Are you having a difficult time getting responses on Tinder? The culprit could be your Tinder openers. Women get inundated with messages all the time on apps like Tinder, some that aren’t compelling enough to warrant a response and others that are downright strange.
To help you and other men out in the online dating world, I set up an account of my own for research purposes in order to find the worst of the worst when it comes to Tinder openers. I also found some of the best Tinder opening lines along the way, which I highly encourage you to check out. But for now, let’s take a look at 55 Tinder openers that you should never use and why.
Tinder Openers for Guys #1: Slow Your Roll
It’s great to have enthusiasm and positivity, but there’s just a bit too much going on here. Let’s dissect this, shall we?
- Don’t bring up Mondays. Mondays suck and you automatically kill the mood by uttering a word that is synonymous with, “The weekend is over and now you have five more days until you get to sleep in again.”
- Asking how the weekend was is OK, but before I even had a chance to get think about it, this guy gets into the following obtuse question: “Full of sun, wine, and beauty?”
- I don’t…just…what?? Sun, wine, and beauty? Are you asking me about my weekend or describing a painting?
For the record, I think sun, wine, and beauty are all great things, it’s just a weird question to ask a stranger you’re introducing yourself to on Tinder.
#2: Were We, Though?
Again, this is a little too heavy on the enthusiasm — stick to stating the girl’s name once. And just the way this is written makes me feel like this guy has the same tone and cadence as that dog in the old Beggin’ Strips commercials.
It’s overwhelming. It gives me anxiety. Don’t be this guy.
#3: Don’t Be Boring
As a rule, just don’t use Tinder openers that start with an “H,” like:
- How are you?
- How you doing?
These are basically the most generic openers you can use and — guess what — she gets inundated with boring messages like this all day long, all the while pining for someone to actually show they put some effort into thinking up something witty or reading her profile.
Make sure you read her profile and hone in on something that is an interest of hers. You can use that to talk about how that relates to your own interests and start to build a rapport.
#4: A Golden Ray of Huh??
One, avoid hackneyed terms like “golden ray of sunshine.” You want to stand out among the other guys, so be original.
Secondly, the question is this is just confusing. Is he talking about my hair, since I’m a blonde (i.e., “golden”)? It’s just weird, and when guys leave women confused, they don’t want to swipe right or respond.
#5: Don’t Be Boring and Then Ask Her to Be Interesting
He gave me nothing more than a “Hey,” so why should I tell him something good? Enough said.
#6: Don’t Make an Open-Ended Question Super Broad
It’s important to ask open-ended questions when you’re delivering Tinder openers because this encourages the conversation to keep going and to get deeper than a simple “yes” or “no” question would yield.
However, this question is way too broad and vague. A single woman could answer this with a laundry list of reasons or look at it as too obvious — to date someone.
Stick to things that tailor to her interests listed in her Tinder bio.
It’s fine to start with a compliment, but this one is just generic and it doesn’t give me any motivation to respond.
This is even worse than including a “How are you?” because it doesn’t even give me really anything to respond to other than returning that “Hey” with another “Hey.”
#9: Where Do I Even Start?
First of all, don’t be a spambot. And also…what is even happening here? FYI, I looked up Continental Films, and it led to a Wikipedia page that says this:
“Continental Films was a German-controlled French film production company. It stood as the sole authorized film production organization in Nazi-occupied France.”
Once you’re done digesting that bit of information, listen up…
This is obviously someone that is either a robot or hardcore trying to make it in the business, and apparently, I’m a record producer (didn’t know!), so he thinks I’m going to listen to what I can only imagine is a terrible song and make him into the next Justin Bieber.
If you are trying to make it big, regardless of your industry, don’t use Tinder for that. Emma Stone didn’t go from supporting roles to Oscar winner by sending dudes on dating apps her freakin’ reel. Keep your professional life and personal life separate.
#10: Caught Me!
This Tinder opener actually isn’t so bad. Obviously, I was using Tinder as part of research (and for your benefit), so I was not there to actually go on dates or get to know guys on a romantic level.
However, what if I had been using Tinder as a way to meet someone? Plenty of dating coaches are single. This guy didn’t have to do that whole “Would love to hear your thoughts on dating and get to know you better,” out of the date.
He should have simply made his Tinder opener, “Are you on here to meet someone or get more clients?” This would have made things flirty and also challenged me a bit, which is something women like in a man. Don’t be overly agreeable or too eager to please.
#11: Don’t Be Rude
This guy is actually using a good strategy by complimenting me, but also teasing and challenging me a bit?
One thing that you need to be careful of, however, is going the sarcastic route, which many men do. It doesn’t come off as funny, it just comes off as mean. Some different — bad — versions of this opener could include:
- You’re cute. I hope you’re not mean.
- Pretty girls are always b***hes
- You probably won’t even like me!
These examples might surprise you (and if they do, you’re already ahead of the game), but it happens pretty frequently on Tinder.
#12: She Knows What Her Name Is
This is just as bad as opening with a boring “Hey,” — in fact, it might be even worse. If you’re going to call a girl by name (a good thing), follow that up with some sort of question or witty opener.
#13: Another Boring One
Again, this is way too generic and it’s one of a thousand boring messages your match receives.
#14: Which Thing?
In my profile, I had a lot of different interests listed along with general information about me. This guy is saying, “I believe the same thing.” Um, exactly which “thing” are you referring to?
Don’t be cryptic when it comes to Tinder openers. This is a dating app, not the Da Vinci Code.
#15: Yoo NO!
#16: So Close
The problem with this is that — once again — the guy is using generic message after generic message. He was being persistent, which can be a good thing if said persistence is executed in a strategic way.
I always advise my client to try three times to overcome a girl’s objection when asking her out. Although this guy reached out to me more than once, he wasn’t really positioning himself in a way that would compel me to put an end to my radio silence.
He could have been flirtatious when I didn’t respond by saying something like:
- “Hey, didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s not polite to leave a guy hanging? ;)”
- “That cold shoulder doesn’t suit you ;)”
- “Just want to give you a head’s up — my offer to take you out on a date is set to expire soon, and I’d hate for both of us to miss out on a kickass time. Hint: Deep dish pizza might be involved.”
- Or, throw a funny GIF at me.
If she doesn’t respond after a couple times, move on. But at least you know you gave it your best shot and stood out from other guys.
#17: Not a Morning Person
Again, this is a boring message. Also, like Mondays, keep in mind that plenty of people aren’t morning people, and don’t really want the thought of hitting the “snooze” button five times in their mind when they open their Tinder app.
How’s my morning going? Ask me when I finish this cup of coffee.
#18: Knock Knock
That “knock knock” part is just weird. In fact, as a rule, just don’t ever approach a girl by saying “knock knock.”
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, asking a girl about her plans for the day really doesn’t get you anywhere when you simply leave it at that. He could have identified something in my profile that I liked or mentioned something cool that he was planning to do based on our common interests and then asked what my plans were.
For example, I mention that I liked deep dish pizza and Capos (an Italian place in San Francisco that also serves Chicago-style pizza). Since it was Fourth of July, he could have made his first message really compelling by writing something like this:
“I’d definitely take a deep dish pizza from Capos over hot dogs and hamburgers, amirite? Happy Fourth of July, Em. Seeing any fireworks today?”
This relates to my interests and also poses a question that asks me something more specific than “What are your plans?” I’d be much more compelled to answer if a guy could show me he was clever, paying attention to my profile and also asked me something without being super vague.
#19: Coffee + Drinks = No Response
Coffee is great.
Walking is also great.
You know what else is something that’s nice to have from time to time? Drinks!
However, it’s become so routine for people to choose coffee, a walk or drinks as a go-to first date that it’s hard to differentiate between whether you’re going on a date or in for a job interview — and no one likes going to job interviews.
Instead of asking her for a coffee, walk or drinks, get specific about what you have planned for her (along with details on where and when this date will be happening) by crafting a compelling date idea based on her interests.
#20: Don’t Be Afraid to Be Bold
This Tinder opener is actually not bad and shows that he definitely did his homework when it came to messaging me. However, he could have made the fact that he is onto the fact that I’m a dating coach for men way more flirtatious and intriguing. For example:
“So, what does America’s Dating Coach for Men look for in an ideal mate? I want to make sure I exhibit all these traits when I take you to Capos for some deep dish this Saturday afternoon ;)”
This offers up the information that he knows I’m a dating coach with a wink and a smile, i.e., charisma. It automatically makes the conversation more playful, which is an important part of building chemistry with someone.
#21: Love Bombing + A Lack of Proofreading = HARD PASS
It’s fine to offer a compliment to a woman — quite nice, actually — but don’t overdo it. Showering a woman you’ve never met with a bunch of compliments comes off as odd and disingenuous.
Also, this is one giant run-on sentence crammed with way too much information. Keep things short and sweet, and always proofread before hitting the “send’ button.
#22: If You’re Going to Talk Business, Make it Interesting
This feels like an interview question. This guy could have made things more interesting by being playful about my being on as a dating coach, or asking something more specific. This makes it seem like I’m being put on the hot seat.
Again, dating shouldn’t feel like a job interview.
#23: The Emoji Doesn’t Make This Any Better
Even with a fun emoji waving at me, this is still a boring opener.
#24: Another Confusing One
This is just so many different kinds of confusing.
That’s what you use for your Tinder openers? This could mean several things:
- “Well damn — you look good.”
- “Well damn — I can’t think of anything to say.”
- “Well damn — I stubbed my toe.”
- “Well damn — I feel insulted by you even though I’m the one who initiated this conversation.”
Again, don’t leave a woman confused. Confusion means you will not see her naked…ever.
Also, I am from Denver, so I can deduce that his random ass Broncos comment has something to do with that? And why did you put “lol” and “jk” when you didn’t even make a joke?
This guy is just all over the place and I’m done with it.
#25: A Gorgeous Day Calls for Creativity
If it’s a gorgeous day outside, use that as an opportunity to pose a creative idea. Instead of asking her if she’s enjoying it outside, say something like:
“Gorgeous day out. Seems like the perfect time for a [insert cool thing to do outside in your area when it’s nice out] — is that something you’d be game for?”
#26: Don’t Encourage Her to Escape the Area You Live In?
Translated, this is basically saying: Our town sucks, right? Did you manage to ESCAPE the ABYSS that is the place we both reside in?
#27: Milf Fantasy
- I’m not a mother.
- Never say something like this under ANY circumstances. Ever.
This is a terrible Tinder opener for guys, and it’s somehow made even worse (i.e., creepy) with the “Hahaha.”
#29: The “Wow” Doesn’t Help Anything
This is barely a step above just saying “Hello.”
This guy is basically saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to dating.” Now, that’s absolutely fine and a very common problem for singles. I’d love to help this guy (and you if you’re interested…I’ll get to that in a bit…), but when it comes to Tinder openers for guys, this isn’t the way to approach a woman you’re hoping to date. It’s a better opener for when you’re trying to hire a dating coach.
#31: Those Who Make Hasty Assumptions Shouldn’t Throw Stones
For your information, sir, I’m not advertising that I’m a dating coaching business — I am doing research for the men who turn to my services for help in the dating world.
Remember, although I was using Tinder as research, there are plenty of single people who work in the coaching industry who want to find a relationship of their own. And regardless of the reason that someone is using a dating app, don’t make assumptions like this guy did, or you just come off as aggressive.
#32: Multiple Chat Fail
Just like you need to proofread your Tinder openers, you also need to double-check that you’re responding to the right person.
This guy should have just given up right when he basically did the Tinder equivalent of calling me another girl’s name.
#33: TOO MUCH, DUDE!
Remember what I said about keeping things short and sweet? Yeah…
#34: Think It, Don’t Say It…
Unfortunately, some apps have fake robot accounts crawling through their curation, but don’t make your Tinder openers about that.
If you start a good, flirty back-and-forth, you can throw in a, “Phew! Well, glad to see you’re not a spambot — lots of messages on these things about how to increase my credit score, as of late” to be funny and cute.
#35: Working for the Weekend
Instead of asking how a girl’s weekend was, reel her in with humor and shared interests and then offer up a compelling date idea for a weekend you can both look forward to.
#37: Awkward Smileys
I’ve already talked about how “Hello” and “How is your day?” is a don’t when it comes to Tinder openers. But I just want to draw your attention to how strange these smileys look. Maybe I’m just too accustomed to emojis at this point?
Regardless, avoid doing this. Stick to one smiley emoji or just nix emojis altogether if you’re not a pro.
#38: Not On Here Much
If you’re using dating apps as a way to meet women, you should be on there at least a few times a day to find matches and meet potential partners. This guy not only opened with a boring “Hey how’s it going,” he gave me no compelling reason to continue the conversation with him via text.
For safety reasons, women often want to set up a date via dating apps’ messaging system anyhow and will hold off on handing out their personal number until actually meeting and connecting with a guy.
This is nice, but you need more than a compliment to get a girl to respond and connect with you.
#40: This Again?!
#41: And Again…
I know I’ve been repeating myself with these, but I just want to drive home how often women get these types of Tinder openers. It’s just too much of the same thing, and women end up saving their responses for men who make themselves stand out (in a good way, of course). I can’t emphasize this enough.
#42: Comedy is Where the Mind Goes to Tickle Itself
I actually enjoy the line about Will Smith saving us from aliens reference to Independence Day, but the initial opener has got to GO.
I don’t even know how to describe how I feel over the whole “comedy is where the mind goes to tickle itself thing,” and this is probably due to the fact that that is just possibly the weirdest statement anyone has made.
#43: Don’t Just Use a Picture for Your Opener
While memes can make for good Tinder openers (particularly when they are followed up with a short, witty message), messaging heart or some other emoji is going to look incomplete and confusing.
#44: Remember to Add Something Compelling
This is an open-ended question, but — once again — it’s too vague and won’t make you stand out. Ask something compelling or open up with something fun you’ve got planned on Saturday that relates to her interests. From there, it will be easier to set up an actual date.
#45: You Guess?
If it says on my profile that I’m from Denver, I’m from Denver. But regardless, asking questions about where someone is from, why they moved to where etc. is great when you’re actually on a first date with the person.
But remember that you have to compete to make a big impression on dating apps, so this type of Tinder opener isn’t compelling enough to warrant a response.
#46: Tinder is Not Your Place for Hustling
#47: From Innocent to Creepy
There’s just something about this emoji that creeps me out when used by way of greeting. Then again, I can’t think of any emoji that would have made this lame opener any better.
#48: Did You Do Anything This Weekend?
This is another one where you’re wishing me well during a holiday or event — but are you doing anything interesting that day? Otherwise, why mention it if you can’t come up with something compelling for me to latch onto?
#49: What Do I Need to Know About You?
What do you need to know about me? What do I need to know about you, sir? Also, this shows that the guy probably didn’t read my profile, which included more than enough things to reference when coming up with a cool opener.
#50: So. Many. Problems.
This is just a spellcheck/proofreading nightmare and a half. I can’t totally tell if he meant to ask me how I am twice (because if at first, you don’t succeed, try, try, try again? Or something?), or if this was an error.
Either way, this is just a major DON’T when it comes to Tinder openers.
#51: Just when I thought it Couldn’t Get Any Worse…
Fact: Whenever you ask a girl if she is DTF, she automatically becomes opposed to the idea of having sex with you. This. Is. A. Fact.
In other news, don’t be a weirdo.
#52: His Spellcheck Exploded After He Wrote This
If I dissected all the things wrong with this, I feel like I’d just basically be encouraging a migraine.
Let’s just say, avoid everything in this opener and make sure you proofread your messages.
#53: Not Terrible, But…
I like that this guy noticed I had mentioned Ali Wong in my profile. However, he could have made this more compelling by adding a funny quote from the special or mentioning something specific he liked about it and then asking me what my favorite part was.
#54: Information Overload
There’s nothing wrong with putting it out there that you’re a parent — and to this guy’s credit, he was positive about it instead of going into messy divorce details, alimony, etc. (lots of guys do this, believe it or not).
However, the info about his children and work could have been included in his profile. This just comes off as a long essay and way too much information for an opener.
Another boring one. If he wanted to connect over the Broncos (assuming this guy is a fan), he could have made this compelling by mentioning a cool experience he had involving the Broncos.
Maybe something funny or unexpected happened at a game he attended, or he could talk about the coolest place he traveled to see the Broncos.
Write the Best Tinder Openers and Find the Right Match
Have you ever thought about hiring a dating coach? Want a leg up over your competition (the other 35,000 men in your city currently swiping on Tinder)
If you answered yes, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today! During our session, we will diagnose your dating history, uncover anything that may be holding you back, create an action plan tailored to your needs, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you.