Why don’t girls like me?
This is one of the most common questions I get when working with my male clients. After being rejected and relegated to the friendzone time and time again, it’s understandable that men find themselves throwing their hands up in exasperation and asking “Why don’t girls like me?”
Difficulty in the dating world hurts your self-esteem and can make you wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Maybe you’re just not the type of guy that can attract women. Or perhaps there’s something written in your DNA that repels girls. There’s probably nothing you can do about it, right?
WRONG.
The truth is that anyone (yes, anyone) can attract high-quality, attractive women if they have confidence and a few expert strategies in their arsenal. And you don’t have to be ridiculously good-looking or rich to get a girlfriend.
In this article, I’ll explore several answers to the question “Why don’t girls like me?” and let you in on the secrets to reverse your self-sabotaging behavior in order to find success.
Why Don’t Girls Like Me?
You Need to Experience More
One reason you might find yourself asking “Why don’t girls like me” is that you aren’t putting yourself out there in various ways. And by “putting yourself out there,” I don’t simply mean seeking out a date.
Maybe you’re not keeping your social calendar full with fun activities that appeal to you. People often meet their partner through happenstance when they have a large social network.
When you participate in activities outside of work that you enjoy, you end up meeting a lot of new people, including potential partners.
Go out and meet new friends by joining an adult sports league, try speed dating, join a hiking group or take an improv comedy class.
You can find a variety of events and activities near you by doing a simple Google search, checking out groups on Facebook, or utilizing websites like Meetup and Eventbrite.
You Don’t Believe in Yourself
If you don’t believe in yourself and are convinced that women don’t like you, you’re basically setting yourself up for failure. It doesn’t matter who you are — women don’t respond well to men who lack confidence and fail to see their own worth.
Even if you don’t realize it when you tell yourself things like “I’m not good enough,” you are unconsciously sending signals to women that tell them, “DON’T DATE ME.”
Low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness are extremely common and there are a plethora of causes that can lead to low self-esteem.
If you find yourself feeling negative and unworthy when it comes to dating, check out my article on Why Feeling Worthy Will Help You Attract Any Woman.
You’re a Pessimist
One reason you find yourself wondering why women don’t like you could be because you’re a pessimist and believe the world is out to get you.
Pessimism is extremely toxic when it comes to dating and other facets of your life. Pessimism puts you in a scarcity mindset, where you believe that opportunities for things like love and having or getting a long term girlfriend are extremely rare and relegated for the elite few.
In reality, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and literally anyone can find love and happiness when they open themselves to it in a strategic, optimistic way.
One way to combat pessimism is by changing your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance. Moreover, an abundance mindset encourages mindfulness, where challenges (i.e., breakups and rejections in the dating world) aren’t viewed as failures, but rather, opportunities for growth.
At the end of this article, I will let you in on my top dating strategy that puts the idea of an abundance mindset into practice.
You’re Not Compatible
Rejection and negative thoughts go hand in hand.
It’s easy to talk poorly about yourself after the woman you’re into tells you she doesn’t feel the same. But just because she doesn’t want to date you doesn’t mean you’re not enough for her, rather you two are probably just incompatible.
She’s a Republican and you’re a Dem, she likes the woods you like beach, you like LOTR and she likes Friends. Some people just aren’t meant to be with each other. Instead of trying to ram a circle into a square, move on. If she figured out that you two aren’t compatible, thank her for figuring it out earlier than you and invest in someone else.
Stop doubting yourself or saying how you’re not enough. Instead, tell yourself the truth, that you two are just too different to work.
Your Dating Profile Needs Work
Online dating is a powerful tool when it comes to amping up your dating game. I always recommend my clients download at least a few dating apps when trying to meet a long-term, compatible partner.
But the thing is, online dating is extremely mainstream. As a man, you’re up against a lot of competition in the online dating world. This is why you need to bring your A-game in order to turn online connections into real-life dates.
Regardless of which dating platform(s) you use, make sure you apply the following strategies in order to optimize your online dating success:
- Make sure that your photos are on point. No, photos aren’t everything, but they ARE very important when it comes to online dating. They are basically the very first impression when it comes to online dating and can be the definitive difference between a right or left swipe. If you want fail-proof strategies on getting the attention of gorgeous, high-quality women via your photos, check out my articles on some of the Best Bumble Pictures and Best Tinder Pics for Guys.
- Complete your dating profile. YES, it matters. Even if your photos are on point, an incomplete profile comes off as sketchy to women. Make sure that you craft a concise, compelling bio (see a great Bumble profile example here) that represents you in a positive light. Don’t write a novel that encapsulates every turning point and life lesson you’ve encountered in your personal trajectory thus far — remember that the internet and apps encourage short attention spans and she’s not going to want to read through all that.
- Give yourself a generous range when it comes to distance. Think about your preferred distance and increase that by 10-15 miles if you live in a city and 30-40 miles if you live in a county or rural environment. This will increase your number and quality of matches.
- If you don’t have a preferred age range — or haven’t had a lot of experience dating women younger or older than you — get outside of your comfort zone by widening your age preferences on your profile. There can be a lot of benefits of dating both younger or older women, as well as those your age. Basically, keep your options open so you can get as many matches and enjoy as many informative dating experiences as possible.
You Haven’t Mastered the Art of Messaging & Objection Handling
We all know that online dating is a big part of modern dating.
If you’re not meeting women online chances are you’re not meeting them IRL either.
A massive part of online dating is messaging (this goes for texting as well).
You see, when you’re online, you’re just another profile. Just another random guy from a stack of seemingly endless identical men. To stand out you’ll have to not only have a solid profile, but the texting chops to convince her to choose you out of the hundreds of other matches.
Luckily it’s pretty easy — if you know what you’re doing.
We’ll really dive in when you enroll in Dating Decoded, but before then here are a few tips to keep in mind.
- Keep the conversation revolving around her interests
- Use her profile to inform what you say
- Your opening message should be a question
- Engage her for as long as possible while she’s online, once she’s gone you may not get another shot
- Get her number of use a TDL to ask her out ASAP
When you do ultimately ask her out, chances are high that she’ll reject your date idea.
If that’s the case simply pitch her another.
Women Don’t Know You Like Them
If you’re a shy guy (or at least shy around girls), your reticence when it comes to approaching women isn’t doing you any favors.
When you fail to approach women or let them know that you’re romantically interested, they have no choice but to put you in the friendzone — because they have no idea that’s the last place you want to be.
Women value a man who is confident and direct. Moreover, women aren’t typically hunters when it comes to dating, which means it’s up to you to take the initiative.
Whether it’s online or in real life, you need to toss away fears of rejection and ask women out on dates. One way you can increase your chances of getting a woman to say “yes” to you is by crafting compelling date ideas that come with a clear TDL.
You’re Coming On Too Strong
The opposite of a woman not knowing if you like them is love bombing.
Love bombing is a display of over-the-top acts of love and affection. It looks like buying her flowers on a first date, surprising her with a weekend getaway after only dating for a couple weeks, bringing her gifts, and only eating at the fanciest restaurants. But more than anything, love bombing involves telling her how much you like her despite only just having started dating.
Some women may like this and think they’ve found the perfect man, others may run away.
We advise playing it cool and not showering her with affection early on in the relationship.
What is a TDL?
A TDL is an acronym we here at emlovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action. It stands for Time, Date, and Location. Using a TDL makes it more likely for a woman to say “yes” to going out with you because they consider it chivalrous that you had the date mapped out ahead of time for them, and this also makes you stand out from other guys who simply ask girls to “hang out” or “grab a drink sometime.”
And when you use a TDL, make sure that the date you suggest is something compelling, i.e., it aligns with her interests and introduces her to a new experience.
For example, let’s say the girl you’re interested in is a horror movie buff who loves all things scary. If you lived in Los Angeles, you could suggest a date to one of Cinespia’s Hollywood Forever Cemetery outdoor movie screenings.
You’re Out of Practice
Be honest, when was the last time you had a date?
If you only go on dates every few months you’re probably a bit rusty. Maybe you don’t know how to make conversation, build attraction, or where to take her.
At emlovz we teach men the one-on-one dating skills they need to woo their perfect woman. But we go further than that. More than just teaching your proper technique we give you a chance to practice your swing during our mock dates.
These mock dates mimic a real-life date. Either online or in person you’ll go on a brief date with one of our coaches. You’ll treat it like a real date. At the end of this practice date, you’ll receive something you’ve always wanted from the woman you’ve dated but never received: feedback. You’ll learn what worked and what didn’t and what areas need improving upon.
Why Don’t Girls Like Me? You’re Not MegaDating
If you’re looking to increase your confidence and quickly reach your dating goals, you need to start MegaDating. MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your calendar full.
MegaDating is the top strategy I used during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a long-term compatible partner and it can do the same for you!
When you MegaDate, dating anxiety decreases and the pain of rejection lessens. Think about it — if you get rejected by one person while MegaDating, it’s not such a big deal because you still have a few other interesting people to hang out with.
Moreover, MegaDating helps you improve your dating approach because, after all, practice makes perfect. And the fact that this strategy takes on a “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” mentality, you avoid getting hung up on the idea of “the one,” chasing after women who ultimately friendzone you and settling for the mediocre.
Isn’t MegaDating Expensive?
Actually, no! If you follow my fail-proof dating blueprint for the first three dates, you’ll find that you can easily MegaDate without breaking the bank:
First Date
The first date should less than an hour, take place during the day and cost no more than $20. The goal of this date is to build trust and rapport.
Some examples of first dates could be going out to an eclectic coffee shop, checking out a cat cafe, or a picnic on the beach. Keep it short and sweet but also keep it creative.
Second Date
The second date should be something active and free. Some great examples would be going for a hike or visiting a really cool museum. The goal of this date is to escalate sexual tension. If you need some inspiration for great physical date ideas, check out 18 Physical Second Date Ideas That Get You Moving.
Because the date is physical, this offers you a great opportunity to break the touch barrier and deepen the connection with your date.
Third Date
The third date is where you can go all out with the nice intimate dinner. The goal of this date is to figure out if the two of you are a good fit as far as morals and values go.
It’s important that you ask the right questions during this date in order to understand if there are any dealbreakers that would prevent you two from having an exclusive relationship.
Moreover, this date is a time where you can become a bit more vulnerable and mesh serious conversation with the lighthearted banter you enjoyed on the first two dates.
Physical intimacy often occurs during this date if all goes well. Make sure that you are fully prepared for the possibility of the two of you heading back to your place by taking note of the points I detail in my Third Date Bounce Plan: How to Invite Her Back to Your Place.
Dating Decoded
One reason you may have difficulty with women is that you don’t quite understand them yet. And that’s ok. Men and women are very different in certain ways, which can make dating a tricky road to navigate regardless of who you are.
Find a friend, mentor or dating coach to help you learn more about dating strategy and how to attract high-quality women.
As a dating coach myself, I’ve helped men all over the world find lasting love. I can help you find the same.
To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.
Our Team
- Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
- Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
- Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
- Darshil is a confidence coach, wingman, and all around great guy to have on your team. Once student, now a teacher he knows what you’re going through and how to get the most from your dating life
- Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
- Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
- Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
- Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online
Our Community
And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.
Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.
If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.
Hear what’s going on in our clients’ dating lives.
