Wondering if you’re attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman? Finding yourself attracted to someone who won’t reciprocate your feelings is rough, but what happens when that person seemingly returns your interests one minute but leaves you guessing the next.
Enter the emotionally unavailable woman.
Being attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman can be frustrating in several ways. She may be wishy-washy, prone to ghosting, critical and leave you wondering if there’s something wrong with you.
In truth, it doesn’t matter how spectacular you are. An emotionally unavailable woman is not going to be equipped to give you what you want or need if you are looking to pursue a long-term relationship.
So how can you tell if a woman is emotionally unavailable? Take a look at the signs below to see if you are in fact attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman.
Sign #1: She Takes Eons to Text You Back
You feel like you may be getting ghosted, which is an invariably awful and all-too-common thing that occurs in modern dating culture.
An emotionally unavailable woman is not going to be sitting by the phone, anxiously awaiting your call — or anyone’s call, for that matter.
An emotionally unavailable woman is someone who is not concerned with making a commitment and does not allow her thoughts to be occupied by when you will or won’t call.
Sign #2: Starts Off Hot and Then Cools Down Inexplicably
It is one of the most confounding things that comes with dating someone who is emotionally unavailable. When you initially start dating an emotionally unavailable woman, she can seem to be anything BUT unavailable.
An emotionally unavailable woman will actually leave you feeling borderline smothered at the beginning of a relationship, only to become distant within a few weeks or months.
Why is this? At times, it can be due to an individual’s personal needs conflicting with biology.
When you start hanging out with someone in a romantic fashion, infatuation sets in. Infatuation causes a massive release of feel-good chemicals similar to those that are set off during certain drug addictions (seriously), which can make even the biggest of commitment-phobes forego their boundaries in order to get their “fix” of emotional pleasure.
Sign #3: She Bashes Her Exes
Look, I get it — breakups SUCK.
And most of us who are seasoned in the world of dating have been burned at least a couple of times by some bad apples.
In an ideal world, breakups would end civilly and with the best of wishes to each other. Unfortunately, that’s not how it always (or often) goes.
It’s understandable that a woman you’re dating has been hurt a few times, and you certainly shouldn’t expect her to spout off glowing reviews of her exes as if she is giving them a 96% fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes. At the same time, if somebody is expressing a high level of hostility and allowing a vent session over their exes’ wrongdoings to take center stage during a date, that’s a problem.
This kind of upset shows that a woman has not healed from a bad relationship, and may not be at a stage where she can emotionally extend herself to you.
On the other hand…
Sign #4: She Gushes Over Her Ex
If a woman is constantly gushing over how her ex was basically a God of Ryan Gosling-esque proportions, that can be a huge indicator that she is emotionally unavailable.
In short, the EX file really doesn’t need to come into play until you’ve established a certain level of trust and comfort with each other. And when the topics of exes do come up, it shouldn’t be a session that includes bashing OR gushing.
When talking about a past relationship, the conversation should be a reflection on what you learned from that relationship, and how that previous experience has led you to a healthy place where you are confident in thrusting yourself into a satisfying and long-term relationship.
Sign #5: She’s Not into “Labels”
When a woman is just kind of whatevs about monogamy, that is a dead giveaway that she may be emotionally unavailable. Here are some examples of things she may say — oh so casually — that indicate she is not looking, or ready for, a long-term relationship:
- ”I’m just not into labels.”
- ”I don’t think humans are really meant to be monogamous.”
- ”I just don’t have time for a relationship right now.”
- “Can we just keep things casual?”
I’m in no way judging someone who prefers to do casual dating as opposed to finding a monogamous relationship — to each their own!
However, if you’re interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with someone, it’s best to avoid someone emotionally unavailable. You may even be wondering if you can “hold out” until the lady in question gets over what she needs to get over — but what about all the fish in the sea who are already done with that type of baggage?
Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve to enjoy dating someone without a litany of red flags occupying your post-date thoughts.
Sign #6: Her Charm is Borderline Unnerving
I’m all about confidence, but if someone has charisma vibes that leave you with an uneasy feeling, you may want to steer clear.
People with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders can be the most disarming of people in the dating world. An inflated sense of self and disregard for others’ feelings mean that these ladies (and men) will have absolutely NO qualms about approaching you or turning their flirtation powers up to high speed.
People with these types of disorders are chameleons. They can alter their demeanor in a way that appeals to your interests. They can often take on the persona of your dream woman, but in this case, that old adage about things being too good to be true applies.
Trust your gut instinct when it comes to these things. It’s normal for people to be a bit awkward and nervous when first dating or in life in general! And, quite frankly, that in and of itself can be charming.
In a nutshell: If that charm and cool-as-a-cucumber-persona are matched by a reptilian stare, STEER CLEAR.
Sign #7: They’re Actually SUPER Unavailable in EVERY WAY
Is the woman you’re interested in currently married or in a committed relationship?
Yeah, she’s emotionally unavailable.
Sign #8: Addictive Behavior
If you notice drug or alcohol abuse, or other type of addictive behaviors, it is a strong indication this the woman you’re attracted to is an emotionally unavailable woman.
Addiction can be genetic, and it can also be a symptom of a bigger problem — depression, a history of abuse, and personality disorders, among other things.
Sign #9: Excuses, excuses, excuses
She would SO LOVE to get more serious, but the following things are holding her back:
- Work is just SO busy right now
- She has “a lot going on” personally
- She’s still grieving a past relationship (FYI, scroll up if you need a reminder — we covered this one)
- She’s just the type of girl who is EXTREMELY independent and, quite honestly, doesn’t need to hang out more than once a month — or even every couple of months 😀
If you are truly interested and emotionally available to someone, it doesn’t matter how busy you are. If you’re limited on time you will find a way to MAKE TIME for that person. End of story.
Sign #10: She is Unnecessarily Critical
If someone is emotionally unavailable, relationships can be a major trigger for anxiety. Dating requires you to work toward a connection with someone and be vulnerable — something the emotionally unavailable person is unable to do.
When you’re attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman, it can be painful to face her constant nitpicking and criticisms. You might also wonder what is so WRONG with you that your very presence makes her so irritable.
It’s not you that’s rubbing her the wrong way — it’s the pressure that comes with dating in general.
Sign #11: She Never Invites You Out or Introduces You to Her Friends
When you date an emotionally available woman, she will want to show you off to her friends. Sure, there is a waiting period before either of you will take your one-on-ones and move toward group dates and gatherings, but after a certain period, a woman should be willing and happy to take you out with her pals.
If she goes out and you NEVER get an invite, that is a major red flag. Meeting someone’s group of friends and going out socially is an integral part of becoming more involved in each other’s lives and building a stronger connection. But obviously, an emotionally unavailable woman wants NOTHING to do with getting closer to you, so why would she extend an invite to meet her friends?
Attract Someone Amazing AND Available
One of the ways I found a long-term relationship was by megadating. Megadating is the process I used during my 100 date experiment, and it involves dating multiple people at once in order to expend energy, increase confidence, and have FUN during the dating process.
Megadating is also a great way to avoid getting hung up on one person, particularly when crossing paths with an emotionally unavailable woman.
Want to learn more? Book a New Client Skype session with me today! During this intro session we’ll uncover anything that might be holding you back in your dating life, create an action plan, and determine if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.