If you have been dating a woman and have landed a third date, CONGRATS! The third date is often when physical intimacy occurs, i.e., you seal the deal. But when it comes to figuring out how to invite her back to your place, navigating the best way to ask her can be tricky.
You don’t want to come off as aggressive, but you also want to be confident when making your move.
Using a few key strategies can prevent any awkwardness when inviting her back to your place. And once you do learn how to invite her back to your place, be sure to keep these tips on having sex for the first time in mind.
How to Invite Her Back to Your Place Tip #1: Ask the Right Questions
When it comes to the first three dates, I always advise my male clients to:
- Make the first date a time to build trust and rapport
- Make the second date a time to build sexual tension and chemistry
- Use the third date as a gauge of whether or not the two of you have the potential for a long-term relationship by asking questions that are based on things like morals, values, and intelligence
Please refer to my blog on third date questions for a complete list of questions that will help you determine whether or not the two of you have long-term potential. If you do, here are a few questions I’d like to highlight that focus specifically on enhancing the mood by escalating sexual tension:
- “What’s your guiltiest pleasure?” This can stimulate some flirtatious banter, increasing the sexual spark. Accompany this banter by touching non-threatening areas like the elbow or shoulder.
- “What are you most afraid of?” This can elicit a conversation that allows you both to get a little vulnerable without getting too vulnerable.
- “Which celebrity gets the top spot on your ‘freebie list?’” Many couples have a list of five celebrities that they would be allowed to hook up with without said hookup being considered cheating. I like this question because it’s fun and silly (obviously she’s not going to go out and cheat on you with Brad Pitt, or likely even meet him). And by innocently bringing sex into the conversation, you can safely enhance the sexual tension between the two of you.
By asking the right questions to increase intimacy, both of you will likely be looking forward to the prospect of sex happening at the end of the date. And that makes it so much easier to get her back your place at the end of the date to seal the deal.
Tip #2: Plan a Dinner Close to Home or at Your Home
Instead of spending time wondering how to invite her back to your place during the date, strategize before the date by choosing a dinner spot that is close to home.
Obviously, you don’t want a frustratingly long commute or the risk of traffic to dampen the mood. Plan a romantic dinner near your home that avoids the rush of freeways and is a pretty straight shot. This will eliminate logistical hesitations that might come about when it comes to figuring out how get a woman back to your place.
If the mood feels right for this, and you’re confident enough in your skills, you can also offer to cook dinner for her. Make sure that the dinner appeals to her interests by including her favorite types of foods.
Also, be sure you know of any food allergies she has ahead of time because you don’t want a sexy evening to end up taking a detour into the emergency room.
Tip #3: Make it Easy For Her to Meet You There
When was the last time you actually picked a woman up for a date — like, in your car that you drive? If it was recently, props to you!
If you haven’t, don’t feel bad. In the age of Lyft and Uber, the number of people choosing to drive themselves to their Friday and Saturday night destinations has dwindled significantly. These types of services save you from searching for parking spaces, and/or — if you live in a city — losing the parking spot you secured near your home.
Plus, meeting for a first and even a second date can be beneficial to a woman because it makes her feel safer. This is why I also recommend that men make sure the first date is one that is in a public, comfortable place during the daytime and one that is also close to where the girl lives so that she can feel as safe and comfortable as possible.
But by the third date, you should be comfortable enough with each other so that sitting in a car together is no big deal. Thus, you can offer to pick her up and take her to your date destination, as well as drop her off by the end of the date (in this case, hopefully, the end of the date will be by the next morning).
When you offer to swoop her up and take her to the nice restaurant or at-home dinner you have planned, it will seem both thoughtful and chivalrous. This type of plan also makes it much easier to bounce back to your place, because the two of you won’t need to coordinate Uber rides or head back in separate cars.
Tip #4: Have a Compelling Reason That She Should Come Back to Your Place
If you’re wondering how to invite her back to your place, one of the most important things you need to figure out first is a compelling reason that she should come back to your place.
Like each date idea should be compelling, so should the reason for her to come back to your place after a third date. But before we get into the compelling reasons she should come to your place, let’s get into some things you should avoid AT ALL COSTS when the time comes to ask her to come back to your place. Here are some terrible things to say that could land you in the friend-zone, or in the never-see-her-again zone:
Terrible Reason #1: You Need Help Consuming Soon-to-Be-Expired Items
Don’t tell her that you have “a bottle of wine that is about to go bad, and you need someone to help you drink it.” YES, this is something a woman told me she actually encountered. She declined and chose to never see the guy again.
Terrible Reason #2: “Netflix and Chill”
Asking her to “Netflix and chill” is tacky and makes you look like you want a one night stand.
If you’re wondering just how ick-worthy this type of invitation can be, here’s another story that was relayed to me by a woman where the guy’s behavior ensured he would never have the opportunity to get her back to his place.
The faux-pas occurred on a first date that was actually going really well. She and the guy had both talked about how they were fans of the comedian John Mulaney throughout the date and quoted some of his funny one-liners throughout the date. When the date had come to an end, he suggested that they go back to his place and watch some of John Mulaney’s stand-up (a reason that is borderline compelling, but not quite creative enough to be a great sell).
She politely declined, saying, “Not tonight,” but that she had a really nice time and would love to hang out again.
The guy did not take no for an answer. He became pushy, saying, “Oh come on!” and, “Well, nothing has to happen! We can just watch Netflix…ya know, Netflix and chill — you, me and John.”
This was the first date, therefore he obviously skipped some crucial rapport building steps with her. So not only did this guy try to move things at a pace that is way too fast (for anyone interested in finding a compatible, long-term partner, anyway), he became pushy about it, which completely killed any attraction for the woman.
She deserved better than that, and quite frankly, so did John Mulaney.
Terrible Reason #3: “Let’s Go Back to My Place and Have Sex”
Obviously, when the chemistry is heating up and you two are headed back to your place (or hers), it’s likely that sex is on her mind just as it is on yours.
But that doesn’t mean you need to stop building the anticipation or throw romance out the window. Allow your conversation, body language, and the atmosphere do the talking for you.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s take a look at how to get her back to your place by offering compelling reasons.
Compelling Reason #1: You Have Fresh Baked Cookies
Bake some cookies and let her know that you have some at your place if she’s interested in dessert in a more private location.
Compelling Reason #2: She Needs to Meet Your Puppy
A great way to get her back to your house or apartment, or to any place, is by adding a puppy into the mix because it always makes it much easier to achieve success.
Obviously, this one is only going to work if you have an actual puppy. But if you DO have one, this is an extremely compelling reason for a woman (or anyone, really) to come back to your place.
To be honest, any type of baby animal that is friendly and has fur will work.
Compelling Reason #3: The Rare Drink
Tell her that you have a very rare wine, rum or another type of alcohol (depending on her preferences) back at your place that she needs to try — and make sure that you have that alcohol there ready to go.
You can also ask her if she’s tried a certain “rare cocktail” and offer to make it for her back at your place. There are several unusual drink recipes that are easy to make like these from BuzzFeed and Serious Eats.
How to Invite Her Back to Your Place Wrap-up
Are you getting all the way to date #3 but for some reason can’t get her back to your house to seal the deal? Or, are you having trouble even getting a first or second date?
If you need individualized advice on how to invite her back to your place or anything you encounter in the dating world, I’ve got you covered.
Head over to my calendar and schedule a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today! During our intro session, we will address your dating roadblocks and create an action plan to help you crush your dating goals. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.