Dating in your 40s as a man can seem intimidating. If you want to have a family, you may worry that women who are still in their childbearing years will think you’re too old. You may also be worried that women will question why you haven’t been married yet after making it through your 20s and 30s.
Or maybe you have recently gotten divorced and now you’re trying to navigate your way through the everchanging dating world.
Regardless of what your fears or insecurities are when it comes to the romantic landscape, know that dating in your 40s as a man doesn’t have to suck. In fact, this can prove to be a particularly thrilling time in your life, as there are many advantages men in their 40s have on the dating scene that you may not have realized.
Below, take a look at nine tips to experience that most success while dating in your 40s as a guy.
Dating in Your 40s for Men Tip #1: Ask Friends to Set You Up
A lot of your friends are now married or are at least on their way to the altar. If that seems like a bummer it doesn’t have to be. When you’re coupled up, it’s fun to hang out with other couples. But it’s also nice to be able to help your single friends find someone special if they’re looking for love.
Tell your friends that you are looking for a relationship and if they know someone you think would be a good fit, you would be open to getting set up with them or meeting them at an event.
FYI, not to sound sexist, but female friends or the wives of your friends are probably going to be the best at this. In general, women tend to be more inclined to play matchmaker, so don’t be shy about asking. In fact, matchmaking can be really fun for a lot of people. Trust me, I know — I’m a dating coach.
Before getting set up, let your friend know about the type of qualities you are looking for in a woman, and that you want to find in someone long-term. This will help your friend select someone who is more likely to be compatible with you.
Don’t simply say “I’m looking,” or “I wanna meet someone.” Get a little bit specific. You don’t want to be overly picky, but you also want to avoid going out with someone who is going to be on a completely different page than you when it comes to things like morals, values and what you consider to be deal breakers.
Tip #2: Use Online Dating to Your Advantage
Along with meeting through mutual friends, use a variety of other means to meet women in order to optimize your success. One great way to meet women is through online dating sites and apps.
There are several free apps available as well as paid sites to choose from. Download a few different apps and sign up for some websites as well. Note that, when you’re looking for a serious relationship, paid websites like Match.com and eHarmony have a good reputation for connecting people of different ages and demographics.
Both Match and eHarmony require you to sign up for a paid membership plan in order to reap the full benefits. However, if you want to give eHarmony a test-drive for three days, you can check out my article on How to Get an eHarmony Free Trial.
Another paid dating site that is great for mindful singles and vegetarian is Green Singles. Although you’re going to want to do a paid membership if you want to get the most out of that site, there is a free option that allows you to get a good feel for the site.
Tinder (the app that started it all) is known as more of a hookup app, but I still recommend giving it a try. A couple I know here in San Francisco actually got married after meeting on the app, so there are definitely people on Tinder that are looking to get serious.
However, you want to make sure that you have a profile that is on point when it comes to Tinder (and, really, any dating app or website), along with a great opener after you match with someone.
Tip #3: Give Yourself an Age Range of 10 Years When Looking for Singles
When it comes to age differences in a relationship, go by a difference of 10 years — so if you’re 40, any woman 30 or older or 50 or younger can be a good choice age-wise. You can also do the half your age + 7 rule, i.e., the youngest acceptable age for you to date, if you’re 40, would be a woman who is 27.
These rules don’t have to be set in stone, but it is important to note that, when you’re in your 40s, it’s probably a bad idea to date a woman below the age of 25. Women in their early 20s are more likely to still be in a party mindset or have a desire to sow their oats before settling down. A woman in her mid-to-late 20s, 30s and 40s is more likely to be interested in a mature relationship.
Tip #4: Use Recent Pictures for Your Online Dating Profiles
Don’t let the fact that you’re in your 40s intimidate you into using dated photos on your online dating apps and websites. Yes, it may be tempting to put a photo of you back in your days as a bright-eyes 20-something or just-got-my-shit-together-and-loving-life 30-something, but remember that you’re planning on meeting these women in real life. Worst case – if you choose online dating photos when you had a full head of hair, and you’re now balding– the date isn’t going to go so well.
Even if a woman is attracted to you upon meeting, she’s going to find the fact that you used old photos really sketchy. No one likes these types of surprises when it comes to dating, hence the show Catfish.
Remember that a lot of women won’t just be unfazed by your age — they’ll be excited about it. This brings me to my next tip.
Tip #5: Embrace Your Age
Some men I talk to who are in their 40s worry that their age is going to be a deterrent in the dating world.
But a lot of women actually gravitate toward men in their 40s, particularly when they want a serious relationship. Dating in your 40s as a man usually means that you are more established, cultured and well-rounded than men in their 20s and even early 30s. And as a man, you don’t have any type of biology working against you when it comes to starting a family.
In fact, a 2010 study including 3,770 heterosexual adults found that women tend to prefer older men. Women often associate these men with confidence, intelligence, good child-rearing and overall maturity.
Tip #6: Disclose Your Marital Status
If you’re divorced, don’t keep that a secret from a potential partner. Remember that they’re going to find out eventually, so it’s best to be upfront about it from the beginning.
When you disclose your divorce, however, be sure to talk about it in positive terms. Don’t bemoan the difficulties of divorce and talk about how much it sucks to have to start over by dating in your 40s, what a crazy succubus your ex-wife is, and so on. Think about the things you learned from the experience and how it helped you grow as a person.
Moreover, you don’t need to dive into explicit details about your divorce at the beginning of a relationship. Let her know you’re divorced, you grew from the experience and are happy to be back in the dating world now that you have moved on.
Now, if you haven’t moved on from the divorce, give yourself the proper time to heal before diving back into the dating world. It’s tempting to rebound after a heartbreak, but doing so is only going to stymie the grieving process, which is necessary following something as big as a divorce.
Lastly, if you aren’t actually divorced yet — don’t date! Legally separated means that you are still married and it’s just a plain bad idea to throw a new romance into the mix before everything has been settled in that department.
Tip #7: Get in Shape
Your testosterone levels decrease in your 40s, which mean staying in shape can be more difficult. If you’ve never worried too much about working out, try to start incorporating more activity into your routine by exercising 30-45 minutes a day, five times a week.
This doesn’t mean you have to go crazy with bodybuilder workouts, but whatever your activity level has been in your 20s and 30s should be amped up now that your metabolism has slowed down. If your diet isn’t the best, take this new era as a way to embrace healthier foods.
Eating well and exercising won’t just make you look better — it will make you feel better too. When you feel good, your confidence increases, and that will automatically make you more appealing to women. In all honesty, when it comes to attraction, confidence can seriously trump a pair of biceps as far as sex appeal goes.
Tip #8: Make Her an Offer She Can’t Refuse
This tip is a tried and true one whether you are dating in your 40s or beyond. When you ask a woman out, it’s important that you stand out from other men by offering her a compelling date idea that appeals to her specific interests. For example, if the woman you’re approaching is a wino, you could offer to take her to an eclectic wine tasting at a place she hasn’t been before.
It’s also important that you have the date properly planned so you can give her all the details she needs, i.e., the exact time of day, the day of the week, and location of the kickass date you have planned. The time, date, and location comprise a date’s call-to-action, or what we here at EmLovz refer to as a TDL.
Using a TDL prevents you and the girl you want to take out from engaging in a frustrating back-and-forth the figure out the what, when, and where of your date. And as a man in your 40s, this is going to really impress women that over in their mid-to-late 20s. Girls are used to guys offering laissez-faire invitations to “hang out” or “grab a drink.”
When a man comes up with a compelling date idea and uses a TDL, it shows that you’re being chivalrous by keeping a woman’s time and interests in mind.
Tip #9: MegaDate
This is another dating tip that transcends all age groups. If you are single, you absolutely, 100% need to be MegaDating if you want to reach your dating goals FAST.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several different women at the same time in order to diffuse your energy and keep your social calendar full.
MegaDating is great when you’re dating in your 40s as a man because it will ultimately give you the confidence you need to find success. This strategy requires you to practice your approaches with women and put yourself out there frequently. Like they say, practice makes perfect, so the more you MegaDate, the better you will become at attracting women.
Another reason this process is a great one to use when dating in your 40s is that it prevents you from settling for the mediocre. You may feel a bit rushed to settle down with someone at this point in your life, but choosing to marry a person that isn’t truly right for you will only lead to discord in the relationship.
When you MegaDate, you are constantly hanging out with interesting women, which will keep you from getting tempted into locking down a relationship immediately and rushing into something that isn’t good for you.
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a compatible partner and it can do the same for you!
Dating in Your 40s As a Man and Finding the One
If you want individualized guidance on dating in your 40s or any other roadblock you encounter in the dating world, head over to my calendar to book a new client Skype coaching session with me.
During this intro Skype session, we will diagnose your dating history, create an action plan to help you crush your dating goals and find the woman of your dreams, and see if my 3-month coaching program would be a fit for you.
Best of luck to you in your journey of finding your next relationship.