Coming up with an online dating profile isn’t easy.

And, let’s be honest — approaching women in person isn’t easy, either.

Obviously, you want to put your best foot forward and show her your best qualities. But that raises the ultimate question: What do women like in guys? No doubt, it can be a tough nut to crack.

Before we get into it, though, I want to warn you — nothing turns a woman off faster than by being something you’re not. She can see right through forced, inauthentic gestures. So if you’re hoping to use this as a checklist of how to fool a woman into thinking you’re someone you’re not … think again, player.

Instead, when you look at this list, ask yourself if you already possess these qualities, even if they’re buried deep. And if not, then check your intentions: Are these qualities you’d genuinely like to have? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, then it’s time to get to work and unleash your inner Don Juan!

So, What DO Women Want in a Man?

The First Things A Woman Looks For In A Man

As much as you want to skip the early stages of a relationship and find that special someone immediately, that’s not how it works. To win her long-term affection you’ll first need to spark attraction and hint that you’re a worthy long-term partner.

Here are a few qualities women look for early on in a relationship.

You Look Like Your Pictures

Most new relationships start online nowadays.

If you show up to the first date not looking like your photos she won’t be interested. It doesn’t matter how many of the following qualities you have. False advertising is a massive turnoff. It makes you look like a liar and liars just aren’t worth investing in.

And look, this is just as important to her as it is to you. Nothing says “shady” more than a guy who’s hiding behind his college frat pics from 10 years ago. Even if you mix in one or two old ones, believe me, she can tell. And she’ll wonder what else you’re hiding.

You Listen About 70% Of The Time

A first date is not an interview. Meaning, you don’t have to spend the first 20 minutes talking about your accomplishments. Who cares about every last detail of your 6-month volunteer teaching stint in Korea? Instead, dive deeper into what is important to her by asking questions. It’s one of the best ways to show that you really want to get to know her.

This stat will change as you two become a long-term item, but initially aim to hit this figure as doing so shows her that you genuinely care to get to know her and value what she has to say.

You Ask Good Questions

Speaking of questions, you want to ask her good ones, so she’ll feel safe with you and open up. Avoid too many serious questions, though. (You don’t want to interrogate her!) Just try to get the conversation going with interesting questions that demonstrate that you truly want to connect.

Be On Time

If you leave her sitting at the bar by herself for half an hour before you even show, it’s over. Being late gives her the message that you don’t care enough about her to be courteous. It’s not a good look.

You’re Presentable

I get it. It’s easy to get trapped into wearing the same things all the time. One-third of men even say that they’ve skipped events because they had nothing good to wear. So if you’re forced to rely on the same work uniform to take you from day to night, you might want to rethink things. She’ll notice how little effort you put into dressing for the date, and will assume it reflects how much you care about her.

You Pay For The Date

Sorry.

That’s the bad news. But the good news is, you don’t really need to spend more than $20. In fact, I recommend you don’t. You can easily have a great first date without spending a ton of cash. Think of cool places you can go for one drink during happy hour, split an ice cream sundae, etc. As long as you foot the bill, she’ll feel valued … and then you’re golden.

This dynamic will change over time. As you get to know her and spend more time with her it’s expected that she will begin to pay for more outings.

You’re Respectful

Don’t give her any reason not to trust you, or to not want to be seen with you in public. Treat the bartender nicely. Try not to curse so much. 

This is a long-term quality she looks for. But she’s super perceptive as to whether you have it or not early on.

Listen to her, smile, treat her well, don’t swear, open doors, and treat everyone you meet with respect.

Long-Term Qualities Women Like In Men

A Willingness to Take Charge

This doesn’t mean walking around with a major attitude and your chest puffed out. I’m talking about showing a healthy level of confidence — in other words, one of those “alpha male” characteristics that women have been attracted to since the beginning of time.

A great way to show your initiative is to be decisive and specific about your first date. You’ll want to give her what I call a TDL – meaning Time, Date, and Location — to let her know that not only are you interested enough to come up with something you think she’ll like, but that you have no problem taking the lead.

So instead of asking, “What do you feel like eating?” start with, “Since you love Indian food, I want to take you to Tandoori Oven on Beverly and 3rd — they have the absolute best flatbread. I can pick you up at 7pm on Friday if that works?”

Remember, this doesn’t have to be over the top. She may have other ideas, but the key is just to show her that you’re willing to lead the conversation. So give it a try — and think of other ways you can take the lead. Just remember to always pay attention to how she responds, and then adjust accordingly.

Chivalry (Nope, It’s Not Dead)

You can’t answer a question like “What do women like in guys?” without mentioning chivalry. You might think it’s old-fashioned, but believe it or not, chivalry is a great way to show your leadership.

While women don’t need to depend on men, it’s nice when a guy goes out of his way to do something to make us comfortable. It’s a sign of respect, but it also makes us feel valued and safe — in other words, cared for.

Making a woman feel cared for automatically puts you in a position of strength. She’s also likely to take it as a sign that you can protect and provide for her in bigger ways.

When you are chivalrous, it’s like you’re taking control of life’s little moments of inconvenience and telling her, “I’ve got this.” For example, you might notice she’s shivering, and offer her your jacket. You might grab the door for her before she gets a chance to do it herself. You could subtly pull out her seat before she sits down, or open her car door and let her in first, before getting in on the driver’s side.

They’re small things, but they will register with her. At the same time, don’t feel like you have to go overboard. Instead, wait to see if she appreciates it first. For example, if you tell her you’ll pick her up for your date and she says no, don’t insist. Sometimes, what you think is a nice gesture just might be uncomfortable for a particular person.

Not Coming Across as Needy

One of the best things you can do to improve your life (not to mention your attractiveness to women) is to develop your self-esteem. It sounds like a basic thing, but it’s huge. A strong sense of self can affect how people see you in all situations … including dating.

Think about it from a woman’s perspective. An attractive woman who is used to a lot of people being interested in her will notice the confident guys first. A confident man will give a woman the impression that even though he wants her, he doesn’t necessarily need her. Neediness or desperation will only make her wonder what he is lacking.

A lack of confidence in yourself can definitely lead you to act in a needy way that can turn women off. A common way this happens is by over-texting. Have you ever done this?

7 am:

YOU: Morning! Woke up thinking about you.

(silence)

11 am:

YOU: So what are you up to?

(silence)

11:30 am:

YOU: Have you ever seen that Netflix documentary “The Thin Blue Line?” Watching it now … crazy.

(silence)

11:45 am:

YOU: You around?

(silence)

11:50 am:

YOU: Or are you trapped under a heavy object? LOL. If you are, do you need help? I could come over. Just kidding.

(silence)

11:50 am:

YOU: But no really, I could come over.

Sending repeated texts (without giving her a chance to respond) gives the message that you have nothing better to do than wait for her reply … and that she is more valuable than you are. That’s definitely not what you want to get across. Instead, a guy who leads a full life, who takes care of himself, and who respects women without being obsessed with them, is much more appealing.

A really effective (and fun!) way to eliminate neediness is by MegaDating. MegaDating is a strategy I developed where you date multiple women at one time. It puts you in the driver’s seat when it comes to meeting women by increasing your number of dates, which will make you naturally start to feel your own value — and stop acting as though every dating opportunity is so precious. In the end, women will begin to respond positively to your new, casual attitude and assume that you must be a catch … which you are.

Playfulness

When Men’s Health surveyed over 1,000 women to answer the question, “What do women like in guys?” they surprisingly found that 77 percent of women ranked a sense of humor as #1 on their list of desired qualities — even higher than intelligence!

Showing your playful side is a great tool to have under your belt when it comes to dating, for many reasons. For example, it can:

• Display your uniqueness
• Put her at ease
• Show off your intelligence
• Allow you to connect by laughing together

So don’t be afraid to loosen things up a bit. Obviously, there’s always a time and place for everything (in other words, don’t crack a joke when her cat dies), but a little playfulness is always good. And when you find yourself on a date, don’t ruin the mood by hovering over your phone to check work emails!

Follow-Through

Nobody likes a flake, right? Women like men who do what they say they’re going to do. If a woman feels like you’re someone she can trust, she’ll give more to the relationship by being more loving, affectionate, and spontaneous. But if she thinks you’re shady, she’s more likely to hold back.

So, show up for dates on time, and you’re likely to win points. (Or if you can’t help being late, try to let her know in advance.) Call when you say you’re going to call. Find other ways to show that she can rely on you. It doesn’t have to be anything big, as long as you’re consistent. Then, once she sees that you follow through on things, she’ll be much more willing to be vulnerable and feel good about you.

Being Direct

Why do women like guys who are straightforward? For one thing, a direct guy is more likely to tell a woman how he feels about her, which can save her from feeling a ton of confusion and angst over where the relationship stands. (The less stressed she is, the happier you’ll be!) He’s also more likely to pursue her … and what woman doesn’t like to be pursued?

That’s not to say being direct is always easy. Especially if what you have to say isn’t pleasant. The key is to be honest without putting her on the defensive.

For example, let’s say the woman you’re dating showed up late to meet you one night, which irritates you. If you’re direct about your feelings but also harsh, it could push her away. Consider this scenario:

Her: Hey, sorry I’m late!

YOU: Where have you been? I’ve been waiting over 45 minutes.

Her: So sorry about that. I got caught up in something at home and lost track of time.

YOU: What you were doing was so important that you couldn’t make a quick call? Now, they’ve given away our table!

Her: Umm …

But if you are honest while also being respectful about it, she can’t help but respect you back. For example:

Her: Hey, sorry I’m late!

YOU: Hi there. Did you forget the reservations were at 7:30?

Her: So sorry about that. I got caught up in something at home and lost track of time.

YOU: That’s ok, I get that. In the future though, can you call me if you think you’re going to be this late? If you tell me in advance, I can always change our reservation time or make other plans.

Her: Of course!

Being direct about where your boundaries are shows strength. And as long as it’s done tactfully, she’ll admire that about you.

Listening

Men who listen — like, really listen — are simply irresistible. Listening is probably one of the most overlooked qualities that makes a guy attractive, and it’s so powerful!

Active listening is a sign of emotional intelligence. This means asking questions to understand where she’s coming from. For instance, you might ask her to tell you more about something by asking, “What do you mean?” or “How did that feel?” It’ll show you’re much more engaged than if you passively sit and wait for your turn to talk. Give it a try, and you’ll probably find that she’ll connect with you more easily.

Another way to show a woman you’re listening is to mirror her. As she’s talking, confirm what she’s saying by repeating it back in your own words, and then make your own comments. “So he literally took your presentation draft, copied part of the wording, and put it into the one he was working on?” you might say. “Sounds like your coworker has some serious issues. I’d keep an eye on that guy.”

Finally, if she mentions something that seems important to her, it can make a huge impact when you reference it later. So for example, let’s say she once mentioned that her grandma always used to cook her French toast when she was little. If you’re at breakfast together a few weeks later and see French toast on the menu, you might say something off the cuff like, “Should we try the French toast? Obviously it couldn’t be as good as your grandma’s, but it’s worth a shot!” Showing her that you really listen to the little things she says will make her feel like she matters to you.

You Have Your Life Together

If you’re not taking care of your own life, how will she trust you to ever be there for her? A guy who’s pursuing a career he loves, is responsible with his finances, and doesn’t live with eight people (unless you live in SF) will make women feel good about him.

This is a quality she can overlook if she only wants a short-term fling. I mean why would a woman care if you don’t have a good job if she’s only using you for late night booty calls?

But if you want a serious relationship with an amazing woman you have to have your ish together.

That means taking care of your financial, mental, and physical health. 

Good Work/Life Balance

Even though you love your work and are driven to accomplish more, she also wants to see that you can step away and have fun. It will assure her that you won’t let your work interfere with your relationships. So, checking out on your phone while you’re out on dates is definitely a no-no!

As you two evolve she’ll want to see more of a commitment from you. She won’t be satisfied spending just every Friday night with you. She’ll want to eat dinner together every night, move in together, do yoga every Thursday, and of course, have a family. But none of this is possible if your work/life balance is out of whack.

Prioritize your life. Carve out time to be with those you love.

You Make Her Laugh OR At Least Smile

Go ahead and bust out the dumb jokes … the stupider, the better! Being willing to take risks to make her laugh shows you care about her happiness. It also gets her out of her head, and she’ll be grateful to you for it.

You could be smart, respectful, put together, handsome, yada yada. But if you don’t make her smile she’ll never commit. You don’t need to be super funny or have stand-up skills. What you do need is to be able to vibe with her. While you can always work on your humor skills, this mostly comes down to compatibility.

Some people just aren’t compatible. Maybe you two derive happiness differently. If that’s the case, cut your losses and move on. MegaDate around until you find someone you’re compatible with.

The Sexiest Next Step You Can Take

When it comes to all of these characteristics, keep in mind that the key is authenticity. Most likely you already posess most of these qualities – now it’s time to let them shine! The time and effort you invest will pay huge dividends when it comes to attracting the right woman.

But putting yourself in the position to let these qualities shine is tough.

Convincing a woman to date you isn’t easy.

At emlvoz we help men leverage online and IRL dating strategies to meet and date multiple women at the same time (i.e. MegaDating).

And if you want more help in figuring out what makes you attractive to women, you can always book a 1-on-1 New Client Zoom Session with me directly.

I’ll help you identify which parts of your personality are truly working for you when it comes to getting dates — and which ones are getting in the way. You’ll get a clearer picture of how to present yourself in a way that gets results, not to mention an action plan for making your dating life much more fun.

If you want to learn how our students have turned their dating lives around just check out their most recent reviews here.

And if you want to learn how our student, Naeem scored 31 dates in just a few months, listen to his story below.