You’re not 17 anymore. Thus, you have absolutely no reason to ever engage in car sex. Perhaps sex in the back seat was always a fantasy of yours. A fantasy, that despite now having an apartment and bed of your own, you still wish to fulfill. Having car sex is about as enjoyable as having sex in a Japanese sleeping pod.
The point is that when things heat up on your next date (hopefully it’s a third date), she won’t want to have sex in your car. Fact; no one likes getting their ribs bruised by the center console. Cars, parks, and your office are all places where she doesn’t want to have sex (at least for the first time).
So the question stands, “should I setup the date her house or mine?” You’ll also need to ask yourself if the date’s proximity to your house even matters? Some dates are more likely to lead to a little after-date coitus than others.
Sure TDL is also the acronym for Tokyo Disneyland, but in the dating world, TDL stands for time, date, location. TDLs are used to ask someone out. It’s easy for a woman to reject or ostensibly say yes to a date she later never shows up to if you merely ask her to go out “sometime.”
Don’t make your date plans amorphous. Instead, give it shape when you tell her the specifics of the date. Asking if she’d like to go see Foxygen this Friday at 9 p.m. at the Great American Music Hall is more likely to receive a straight answer than asking her out on an unspecified date in the indefinite future.
Another boon of a TDL is that it forces a distinct answer out of the woman you’re attempting to woo. If she’s truly opposed to going out with you she’ll eventually have to flat out say no. If she’s into you but part of the TDL doesn’t work for her, she can amend it.
When first meeting a woman either through online dating or IRL the conversation should gradually build until a TDL marks the crescendo. Don’t putz around asking her out. Conversation is good and all but it has its limit. If the ultimate goal is to date a woman, broaching a TDL and asking her out should be your objective.
When setting up a date, be sure the location in the TDL is close to your house, if that’s what the date calls for. Now let’s dig into when exactly you’ll want to be bringing your date to your abode.
For First Dates: Should I Setup The Date Near Her House?
But why is this?
You may be thinking that your job is to impress your date. Flash the cash, talk smooth, sweep her off her feet, all the PUA bull. Tell me; do you really want to spend hours upon hours and cash out dozens on a stranger?
It seems odd that men opt to take women out on expensive dinner dates, forcing themselves to sit across the table from a stranger as they make trivial conversation. Don’t invest in strangers. There’s no point spending lavishly on a woman that you might not want to continue dating. First dates should almost be treated like a speed date.
1 hour, no more than $10. Those are the rules.
If these rules are adhered to you won’t be getting lucky on the first date. The point of MegaDating is to find a partner, not a one-night stand. It’s designed to quickly filter out women that don’t make the cut so you can spend more time on your search for a suitable partner.
When it comes to a first date, you should setup the date near her house.
This is done so as to not inconvenience her. Is she likely to go on a date with a stranger if she’s asked to drive 45 minutes out of her way to spend one measly hour with you? No. Making the date close to her place of work or home will increase the chances that she’ll agree to see you.
If her neighborhood is barren of quality first date spots, choose a place that’s at worst in between the two of you. Another boon of choosing a place close to her home is that she’ll feel more comfortable going out with a stranger if it’s in an environment she’s already acquainted with.
For Second Dates
With MegaDating in mind, let’s outline the blueprint of a second date.
Second dates must be free, active, and involve touching.
These are the most important factors of a second date. The proximity to your house or hers isn’t a pertinent worry here. Neither is choosing a spot that’s in her neighborhood. Ideally, you pick a park, yoga class, or hiking trail within a reasonable distance from her home. But, if she’s agreed to a second date it means she is genuinely into you. It’s doubtful that you’ll need to pick a place close to her home in order to convince her to see you.
It’s true that it can be difficult to come up with a free and active date idea (but here’s a list to help you). Use what you learned about her on the first date to inform your choice of the date location. Did she mention that she played tennis in college or that she hasn’t been on a hike in ages but is dying to go? Hiking is a great second date idea. If you two are up for it, use AllTrails app to find a trail that’s second-date worthy.
Remember to pitch the date TDL style. This will look something like, “Hey Sam. I remember you gushing about the last time you went hiking. May I have the honor of hiking with you Saturday at 11 a.m. at Marin Headlands?”
After she’s accepted your dope date idea, check in with her the day before the date. Don’t ask if the date is still on (this gives her a chance to pull away) rather tell her how stoked you are for the date tomorrow and remind her when you’ll be seeing her. Don’t allow any pre-date messaging to turn into a conversation; you’ll want to save that for the date.
For Third Dates
First dates are for figuring out if you like the person sitting across from you. Second dates are for building rapport and flirting. Third dates are for, well, intimacy and sex. I’m not saying that everyone has sex on a third date (what a lovely thought). What I am saying is that sex might be in the cards, so you best make sure your deck is shuffled.
When it comes to a third date there are no financial or time restrictions. This is when you can start asking the question; “Should I setup the date near her house or mine?” Hit a fancy restaurant, dance a little salsa, and after you’ve killed the dance floor (and if you’re vibing) ask her to come back to your place.
Don’t ask to go to her place. You can control what goes on under your own roof. She may not have cleaned her house, her cousin may be sleeping on the couch, or maybe she just finds it sexier to go back to your place instead of hers. Asking to go back to your date’s house is weird.
This is why the date should be planned close to your home.
You’ll also want to keep the flame you generated at the date spot alive. That’s tough to do on a 15-20 minute Uber ride. Make the transition from the restaurant/club/bar a quick and seamless one. Prep your home so that you’re not scrambling to clean up your place while she’s in the bathroom. A home akin to a dorm room is a turnoff. Just because she decided to come over to have sex doesn’t mean she won’t change her mind once she takes a whiff of your gym socks.
So early in the game it’s best to not be explicit with your desires. Don’t use plain language when asking her to come back to your place. Asking her “Do you want to come over and have sex” vacuums all the fun and expectation out of the night.
You’ve been building tension for three dates now. Don’t wash it away with a lame line. Instead, merely ask her if she’d like to get the next drink at your place (perhaps your pitch could include that you have a new type of local vodka you’ve been wanting to try out).
No need to find some odd reason for her to come over. I’m sure she doesn’t care to meet your puppy at 2 a.m. If she’s emotionally intelligent, she knows that “getting a drink at my place” is an invitation for some late night tomfoolery.
What If She’s Hesitant? What If She Wants Sex Before the 3rd Date?
If she’s hesitant, don’t force the situation. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t force it.
If she wants to have sex with you before the 3rd date, you may have done a great job escalating the relationship faster than most guys. Or worst case – you’re just a rebound for her. If she’s looking to hook up with you on a first date, there’s a great strategy you could use that involves turning down sex. Tell her “my mama taught me right. I’m looking for something long term!” It’ll make you stand out from your competition and she’ll be dying to see you again.
The first three dates are the most sensitive. She’ll only grant a stranger so much time to attempt to woo her. Are you getting first dates but can’t seem to turn the heat up and sustain a relationship?
My Signature Program is a 3-month program that will address all your dating obstacles. The program includes 12 sessions via Skype where you’ll learn how to author compelling once in a lifetime dates. We’ll tackle every area of dating so that you’re on top of your game and find your next long term relationship.
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