It’s time to buck the clichés and take a dose of logic. The female psyche isn’t some amorphous labyrinth of emotion that the male brain will never be able to comprehend. We’re not some exotic species that’s only recently touched down on earth; we’ve been here just as long as you have.
So when men (and women) wax poetic about not being able to understand women, it’s really just because they don’t know what signs to look for.
The much less romanticized reality is that “There is a specific suite of behaviors associated with liking, and this same set of behaviors can be found in cultures from around the world,” says researcher Matthew Montoya who recently conducted the most comprehensives analysis on the laws of attraction by reviewing 50 empirical studies related to attraction.
Being able to read non-verbal and subliminal cues will make the reciprocation of feelings easier. Reading her behavior informs your next move and will make taking the relationship to the next level that much easier. Your education in attraction started long ago, but it’s never a bad idea to take a refresher course on learning how to tell if a girl likes you.
#1: She Initiates Contact
If you’re looking for a telltale sign that she’s attracted to you, this is it. By contact I don’t only mean stroking your face or an overtly sexual touch. Each touch carries with it a meaning and a purpose. Reaching across the invisible barrier that is the space between you and her is a clear indication that she likes you.
Breaking the buffer zone means she feels comfortable enough with you to engage in physical contact. The next flirtatious step would be to reciprocate her touch with one of your own.
Of course where she touches you, for how long, and the style of touch can all give you clues to help gauge how into you she is. Generally speaking, the closer to the nether region the higher her level of attraction, but this isn’t always the case.
Perhaps the situation doesn’t allow for her to touch you in a more obviously sexual manner. Placing her hand on yours during a romantic dinner or holding you back as you jokingly run away are both clear signs that the romantic flame is alive and well.
#2: A Case of the Giggles
Laugher is perhaps the most universal human behavior there is. No matter if you’re cruising by an isolated Amish village or through the dynamic streets of New Delhi laughter will be found echoing through each and every household. And no matter where laugher is heard, it almost always means the same thing.
Interestingly enough we don’t necessarily laugh because something is funny. Rather laughter works as a bonding mechanism. This largely unconscious behavior is used to communicate to others that they approve of their actions and wish to form a closer relationship.
Perhaps the jokes you’re making really are worthy of their own Netflix special. But even more probable is that every time she chuckles she’s signaling her interest. Should she answer each of your jokes with a genuine laugh you should be thrilled. Should she be the only one laughing at your sub-par jokes among a circle of acquaintances, you should definitely ask her out (and maybe working on your delivery).
You can glean the intentions of another even if the joke doesn’t come from your mouth. Have you ever been with a group of people and noticed that when a laugh-worthy moment arose not everyone in the group looked at the jokester? This is because humans yearn to share positive moments with the ones they like most. Making momentary eye contact while laughing at another’s joke is just one of the many ways we strengthen bonds and signal our interest.
#3: You’re Included In Her Future
Any working professional understands the value of downtime, but even more so if you ply your trade in the Valley. A hectic workweek demands much needed free time to spend as one wishes. Anyone who works 40+ hours a week considers time outside of work to be sacred. How to tell if a girl likes you is easy when she’s actively trying to integrate you into her life.
Should you be chatting it up with a romantic interest and have your name slyly dropped into her future plans, don’t interpret this as a slip-up. Even though she may have not wished to show her cards too soon, you now know that she’s interested in building some sort of relationship.
Don’t let this signal go by untouched. Jump on this chance to make concrete plans about the future. Then and there either ask for her number or refine that amorphous plan into one that includes a setting a TDL (time, date, and location) with her.
#4: Meeting the Tribe
Being invited to meet friends from your romantic interest’s inner circle is a big deal. Friends act as gatekeepers to a woman’s heart. If an introduction is made it means she’s seeking their opinion. There would be no opinion to seek if you were just another guy; she’s into you and wants confirmation that you’re worth it. Don’t get bummed out if after a few dates you still haven’t met her friends, maybe she just wants you all to herself.
There are generally two ways that she’ll have you interact with her friends. Either you’ll receive a formal invite to spend time with her clique or one of her girlfriends will stick around before a date so that a brief introduction can be made. Both scenarios point towards you edging closer to being considered a serious romantic partner.
#5: How to Tell If a Girl Likes You with Eye Contact
Naturally we occupy our gaze with things that interest us. There’s a reason you never made eye contact with your sixth grade language arts teacher and instead fixed your gaze on your middle school crush. Should you be on a date and instead of looking at you as you demonstrate your storytelling ability she’s engrossed in the background activity, you might want to throw a surprise or two in that story of yours.
Keeping her eyes locked on yours is well and good but she could just be respectful rather than attracted. However, should her pupils dilate -and you’re not dining in a candlelit restaurant- she might be subconsciously signaling attraction. As many studies have shown, having pupils dilate is a sign that we’re excited about a certain thing or a certain somebody.
#6: Romantic Gestures
Doubtful is it that your crush is willing to swap traditional gender roles and ambush you at the office with a box of chocolates and six-pack of IPA.
Perhaps her romantic gestures won’t be so in your face, yet if she does go above and beyond to signal her interest, don’t be so naive as to miss it. Perhaps she brings you your favorite snack the next time you meet, or goes out of her way to fix an issue that you’ve been having. If you’re waiting for her to smoke signal her interest with a love note that gushes poetic you’ll be sent to the grave a lonely man.
Gestures of affection can present themselves in many ways. If she performs a positive act that’s out of the norm she’s trying to pull you in and hook you.
#7: She Solicits Your Advice
With the amount of unsolicited advice dished-out nowadays it seems as if nearly everyone is an aspiring advice columnist. This cultural predilection for advising others has deterred us from asking for advice.
Rarely is advice solicited from someone other than a parent, close friend, or partner. If your date is struggling with a dilemma and asks for your opinion on the matter it means that she genuinely values what you have to say. Having another care about your opinion is a strong indicator of attributed value.
#8: She Asks You Personal Questions
Perhaps the most glaring of red flags should be waved vehemently in the air if throughout the course of a date, your potential suitor does not once ask you about your life. It’s possible that she’s enjoying her Starbucks Cold Brew too much to be bothered to learn about you but most likely she’s just not that interested.
Real attraction is transmitted through oral cues. Asking about the intricacies of your job, what you do during your free time, or about love life are all questions linked to attraction. It might be difficult to draw the line between simple ‘getting to know you questions’ and those that signal attraction. If you’re stuck on this, check out the below articles that will help you decipher the types of questions that are typically asked on the first, second, and third date:
- First Date Questions to Ask Her
- Second Date Questions That’ll Build More Attraction
- Third Date Questions
Be cognizant of when she asks these questions and the tone of voice she uses. If you’ve just described in depth your last weekend yet she still wants more details, she’s interested. If her intonation suggests surprise or an eagerness to know your answer, she’s interested and likes you. Discerning between small chat questions and bonafide interest questions takes time. Should you need a little practice making the distinction try MegaDating.
MegaDating is simply the act of dating various people at the same time. Through MegaDating not only can you more quickly find a partner but also hone your dating skills.
Myths of Attraction
A favorite topic of conversation among men is how to tell if a girl likes you. Despite the theories abounding, more than a couple of these half-baked conjectures are nothing more than myths.
As aforementioned, this year researcher Matthew Montoya and his gang of psychologists combed over 50 empirical studies to determine how attraction was conveyed via verbal and non-verbal cues. Eye contact, smiling, laugher, and initiating conversations were all signs of attraction. However, the flicking of hair, eyebrow lifting, primping of clothes, open body postures, and leaning in were all debunked.
If a non-verbal cue signaling attraction sounds suspect, it’s probably because it is. Stick to what’s been verified and you’ll never be led astray.
Who ever thought the game of monkey see monkey do could ever have any application in a romantic setting? It turns out that mimicking physical and even verbal behavior is a sign of approval and is used to accelerate the bonding process. The next time you’re on a date, alter your posture or drop an obscure word in the conversation a couple times and see if the person sitting across form you follows suit.
#10 Removing Barriers
Perhaps the most subtle subconscious cue of attraction is the removing of physical barriers. Barriers create a divide and have the potential to give both parties ease of mind. If these barriers however are moved it should signal that you have now gained her trust. The obstacles can be as minor as the saltshaker or as major as moving to the seat next to yours rather than staying seated in the one opposite you.
How To Tell If a Girl Likes You Conclusion
Whether you know it or not, you’ve been reading women all your life. Use your previous knowledge and be cognizant of the detailed signs to connect with women you’re interested in.
If you need further explanation of these rules, or want my help with building a new dating strategy this year- take a look at my calendar and book a new client session with me. During our session we’ll diagnose your dating history, create a plan of action, and see if my coaching program will help you reach your interpersonal goals faster.