Are you looking for love, marriage, or a long term relationship here in the San Francisco Bay Area? Let me re-frame that…..are you STILL looking for love, marriage, or a long term relationship here in the San Francisco Bay Area? As a San Francisco Dating Coach, it boggles my mind that so many good looking, fun, and successful locals are still knocking their heads and wondering “why am I still single?”

The San Francisco Bay Area is a very unique part of the world. Your finding love in San Francisco problem is common. You shouldn’t take it personal. Seek some vengeance from how difficult of a time you are having. Consider developing a new dating strategy, like MegaDating. 

How do I know megadating will work, you ask? Before I became a dating coach, during my time at Cal Berkeley in 2011/2012 – I wanted to know if true love really existed. So I decided to embark on a 100-date experiment with all types of men – meeting them in many different ways. I documented each individual date- charting the positives and negatives of each experience. By the end of my experiment, I learned so much about myself, single guys in the Bay Area, and guess what – I found a keeper. It only took 100 dates. 🙂 

So how can my experiment help you? Well, I made a ton of dating mistakes while on my journey. The good news is- you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. If you follow the strategies below, you will save a ton of time and negativity and get on your way to your next long term relationship. So here they are, EmLovz Top 5 Strategies to Finding Your Next Long Term Relationship:

Reverse Engineer Your Past

How did you meet your last dating partner? Was it through your friend Mike or Amy? Was it from the end of long evening at a wine bar? I want you to write down the names of the last 5 people you dated. Next to each name, write down how you met him or her. Here is how your list might look:

Do you see any patterns on the list above? If you reverse engineer the example from the image above, this person uses alcohol or social events to finding a connection. From my research, most people find it comforting to use 1 or 2 methods when pursuing their next partner.  

During my 100 date experiment – I realized I was meeting men only on OKCupid. Furthermore, I never updated my profile- so I continued attract the same old bad boys. So what did I do? What do you need to do if your list is repeating the same old pattern?

Expand your horizons. Try meeting your next 5 dating partners in different ways. Some examples include meeting thru friends, at the gym, in a yoga class, in a co-ed sports league, in a cooking class, on a different online dating site, in a different San Francisco district, on meetup.com, thru a matchmaker, and the list goes on. Don’t be routine, end of story.

MegaDating (The EmLovz Mantra)

After a breakup, are you one of those people who falls for the next person you meet? If so, no offense- but it’s no wonder you are still single. You have to truly understand “who you are” before you can be someone’s partner. When the dust settled after my 100-date experiment- I quickly realized how much I learned about myself, the world, and the opposite sex. My recommendation is to date at least 10-15 people in a short period of time. This is part of my megadating strategy that could help you find love in San Francisco. During the process you’ll slowly start to gauge the type of person you would like to share your life with.

Megadating will diffuse your energy and will calm down your emotions – while revitalizing your sense of self.  I’m not telling you to kiss or be a super-slut during your megadating journey! If you are truly looking for a long term relationship – you’ll wait at least until date 3 to have sex. 

Does Megadating seem like an impossible task? Are you struggling just to get one good quality date? Well, that leads to my next tip of using the right tools for the job. 

Take Your Date to the Right Locations

San Francisco is full of fantastic date locations. You need to make sure you choose a date location that is suitable for a first, second, or third date. For example, I recommend you hike on date #2 only (of dates 1 through 3). Hiking on a first date is a bad idea because you hikes usually last more than an hour, and I never recommend a first date lasts more than 1 hour. Hiking on a third date is a bad idea because this is date where physical intimacy most often occurs.

Learn more about the best San Francisco date ideas and WHY it’s important you select the right location based on what number date you’re going on.

Use the Right Online Dating Tools

There are so many online dating tools that can help you find love in San Francisco. First, check out my post on the best online dating sites for relationships. By reading that post you’ll learn using niche dating sites can really help your search to find love. People love sharing commonalities. Shared interests are the backbone of a great relationship. In addition to using niche dating sites, I recommend you sign up (and pay) for eHarmony. There are an abundance of relationship minded people on eHarmony, plus both men and women pay, so it evens the playing field. 

There are also a ton of dating apps you can use during your quest of finding love in San Francisco. Recently I had a guest post written by Pauline Plott on the best dating apps to find a relationship. I agree with her that Bumble is a great tool. I would also recommend you try Hinge. Hinge is marketed as the “relationship minded” app. Here’s a few more articles for you to get some online dating tips: 

• Best Bumble Profile for Men
• Craft one of the Best Tinder Bios for Guys
• Check out some of the Best Tinder Taglines for Guys
• Tips to Get More Matches on Bumble

Stop Meeting Intoxicated People

This strategy is very simple. If you are on a mission of finding love in San Francisco- stop meeting potential life partners at bars, clubs, or other drinking related gatherings. Does Buster Posey, who is serious about baseball, slam a shot of vodka before he plays ball? NO!

If you are serious about finding the one, would you think that someone who is half drunk would be in it for the long haul with you? Even if you are saying “Well, I do go to high-level, classy wine bars.” Still, the brain functions much differently when a person has consumed three glasses of wine.

I’m not saying that you will never find the one at a bar. In fact, a couple of my friends who are in long term relationships did in fact meet at a bar. It’s just that the probability and chances are much lower. Check out my article on where to meet women other than bars for more ideas on this topic. 

Don’t Have A Type

Ladies- do you always look for a dark, tall, and handsome guy? Guys- do you only go for busty, blonde women? If you are saying “Yep” to either one of those questions- then it’s time to look outside the box. When in life does anything go exactly to plan? In my opinion, never. So does it make sense to block out potential partners that don’t exactly fit your criteria?

During my experiment, I tweaked and altered the criteria of men I dated. I learned to open my mind to men of different ethnicities, jobs, ages, masculinity levels, and more. This helped me find what I was looking for.

Going deeper, how much can you truly understand about a person even if you go on three dates with them? Not much. It takes about ten reference experiences with a potential partner before you can truly understand their morals, values, and life aspirations. If you megadate, and open your mind to getting to know different types of men or women- you might just find what you are looking for. It’s a bit daunting, but try it.

Get Objectionable Opinions About the People You Date

If you are serious about finding love in San Francisco, then you’ll need to stop asking your friends or family for their opinions. Friends and family members have a connection with you. They rarely want to give it to you straight because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. 

That’s where dating coaches come in to play. They can fast forward your progress towards finding love, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or a life partner.

I love working with smart, hardworking people who are determined to reach their dating goals. So if that sounds like you – head on over to my calendar page and book a new client Skype coaching session with me. 

With Love,

Emyli 

Note: This article was originally published on November 30th 2014. It has been updated to assure comprehensiveness with added content.