19 Tips for Dating in Your 40s for Men
Dating in your 40s as a man can seem intimidating. If you want to have a family, you may worry that women who are still in their childbearing years will think you’re too old.
You may also be worried that women will question why you haven’t been married yet after making it through your 20s and 30s.
Or maybe you have recently gotten divorced and now you’re trying to navigate your way through the ever-changing dating world.
Regardless of what your fears or insecurities are when it comes to the romantic landscape, know that dating in your 40s as a man doesn’t have to suck.
In fact, this can prove to be a particularly thrilling time in your life, as there are many advantages men in their 40s have on the dating scene that you may not have realized.
Below, take a look at nine tips to experience the most success while dating in your 40s as a guy.
Dating in Your 40s for Men Tips
#1: Ask Friends to Set You Up
A lot of your friends are now married or are at least on their way to the altar. If that seems like a bummer it doesn’t have to be. When you’re coupled up, it’s fun to hang out with other couples. But it’s also nice to be able to help your single friends find someone special if they’re looking for love.
Tell your friends that you are looking for a relationship and if they know someone you think would be a good fit, you would be open to getting set up with them or meeting them at an event.
FYI, not to sound sexist, but female friends or the wives of your friends are probably going to be the best at this. In general, women tend to be more inclined to play matchmaker, so don’t be shy about asking.
Before getting set up, let your friend know about the type of qualities you are looking for in a woman, and that you want to find in someone long-term. This will help your friend select someone who is more likely to be compatible with you.
Don’t simply say “I’m looking,” or “I wanna meet someone.” Get a little bit specific. You don’t want to be overly picky, but you also want to avoid going out with someone who is going to be on a completely different page than you when it comes to things like morals, values and what you consider to be deal-breakers.
Tip #2: Use Online Dating to Your Advantage
Along with meeting through mutual friends, use a variety of other means to meet women in order to optimize your success. One great way to meet women is through online dating sites and apps.
There are several free apps available as well as paid sites to choose from. The top performers across the board for my students are Hinge and Bumble, but I recommend diversifying your outreach with 5 different dating apps.
If you live in a major city, I’d recommend adding Coffee Meets Bagel, Facebook Dating, and Tinder to the list.
You want to avoid relying solely on 1 app because you run the risk of dealing with app-specific glitches, or even being shadow-banned. Being shadow-banned is when your account looks live but it’s actually being blocked from view from other potential matches.
If you used to get matches and responses but don’t get any matches or responses anymore, then you may be shadowbanned. I can help you get back on the apps in my group coaching program.
If you’d like to learn more about that, click here and watch the video at the top of the page. If, after watching, you’re interested in seeing if we’re a fit to work together.
The only problem is, Match.com has actually been sued several times for unethical business practices. They’ve been caught using fake profiles and even hiring employees to message users in an attempt to get them to pay or continue paying for memberships. Match as a company owns quality apps like Tinder and Hinge (which you should 100% be on) but its namesake dating site is pure trash.
Both Match and eHarmony require you to sign up for a paid membership plan in order to reap the full benefits. However, if you want to give eHarmony a test-drive for three days, you can check out my article on How to Get an eHarmony Free Trial.
I haven’t had many students who have seen success on eHarmony in the past 5+ years but if you’re considering using it as 1 of the 5 apps in your arsenal, and you don’t mind paying for it, it may be useful.
If you’re confident that your profile is solid and you’ve tested your photos on Photofeeler.com and know they’re performing well, then I highly encourage you to upgrade to the paid version on Bumble and Hinge. You’ll get in front of more high-quality matches this way and save precious time.
Tinder (the app that started it all) is known as more of a hookup app, but I still recommend giving it a try. Several couples I know here have gotten married after meeting on the app, so there are definitely people on Tinder that are looking to get serious. It’s all about how you word your self-summary.
However, you want to make sure that you have a profile that is on point when it comes to Tinder (and, really, any dating app or website), along with a great opener after you match with someone.
Tip #3: Figure Out Short And Long Term Romantic Goals
Do you know what you’re looking for?
Do you want something short and sweet or something that lasts the rest of your life?
Have you done the marriage thing and know it’s not for you or do you want a serious partner to share your life with?
It’s difficult to get what you want without knowing what you want.
Tip #4: Have Standards And Stick By Them
If you’ve taken our last tip under consideration you know the type of relationship you’re looking for, but do you know who you’re looking for?
As soon as our students enroll we ask that they sit down to create their ideal partner.
We ask which traits they want their partners to have, the job they want, their hobbies, their relationship with family, etc.
We have them create a detailed persona who will guide their search for their ideal partner. Creating your ideal partner will help you find them (now that you know the type of person you’re looking for) and will help you avoid settling for anything less.
When you MegaDate you’ll be dating various women simultaneously. Knowing there is always another woman around the corner will encourage you not to settle.
Tip #5: Have A Process & Procedure
What’s your strategy?
What’s your process?
Look you’ve been here before, I don’t need to tell you how difficult dating as a single man in his 40s is.
So stop the guesswork and use a tried and true strategy.
Use a strategy when it comes to online dating, first dates, messaging women between dates, conversation openers, and every other aspect of dating you deem important.
There’s a right way and a wrong way.
At emlovz we have strategies that have worked for our students and are constantly pushing our students to be active by providing them with both support and challenges to get them that much closer to finding their ideal partner.
Tip #6: Join Clubs And Communities That Speak To You
Join clubs and communities that speak to you – including emlovz.
The best way to meet a compatible woman is to engage in an activity you love.
If you’re a golf buff join a golf club and meet women that have a shared interest. Or maybe you love writing, so join a book club or writing club (which are always full of women).
Whatever your passion is, pursue it in a social setting.
Surrounding yourself with women with similar interests is the best way to meet compatible women.
And look, even if they’re not single they’re bound to have friends who are. Tell them you’re single and looking in case they happen to have a friend. If she likes you, she’ll be more than happy to introduce you to her single friend.
Here are some social clubs you might consider joining:
- Book club
- Dog walking/dog hiking group
- Board game Meetup
- Langauge learning Meetup
- Join a high-end gym
- Co-ed sports
- Dating Decoded
The last group included on this list is ours.
Our program is called Dating Decoded and it’s a great place for men to learn the skills they need to meet other women but also to find a community. Dating Decoded is full of men just like you who are single, in their 40s, and looking for a long-term partner.
Our members support each other, act as accountability buddies, and even meet up in real life to hang out and meet women.
It’s a tight-knit community of coaches and men that genuinely care about each other.
Tip #7: Give Yourself an Age Range of 10 Years When Looking for Singles
When it comes to age differences in a relationship, go by a difference of 10 years — so if you’re 40, any woman 30 or older or 50 or younger can be a good choice age-wise. You can also do the half your age + 7 rule, i.e., the youngest acceptable age for you to date, if you’re 40, would be a woman who is 27.
These rules don’t have to be set in stone, but it is important to note that, when you’re in your 40s, it’s probably a bad idea to date a woman below the age of 25. Women in their early 20s are more likely to still be in a party mindset or have a desire to sow their oats before settling down. A woman in her mid-to-late 20s, 30s and 40s is more likely to be interested in a mature relationship.
So many 40-somethings come to us wanting to date 20-somethings and it just doesn’t work out. Occasionally they’ll score a date with a woman 20 years their junior but the relationship (if you can even call it that) doesn’t last long. Instead, set your sights on a more realistic goal of dating women more or less your age.
The average age difference between heterosexual couples is 2.3 years. A woman who is 2.3 years younger than you is the sweet spot. Perhaps because you’re on the older side and have less of a dating pool to wade through (her as well) you can extend that range to about 5 or so years. A woman who is 5 years younger is a realistic target – not a woman who is 10+ years younger.
Tip #8: Use Recent Pictures for Your Online Dating Profiles
Don’t let the fact that you’re in your 40s intimidate you into using dated photos on your online dating apps and websites. Yes, it may be tempting to put a photo of you back in your days as a bright-eyed 20-something or just-got-my-shit-together-and-loving-life 30-something, but remember that you’re planning on meeting these women in real life.
Worst case – if you choose online dating photos when you had a full head of hair, and you’re now balding– the date isn’t going to go so well.
Even if a woman is attracted to you upon meeting, she’s going to find the fact that you used old photos really sketchy. No one likes these types of surprises when it comes to dating, hence the show Catfish.
Remember that a lot of women won’t just be unfazed by your age — they’ll be excited about it. This brings me to my next tip.
Tip #9: Embrace Your Age
Some men I talk to who are in their 40s worry that their age is going to be a deterrent in the dating world.
But a lot of women actually gravitate toward men in their 40s, particularly when they want a serious relationship. Dating in your 40s as a man usually means that you are more established, cultured, and well-rounded than men in their 20s and even early 30s. And as a man, you don’t have any type of biology working against you when it comes to starting a family.
In fact, a 2010 study including 3,770 heterosexual adults found that women tend to prefer older men. Women often associate these men with confidence, intelligence, good child-rearing and overall maturity.
Tip #10: Disclose Your Marital Status
If you’re divorced, don’t keep that a secret from a potential partner. Remember that they’re going to find out eventually, so it’s best to be upfront about it from the beginning.
When you disclose your divorce, however, be sure to talk about it in positive terms. Don’t bemoan the difficulties of divorce and talk about how much it sucks to have to start over by dating in your 40s. You also don’t want to talk about what a crazy succubus your ex-wife is. Think about the things you learned from the experience and how it helped you grow as a person.
Moreover, you don’t need to dive into explicit details about your divorce at the beginning of a relationship. Let her know you’re divorced, you grew from the experience and are happy to be back in the dating world now that you have moved on.
Now, if you haven’t moved on from the divorce, give yourself the proper time to heal before diving back into the dating world. It’s tempting to rebound after a heartbreak, but doing so is only going to stymie the grieving process, which is necessary following something as big as a divorce.
Tip #11: Get in Shape
Your testosterone levels decrease in your 40s, which means staying in shape can be more difficult. If you’ve never worried too much about working out, try to start incorporating more activity into your routine by exercising 30-45 minutes a day, five times a week.
This doesn’t mean you have to go crazy with bodybuilder workouts, but whatever your activity level has been in your 20s and 30s should be amped up now that your metabolism has slowed down. If your diet isn’t the best, take this new era as a way to embrace healthier foods.
Eating well and exercising won’t just make you look better — it will make you feel better too. When you feel good, your confidence increases, and that will automatically make you more appealing to women. In all honesty, when it comes to attraction, confidence can seriously trump a pair of biceps as far as sex appeal goes.
And hey, if somehow working out doesn’t make you more attractive a happy byproduct is that it’s amazing for you. You’ll have more energy, confidence, be healthier, live longer, and even your mental and brain health will benefit.
Tip #12: Make Her an Offer She Can’t Refuse
This tip is a tried and true one whether you are dating in your 40s or beyond. When you ask a woman out, it’s important that you stand out from other men by offering her a compelling date idea that appeals to her specific interests.
For example, if the woman you’re approaching is a wine enthusiast, you could offer to take her to an eclectic wine tasting at a place she hasn’t been before.
It’s also important that you have the date properly planned so you can give her all the details she needs, i.e., the exact time of day, the day of the week, and location of the kick-ass date you have planned. The time, date, and location comprise a date’s call-to-action, or what we here at emlovz refer to as a TDL.
Using a TDL prevents you and your prospective date from engaging in a frustrating back-and-forth to figure out the what, when, and where of your date. Girls are used to guys offering laissez-faire invitations to “hang out” or “grab a drink.” Be better than those guys.
When a man comes up with a compelling date idea and uses a TDL, it shows that he’s being chivalrous by keeping a woman’s time and interests in mind.
Tip #13: MegaDate
This is another dating tip that transcends all age groups. If you are single, you absolutely, 100% need to be MegaDating if you want to reach your dating goals FAST.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several different women at the same time in order to diffuse your energy and keep your social calendar full.
MegaDating is great when you’re dating in your 40s as a man because it will ultimately give you the confidence you need to find success. This strategy requires that you get in front of 10 new women daily, which helps diffuse your energy and increase your confidence. Like they say, practice makes perfect, so the more you MegaDate, the better you will become at attracting women.
Another reason this process is a great one to use when dating in your 40s is that it prevents you from settling for a mediocre relationship. You may feel a bit rushed to settle down with someone at this point in your life, but choosing to marry a person that isn’t truly right for you will only lead to discord in the relationship.
When you MegaDate, you are constantly hanging out with interesting women, which will keep you from getting tempted into locking down a relationship immediately and rushing into something that isn’t good for you.
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a compatible partner and it can do the same for you!
Tip #14: No More Dinner On First Dates
Crazy right? We prefer revolutionary.
Dinner on a first date is the most basic thing you can do.
Look, chances are you’re taking out a woman who has been around the block. She’s been dating for a decade or two and has been to her fair share of boring dates.
So ditch boring.
Instead of being just another guy she had dinner with, be that guy that took her on a hike, a romantic bike ride, who hit the dog park with her, who went painting, etc.
Be the guy that does something inventive and fun.
It’s difficult to spark someone’s interest when they’ve grown tired of dating.
Let’s drill down a bit further on what to do on a first date.
Chances are you met this woman online (that’s where all new relationships start nowadays) which means you don’t know her too well, but you do know her main interests.
She either listed them on her profile or you pulled them out of her when chatting.
Create a date that revolves around her interests. If she’s super into hiking, go for a lovely jaunt after work. If she’s into outdoor sports, go for a bike ride. And if she’s the artsy type hit up a museum.
Make your date brief, fun, and memorable.
That’s the MegaDating way.
Tip #15: Wait To Introduce Your Children When You’re Dating After 40
Your children’s emotional needs always come first.
You don’t need me telling you this, this is just a fact of your life.
Should you have just split from your wife, your children will need time to understand and manage the new transition. Introducing a new woman into the dynamic too soon after a split could complicate things.
When you believe your children to be in a stable place and when the relationship is serious enough, consider introducing your children to your new girlfriend.
Don’t spring this on your children.
Make them aware that you’re dating.
When the time is right, sit down with them and address their fears.
Tell them how much you care about your new partner, assure them that their mother will never be replaced, and listen to their fears.
If they seem receptive to the idea of meeting your new partner, schedule a fun (yet brief) outing where all parties can meet. Ideally, choose an activity that is active and that the kids enjoy.
Your children will be much more willing to meet your partner if the outing involves an activity they enjoy.
Allow your children time to warm up to the woman you’re dating. Don’t expect them to welcome her in with open arms and set a spot for her at the dinner table.
Lastly, only introduce women you’re serious about. Forcing your children to meet every woman you go out with may throw them for a spin.
Tip #16: Be Direct About Your Intentions – Dating For 40-Year-Old-Men
Dating after 40 doesn’t look like it did when you were in your 20s.
In your 20s, you were open to a multitude of romantic relationships.
One-night stands, summer flings, cuddle-buddies, girlfriends, etc.
Both you and the 30-year and 40-year old women you’re dating have a specific dynamic they’re looking for.
Early on in a fledgling relationship make your intentions known.
Do you just want someone to pass the time with or are you looking for a wife?
This will save both of you time and a headache later on.
Tip #17: Prepare To Be Plan B
The women you dated in your 20s didn’t have a lot going on in their lives.
They worked and enjoyed life.
That was it.
Women in their 30s and 40s have serious work obligations, a complex social life to keep together, and most likely a family to raise.
They have routines and schedules that they’ve kept for years.
Don’t expect to waltz into her life and demand her attention whenever you want it.
Not only does she have more responsibilities, but she’s just not as apt to go out and drink on a Tuesday as she used to be. Adjust your date ideas and expectations accordingly.
Tip #18: Every Woman Is Different
You’re dating because you’ve yet to find the right person.
For whatever reason, your last relationship didn’t work out.
After a while of being unsuccessful, I’ve noticed students of mine assume that future relationships will be like prior ones.
That the women they date will have the same defects as past ones.
Emotionally you may feel this is true, but intellectually you know it’s not.
Every woman is unique and deserves to be dated without unwarranted associations.
Stop assuming and judging prior to meeting a new woman.
She’s new and should be treated as a clean slate, untarnished by past experiences.
Tip #19: Stay Away From First Date Controversy – Dating In Your Late 40s
A little polarization is fine.
You don’t want to go on five dates before learning the woman sitting across from you spent January 6th of 2021 storming the Capitol Building.
What you want to avoid however is oversharing past negative experiences. There’s no need to go into detail about the toxic relationship you were just in.
If you two are bonding it can be tempting to overshare. But sharing undesirable personal details is a major turn-off.
First dates are for feeling each other out and making a connection. If you can do this, you’ve succeeded. There will come a time when you may need to share sensitive information.
But it won’t be on the first date.
Enjoy your conversation, smile, and focus on having a good time.
Here’s How To Find Your New Partner
Whether or not you have kids or are divorced you probably don’t have a lot of time to throw spaghetti at the wall in your romantic life. This is where I can help.
In my coaching program, I work with men who are in your exact position to fill up their dating funnel with lots of high-quality dates without spending hours and hours on dating apps getting ghosted and having conversations fizzle out.
My approach to dating won’t have you going to bars to sift through the skads of alcoholics and train wrecks to find a potential partner who will actually be a good influence on your kids.
You also won’t be expected to walk up to strangers on the street with soul-sucking cold approaches that creep everyone out.
My philosophy of MegaDating will also protect you from making the same choices that led to the breakdown of the last relationship. It’ll save you lots of time and lots of money and you won’t wind up jumping into another toxic relationship.But MegaDating is just the first pillar of our program.
Meeting oodles of women can be difficult.
That’s why we teach men to tap various social channels to meet women.
One of the most important channels is dating apps.
Via our online curriculum, live weekly sessions, and profile optimization sessions we help you craft dating profiles that outperform 90% of the men in your area.
You’ll learn which photos to choose and how to write an amazing bio that compels women to match with you.
After you start accruing matches, it’s time to get your flirt on.
But when she’s receiving double-digit messages a day it’s difficult to stand out.
Lucky for you, most guys open a conversation with the same line, hey. When they’re feeling industrious they’ll sometimes message, hey there or hey there cutie.
All you have to do is read her profile and use what little information it offers to craft a slightly more stimulating message.
We’ll show you how to craft a quality opening message and steer the conversation toward asking her out via a TDL.
After you’ve asked her out it’s time to take her out.
This is the most precarious part of your nascent relationship. One wrong move could ruin everything.
We’ll walk you through the dos and do nots of the first three dates. You’ll learn how to ask her out, how to pitch and craft amazing date ideas, and of course how to have quality conversations and quickly win her affection.
Joining Dating Decoded means you’ll learn how to date prolifically AND how to date successfully. In short time you’ll find your forever partner.
You’ll learn this via our four learning pathways:
- Online Curriculum – Self-paced content covering every dating topic imaginable
- Weekly Live Strategy Sessions – Live sessions where we dig into dating topics and answer your questions
- Mock Dates – Practice dates where you can apply what you’ve learned and receive feedback
- Online Community – Community of coaches and students to offer support and strategize
Our program was built for you.
We’d love to learn who you are and how we can help you. Book a 1-on-1 Zoom call so we can chat.