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How to Use Facebook Dating to Score Yourself More Dates

By Emyli LovzSeptember 21, 2019Dating Applications
how to use facebook dating for guys

Want to know how to use Facebook Dating to score yourself more dates? If so, you’re in luck. I’ve been testing FB Dating for the past week and seriously, this app is going to annihilate the competition. The oober-powerful algorithm alone is enough to obliterate inferior apps.

If you’re not using Facebook’s new dating app, you’re missing out on tons of high-quality, deeply compatible matches. So what are you waiting for? Grab your phone and keep reading, because I’m going to help you get started with Facebook Dating and show you how it works right now.

For starters, we’ve got to talk about your photos.

How to Use Facebook Dating: Let’s Start w/ Em’s Photo Tips

A cardinal rule for all dating app users is this, don’t look like a killer. Very important to always keep this in mind. Mean faces, weapons, face tattoos, aggressive body language, crossed arms, glaring expressions, depressed looks, and scary costumes, all make women feel in danger. You never want to look dangerous on a dating app. Looking like a killer is a recipe for the super-swipe left. I’ve provided an outline of ways in which men unintentionally scare women away below.

Never Go Full-Thug

No teardrop tattoos, killer (serious) faces, or guns. I wish it went without saying, but I see it so often, that I’m afraid it doesn’t. If you look like a thug in your photos, women are going to swipe left. Period. We, as women, are not going to risk being murdered by a killer.

Safety is always in the back of our minds. Stop using photos of you looking serious because to a woman, it makes you look like a killer. Also, to the guy who used a picture of himself in a Jason mask with a machete…bro, stop. Even if this was your Halloween costume, this is not a good look for dating apps, ever.

That brings me to muscles.

Happy Muscles Only

If you have muscles, make sure you smile and look directly at the camera in your photos. Not smiling when you have big muscles makes a woman think, “Wow, this guy could kill me, he’s a lot stronger than I am.” Moral of the story, no scary muscles.

No Sad Dogs

Happy dog photos are money but sad dog photos are not. Sad dog photos make a woman think you’re a bad doggie daddy. We don’t like bad doggie daddies. Make sure you and your pup look happy in your photo or take better ones stat.

No Beer/Alcohol Photos

Alcohol photos look trashy and send the message that you have a drinking problem. Crop out the booze or find a better photo.

No Sunglasses

If I can’t see your eyes, I can’t trust you. That’s true for all women. Remove photos where you’re wearing sunglasses. The eyes are the doorways to the soul, show ’em off. I’d also recommend that you look directly into the camera. It’s sexy, personable, and authentic. If you’re squinting, ditch that photo, it will make you come across as mean or dangerous. Only photos of you looking super happy should be used.

Answer the Favorite Book Question

I would match with anyone who listed my favorite book regardless of what they looked like. This is a way in. It also signals deep compatibility. Same is true for favorite movie, music, and food. Answer these prompts and be specific.

Add Your Interests And Be Specific

In fact, answer all the questions they’ll let you answer on your profile. The more information, the better, especially if it’s specific. Avoid generalizations like “travel” and “music.” Instead, tell me the location name of your dream travel destination or the name of your favorite musician. Using specific keywords will help you match with more compatible women.

ABU (Always Be Unique)

Consider what sets you apart from other men. After all, you’re competing with thousands of them. You don’t want to be forgettable. Avoid stating things that everybody does, like hiking and watching Netflix.

Instead, why not share your obscure hobbies, like cartography or lama breeding. Demonstrating what’s unique about you will polarize your audience and win you more compatible matches. It’ll also set the stage for interesting conversations and could encourage more women to initiate the message sequence with you instead of vice versa.

Think about it, a guy who says he breeds lamas is going to make it very likely that a woman reading his profile will message him. “Lama breeding? How’d you get into that?” I wouldn’t be able to help myself, I’d have to ask him about it. It’s natural to assume that she would be so curious that her curiosity would compel her to ask a question.

FB Dating Glitches: Updating Your Location

The app is new, so we’ll have to forgive the current glitches. I found that the app seems to struggle with updating your location. The app thought I was in Truckee (California) even when I’d gotten back to San Francisco after a weekend trip in Tahoe. Eventually, it caught up though.

Another Glitch: Updating Your Self-Summary (If It’s Long)

I also noticed that if I wanted to add a lot of content to my self-summary, I wouldn’t be able to see more than a few lines. This forced me to have to copy and paste my self-summary into my notes app and update it there first before copying it back into the app. Hopefully, they’ll fix that.

And Another Glitch: The Message Cue

What’s more, I noticed that they order your messages by the date you match rather than the most recent message. This is terrible for remembering who you’ve talked to, even who you’re currently talking to. You have to scroll through every match in your cue to find the people you’re actually talking too.

Unlike most apps, that update the cue of messages based on when someone most recently reached out, this app orders them in terms of when you match, making it very easy to overlook a conversation you’re currently having. I assume they’ll optimize soon. In the meantime, be patient with women who don’t respond. They may have forgotten that the two of you were talking because you matched days ago and since then, she’s acquired many more matches who ended up cueing up on top of your message.

But Then Again, Maybe Not…

Ironically, when I went back to check on this, I found that some of the messages seemed to get reorganized into the most recent message. However, it’s clearly a little wonky, so keep that in mind when considering your number of responses.

How Facebook Dating Works: When Getting Started

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Get started with Facebook Dating by going to the menu inside of Facebook and finding the dating app. It should show up when you scroll through your menu but if not, Google it and you should have no problem getting started. To my knowledge, you can’t use a desktop or laptop to join so make sure you’re on your smartphone.


facebook dating privacy

No need to worry about privacy when using Facebook Dating. Well, I mean, no need to worry any more than you already do about what Facebook knows. Your friends and family won’t be able to see that you use Facebook Dating is what I’m saying.

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Facebook dating will prompt you to select your gender and what you’re looking for. I should have tried the “Let me be more specific” button. Assuming you can define yourself however you best see fit.

Set Your Dating Locationhow to use facebook dating

This is cool because you can set your location to wherever you want (as long as you’re there when you set it). This is great for people who live outside major cities and have struggled to get enough matches using other dating apps.

FB Dating will Auto-Select Photos For You

how fb dating works

I might recommend starting with the photos Facebook chooses for you. It’s interesting and they’re smart. Could be a good way to present yourself more authentically.

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Don’t worry about your Facebook friends seeing your dating app content. Facebook keeps everything separate while still allowing you to access your stored photos. Pretty cool.

FB Dating User Interface

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This is what it looks like before your Facebook Dating profile is set up and before you have matches and conversations. The interface is simple and easy to understand. Facebook’s dating app layout makes it easy to know who you’ve already chatted with you, who’s liked you, and where to find your profile. It’s easier to navigate than Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge (in my opinion).

Facebook Creates A Profile For You

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The most effortless setup process of all time. Here’s what mine looked like from what Facebook chose for me.

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If you’re out of town when you set up your profile, make sure to change your location setting when you get home.

I noticed Facebook pulled older photos automatically, some of which I didn’t think I looked great in. However, seven years of training clients has taught me that we are not the best judge of our own photos.

What I did notice was they selected activity-based photos and photos where I looked more authentic and less dolled up. If their strategy is to find your most authentic and fun photos, then they’re doing a better job than I would do of selecting my own photos to showcase my personality.

For instance, this photo is one I took on vacation while wearing little makeup. Does Facebook know that a natural-looking face tends to be more preferable to men? Interesting. They may be smarter than we know.

Another goofy photo of me and my pops. Not the photo I’d have selected but it does showcase my goofy side. Perhaps this is more important than I think on a dating profile. I know I’d like to be received as a fun-loving girl so even though, I don’t think I look my best, maybe they know more than I do.

What People See on Facebook Dating Versus Facebook OG

More information about how Facebook keeps your dating profile separate from your personal profile. You can rest at ease.

How To See If Someone Likes You

I love the suggested matches option here. Facebook’s algorithm is super powerful and probably knows me better than I know myself. Their suggested matches are probably similar to what I’d get if I asked my best friend or a family member to set me up. I like it.

Match With People Who Like The Same Events As You

Genius! If I match with someone who also enjoys stand-up comedy events, dog surfing championships, and live Crime Junkie Podcast shows, how much more might we have in common. This concept blows my mind!

Wow, I’d even forgotten that I’d wanted to try bioluminescence kayaking, but Facebook remembered. How compelling would it be if I matched with someone who also wanted to try that as a date idea? Boom, date planning solved, boring dates eliminated.

How Secret Crush Works

Secret crush feels reminiscent of the 7th grade. I love it. This is great if you already have Facebook friends you’re crushing on and want to know if they like you back.

You can even add secret crushes from your Instagram feed. How comprehensive.

Matching With A Secret Crush

how to use facebook dating

When you match with a secret crush, sparks fly, literally (well literally in the app). It’s fun and easier than asking your friend Betty to tell Saul, to tell Eric, to tell Brett, to tell Angela, to tell Brad that you have a crush on him. Phew. Enough telephone tag. Thank you Facebook Dating for making crushing on people easier.

Messaging A Secret Crush

Once you both match in Secret Crush, you can message one another. I’d recommend using a TDL, rather than starting a message without intent. Avoid “hey cutie” or “hi.” Instead, suggest a compelling date idea that guarantees she says “hell yes.”

Safety and Support

Don’t like what your crush said? Have no fear. Facebook keeps you safe by giving you the option to delete, report, or block people. But be nice. This is only if you feel in danger.

Add Instagram to Facebook Dating

I recommend this. It’s a great way to demonstrate social proof through photos. Try not to have all photos just of yourself or she’ll think you’re a narcissist or have no friends.

How To View Matches You’ve Passed On

You can get a second look on people you swiped left on by going to Second Look. If you like someone and they like you back, you’ll see replies to your messages in the conversations tab.

Mutual Friends That You Both Share In Common

This is a great social proof tool to ensure that you can trust the person you’re talking to. If they’re also good friends with your friend, chances are they’re on the “up-and-up.”

Complete Your FB Dating Profile

Facebook automatically generates a suggested profile and you fill in the rest. Thanks for keeping things easy Facebook.

Add Height

Women have the option to filter for height, which sucks for men. To beat the filter, you can set your height to 6 feet or taller. I’ve recommended this to clients before so they’d have a shot at showing up in more search results to get more matches. If you choose to set your height to taller than you actually are, I’d recommend making note of it in your self-summary. Try something like “6 feet in heels” or something else that’s playful.

Honestly, I think the height filter is BS. If I’d have had a height filter on when I met my boyfriend, I would have never seen him. Thank goodness we met through friends. Filtering matches based on height is superficial and has nothing to do with love. I wish dating apps would remove this option. For now, be smart and beat the algorithm. Don’t let your height be the reason you don’t get matches.

Add Children If You Have Them

Never hide the fact that you have kids. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Women would be weirded out if you were. No one wants to find out after the fact, that just makes you look like a bad dad. Be proud of what you’ve created. Proud dad’s wanted.

Add Religious Views

Don’t hide religious views. You’re better off being straight-forward here. If you have very different religious beliefs than the woman you’re dating, it’s not statistically likely to work out. This is because religious preferences create deep values and a mismatch of values is a surefire way to set a relationship on fire. Of course, there are always outliers, but statistically speaking, it’s not likely the relationship will last if you’re extreme opposites in religion.


Facebook somehow knew that I had already attended undergrad. I probably have it listed on my standard Facebook profile. What creeped me out was the prompt to add my graduate school. While I am taking baccalaureate classes, I’m weirded out that they might already know this about me. Maybe I’m reading too much into things.

I don’t recommend using a fancy school to impress women. Sure, it’s nice if you’re smart, but humility can go a long way in helping you to attract women who care more about what you have to say than how impressive your social status is. It might be worth playing around with your education a bit. I like to experiment and see what kind of matches I get when I don’t lead with impressive, status-driven facts about myself. Sometimes experimentation helps, other times it hinders, but it always yields interesting and compelling results.

View Your Completed Profile

And you’re done! Good job… Wait, there’s more. Hmph.

Write An Intro

My first draft started with just three words to describe myself, but later I realized I was wasting prime real estate in not writing more. My second draft included a lot more content that was specific. I’ve listed it below. I recommend using as much space as they’ll give you but avoid filler words and vague language. For more tips on your bio text, check out this article I wrote: The Best Facebook Dating Bios for Guys.

Suggested Photos

I wonder how Facebook decided on these photos? They sure do like the pictures where I’m making ridiculous faces. Also, I think Facebook has me confused with my aunt, cousin, and friends in some of the photos. Not sure how their face-matching software works but it seems a tad glitchy.

That said, I think it’s cool how they capture the photos where I’m being super genuine. I don’t consider those photos the most attractive, but they’re definitely a better indication of who I really am. Perhaps it’s best to take their suggestions and compare the results of who I attract to the results of who I attract when I choose my own photos. Would be a fun experiment. I’m certain it would connect me with matches who are more fun.

Where To Find The Dating App Inside Facebook

facebook dating how to use it

Click the hamburger icon on your phone and skim the various apps that pop up.

how to use facebook dating for guys

I can’t find Facebook Dating on a laptop so I believe it only works on your phone. Or perhaps it’s user error.

Setting Your FB Dating Ideal Match Settings

I recommend setting your age range to 10 years younger-10 years older. 10 years is the max age difference recommended for sustainable relationships to flourish. Beyond that, it can be difficult to relate to meaningful life milestones.

Consider if you were 15 years old when 9/11 happened. And now, you’re dating a woman who was born in 2002. Your girl would have zero personal experience with 9/11, but you would.

The inability to understand meaningful references such as 9/11, or even music, movies and tv shows can forge a vast gap between you and your partner. Hence why, statistically speaking, an age gap within 10 years is fine but beyond 10 years leads to frequent dissolution. Tough to sustain a relationship when you can’t even relate to important life events.

Shortcut Bar Settings

Facebook makes it easy with shortcuts for what you use most often. Thank you, Facebook.

Dating Location

This is cool, especially for my South Bay Area clients who always complain that it’s “Man Jose” or “Menlo Park” and that all the women live in SF. Try updating your dating location next time you’re in the city and maybe you’ll get more matches.

Sure, you might have to drive to San Francisco more often, but the quantity and quality of matches will likely be higher, given that you have a lot more people in a densely populated area to work with.

Conclusion: How to Use Facebook Dating for Guys Looking to Score More Dates

Now that you know how Facebook’s new dating app works, you’re all set to begin a brand new adventure into the wonderful world of dating. Try not to get ahead of yourself. I recommend looking at dating from the perspective of a researcher. Set a goal for the number of dates you want to go on in the next 3 months. Commit to hitting that number before jumping into a monogamous, committed relationship.

Next, focus on being present on your dates and pay attention to how each date makes you feel. Take notes or record audio feedback immediately following each date to gain subtle insights into what you are attracted to and what turns you off. The more time spent introspectively assessing how each date went, the better you’ll get at assessing what creates compatibility for you specifically.

And if you need support and guidance through the process, well you know I’m here for you. Book a session with me to learn more about how my Signature Program can help you find the right woman.