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Dating for Introverted Men: A Complete Guide

By Emyli LovzMarch 5, 2019Strategy
dating for introverts

For you, the cliché pastime of hitting the bars with a couple buddies in the attempt to pick up girls is an absolute nightmare. Instead, your ideal Friday night involves a dinner party with chicken carbonara and Monopoly.

As an introvert, you’re used to having your interests overlooked. You might feel like work and social settings favor extroverts.

Dating for introverted men comes with its own unique obstacles. Navigating the labyrinth of the dating world as an introvert can be draining. That’s why you’d be behooved to create a dating lifestyle that favors your personality traits. To help you chisel out that lifestyle, we’ve got you covered with a comprehensive dating guide for introverts.



Where to Meet Introverts

Naturally, introverts prefer to avoid the commotion of a crowded bar, opting instead for a more tranquil atmosphere. If you’re looking to meet other introverts or merely feel at ease in your environment there are a few places you might consider visiting.

When pondering places to go, consider the opposites of all the typical extrovert destinations. The opposite of a bar might be a library or bookstore. Instead of being smushed between a bunch of strangers at a concert, book a mediation or yoga class. Think of all the places you’d like to spend a quiet Sunday afternoon. It’s more than likely that your next date is waiting for you there. Here are a few places you’re likely to bump into a fellow introvert.

Find other introverts here:

  • Bookstore
  • Barcade
  • Book/Poetry Reading
  • Live Podcast Show
  • Dog Park
  • Museum
  • On A Hike
  • Cooking/Art Class
  • Yoga/Mediation Class

Once you find someone of interest, spark up a conversation that feels natural. You know best that there’s nothing that an introvert hates more than pointless small talk with a stranger. Luckily, the setting that you’re in will inspire a conversation that appeals to both of your interests.

Best Dating Apps For Introverts

Each dating app offers unique features to its users. Bumble only allows women to initiate conversations, Jdate is exclusively for Jewish singles, and the French dating app Happn, matches you with people you’ve literally crossed paths with in real life. As you can see, each application is easily distinguishable from the next. However, the pertinent question is which dating application is best for introverts? The answer; there’s no clear winner.

Dating applications are perfect for introverts. Unlike a bar or party, the noise can be turned off with the click of a button. You can tap out and refresh whenever you want to. There’s no reason for you to get burnt out with dating applications when you can control your usage.

But here’s the rub. Dating applications are only useful if your matches are being converted into dates. Eventually you’ll need to meet the stranger you’ve been chatting with. Luckily, it’s easier to direct a conversation one-way or the other and weed out mismatches before dating.

All dating application are introvert-friendly. That being said, the less superficial the application the happier you’ll be with the results. Hinge, OkCupid, and Coffee Meets Bagel are applications that aim to provide users with quality matches. If you’re bored with Tinder, give these apps a shot.



Rules For Dating Extroverts As An Introvert

As the old cliché goes, “you can’t pick who you love.” Despite wanting to court a female counterpart that shares many of your qualities, extroverts have a way of tugging at the heartstrings. But being that you two are polar opposites, lifestyle clashes are inevitable. Should you find yourself dating an extrovert, here are a few rules to keep your new relationship afloat.

  1. Keep Initial Dates Short

As MegaDating advocates, first dates should come with a time constraint. No first date should last longer than an hour. This is a rule that applies to introverts, extroverts, and every personality type in between. Introverts particularly should heed this rule, as they’re more susceptible to social burnout. Chatting it up with a complete stranger for an hour is an exhausting exercise. Be forward with your date and tell her that you can only see her for an hour. If you have the energy, let that rule slide for date number two.

Side-note: here’s a great article for more First Date Tips for Men that’ll help you land that coveted second date.

  1. Let Them Be Free

Being that you both lie on polar opposites of the personality spectrum, there will be differences when deciding on Friday night plans. As a couple you’ll naturally want to do something together. But after a long workweek all you really want to do is kick it at home with a buddy and watch a Netflix doc. She on the other hand couldn’t want anything more than to drink a few beers and play pool with some friends. Although you feel compelled to spend Friday night together, avoid the game of tug and war and instead let her do her own thing.

  1. Don’t Change Them

She’s spent her entire life constructing her personality. It’s doubtful that you’ll be able to change her character. She likes talking with strangers and staying out late. After a few dates you should know what you’re getting yourself into. Instead of pushing back against the tide, go with it. If you foresee conflicts in the future, be upfront and talk about your differences. Broaching the potential for clashes will make them easier to manage once they finally arrive.

  1. Let Her Expand Your Palate

Dating another introvert would be easy. Your Friday night plans would always be in sync. She’d scream in muted silence when you suggest quiet hours, and you’d both probably save a bunch of electricity when you make the mutual decision to switch to candlelight. While all this sounds as relaxing as those waterfall sounds you probably play to help you fall asleep, it’s not pushing your boundaries.

Extroverts offer a new perspective. By interacting with the world through the eyes of an extrovert you’ll start to notice nuances that weren’t there before. By lovingly pushing you into new scenarios you’ll no doubt make new friends, learn about yourself, and maybe even allow you to confront your repressed yearning to dance Bachata.

Should Two Introverts Date Each Other?

This is completely your call. Just because introverts share similar personality traits doesn’t mean that they’re right for each other. If you’ve dating enough different personalities you probably already know if you’re able to date or not date an introvert.

Introvert or not, don’t be deterred by a label. There’s so much more to a person than how they define themselves. Don’t allow a personality label to influence how you feel about someone. The most important variable when dating is how much you enjoy her company. Social preferences be damned. If you two get along, who cares if your personality types don’t perfectly align?

Dating For Introverts: Date Ideas

Honestly, introvert or extrovert who actually enjoys being forced to talk to a stranger for hours upon hours at a ritzy restaurant on a first or second date? Ditch the romanticized interview process by going on a date that takes the pressure off socializing. Excessively chatting about superficial topics is the quickest route to social burnout. Avoid feeling blasé after thirty minutes by taking the emphasis off of each other and placing it on the activity.



Take a stroll around a new art gallery or go hiking. Activities such as these will allow for sufficient quiet time. When someone finally opens their mouth it’ll probably be a comment regarding the shared activity you two are partaking in, thus avoiding shallow talk about subjects that neither of you actually care to talk about. Here are a few date ideas to make dating for introverts easier.

Stimulating Date Ideas

  • Hit up a trendy movie theater that serves dinner and drinks.
  • Watch an indie show and get drinks afterwards.
  • Cook dinner together.
  • Read the same book for an hour and then discuss what you read.
  • Free yourselves from an escape room.
  • Practice your putting skills over a game of mini golf.
  • Team up and run the billiards tables together.
  • Perfect your form for the bowling league you’ll never join.
  • Break a sweat when you scale a wall rock climbing.
  • Be fancy and check out a jazz club.

Need more ideas? Here’s some of my best first date ideas and some physical second date ideas to choose from. Just remember to keep the spotlight on the activity, not each other.

Make Your Limits Known

If you’re seeing an extrovert, it’s almost certain that they don’t understand your pet peeves. A common annoyance for introverts is when they’re ambushed by a friend of hers during what was thought to be a date. It’s pet peeves such as these that need to be discussed. For extroverts, more people truly is merrier. It may be difficult for them to understand why their date is so frustrated.

After a few dates have taken place and the relationship is heating up, have a discussion with your romantic interest regarding your limits. Misunderstanding your reasons for wanting to go home early could lead to a conflict. If there’s only so much socialization you can endure before being burnt out, let her know. Being up front early on can avoid misunderstandings later. 

Stick Up For Your Date

It can be odd bringing your introverted date around a pack of amped up extroverts. Their personalities are likely to swallow your date up whole. Being that talking an outdoor voice indoors comes naturally to your extrovert friends, they may find her silence odd. She’ll only feel even more out of place if your buddies are allowed to critique her character in front of your friends.

Before you hangout with your friends, warn both them and your date. Outline the dynamic and make sure she knows what she’s getting herself into. Inform your friends that she’s not the loudest person in the room and that to converse with her in a meaningful way they’ll first have to win her affection.

Letting all parties involved understand the social dynamic that lies ahead will make the evening much more enjoyable.

Lead The Romantic Charge

Reticence is an adjective that defines introverts. If you’re waiting for a clear signal that she is into you, it may never come. Introverts are experts at keeping their feelings under wraps. If you want the relationship to romantically progress, you better be willing to take the initiative. Read the few signs she’s given you to figure out if she’s receptive to heating things up.

Never Stray At Social Engagements

There’s a good chance that the only reason she said yes was to make you happy. Doubtful is it that she’ll enjoy herself at the party that your old frat buddy invited you to. If she does brave a high-energy environment with you, never leave her side for too long. Ditching her to bask in stories from college with your buddies might be fun at the time, but it’ll land you in the doghouse later.



Be Patient

It doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert yourself, waiting for another person to open up can be a trying experience. Getting to know a reserved person isn’t akin to cracking an egg. Instead it’s a laborious process that’ll take time. Despite the process taking a little longer than you’d like, it’s gratifying to have an introvert slowly open up to you. Dating a reticent person will give you an opportunity to practice your patience, empathy, and your ability to read non-verbal cues.

Dating for introverts is a topic that hasn’t been given as much time in the spotlight as it deserves. To learn more about how to get the most out of your dating experience as or with introverts, feel free to book a New Client Skype Session with me today. We’ll discuss your situation, come up with an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program is a fit for your dating and/or relationship goals.