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How to Ask for a Date on Facebook

How to Ask for a Date on Facebook

When it comes to online dating ventures, have you ever wondered how to ask for a date on Facebook? 

We live in a digital age. If you’re not trilling away during work and study hours typing on a laptop, your smartphone is kept within instant reach, practically acting as its own appendage. Ok, maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but technology plays a pivotal role in nearly every facet of modern culture. Hence the reason online dating has become so mainstream.

But dating apps and websites shouldn’t be the only tool you have in your arsenal when it comes to seeking a relationship. Using Facebook for dating is one example of how you can broaden your horizons and reach your dating goals.

April 2021 Article Update: This article was crafted before Facebook Dating launched.

Here’s a couple articles to help you get started with Facebook Dating:

How to Ask for a Date on Facebook (Without Using their Dating App)

Meeting Through Friends

how to ask for a date on facebook


Despite the advent of dating sites and apps, meeting through friends or in person is still a great way to connect with people.

In fact, a majority of people tend to meet their significant other through friends, according to a study. A survey of 2,373 people between the ages of 18-34 found that most people had met their significant other through mutual friends.

In fact, according to the study, 40% of people said they were platonic friends with their current girlfriend or boyfriend before taking things to a romantic level. This piggybacks on a recent article I wrote on What to Talk About On a Date When You Already Know the Person.

Facebook is the pinnacle social network. A majority of your friends probably use it and it’s a great way to keep in touch. Therefore, if you’re looking to meet through friends, the social media network can really help you out.

Take Note of Mutual Friends You’re Interested In

how to ask for a date on facebook

Maybe you noticed someone attractive and funny at a friend’s event. Or maybe there’s an acquaintance you’re not friends with on Facebook, but that you can easily find via your mutual friend.

Regardless, you should keep a keen eye on potential singles that are friends with some of your most trusted friends on Facebook. This is one of the best ways to use Facebook for dating.

Ask a Trusted Friend About Sending a Request

how to ask for a date on facebook

If you notice that you and a crush have a mutual friend on Facebook, use that middleman (or woman) to your advantage.

When it’s a trusted friend who you are close to, you can ask them whether or not they think it would be a good idea for you to send a friend request. You can also ask if that person is single or in a relationship.

(Hint: DON’T even pursue someone in an exclusive relationship.)

Be mindful of whether or not your friend has any hesitation about this person or seems wary about you reaching out. Even if they’re friends, there could be some red flags that your mutual friend is aware of. Unlike other online dating sites and apps, this is a great advantage, because you can easily avoid a potentially terrible date with someone who looks good on paper but is actually a bad fit for you.

Ask Your Mutual Friend About Your Crush’s Interests

how to ask for a date on facebook

When it comes to how to ask for a date on Facebook, finding shared interests with potential singles is key to turning online connections into real-world dates.

Take a look at past events the person has attended, the types of statuses and images they post, as well as any pages they like or groups they are a part of. See what you have in common and how you can use that to craft an awesome date with this person.

Send the Request and See if They Accept

how to ask for a date on facebook

Once you’ve gotten the go-ahead from a friend, send the person you’re interested in a friend request (pro tip: have your friend notify the girl you’re interested in ahead of time). If they accept the request, you can do some light perusing of their profile in order to identify shared interests. Don’t go too far back in their posts or treat researching their “likes” and “interests” and analyze them like you’re on an episode of CSI.

If you do that and then end up messaging them about a concert they went to in 2005, you risk coming off as a creep.

Simply look at some recent posts and interests and take it from there.

Don’t Twiddle Your Thumbs When it Comes to Messaging

Send the person you’re interested in a direct message after they accept your friend request. You do not want to wait too long to initiate contact. Why?

It comes off as odd. Moreover, don’t make halfway attempts to interact with them by liking random photos they post. A woman will wonder whether you like her or if you’re just trying to keep her on the back burner until something better comes along.

Understand that there are a lot of groan-worthy dating trends pervading the romantic landscape. One of those includes orbiting, where a person you’ve dated ghosts you, only to return to view and like your posts on different social media platforms.

In other words, you liking a woman’s post while timidly delaying any type of real action is a turn-off. Women like men who are confident, direct and take initiative.

The Direct Message

When you use Facebook for dating, you’re going to want to keep a romantic conversation in the private messages. Don’t ask a girl out in the comments session of her latest selfie, for example, or you’re just asking for a one-way ticket to Awkward City.

When you send a woman a direct message, there are two ways you can start the conversation:

  • If you two have already met in the real world, remind her of your first meeting.
  • Mention something on her profile that aligns with your shared interests.

For the first option, let’s say that the two of you met at a mutual friend’s event. You can say something like this:

“Hey Sarah, I’m not sure if you remember me, but we were both at Tyler’s party the other week. I didn’t get a chance to chat with you much amidst the chaos, but I’d love to get to know you better.”

If you’ve never met but noticed her via a mutual friend’s profile, you can mention a shared interest, like a band or food-related interest. For example:

“Hey, Jennifer. I don’t think we’ve met but I’m friends with Erin. I noticed you had some pretty badass insights on the Korean food scene here in San Francisco and I’m a bit of a foodie myself. What’s your favorite spot?”

Once you find a shared interest, you can craft a compelling date idea around that interest that includes a TDL.

What Makes a Date Compelling?

A compelling date is one that caters to shared interests and also introduces the person you’re going on the date with to a new experience. For example, let’s say you live in San Francisco like me. Let’s also say that the person you’re interested in asking out is interested in arts and culture.

A great first date idea would be going to the Chestnut Coffee Roastery in the Marina, followed by a walk to the Palace of Fine Arts (this idea was featured in another one of my articles titled San Francisco Date Ideas).

The Coffee Roastery is a hip, folksy coffee shop with plenty of seating and eclectic menu items. The Palace of Fine Arts is relatively close by (maybe 1/4 mile). I recommend you grab a coffee at the Roastery and then walk over to the Palace of Fine Arts. This is a great way to include some culture on a first date in San Francisco.

What is a TDL?

A TDL is an acronym we here at EmLovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action. It stands for Time, Date, and Location. By offering a clear time, date, and location, you take all of the guesswork out of a date.

Lots of guys ask girls if they want to “hang out,” or “grab a drink sometime,” with no clear plan in mind. This leads to a frustrating back-and-forth and can prevent the date in questions from even happening.

Using a TDL when asking for the date assures that you won’t get stuck in limbo between talking and actually meeting up in person. Every client I’ve worked with who wasn’t getting dates before we started working together was failing to use TDLs when asking women out.

Similarly, every client who learned to use and consistently employ the use of TDLs after working with me has ended up getting more dates with beautiful women–some of them have even gotten more dates than they know what to do with.

Join Facebook Groups and Attend Events

Going through mutual friends isn’t the only way to use Facebook for dating. Another great strategy is finding events on Facebook based on your interests. RSVP to these events and attend them. Look up group pages that appeal to you and like different pages.

Facebook uses an algorithm that gets to know you well and they recommend things you’d like based on your interests, pages you’ve liked, your friends’ interests, etc. As I said, you are much more likely to meet compatible women who share the same interests when you use this strategy.

Moreover, this forces you to get out more and keep your social calendar full. Thus, you’ll be more likely to meet people online and in the real world.

And meeting different people in a variety of ways, diffusing your energy and keeping your calendar full are big components of the EmLovz philosophy. At the core of this philosophy is the ultimate dating strategy — MegaDating.

What is MegaDating?

MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves going on dates with several different people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your social calendar full. When you MegaDate, you get really good at approaching women because it gives you plenty of practice. Moreover, MegaDating allows you to see firsthand that the dating world is full of options.

Thus, this dating strategy prevents things like getting hung up on “the one” and chasing after women who turn out to be incompatible with you. Because you’re getting to know more than one woman at a time, you learn more about what you’re looking for in a relationship. This helps you handle things like rejection, it reduces your anxiety and allows you to crush your dating goals faster than you would if you dated one person at a time.

I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my successful 100-date experiment. It helped me find a long-term, compatible partner and it can do the same for you!

Using Facebook for dating is just one of the many ways you can wrack up lots of dates and attract a high-value partner.

How to Ask for a Date on Facebook: Using the Actual FB Dating Service

As of this writing, the new Facebook dating service hasn’t made its way to the United States…yet. However, testing has begun and it shouldn’t be too long until you can use the social media platform exclusively for dating. Specifics on the app are still forthcoming, but certain info has been released. Unlike Tinder and Bumble, Facebook is steering clear of dating app territory.

The Facebook Dating service will act as a feature that you can choose to turn on and off when you’re logged into your Facebook profile. Only people who are using the feature as well will be able to see you, so you don’t need to worry about your dating activity popping up in your newsfeed.

The feature will utilize things like shared interests (sound familiar) and events as one way to connect people. Facebook’s dating feature is also apparently geared toward those looking for long-term relationships and aims to get people offline and meeting for actual doubts. Sounds good to me!

Looking for Individualized Support?

Want to get more dates and attract the woman of your dreams? Do you have interpersonal goals like finding a girlfriend this year? 

If so, my team and I are here to help. Head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today!

 During your intro session, we’ll discuss your dating roadblocks, goals and create an action plan tailored specifically to your needs. At the end the session we’ll discuss my 3 month coaching and matchmaking programs to see if they’re a fit for you. 

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