If you’re on the dating app, Tinder, it probably comes as no surprise to you that profiles are basically a grabbag of good, bad, bizarre, and hilarious. Have you ever wondered what using Tinder can be like from a woman’s perspective? I took it upon myself to scour the app for some really funny tinder headlines for guys, so that you don’t have to.

Go ahead take a look at the 32 examples below and avoid being one of these guys at all costs. And don’t forget, when you’re done viewing and possibly selecting a headline from my list below, go ahead and take a sneak peek at another article I crafted on the best Tinder opening lines for guys. and another article I wrote on some of the best Tinder bios for guys.

Combining a great headline with an excellent opening line will increase your chances of getting more dates, more responses, and eventually finding a great girlfriend. The below might be funny, but avoid them at all costs:

Tinder Headline #1: Wait — What?!

A woman reading this runs a serious risk of her head exploding. Seriously, I felt like I was Tom Hanks trying to crack the Da Vinci code but instead of it having anything to do with paintings or the Illuminati, I’m trying to decipher just what kind of d-bag this guy is trying to be.

Just to make sure I have this right:

• You don’t want to get serious with anyone.
• You want to be friends — oh wait, but maybe not.
• You “don’t play games,” even though this entire tagline is some lame ass mind-fuck.

Ok…gotcha…

Don’t be this guy.

Even if a woman was all about hooking up casually, she will never let you see her naked if you foist some incoherent nonsense on her.

Tinder Headline #2: Stoned Ex-Porn Star Alert!

Good lord, where do I even start with this one?

If you don’t have kids, you don’t need to mention it. If you aren’t dramatic, you don’t have to state that. You know who usually likes to overemphasize that they’re “not into drama” — people who are really into drama!

Also, no judgment to porn stars (or, I guess ex-porn stars in this case), but letting women know you got it in on camera might not be the best opening line.

And please don’t advertise that outside of nailing people for money, you like to take massive bong hits. This is definitely one of the worst Tinder headlines for guys you’ll find. 

Tinder Headline #3: Don’t Point Out Your Age

First of all, 44 isn’t old by any means, but it is old enough that you should know better than to post this lame ass headline. 

Pointing out anything you perceive as a flaw is always a no-go when it comes to Tinder, which is why this is one of the worst Tinder headlines ever.

Tinder Headline #4: Did You Just Come From Playing Words With Friends?

This just seems like a random list of adjectives you think women will be attracted to. It shows absolutely no personality and doesn’t give any real information about who you are as a person.

Also, you don’t have to say “no hookups.” No one has to keep saying this. It should be clear from your headline that you’re not a player.

Tinder Headline #5: Are You Inviting Her to Hang Out on Your Couch?

This isn’t the absolute worst of the worst Tinder headlines, but it certainly could use some major improvements.

I like that he infused some humor with the “long walks on the beach” cliche by changing it to “long walks to the refrigerator.” However, just leaving it at that could make women wonder if all you do is Netflix and chill by yourself, rather than get out and experience life once it a while.

Tinder Headline #6: If Chivalry is Dead, This Guy Killed It

No.

Just NO.

What in the holy F made you write the line, “Looking for a girl to serve me first when dinner arrives.” Are you asking us to cut up your steak for you or something like you’re five years old?

Women appreciate chivalry, meaning they appreciate being treated with consideration and respect. I bet you don’t like to pay on the first date either, am I right?

Hard left swipe on this guy. Don’t copy this one. 

Tinder Headline #7: Humor Isn’t This Guy’s Strong Suit

I can’t totally tell if this is intended to be a funny Tinder headline or is a masked cry for help. When it comes to getting women to swipe right on you, it’s probably not a good idea to mention the following things:

• “Crippling depression”
• Alcoholism
• The fact that you may or may not have an illegitimate child out there somewhere
• That you think heroin or any other type of illicit drug is the bee’s knees

Tinder Headline #8: If it Matters…

Don’t ever say “if it matters” when it comes to writing a Tinder headline. You’re putting it in your profile, so obviously it matters.

Also is this thing — >3 — supposed to be a heart <3 or a set of balls? This worst Tinder headline is a great example that you should always proofread things before posting them.

Tinder Headline #9: Let’s Hang Out Never

This absolutely terrible Tinder headline basically reads like an advertisement for ways to convince women to never hang out with you.

I’m kind of confused as to why this guy is on a dating app in the first place, given that he seems to want to spend 100% of his time with his cell phone in bed?

If you have social anxiety and want to get out there in the dating world, this is NOT the way to do it. 

Tinder Headline #10: What?

Did you just accuse every single woman viewing your Tinder profile of having a smoking problem and/or an asthmatic attack?

This guy is like the personification of WebMD, where you Google “remedies for seasonal allergies” and the internet lets you in on 12 different terminal illnesses that could be causing watery eyes.

No thank you.

Tinder Headline #11: Split Personality?

I feel like someone who actually knew what the hell they were doing snuck into this lame Tinder headline in between “Looking for friends” and “I love weeeed.”

Including facts about yourself that involve being active is always a good thing, as is anything to do with cute animals. But this guy failed big time with the first and last parts of his Tinder headline.

No one wants to hear about your drug and alcohol use because it’s basically stating you don’t have your S together and that you may need to go to rehab.

And as for the “looking for friends” line — what the hell are you doing on a dating app if you only want friends? Have you not heard of Facebook?

FAIL. 

Tinder Headline #12: So Lazy!

If you’re going to say that you’re an “open book,” why not share some stuff about yourself?

Saying things like “ask away” gives women absolutely nothing to work with. You’re basically coming off as lazy and like you’d rather give them a task of getting to know you rather than divulge anything about yourself. Another one of the worst Tinder profiles and headlines a guy could use. Emulate this and you’ll be single for life. 

Horrible Tinder Headline #13: Pound Town

Seriously, dude, how are you even a real person?

This is so bad.

Any woman that wants to steer clear of potentially catching an STD will swipe left on this type of headline.

The only people that might swipe right are sociopaths and narcissists who recognize this toolbox is likely dumb enough to get manipulated and will likely steal his wallet.

Tinder Headline #14: Are You Not Entertained??

First of all, this is way too much text for a freaking profile. I’m not even going to get into everything this guy listed because I might have fallen asleep midway through reading this.

But here’s the big takeaway — women are not here solely for your entertainment, so don’t create a headline that makes it sound like that’s all you want.

You want “company” when you’re in town, which makes it sound like you just need someone to hang out with in between the times you’re back on the road.

Also, why are you even mentioning your job situation before talking to someone? Put something engaging about yourself and then if you start hitting it off in private messages, you can set up a time to go on a date when you’re in town and later let her know about your job situation. 

Bad Tinder Headline #15: Don’t Treat Women Like Pit Stops

Ugggghhh…

If you’re going to be one place for one night, book a freaking hotel. A woman is not your pit stop or your own personal Air BnB.

Worst Tinder Headline #16: Enough with the “Don’ts” and “No’s”

Oomph…

The unfortunate thing here is that this guy could be a cool guy, but you definitely wouldn’t be able to tell. This is one of the worst Tinder bios for men because is so chock full of don’ts and nos (“don’t do drugs, don’t drink, don’t have tattoos, no drama, etc. etc.) that it just comes off as super negative.

Also, if you have a child or children, I can totally understand why you would mention this in your profile. You want to weed out anyone who would be opposed to dating a guy with kids.

However, why not talk about how you love being a dad and also offer some cool things about you regarding your interests? Don’t bring up details about your divorce, your child support, custody, and anything else that is TMI when it comes to a headline. 

Tinder Headline #17: And…?

I’m not dissing your love of God, but is that the only thing you want to tell women who you are hoping to go on a date with? Would you like to let us in on anything cool and unique about your personality or interests?

NEXT!

Tinder Headline #18: Self-deprecation at its Worst

In this tagline, here’s what this guy has basically told me:

• He’s not funny.
• He’s not good-looking — at least not in pictures.
• He’s not good at writing headlines (ok, that one was PRETTY obvious).
• In all actuality, he’s not very good at doing things in general.

Tinder headlines should be a representation of your best self, as should your photos.

Tinder Headline #19: Did You Have a Bad Day?

This one is just weird.

Don’t put eerily obscure headlines or headlines that looked like you copied and pasted from someplace on the web you found when you googled “Inspiring quotes for people who have sucky days 100% of the time.”

Major buzzkill alert.

Tinder Headline #20: Is This Supposed to Be a Funny Tinder Headline or a Public Service Announcement?

The last few lines in this read like that guy who was SUPER INTO the D.A.R.E. program in middle school (and was possibly a nark) decided to join Tinder.

It’s great that you don’t do drugs or commit crimes — that’s something that should just be a given with anyone you date and doesn’t need to be implicitly stated.

Also, “I have a great job, I have a car, a valid license” — THIS SHOULD JUST BE A GIVEN.

And why did you say “valid license”? You’re almost trying to hide something.

Worst Tinder Headline #21: Someone Needs a New Job

I hate when people borderline use their Tinder headlines as a therapy session. Talk to people you currently know about how much you hate your job or start looking for a new one — complaining is always a don’t when it comes to online dating apps and dating in general.

Also, what is up with the “I’m only on here to make some new friends” line? DO NOT GO ON A DATING APP if you are there for friends. 

Funny Tinder Headline #22: Pump the Freaking Brakes

For the love of everything, never write “worth cumming with” or anything about “cumming,” sex, or anything related to sex in your headline. 

JUST DON’T DO IT. Definitely one of the absolute worst Tinder headlines. 

Tinder Headline #23: Don’t Be a Vampire

Don’t say “I don’t bite,” because it’s creepy and — even though you supposedly don’t do it — all the girl who reads this is going to think of is getting bitten by some dude.

That might have seemed sexy in Twilight, but it doesn’t work in real life.

Bad Tinder Headline #24: Are You EVER Free?

When you put something like “workaholic” in your headline, all I’m reading is that it’s going to be hard for you to fit me in your schedule.

Also, loving sports is not unique. Tell me something compelling about your favorite team or a sport you like to play and maybe I’ll be more interested.

Tinder Headline #25: And…?

For one, this tells us nothing about Drew other than the fact that he is “25.”

For another thing, this tells us that Drew forgot to update his headline for an entire year because Tinder is letting us know he’s now 26.

Tinder Headline #26: Pot, Meet Kettle

You can’t say, “Don’t be a weirdo” and then put a cry-laughing emoji next to an inexplicable ghost emoji and expect any woman to think you’ve got it together.

Tinder Headline #27: Ugh

Do you mean you don’t know how to do Tinder, dating, or life in general? Regardless of what the answer is, you better start learning or no woman will ever swipe right on you. EVER.

Tinder Headline #28: This Man Gets Messaged 0% of the Time

Women like initiative and this guy’s definitely failing in that department.

Funny Tinder Headline #29: Where Do I Even Start?

I read this headline three times and I still don’t even know what the hell is going on here.

“I’m full of sugar and make a great daddy…” Wtf?

“I don’t like ego and badass is poison.” Seriously, WTF?

Also, when you put “3 incomes and counting and I still don’t have a real job,” I’m just assuming you’re either a drug dealer or your parents and grandmother are your three sources of income.

Tinder Headline #30: I Love Everyone

Do you though? Do you love Hitler?

Of course, you don’t, but painting the broadest of brushstrokes is always a bad move when it comes to bad Tinder taglines. You also come off as overly eager to agree which can be disingenuous.

Funniest Tinder Headline #31: OMFG 

It’s taken me a while to write my thoughts on this headline— not because I didn’t know what to write, but because I spent about five minutes laughing my ass off after I read this.

Clearly, the creation of this headline was preceded by a minimum of five bong hits. The only thing I’ll give him credit for is that he is VERY HONEST (although, I have a feeling the “9inches” part might have been greatly exaggerated), i.e., no poor woman would ever be caught off guard by the fact that he’s the worst.

But seriously, this might be the MOST funny Tinder bios for guys example you’ll ever find. It’s as much a laugh riot as it is a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink and smoke yourself into nonsensical oblivious.

Tinder Headline #32: Five Terrible Headlines In One

This one reads like a guy who saw five horrible taglines and thought to himself, “Is there a way for be to stuff all of these into one tagline? Challenge accepted!”

Oy.

Let’s go over the problems here, shall we?

• “Yeah I’m sensitive.” You don’t need to tell me you’re sensitive, just be sensitive, i.e., be a decent person and we’ll be cool. And that dog emoji next to your sensitive statement isn’t making me dislike you any less. Speaking of emojis…
• Why are there seven emojis in a row? I guess that’s supposed to be this guy’s interests? Either way, it looks weird and is an example of overuse of emojis.
• STOP saying “if it does matter” — you wrote it down so it clearly matters!fu
• The whole “ain’t no muscles and brags or shirtless selfies” is self-deprecation gone wrong.
• The “…if I super liked you I actually did” — what??

32 Funny Tinder Headlines for Guys Wrap-Up: Be the Best, Not the Worst

I hope you got some laughs out of these headlines. I know I did. But do me a favor and never use them.

For better ideas check out my posts on the Best Tinder Taglines for Guys, the Best POF Headlines for Guys, and the Best Tinder Opening Lines. 

I also recommend that you use a variety of different dating apps. Here’s my article on some other free dating sites and apps for you to sign up with. 

Want to get more Tinder matches and stay out of the friend-zone for good? Is your goal to get a real life girlfriend in 90 days? If so, I’m here to help.

Head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we will go over your dating roadblocks and create an action plan to help you crush your dating goals. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you.