Do you feel like your shyness holds you back when it comes to the dating world? It doesn’t have to! As a dating coach, I have worked with lots of guys who feel like their shyness has prevented them from finding a compatible partner. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly or extrovert to attract amazing women. Below are 10 dating tips for shy guys that will help you get out of your dating rut, increase your confidence, and make it easier to lock in dates with the types of women you’re most attracted to.
Tip #1: Take an Improv Comedy Class
I’m starting this list off strong with one of my favorite dating tips for shy guys. In fact, this tip can be useful for anyone trying to put themselves out there and find love.
An improv comedy class is a great way to increase your confidence, work on your social skills, and learn how to be charismatic — all while having fun!
I love improv comedy classes because they really teach how to celebrate yourself and get out of your head. Because improv strives to provide such an inclusive environment, you’re bound to form some new friendships as well.
You can even use some of the improv games you learn in class as a great way to break the ice with women or add a creative twist to a date.
Tip #2: Choose Active Dates
If you’re a shy guy, the idea of sitting interview-style with a woman during a date and making conversation can seem like torture. Once you know each other better, it won’t be so bad, but let’s face it — first impressions are everything when it comes to dating.
You need to impress her right off the bat, and you’re not going to be able to do that if you clam up during the first couple of dates. This why getting active can be an important thing for shy guys. When you pick a date that gets you moving, you don’t have to worry as much about lulls in conversation because you have an activity you’re focused on.
Conversation tends to come more easily on active dates, particularly when you choose natural surroundings because you can point out the things around you. When you go out to dinner or coffee on a first date and have nothing else planned, you might struggle to come up with things to talk about. On a physical date, the activity can do the talking for you.
Here are a few active date ideas to get you started:
- Roller skating
- Indoor rock climbing
- Beach volleyball
- Partner yoga
Tip #3: Choose a Date Based on Shared Interests
Conversation is going to come more easily if you choose a date that focuses on mutual interests. For example, let’s say that you and the girl you’re going out with like to paint (or dabble in painting). There are tons of fun paint nights or affordable/free paint events that would make for the perfect date.
Websites like Eventbrite and LivingSocial usually have a broad range of these types of events. Checking out Facebook events in your area or even a Google search can help you locate the perfect creative event as well.
Tip #4: Try Speed Dating
When it comes to dating tips for shy guys, look no further than speed dating. Speed dating is an awesome way to meet a lot of women at once without a ton of pressure. Because your interactions are timed, you don’t need to worry about there being a ton of awkward silences.
Another great thing about this type of dating experience is that it gives you a lot of practice when it comes to talking to women. Even if you don’t make a bunch of amazing connections, the fact that you overcame a fear of talking to women and did it with a variety of women will really amp up your game in the dating world.
If you haven’t done a speed dating event before, it’s important that you know speed dating is no longer some awkward event with desperate singles involving name tags and a cafeteria-style facility. Like online dating, speed dating has become pretty mainstream and tons of singles go as a way to make new connections and enjoy a fun night out.
Tip #5: Fake it Til You Make It
A lot of guys who are shy lack confidence when it comes to expressing themselves around women. Although my tips will help you increase your self-esteem, having Jason Statham-level confidence isn’t going to occur overnight.
Until then, try to do things physically that will help you fake confidence. By making yourself act in a confident way, even when you’re feeling unsure of yourself, will help you push through anxiety. It can even turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you are so busy acting self-assured that the self-assuredness actually ends up coming naturally.
Some ways you can fake it and then make it include:
- Smiling: Research shows that the simple act of smiling (even when it isn’t genuine) can alleviate anxiety and boost your mood.
- Strike a pose: Don’t stand with your arms folded and your head down. Practicing poor, closed-off posture exacerbates shyness and sends this message to women: “Don’t talk to me.” Instead, stand tall, shoulders back and keep your arms unfolded to exude a sense of openness. You can also check out this TED Talk for ideas on how to pose in a way that increases self-esteem.
- Ask questions: Don’t let the fact that you clam up keep you from approaching women. If you don’t feel like talking, ask her questions (and then follow-up questions) to show her that you are interested in her and know hot to be a good listener.
Tip #6: Lookin’ Good, Feelin’ Good
When it comes to dating tips for shy guys, busy guys, or really any type of guy, physical appearance is far from the most important thing I mention. You don’t want to base a relationship on the superficial. However, the way that you look does play a part in a first impression. No, you don’t have to be a male model or be sporting a six-pack to attract a woman, but putting in a little effort when it comes to physical appearance goes a long way.
Moreover, when you put in the said effort you end up feeling better about yourself overall, which will make it easier to overcome shyness and approach more women.
Don’t feel like you have to “go big or go home” when it comes to incorporating fitness into your daily life. In fact, going from a sedentary lifestyle to herculean workouts could actually be detrimental to your mental health.
According to a study from the University of Oxford, exercising 45 minutes a day tends to help mental health and wellness. The study went on to say that participating in team sports, cycling, and aerobic and gym exercises tend to be the most effective.
Consider taking a group exercise class or joining a co-ed sports team. This will help you get active and improve your social skills without the pressure of having to talk a lot.
You truly are what you eat because a healthy diet can have a big impact on your mood and overall self-esteem. A recent study from BMC Medicine found that certain foods can significantly improve mood, while others will exacerbate issues like anxiety and depression.
Try to fill your diet with whole, unprocessed foods like vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean proteins and healthy fats. Limit your intake of refined sugars, caffeine, alcohol, processed foods and fried foods. This will make you look and feel a lot better, which will help you have more energy when it comes to the dating world.
Dress to Impress
Think that women don’t pay attention to a guy’s style? Think again. You don’t need to dress like you’re prepping for a GQ cover shoot, but putting effort into your clothing can go a long way and make you stand out from other guys.
It may seem superficial but in actuality, dressing well is just another form of self-care. When you put an effort into your appearance, you’re going to feel more confident and people are going to be drawn to that. In fact, studies show that dressing well can make you appear more sexually attractive, intelligent and trustworthy to others.
Tip #7: Warm Up Socially Before a Date
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, this tip is great for curing pre-date jitters. My boyfriend actually used to do this a lot before we got together.
Set aside a couple of hours before a date to “warm up” socially. You can do this by chatting with friends or going to your local coffee shop and making small talk with the baristas. This will prevent you from ruminating over the date and get you ready for conversation.
Tip #8: Embrace Your Shyness
Shyness isn’t a bad thing. In fact, lots of girls really like shy guys because they find them to be more genuine and humble. Take a look at any romantic comedy and you’ll notice that the nice, bashful guy is the one that audiences root for and the one that — inevitably — gets the girl in the end.
Women aren’t going to turn you down because you’re shy. What they really want is a guy who can push through that shyness in order to approach them, take them out on a compelling date and that they can find a connection with.
Tip #9: MegaDate
Of all the dating tips for shy guys that I could come up with, this may the most important. In fact, this is the top dating strategy I recommend to all of my single clients looking for love.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves going out with several different people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your calendar full.
If you’re a shy guy, MegaDating is going to help you get lots of practice in the dating world so you can get better at approaching women and not feel so self-conscious while doing it. MegaDating also helps with things like rejection. When you’re already putting yourself out there and hanging out with different people, getting rejected by one person isn’t such a big deal.
More importantly, MegaDating shows you that there are plenty of fish in the sea, proving that you don’t have to settle for someone who isn’t truly in alignment with you.
Dating Tips for Shy Guys #10: Get a Dating Coach
A dating coach can give you advice and provide a strategic plan that is tailored specifically to your needs and goals.
As a dating coach myself, I have worked with a plethora of men, many of these who were self-described “shy guys” or “introverts.” The thing is, being a dating coach isn’t about creating a one-size-fits-all plan for certain “types” of guys.
One of the reasons that dating coaching is so effective is because you’re able to receive one-on-one help from someone who will be able to tailor tools and strategies to each facet of your personality. At least, that’s how I operate as a coach and it’s been working so far.
I’ve helped men around the world find lasting love; I’d like to do the same for you.
If you’re ready to get started, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our intro session, we will come up with a unique plan that will help you overcome the roadblocks you’ve been facing in the dating world. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.