There are many ways to find people to date outside of dating sites and apps, but it’s important for you to use at least a few different apps to increase your chances of meeting high-quality women. How do I know this? I’ve done research.
During my 100-date experiment, I analyzed a plethora of dating profiles — and I continue to keep up-to-date on the online dating world today. I have discovered what works, what doesn’t work, and what makes a profile go hilariously awry.
In this article, you will learn how to create a killer online dating profile to attract high-value women, how to initiate and respond to women online, and how to take your online conversations offline, so that you can find a fulfilling, long-term relationship.
Follow the below online dating tips for me and you’re sure to improve your online results:
Online Dating Tip #1: Create a Profile That Really Stands Out
Whether you are using Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel (I recommend downloading all four of these free apps, by the way), there are some basic rules that you need to follow to make sure that your online dating profile really stands out.
Make Sure That Your Photos Are On Point
Photos aren’t the only thing that are going to encourage women to swipe right, but they are an extremely important part of creating an effective profile. Your image is going to be the first thing that women see, so you need to make a good impression from the get go.
To make sure you stand out in an attractive way:
- Make sure all photos are current, in focus and show a fun and honest representation of you.
- Make the first photo one that is a close-cropped headshot where you are smiling, engaging with the camera through good eye contact, and smiling.
- Make the second photo one that shows a full body shot. Stand up straight, with your shoulders back and don’t cross your arms — this exudes openness and confidence.
- Make the third photo a social shot, where you are hanging out and having a good time (note that “good time” should not be synonymous with a “drunken time”) with friends and/or family.
- Make the fourth photo a hobby shot, where you’re engaging in an activity you’re really passionate about. This will give women more insight into your personality and will also attract women with shared interests.
- Make the fifth photo a picture of you with a cute animal. FACT: Cute animals make everything better. Even if you don’t have a pet, post a photo of you with a friend’s pooch or visit a petting zoo and snap a shot.
If you need some visual references to help guide you in this process, check out this profile, which is honestly one of the best Bumble profiles for men ever made.
Make sure your profile is a honest and fun representation of you.
Make sure that you craft a concise, compelling bio that represents you in a positive light. Don’t write a novel that encapsulates every turning point and life lesson you’ve encountered in your personal trajectory thus far — remember that the internet and apps encourage short attention spans and she’s not going to want to read through all that.
A successful bio includes the following:
- Your passions and nerdy interests
- What makes you unique
- A few emojis peppered throughout if appropriate
Fill Out Your Entire Profile
A lot of guys make the mistake of posting photos to their profile and leaving it at that. But it makes you look lazy when you don’t fill out your online dating profile in its entirety. Make sure that you complete your profile and also do so strategically by taking note of the following:
- Give yourself a generous range when it comes to distance. Think about your preferred distance and increase that by 10-15 miles if you live in a city and 30-40 miles if you live in a county or rural environment. This will increase your number and quality of matched.
- If you don’t have a preferred age range — or haven’t had a lot of experience dating women younger or older than you — get outside of your comfort zone by widening your age preferences on your profile. There can be a lot of benefits of dating both younger or older women, as well as those your age. Basically, keep your options open so you can get as many matches and enjoy as many informative dating experiences as possible.
Tip #2: Set a Swiping Goal
The more you swipe, the more likely you are to get matches and eventually make real-life connections with desirable women. But rather than mindlessly swipe to the point of burnout, set a specific number of swipes per day that you feel comfortable with. For example, you could swipe 50 times a day, which will add up to 350 swipes per week. That means 350 chances to match up with a woman every seven days.
This message is strategic because it allows you to track and measure your progress. You can see how effective your response rate is and — if your match rates are low or suddenly start to decrease — you can use this information to alter your profile.
Now that we’ve gone over the strategies you should use for your profile, let’s get into matching and messaging.
Tip #3: Find and Mention Shared Interests
Each app is different, but many offer the option of connecting your music and social media platforms to your account. For example, both Bumble and Tinder allow you to connect your Instagram and Spotify accounts, which I highly recommend doing. This will allow potential matches to see sides of you outside of your profile that are appealing and that they may have in common with you.
Discussing shared musical interests can also be a great icebreaker in dating conversation, which is why it’s good to allow women to see the type of bands and artists you’re into.
Now let’s get into messaging with a woman after matching.
In your first message, go beyond the usual “Hey there, how are you?” In fact, never start a message with any word that begins with the letter “H”. Instead, scan the woman’s interest section in her profile, and look for things you have in common (for further details on this, watch my video here). It could be small, like a shared love for a certain TV show, or it could be a bit more unique, like you both love kite-surfing. Either way, mentioning these similarities in your first message will make women more interested in your conversation attempt. After all, everyone loves feeling that they have been listened to. Mentioning a commonality in a first message gives you a better chance of success.
Tip #4: Retain a Little Mystery
Obviously, you want to be able to build some rapport while messaging someone on a dating site or app, but be careful not to give everything away. You want to be able to save a lot of stuff for when you two actually go on a date (more on setting up said date in a bit).
One of my favorite online dating tips for men is baiting a woman’s interest by messaging her something that makes her want to know more about you. Give the woman you are messaging some partial information, so that she is stimulated enough to click and read the entire message. A mysterious man is always attractive, so don’t be afraid to get a little coy to peak her interest.
For example, if you’re talking about the fact that you like a certain band or hobby and you have an interesting story about that, you can say something like:
- “I actually have a funny story to go along with my first time rock climbing. I’d love to give you all the details when we go out — be prepared, thing got pretty crazy that day!”
- “One time I had a backstage pass for The Killers and I ended up having an interesting run-in with one of the roadies. Hint: It got kind of awkward. We’ll have to laugh about it when we hang out.”
From there, you’re going to want to set up a date using a compelling idea and a TDL. I’ll get into all of that a little later in this article. Make sure you stay tuned — it’s one of the most important tips when it comes to meeting women!
Tip #5: Challenge Her
Women get tons of “hey beautiful” messages everyday (again, see the letter “h” – don’t do it!). Instead of being just another message in the crowd by complimenting her beauty or profile, get a little creative and challenge her. If she likes cycling, perhaps you could challenger her to a race sometime. Challenging her will create a funny inside joke and a sense of camaraderie. Women respect intelligent and engaging men, and by challenging her, you are showing her that you are a special guy.
Another example of challenging a woman is to call her out if she sends you a super boring or generic message. This most often occurs on Bumble, where women are put in the driver’s seat when it comes to initiating conversation. Keep things playful, but also be assertive.
For example, if she sends you a simple “Hi,” you can write back “Try again :).” Or, if she sends you something that she clearly copies and pastes for every opening message, you could write, “Is that the best copy and paste job you can do? :)”
Doing this will make you stand out from other guys. It will also help you assess whether or not she has a sense of humor. This is important, because being able to laugh at yourself and being open to playfulness when dating are really important when it comes to finding a fulfilling relationship.
Tip #6: Try Mega Messaging
Mega messaging is when you message many women at the same time, in order to better your chances of getting responses. Woman can receive up to 50-100 messages per day, meaning that sometimes that girl you’re stuck on never even saw your message. Mega messaging saves you the heartbreak of either getting hung up on one girl you message, or not hearing back from any of the too few girls you message. Here’s my Mega Message template to help you get started.
This can lead to my principle of MegaDating, which I also learned is the most effective dating strategy during my 100-date experiment. MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves going out on dates with several different people at the same time. Unlike elements that come with “being a player,” MegaDating has nothing to do with being dishonest, sneaking around or setting out to sleep with a bunch of women.
MegaDating is simply about opening yourself to new experiences and crushing your dating goals faster by going on dates with a variety of people instead of getting fixated on one person or getting caught up in the chase. When you MegaDate, your dating anxiety is decreased because you’re keeping your social calendar full. The pain of rejection is also lessened, because you are consistently showing yourself that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
At the end of this article, I will offer some ways you can receive individualized help in order to apply MegaDating to your dating life and ultimately find a compatible, long-term partner.
Tip #7: Ask Her a Question
When messaging a woman, check out the interests she has listed in her profile and ask her an open-ended question that has to do with her interests. You can use humor and even get a little controversial (without being rude or sexual) when asking her a question.
For example, if she put skydiving as an interest, you could ask her something like, “So on a scale of 1 to Terrifying, what has your experience been like signing all those waivers before jumping out of a plane?”
This is a another great way to make sure a woman reads your message. An open ended question is a fun way to start a conversation, and it’s also different from what most men on dating sites send. Saying something controversial might be a good start if her profile seems humorous, as she’s sure to see your message all in good fun.
Tip #8: Compare Her to a Celebrity
Women are tired of being called “hot” or “sexy.” Instead of using these hackneyed terms, opt for something more creative — and classy.
Comparing a woman to a celebrity or role model is sure to catch her eye when she sees your message in her inbox. Be sure to not mention whether you mean the comparison in a good or bad way, as this makes your message mysterious; is it a compliment or do you not like this celebrity? If you make this comparison vaguely, the woman receiving the message should be intrigued and a bit caught off guard by your message, hopefully causing her to reply quickly.
Make sure that the woman also actually resembles the celebrity so that she’s not just like, “Wtf?” when she reads your message. Actresses like Natalie Portman, Amy Adams and Emily Blunt are a few that I can think of off the top of my head as being good choices. These women are all extremely talented and serve as great role models as well. Moreover, don’t compare her to celebrities who are known for crashing their cars in Starbucks or getting wasted on Tuesdays.
Tip #9: Double-Check Your Words and Wording
As an online dating coach, I often need to remind my clients to double-check their messages before hitting the send button. Good quality grammar and punctuation is super important when it comes to online dating. (Hint: Know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”)
Women want intelligent men, and a dating profile and message is a bad place for a typo. Beyond this, be careful with your word choice. Choose meaningful words that make her think when she reads your messages. Use the word “we” to show your similarities and to begin to gain her trust. Words have power, so be sure that you are saying exactly what you mean when messaging a woman online.
Tip #10: Set a TDL
Within your first message (or within the first couple of messages), set the TDL. TDL is an acronym we use at EmLovz to describe a date’s call to action — specifically, the Time of day the date will take place, the Day of the week/specific date when the date will occur, and the Location.
Women don’t want a man who messages back and forth, only to never actually ask them out. Women want a man who is decisive enough to make a plan for the first date, so make sure you have a specific day, time, and place selected before you ask her out.
Make sure your that your date also offers her something compelling that relates to her interests, so that she is more likely to reply. For example, if she is an animal lover and has a dog or mentions wanting a dog, you can say something like this:
“So, I know you’re a big fan of the pups. There’s a Yappy Hour going on at [insert appropriate bar/restaurant here] this Saturday around 4pm. How would you like to go there with me, date-style?”
Bonus Tip: Follow My Dating Blueprint
When it comes to actually going out on dates, I advise all of my clients to follow this blueprint in order to increase their chances of success:
- First Date: Keep it under an hour and make it something that costs no more than $15. Pick a time during the day (Saturday is the best day) between 11am and 2pm. This time of day applies to the second date as well. The purpose of this date is to build trust and rapport.
- Second Date: This date should be something active and The purpose of this date is to escalate sexual tension.
- Third Date: This is the date where you can go all out with a nice dinner. This is the date where you can assess whether or not the two of you are compatible as far as morals and values ago. Physical intimacy often occurs on this date.
Still Struggling, Hire a Dating Coach
If you want to chat one-on-one in real-time, head over to my calendar and book a 50-minute Skype session with me today. During our session, we will discuss your goals and create an action plan to help you overcome your dating roadblocks. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you.
This article was originally published in June 2017 and was updated in July 2018 to focus on more in-depth online dating strategies.