Are you wondering how to flirt with a girl without being a creep? As a dating coach and matchmaker, I get a plethora of questions on flirting techniques. The art of flirting can be a difficult thing to navigate. You want to increase the chemistry with a woman so that you don’t end up in the friendzone. However, if you go too far or a strategy falls flat, you run the risk of coming off as a creep — which is the last thing any guy wants.
There are several strategies you can use when it comes to how to flirt with a girl that will leave women swooning rather than cringing. In this article, I offer a variety of techniques to help you flirt with confidence and charisma.
But first, let’s take a look at the flirting techniques you should avoid at all cost.
What is negging? Negging is an act of emotional manipulation where one person uses backhanded compliments to basically low-key insult another person. You may neg a woman and not even realize it. If you’ve spent time in the PUA community (pickup artist), then I’m sure you’ve have even been instructed on how to neg.
For example, let’s say you’re on a date with a woman and she tells you that she believes a man should pay 100% of the time. Now, I personally disagree with that. I do recommend that men pay for the first three dates (find out more here), but past that, you two can start splitting the tab.
But if a woman offers her opinion on this and it’s not something you agree with, respectfully let her know that you disagree and let her know the reasons why. Do not say something like, “Wow, that’s cool that you want to send the feminist movement back a few decades.” That’s negging and it’s NOT ok.
Women like to be challenged and, when a man is too agreeable, it comes off as disingenuous. You want to challenge her and show that you have your own opinions. A healthy debate could even increase the chemistry between you two. However, if you’re overly opinionated, that’s a bad thing.
If you find yourself not allowing a woman to get a word in edgewise and feel your blood start to boil, you need to chill out. It’s great to be passionate about things, but don’t let it get to a point where you’re being rude.
Love bombing is when someone will shower a person with gifts, compliments, and affection in an attempt to hook them into a relationship. At its most insidious, love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is used as an attempt to gain control over someone and the love bombing will eventually devolve into abusive behavior.
Now, if you are showering someone with affection, compliments, and gifts, DON’T WORRY — I’m not calling you a psychopath. But you should know that the girl you date may view this behavior as a huge red flag, especially if she has dealt with a manipulative boyfriend before.
Moreover, when you love bomb someone, it can come off as desperate. You don’t offer a woman a challenge because you are clearly reserving all your attention to her. This automatically gives her the upper hand and can cause her to put zero effort into the relationship.
The last thing you want to come off as is a stage 5 clinger. If a girl thinks you’re clingy, she will automatically book you a one-way ticket into the friend-zone.
Clingy guys do the following:
If you’re doing these things, you need to quit it ASAP. You are not being a “nice guy,” you are being codependent. Women don’t want a guy chasing after them constantly, attempting to elbow their way into their good graces rather than let the chemistry evolve naturally.
If you feel like you have been treading into fake nice guy territory, be warned that you are the type of guy that women will run from with the speed of a triathlete. The good news is that there are ways to reverse being a fake nice guy, which I will get to in a bit.
A fake nice guy is one who constantly bemoans the fact that he is “a nice guy.” He is constantly wondering (aloud) what is “wrong” with all these girls that don’t want to go out with him, and has convinced himself that “women clearly just want bad boys.”
The thing is, the fact that you are constantly taking on a woe-is-me mentality is the exact reason that women don’t want to date you.
Mature women actually do want a nice guy, but they also want a confident, strong guy. When you snivel about how the dating world is so unfair to you and that you are being punished for your kindness, you come off as negative, immature, and incapable of growth.
Another trait of the fake nice guy is putting other guys down. Most often, the men that “fake nice guys” attack are those they perceive as “bad boys,” “agro males,” or any type of man they see as arrogant competition.
Now that you know how to NOT flirt with a girl, let’s take a look at some ways you should flirt.
Get your gaze on if you want to increase the chemistry between you and a woman that you like.
Maintaining good eye contact can be the difference between a woman taking an interest in you and a woman putting you in the friendzone. When you look away, it just comes off as you not paying attention to us, which is super annoying.
Maintaining eye contact is one simple way to increase attraction, according to Jeremy Nicholson of Psychology Today. Nicholson cites a study where participants were paired up, with some being instructed to stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Results indicated that those who maintained a long gaze developed stronger sexual attraction than those who did not.
The simple act of smiling can ease stress and increase confidence. Moreover, smiling can be contagious and when a woman reciprocates your grin, she will feel less nervous as well.
Women like men that are confident; smiling is one way to exude this self-assuredness to women, which will automatically make sure appear more attractive.
There’s a reason that “looking for a man with a good sense of humor” is basically a cliché. Women love a guy who has a good sense of humor. When on a date, one of the biggest turn-offs for a woman is when the guy is super serious about everything. So lighten up!
I mentioned taking an improv comedy class earlier because that is a great place to learn some great games to play, how to come up with great jokes, and just be naturally wittier. You can also use funny movie and TV quotes when it fits the situation.
Most importantly, don’t take yourself so seriously. Self-deprecating humor (as long as it doesn’t foray into masochism) is a great way to show a girl that you know how to roll with the punches.
Breaking the touch barrier is critical when you want to escalate sexual tension. When you first break the touch barrier with a woman, it should be done on safe, non-threatening areas like the shoulder, upper back, and arms. Don’t caress her knee or snake your arm around her waist until you’ve spent some time together and the time seems right.
Some ways that you can break the touch barrier include:
You can naturally break the touch barrier when you choose active dates and craft compelling date ideas that allow you to be playful.
For an in-depth look at these date ideas, check out my articles, How to Be Less Awkward on a Date by Being Playful, and 18 Physical Second Date Ideas That Get You Moving.
You should pay attention to the potential flirting signals a girl is sending you and reciprocate those signals. Some flirting signals women tend to send include:
You can’t really flirt with a woman if you don’t approach her.
Sure, you can make eyes from across the room, but it’ll be nothing more than flirtatious glances if you don’t open your mouth and introduce yourself.
This can be the most daunting part, so let’s prepare.
There are plenty of different ways you can approach a woman provided the context.
If you’re at a library or bookstore, you can tell her that you’re a little overwhelmed by all the amazing choices and that you’d like her to recommend a book.
If you’re at a party, you can sidle up to her and ask how she knows the host.
And if you’re at a youth sporting event you can ask who her kid is or for which team she’s rooting for.
Use your surroundings to add value to how you introduce yourself.
While being organic and tailoring how you approach to the context, if you’re looking for a few generic lines that will work in almost any situation, try these out:
While approaching a woman can be highly intimidating, give yourself props for even opening your mouth.
Putting too much pressure to get a number will deter you from approaching women. Instead, give yourself a pat on the back for even opening your mouth.
Ultimately, the more you practice flirting with a girl, the better you will become. One of the ultimate ways to build your confidence in the dating world and get your flirt on is through MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your calendar full.
When you MegaDate, your anxiety decreases and your confidence increases as you continually practice your dating approach. And because practice makes perfect, this strategy helps you become an expert on several things, including flirtation. As you MegaDate, you’ll notice that you have an easier time escalating chemistry and sexual tension on a date.
Moreover, going on dates with several different people at the same time prevents you from getting hung up on one person, which can help you deal with things like rejection.
MegaDating also helps you avoid settling for the mediocre. This is very important because settling in relationships can lead to things like unhappiness, an unfulfilling marriage, and even divorce.
Furthermore, the fact that you are dating more than one woman at a time stimulates an unconscious sense of competition in women. Rather than chase after women, MegaDating makes women want to chase after you.
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a long-term, compatible partner and it can do the same for you!
Interested in learning how we here at emlovz can help you?
We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.
To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.
And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.
Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.
If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.
Hear what’s going on in our students’ dating lives.