What’s the best way to meet women in real life?
This is a question I get just about every week from one of my clients. Why? Because in today’s world if you’re single and not on any dating apps, you’ll be looked at as odd.
Dating apps offer a convenient solution for those trying to figure out how to meet women without becoming extremely intimidated. Free apps like Tinder and Bumble provide men with a literal catalog of women at their fingertips.
Online dating allows you to meet people you may otherwise not run into. And if you get rejected, so what? It’s not like you’re going to have to face this person in public.
But while I highly recommend you use online dating as a way to put yourself out there, don’t rely solely on this technology when it comes to finding a long-term partner. Choosing a variety of avenues to meet women will increase your chances of meeting someone special. Moreover, meeting women in the real world can balance out the amount of time you spend in front of your phone. So let’s get to it- check out my 5 tips for meeting women outside of dating apps along with 6 tactics you can use to grab more dates in real life.
Best Way to Meet Women Tip #1: Spend Time OFF Your Computer
It can be easy to get lost in the world wide web or stay plugged into your phone. But don’t forget that there’s a lot of life to live outside of your screen.
Spending an excessive amount of time in front of your computer can lead to health problems, including muscle pain, headaches, and fatigue. As for cell phones, a study in JAMA suggests that spending an exorbitant amount of time on your phone can lead to symptoms similar to those found in people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Clearly, there’s a lot of good reasons to take a break from technology.
Tip #2: Spend Time at Potential Meeting Locations
If you’re wondering where to meet single women, go to the places that they (and people in general) tend to frequent. Cafes and bars are two options where you can bring friends and up your chances of meeting a woman.
But be careful when it comes to the bar scene. While there is potential to meet high-quality women here, there is also a big potential to meet alcoholics. And when it comes to finding a long-term partner, you don’t want to end up dating someone with addiction issues.
Tip #3: Grow Your Friend Base
“We met through friends.” Believe it or not, that is a phrase that women love to be able to deliver when talking about their new boyfrihow to mend. It’s true that dating sites and apps are mainstream now, and there’s no shame AT ALL in meeting online. Still, telling people you “met through Tinder” is simply not as palatable as being able to offer a real-life alternative.
And the numbers are on your side when it comes to meeting through friends. According to a survey conducted by Mic, a majority of participants ages 18-34 said that they had met their significant other through friends. Furthermore, 40% of the people surveyed reported that they had started as platonic friends before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.
There are many different ways to grow your friend base, regardless of your age. One of my favorite ways to meet new people is through taking an improv comedy class. Improv comedy classes are very inclusive and provide a safe environment for you to build your confidence while having fun. These classes also teach you important dating skills like how to get out of your head, be charismatic and how to think on your feet.
Tip #4: Try a Co-ed Sports Team
Are you athletic? Even if you’re not, joining a co-ed sports team. It might be the absolute best way to meet women in real life. There are plenty of sporting team options available, from soccer to volleyball.
You can Google “co-ed adult sports leagues near me” to find some options or join a Meetup group for sports teams. Friends may also have some good ideas for you and have one they want you to join with them.
The great thing about choosing this active option to meet women is that:
- Exercise releases endorphins, which will help with nerves.
- Being active prevents lulls in conversation.
- Sports allow you to naturally break the touch barrier with women.
- You’ll be hanging out with health-conscious, fun women who are up for different activities.
Tip #5: If You’re in School, Find a Study Group
Whether you’re getting your undergraduate degree, masters, or are taking a couple courses to advance your current career, a study group is a great way to meet women. Women are going to be more comfortable getting to know you because it’s a safe environment where you are all working toward common goals.
Plus, the fact that you are both studying the same thing automatically builds rapport. You won’t be lacking for conversation because there will always be something school-related to talk about.
Now that you know how to meet women outside of dating apps, let’s move onto tactics that will help you become more confident and nab some great dates while out in the real world.
Tactic #1: Gauge Her Interest
When it comes to dating, rejection is going to happen — and that’s OK. Although it’s uncomfortable, getting rejected is actually a good thing. Face your fears over rejection and you will see that it gets easier over time. Each rejection can teach you something about yourself and allow you to go deeper in your next relationship opportunity.
Plus, practice makes perfect, so the more you put yourself out there the less you will get rejected in the long run.
Still, you don’t want to barrel headfirst into asking a girl out without first gauging her interest. You can show your interest without verbalizing it by making good eye contact, smiling, and listening intently to her. If she reciprocates, there’s a good chance she’s interested too, and you can take this opportunity to ask her out on a date.
If she doesn’t, she may either not be interested or have a boyfriend. Always proceed with caution, but don’t let your caution keep you from making a mood when the moment feels right.
Tactic #2: Push Yourself
Putting yourself out there can be uncomfortable and lots of people can experience anxiety in social situations. That’s ok. The key is to not give up.
When you feel like going home, try and push yourself to look for more opportunities to socialize when you’re outside of your house. It can take a couple of hours to “warm up” socially until your nerves go down and you start to have fun.
In fact, before my boyfriend and I became official, he would warm up before dates by chatting with friends or conversing with baristas at local cafes. This helps you get into the mindset of being social.
Tactic #3: Get a Wingman
When in doubt, enlist the help of a good wingman. If you have a trusted friend who is great in social situations and wants to help you out on your quest to find a great girlfriend, call that guy up.
Not all wingmen are created equal, so you’re going to want to look for the following traits before choosing your righthand man:
- Preferably, he has a serious girlfriend or wife. This will prevent both of you from inadvertently becoming attracted to the same girl. A battle for a woman’s affections is the worst example of a wingman situation gone wrong.
- Don’t pick someone who is really, really, really ridiculously good-looking. The guy should be similar to you as far as looks go. I once asked my boyfriend if he ever used wingmen when he was single and he said “Of course I did. In fact, I normally went out with the same two wingmen every weekend. What was so great about our setup was we all had different ethnicities – so we naturally attracted different women.”
- He needs to have good game and a mouthpiece. This guy should know how to survey a group of women and make all of them comfortable with the idea of hanging out with you guys. He should be confident, not creepy.
- He should be an awesome sleuth. This guy will gather information on who has a boyfriend, is married or comes with a boatload of baggage.
- He’s had experienced setting people up and acting as a wingman before.
Tactic #4: MegaDate
If you put yourself out there in the ways I have suggested, you won’t just end up with one date on your calendar, but several. That’s the point. Enter MegaDating.
MegaDating is possibly the most important tactic when it comes to dating. When you MegaDate, you go on dates with several different people at once in order to reach your dating goals fast. You will benefit from going out with a few different girls at the same time in the following ways:
- By practicing your approach constantly, you will end up getting really good at asking girls out.
- The pain of rejection is lessened. Because you’re hanging out with more than one person, having one reject you won’t be a huge deal.
- You won’t settle for the mediocre.
- It’s fun! MegaDating opens you up to a variety of new experiences.
- Meeting a lot of different people can also teach you a lot about yourself.
- You’ll be less likely to chase after girls or get hung up on waiting to find “the one.”
Tactic #5: Craft Compelling Date Ideas
In order to MegaDate successfully, you need to come up with date ideas that are basically impossible for a girl to refuse. Find out what her interests are and tailor the date to those interests.
For example, if she is a yogi, ask her out to a partner yoga class. You can follow that date with good conversation at a tea lounge. (Hint: If you live in San Francisco, I recommend Samovar Tea Lounge.)
Tactic #6: Use a TDL
When you come up with a great date idea, make sure that you also include a TDL. A TDL is an acronym that stands for Time, Date, and Location. When you use a TDL, women are more inclined to accept a date with you. Why is this? Well, for one it takes all the guesswork out of when, where, and how.
Women are constantly asked if they “wanna hang out,” “get a coffee,” or “grab a drink.” But it’s rare that a guy would deliver a date idea that has all the specifics taken care of.
Think of it this way…
When you go to a job interview, do you prepare for it? How do you think an employer would view you if you came in and just decided to wing the whole thing? Imagine that another candidate comes in completely prepared. This candidate:
- Has taken inventory of the company’s mission statement, values, and bottom line
- Comes with their own ideas
- States how their values also align with the company’s values
Who do you think is going to get the job?
Now, apply this to dating. When you offer a woman a date that has a clear time, date and location, you come off as a much better candidate. Moreover, a TDL requires you to come up with a compelling idea. Don’t just say, “Let’s meet at Starbucks on Saturday at 1 pm.” Instead, assess her interests and offer a date based on these interests.
For example, let’s say she loves coffee and you both live in San Francisco. Don’t just take her to a Starbucks. One place I would suggest is The Warming Hut. The Warming Hut is a coffee and souvenir shop located under the Golden Gate Bridge
This puts a cool spin on the typical coffee date idea by offering a really cool view and an opportunity for a short hike.
Here’s an example of how you could pose this date idea to her:
“Hey, Cindy. As a fellow caffeine fiend, I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me to The Warming Hut. I know you haven’t been there, but they’ve got some coffee drinks that will wake you up in the best way possible. Also, it’s right near the Golden Gate Bridge, so maybe we could take a walk along the water. How would you like to meet there this Saturday at 11 am?”
Notice that I made the time Saturday in the mid-morning. That’s because the best time for first dates is Saturdays, followed closely by Wednesdays and Thursdays. First dates should also take place between 11 am and 2 pm. Having a first date during the daytime allows both of you to go out with friends in the evening. It also will make her feel safer and less pressured. Don’t introduce alcohol on a first date (preferably), because she is likely used to guys asking her out for a drink. Plus, alcohol can lower inhibitions and you may not act as authentically if you throw that into the mix early on.
Never schedule a first date for a Monday or Sunday. People are in a work mindset on those days, and that can interfere with the vibe of the date.
How to Meet Women Outside of Dating Apps: Wrap-Up
I’ve worked with men all over the world to help them find compatible, long-term partners. I can do the same for you!
If you’re ready to crush your dating goals and find the girl of your dreams, head over to my calendar. From there, you can book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me and get started on your dating journey! During our introductory session we’ll diagnose your dating history, create an action plan that is tailored specifically to you, and see if my three month coaching program is right for you.