If you’re wondering how to kiss a girl for the first time, you’re not alone. Aside from sex, the first kiss may be one of the biggest physical milestones in the early stages of dating. When you kiss a girl for the first time and the kiss is AMAZING, then it’s basically guaranteed that you are going to get another date and start to really heat things up.
On the other hand, if the first kiss is horrendous, then you can most likely look forward to never seeing or talking to her again.
A first kiss can be a make or break moment in any relationship. BUT, despite how much the first few sentences of this article may be wracking your nerves, you don’t need to be anxious when the moment arrives to kiss a girl for the first time.
Below are seven full-proof kissing tips to help you know exactly how to kiss a girl for the first time. In fact, exercising these tips could make your first kiss one worthy of fireworks, slow claps, rainbows, and the like.
Tip #1: Leverage Imagination Instead of Doubt
Think about a time when a first kiss went awry for you, or what types of thoughts bubbled up when you were nervous about kissing a girl for the first time. Have the following questions occupy your mind?
- What if she pulls back?
- What if she isn’t feeling it?
- Am I even any good at kissing?
If these thoughts have been running through your mind when thinking about how to kiss a girl for the first time, quit it! This type of catastrophic thinking is super self-defeating and will almost certainly turn her off. Overthinking things can make us nervous and even cause slip-ups in areas where we usually perform well. And I’m not simply saying that to put your mind at ease — it’s science.
According to a study from the University of Sussex, an area of the brain known as the inferior parietal cortex (which helps control things like sensorimotor skills) becomes deactivated when you’re concerned about how a person, or people, will perceive you during a performance.
In other words, anxiety can be part of what makes us screw up royally in areas where we would otherwise perform well.
The study used famous pianists and figure skaters as examples, and noted that these people usually had better performances when they chose to believe the audience supported them and was on their side, rather than allow themselves to feel scrutinized.
As a woman, let me just tell you that we are 100% ON YOUR SIDE when it comes to you feeling good about a first kiss. Believe it or not, we want this kiss to go well just as much as you do. We’re not looking at you expecting you to fail, so don’t let your nerves muck up your performance.
Instead of catastrophizing about how to kiss a girl for the first time, turn your imagination to her and your curiosity about the kiss. Alter your thoughts to the following:
- I wonder if she’s a good kisser
- I wonder how she tastes
- I’m excited to kiss her
- I’m looking forward to what the experience of a first kiss with her will be like
Fantasize about the experience and stop worrying about exactly how to kiss her for the first time. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.
Tip #2: Visualize Your Way to Success
Simply visualizing success can be a powerful tool in helping you learn how to kiss a girl for the first time.
According to research, mental practices that involve imagining a positive outcome can actually bring those outcomes to fruition. Before a big date, try to imagine exactly how you want the kiss to go down. And when the time comes for that big moment, follow these steps:
- Look at her lips
- Picture the kiss going perfectly
- Look into her eyes
When you use visualize success both before the date and at the prime time for a first kiss to happen, you will be sending her a subconscious message that you want her. And when you’re allowing yourself to feel that type of desire, it’s likely to make her want you too.
Eye contact is also a super important component here. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and— let me tell ya— the eyes don’t lie.
If you’re imagining this mind-blowing kiss when you look at her, the sexual tension will be fierce. If she holds your gaze, you’re in like Flynn.
Tip #3: The 90-10 Lean
I’m stealing this piece of advice from the movie “Hitch” — and for good reason. When it comes to the first kiss, practice the 90-10 lean. Lean 90% of the way into her and then hold, leaving about an inch or so between you two. Let her close the 10% gap for the kiss.
What are the benefits of the 90-10 rule?
- It forces you to take things slow and not rush or overwhelm her with a hard, fast kiss
- It lets her know you want her
- Keeps you from being rejected
If you lean in and she either looks away or moves to go inside, you know 100% (as opposed to 90%) that she’s not interested. That may be a bummer, but it’s better to find out sooner than later. AND, it’s definitely a better bet to learn this when you’re 90% toward her as opposed to being locked in a kiss where she ends up pushing you off.
Tip #4: Don’t Be Scurred
When in doubt, kiss it out. If the moment has come and she has given you the signal that she wants you to kiss her, go for it. It’s much better to assume the kiss and go for it than to avoid it for fear of rejection. If you don’t take initiative, that can land you a first class ticket into the friend-zone.
Even a woman who is hesitant to kiss you will likely return a kiss once you initiate it. If she isn’t interested, she’ll pull away. If she doesn’t pull away and you’re feeling like she’s not into it, you can (and should) pull away to alleviate the tension.
The point is to face your fears and not allow your anxiety to keep you from making a move. Even if you get rejected, look at that rejection as an opportunity for growth and opportunity. Sometimes people simply don’t click, and the reasons for that have nothing to do with your personal appeal.
Learn more about why it’s actually important to get rejected here.
Tip #5: Think With Your Dick
Well, I said it.
By this, I don’t mean that you should be aggressive in a weird way or be gunning to get a girl into bed after the first kiss. But it’s important to follow your feelings. Allow yourself to follow the desire and cravings that bubble up when the moment to kiss her for the first time arrives.
Although most people think of the first kiss as happening at the door to her apartment or next to her car when the night is done, that isn’t necessarily true. You may be taking a walk in the park, hanging out in a low-lit, intimate corner of a restaurant or bar, or continuing a conversation inside your car before walking her to her doorstep.
Women love spontaneity, so what may seem sudden to you could come as a welcome surprise to her. Don’t prevent yourself from following an urge because you’re overthinking how to kiss her for the first time. What it comes to that moment right before the first kiss, your body can be smarter than your head, so listen to it.
That being said, always be sure to pull back if she says “no” or gives you singles that she isn’t interested. Signs that she isn’t feeling it could include:
- Pursed lips
- She’s just plain old not kissing you back
- She freezes up
- She doesn’t move her hands from their original position. For example, if her hands were laced together in her lap or her arms were folded in front of her, she will likely not move them from their position to touch you after you kiss her if she’s not interested
If you feel unsure, you can always pull back briefly and ask, “Is this ok?”
Most likely, if you pay attention to her signals and follow the tips in this article, you’re unlikely to get a kiss that isn’t reciprocated — but it can happen. And if that’s the case, don’t take it personally. There can be a million reasons why she decides not to kiss you, many of them likely having nothing to do with you.
If the kiss isn’t met with interest and/or she seems uncomfortable, politely thank her for the evening and move on.
Tip #6: Use the Puppy Pout
As long as a woman isn’t a sociopath, it’s safe to assume that she loves puppies. Women are inherently nurturing creatures, so practicing a puppy pout when appropriate can help you move toward a great first kiss during or at the end of a date.
So when exactly is pouting appropriate?
- After she beats you at a game of darts or pool
- If you flirtatiously ask her what the chances are that you’ll get a kiss tonight and she flirtatiously responds with an answer like, “I don’t know,” or “Hmm…you’ll have to play your cards right”
Tip #7: Know Your Value
When it comes to knowing how to kiss a girl for the first time, some of that knowledge can seem inherent when you know your value. If you believe that you are worthy of any woman and that women want to kiss you, it’s much more likely that the woman you’re on a date with will want to kiss you. Women love a confident man. Confidence is a sign of both leadership and masculinity, and it’s a huge factor in attraction when it comes to most women.
Even if your sense of self-worth is a bit shaky, make sure that your internal dialogue is that of a confident man. Think to yourself, “all the girls want me” and that thought can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tip #8: Get Into a Proper “State” Before Your Date
Make yourself feel sexy by getting to a proper “state” before your date. If you’re in a great state of mind before your date, that will leave you confident in a way that you will know organically how to kiss a girl for the first time when that moment arrives.
Do the following things to get you in the zone.
Listen to Music That Makes You Feel Sexy
We all have our own personal playlists that we go to when we want to feel a certain way. When you’re getting ready for your date, put on some tracks that make you feel sexy.
Music has a big impact on our overall health, and there are several science-backed studies to prove it.
Put on a Cologne That Makes You Feel Sexy
Does sandalwood make you feel sexy? Great! Go dab a sandalwood cologne on your fine self!
Don’t worry about what cologne she prefers. The sheer act of using a cologne that makes you feel sexy can make you come off as more appealing to women because you end up exuding more confidence.
Researchers put this idea to the test when they videotaped male participants, with some wearing Axe deodorant and some not. Female participants were then shown the video clips and rated the men wearing the deodorant as more attractive, despite not being able to meet them in person and, thus, having any idea that a selection of the male participants was wearing deodorant.
It was concluded that the men wearing Axe felt more confident and subsequently appeared more attractive to women based on said confidence.
Have a Drink
Depending on your preferences, you may want to have a drink (just one!) before your date arrives. If you have trouble feeling energized, have a cup of coffee or caffeinated tea.
Warm Up Socially
The term “warming up” isn’t exclusive to the stretches runners do before a marathon or the vocal exercises a musician goes through before taking the stage.
Dating can also require a warm-up, and you can do this by socializing an hour or so before your date arrives. Go chat up friends or your local barista before the date to ease your nerves.
Want to learn more about how to exude confidence when dating a girl you like? Click here.
How To Kiss a Girl for the First Time Tip #9: Megadate
By now you have a ton of strategies in your arsenal when it comes to figuring out how to kiss a girl for the first time. But I saved the best strategy for last.
Like I said before, practice makes perfect. And there’s no better way to practice and figure out how to kiss her for the first time than megadating. Megadating is a dating strategy that involves dating several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy, fill up your social calendar, and increase your confidence.
Megadating is the strategy I used during my 100-date experiment. It helped me understand all the intricacies of the dating world and also helped me find a compatible, long-term partner. Megadating is not about being a player; it’s about seeing that there are plenty of fish in the sea so that you don’t settle for a partner who isn’t right for you. It’s also about increasing your self-esteem and becoming the best version of YOU in and outside of the dating world.
Looking to find your next girlfriend or super serious about finding a long term relationship? I can help. I love coaching hard working men dedicated to reaching their dating goals.
If that’s you, I welcome you to book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we will create an action plan to help you get the most out of your dating life. If you’re an at-home type of learner, I welcome you to sign up for my comprehensive online dating course.