all situations … including dating.
Think about it from a woman’s perspective. An attractive woman who is used to a lot of people being interested in her will notice the confident guys first. A confident man will give a woman the impression that even though he wants her, he doesn’t necessarily need her. Neediness or desperation will only make her wonder what he is lacking.
A lack of confidence in yourself can definitely lead you to act in a needy way that can turn women off. A common way this happens is by overtexting. Have you ever done this?
YOU: Morning! Woke up thinking about you.
YOU: So what are you up to?
YOU: Have you ever seen that Netflix documentary “The Thin Blue Line?” Watching it now … crazy.
YOU: You around?
YOU: Or are you trapped under a heavy object? LOL. If you are, do you need help? I could come over. Just kidding.
YOU: But no really, I could come over.
Sending repeated texts (without giving her a chance to respond) gives the message that you have nothing better to do than wait for her reply … and that she is more valuable than you are. That’s definitely not what you want to get across. Instead, a guy who leads a full life, who takes care of himself, and who respects women without being obsessed with them, is much more appealing.
A really effective (and fun!) way to eliminate neediness is by MegaDating. MegaDating is a strategy I developed where you date multiple women at one time. It puts you in the driver’s seat when it comes to meeting women by increasing your number of dates, which will make you naturally start to feel your own value — and stop acting as though every dating opportunity is so precious. In the end, women will begin to respond positively to your new, casual attitude and assume that you must be a catch … which you are.
When Men’s Health surveyed over 1,000 women to answer the question, “What do girls like in guys?” they surprisingly found that 77 percent of women ranked a sense of humor as #1 on their list of desired qualities — even higher than intelligence!
Showing your playful side is a great tool to have under your belt when it comes to dating, for many reasons. For example, it can:
- Display your uniqueness
- Put her at ease
- Show off your intelligence
- Allow you to connect by laughing together
So don’t be afraid to loosen things up a bit. Obviously, there’s always a time and place for everything (in other words, don’t crack a joke when her cat dies), but a little playfulness is always good. And when you find yourself on a date, don’t ruin the mood by hovering over your phone to check work emails!
Nobody likes a flake, right? Women like men who do what they say they’re going to do. If a woman feels like you’re someone she can trust, she’ll give more to the relationship by being more loving, affectionate, and spontaneous. But if she thinks you’re shady, she’s more likely to hold back.
So, show up for dates on time, and you’re likely to win points. (Or if you can’t help being late, try to let her know in advance.) Call when you say you’re going to call. Find other ways to show that she can rely on you. It doesn’t have to be anything big, as long as you’re consistent. Then, once she sees that you follow through on things, she’ll be much more willing to be vulnerable and feel good about you.
Why do women like guys who are straightforward? For one thing, a direct guy is more likely to tell a woman how he feels about her, which can save her from feeling a ton of confusion and angst over where the relationship stands. (The less stressed she is, the happier you’ll be!) He’s also more likely to pursue her … and what woman doesn’t like to be pursued?
That’s not to say being direct is always easy. Especially if what you have to say isn’t pleasant. The key is to be honest without putting her on the defensive.
For example, let’s say the woman you’re dating showed up late to meet you one night, which irritates you. If you’re direct about your feelings but also harsh, it could push her away. Consider this scenario:
Her: Hey, sorry I’m late!
YOU: Where have you been? I’ve been waiting over 45 minutes.
Her: So sorry about that. I got caught up in something at home and lost track of time.
YOU: What you were doing was so important that you couldn’t make a quick call? Now, they’ve given away our table!
Her: Umm …
But if you are honest while also being respectful about it, she can’t help but respect you back. For example:
Her: Hey, sorry I’m late!
YOU: Hi there. Did you forget the reservations were at 7:30?
Her: So sorry about that. I got caught up in something at home and lost track of time.
YOU: That’s ok, I get that. In the future though, can you call me if you think you’re going to be this late? If you tell me in advance, I can always change our reservation time or make other plans.
Her: Of course!
Being direct about where your boundaries are shows strength. And as long as it’s done tactfully, she’ll admire that about you.
Men who listen — like, really listen — are simply irresistible. Listening is probably one of the most overlooked qualities that makes a guy attractive, and it’s so powerful!
Active listening is a sign of emotional intelligence. This means asking questions to understand where she’s coming from. For instance, you might ask her to tell you more about something by asking, “What do you mean?” or “How did that feel?” It’ll show you’re much more engaged than if you passively sit and wait for your turn to talk. Give it a try, and you’ll probably find that she’ll connect with you more easily.
Another way to show a woman you’re listening is to mirror her. As she’s talking, confirm what she’s saying by repeating it back in your own words, and then make your own comments. “So he literally took your presentation draft, copied part of the wording, and put it into the one he was working on?” you might say. “Sounds like your coworker has some serious issues. I’d keep an eye on that guy.”
Finally, if she mentions something that seems important to her, it can make a huge impact when you reference it later. So for example, let’s say she once mentioned that her grandma always used to cook her French toast when she was little. If you’re at breakfast together a few weeks later and see French toast on the menu, you might say something off the cuff like, “Should we try the French toast? Obviously it couldn’t be as good as your grandma’s, but it’s worth a shot!” Showing her that you really listen to the little things she says will make her feel like she matters to you.
When it comes to all of these characteristics, keep in mind that the key is authenticity. Most likely you already have all of these qualities inside yourself … and so now it’s time to let them shine! The time and effort you invest will pay huge dividends when it comes to attracting the right woman.
And if you’re looking for more tips on this subject, check out my other post on “What Do Women Look for in a Man When Dating?”
And if you want more help in figuring out what makes you attractive to women, you can always book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype Session with me directly. I’ll help you identify which parts of your personality are truly working for you when it comes to getting dates — and which ones are getting in the way. You’ll get a clearer picture of how to present yourself in a way that gets results, not to mention an action plan for making your dating life much more fun. At the end, we’ll also determine if my 3-month Signature coaching program could work for you!