“How should I explain my lack of relationship history to a woman?” I’ve received this question often. If you’re asking this question yourself, it may come as a surprise that a lack of relationship history isn’t all that uncommon.
In a world where social media saturates our respective feeds with engagement shoots, wedding photos and other things that fall under the category of #RelationshipGoals, it’s easy to feel outnumbered. But remember, lots of people are lacking in the relationship history department. And a lack of relationship history doesn’t mean you can’t find success ASAP.
Let’s dive into how to explain a lack of relationship history to a woman.
First Things First (Date)
First off, don’t feel pressured to put all your cards on the table during a first date. In fact, I strongly advise against this.
The purpose of a first date is to build trust and rapport through shared interests. Also, you want to keep things light and fun on a first date. There’s no need to get super vulnerable.
Hopefully, the person you’re on a date with won’t ask you questions about your relationship history (it’s kind of weird if they do). However, if that is the case, address it with nonchalance and use the subsequent tips in this article. Moreover, you should never ask a woman about her relationship history on a first date. Why open the ex file with a near stranger? Yikes…
Consider if Age is a Factor
If you’re in your early 20s, consider that age could be a factor when it comes to your lack of relationship history. Sure, plenty of people date in high school, but there’s a smorgasbord of people who don’t. And college gets extremely busy.
You’re still navigating your way through this strange thing known as adulting. Basically, give yourself a break.
Have You Dedicated Yourself to Sports? Or Something Else?
You know who doesn’t have a laundry list of relationship experience to draw from? Our next Bachelor, Colton Underwood. In case you’re unfamiliar, Colton Underwood is a former NFL player who apparently won the hearts of enough viewers during his turn on The Bachelorette to be crowned the leading role in ABC’s next installment of the franchise.
A focal point of Colton’s storyline during the Bachelorette (as well as Bachelor in Paradise) was his virginity. Colton’s reasoning for remaining a virgin isn’t religiously motivated. Rather, he says he hasn’t “found the right heart.”
Aside from waiting for the right person, Colton hasn’t had many girlfriends. During his turn on Bachelorette, he noted that his dedication to the NFL was a factor in his lack of relationship history.
But, hey, look at how far he’s come since then. He made a ton of money by playing football, founded a non-profit organization aimed at helping those suffering from cystic fibrosis, and has risen to reality TV stardom.
Sometimes you need to accomplish certain things before dedicating energy to romance. And that’s ok! If you need to explain this to a woman, let her know the amount of energy and time that went into sports (or other activities). Furthermore…
Let Her Know That Romance is NOW a Priority
Whether it be sports or another commitment, maybe romance wasn’t a priority in the past. That’s ok. Although finding a compatible partner is amazing, there’s much more to life than romance. If your focus in other areas is the culprit for your lack of romantic history, let her know that.
But more importantly, let her know that finding a romantic relationship and a long term girlfriend has become a priority.
Did You Put School in Front of Love?
Like I said, getting an education takes an extraordinary amount of time and energy. Maybe you pursued a higher degree or worked while also being a full-time student. Whatever the case, dedicating yourself to your education is an understandable explanation of why you have a lack of relationship history.
Regardless of the reason, people shouldn’t be super judgmental or rude to you when you calmly and concisely explain the reason you have a lack of relationship history. And if she is, remember…
That’s Not the Right Person for You
If someone is pushy or judgmental when you explain a lack of relationship history, that’s not the right person for you.
Now, it’s normal for someone to wonder the reason behind a lack of relationship history. When you’re getting to know a potential partner, you want to weed out any red flags. Sometimes a lack of relationship history is due to commitment issues, so don’t be surprised if a woman follows up with a question about “what you’re looking for” after learning about your lack of relationship history.
However, if a woman gets super judgmental or is rude to you after learning you haven’t had many relationships, that right there is a red flag.
I actually have a friend who hasn’t had many long-term relationships. She’s only had two, in fact. This woman is smart, strong and successful. A lot of her focus has been on her career, which is why she hasn’t gone past casual dating with many guys. Also, she’s selective. If she doesn’t see long-term potential with a guy, she cuts him loose.
This same woman called me crying after a first date with a guy. He had broken the cardinal rule of not discussing past relationships by asking her how many guys she had relationships with. When she told him his response was:
“Really? That’s so weird. Like…why?”
He continued to needle her about it, looking aghast that she hadn’t been in tons of relationships. Oh, the horror! (Note my sarcasm here.)
The Moral of the Story is This
My friend left that date feeling ashamed. She felt like there was something wrong with her.
But the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with her. There was definitely something wrong with a virtual stranger giving her the third degree about her dating history. Don’t you agree?
I’m sharing this story because sometimes an insecurity you have about yourself is easier to debunk when you see or hear about it happening to someone else. It’s easy to get caught up in a shame spiral in the dating world, where you worry you’re not good enough or that something about you is going to put someone off.
And the truth is, I can’t guarantee how every woman is going to react when you reveal a lack of relationship history. I certainly hope they don’t act like the guy from the previous story. But if they do, shake it off. Consider it a good thing that they revealed such an unsavory side early on. That’s not someone you want to keep hanging out with.
Consider the Other Side of the Coin
While you feel like a lack of relationship history is offputting, consider the other extreme.
There are plenty of people who are serial monogamists. They bounce from serious relationship to serious relationship but don’t end up settling down. Sometimes serial monogamy can breed co-dependence or an idealistic view of love. You may continually chase exclusive relationship after exclusive relationship, riding the high of infatuation until that initial passion ultimately fizzles.
In other words, when you jump into serious relationships quickly, that’s a problem. It can prevent you from putting yourself out there and practicing your dating approach. And if your moments of singled-om are few and far between, it can prevent you from truly getting to know yourself.
This is why I recommend my male single clients MegaDate.
What is MegaDating?
MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating women concurrently in order to diffuse energy by keeping your calendar full. When you MegaDate, you see firsthand that there’s plenty of fish in the sea. This prevents things like chasing after women, ending up in the friendzone and settling for the mediocre.
Through MegaDating, you gain tons of experience when it comes to approaching and going out on dates with women. And because practice makes perfect, it won’t take long for you to feel like a pro. This is why MegaDating is so great for increasing confidence and decreasing anxiety.
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. By the end of the experiment, I had embarked on a long-term relationship with a compatible partner. Years later, we’re going strong. MegaDating worked for me and it can do the same for you!
Always Be Ready for the Question
Finally, always be ready for a question about your relationship history to come up. Even if it’s the first date, be prepared. When you answer, be honest. Don’t make a big dramatic thing about it. Simply be truthful.
If the fact of the matter is you’re just not good with women, hire a dating coach.
Don’t Let a Lack of Relationship History Keep You From Love
Lots of men have trouble with women. They didn’t teach you how to date in school or how to have game when it comes to approaching women.
Don’t worry. You’re not alone.
Furthermore, not being good with women is a fixable problem regardless of who you are. I’ve helped men all over the world find lasting love. Many of these men had almost zero experience with women. After some coaching, they ended up on tons of dates with quality women and many ended up in long-term partnerships. Sometimes these partnerships even led to marriage!
If you’re ready to turn your dating life around, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we will create an action plan to help you overcome your dating roadblocks and crush your goals.
Talk to you soon!