If you’re looking for advice on how to not be clingy with a girl you like, you’ve come to the right place.
There are a variety of factors that can lead to clinginess and codependency while dating or in a relationship. And when you’re first dating, the uncertainty of where this particular romantic road will lead can be anxiety-inducing.
It’s natural to want to talk to someone frequently and spend oodles of noodles of time together when you’re super into somebody, but don’t allow infatuation to sabotage your goals when it comes to the labor of love.
Check out my expert tips below to learn how to not be clingy with a girl you’re dating.
Tip #1: Don’t Bombard Her With Texts
If you’re wondering how to not be needy with a girl you’re seeing, the first step may be to look at the phone in your hand (as well as the multiple texts you plan on sending to said girl).
Look, I get it. When you really, really like someone, you can’t wait to hear from them. And when your text to her is met with silence, waiting even five minutes for a response can feel like five years.
But texting over and over is going to come off as needy and unappealing. Send her one text and give her time to respond. Don’t follow up five minutes or a couple of hours later with something like, “Did you get my text?” OR “Hello??” This is going to freak her out and she may be worried that you’re about to tread into stage five clinger territory.
If you haven’t heard back from her in 24 hours, you can send one more follow-up text, which could include a simple “How’s your day?” or some other open-ended question related to her interests. And if she continues to not respond, the worst case scenario is that she could be ghosting you. Ghosting is a messed up thing to do, and if she’s a ghoster, try to find a silver lining in her behavior.
Ghosting is an act of cowardice. If she’s ghosting you, it’s a clear red flag, and you can move on knowing that you are 1000% better off without her.
BUT, before you can be sure she is ghosting you, operate under a mindset that gives her the benefit of the doubt. There are several reasons she may not be texting you back right away, such as:
- She’s at work.
- She wasn’t paying attention to her phone or had it on mute.
- She got caught up with errands or a personal issue that required her attention.
- She’s worried that she will seem clingy if she texts back too soon.
Patience is a virtue and practicing patience comes with rewards. Just as a watched pot never boils, a watched cell phone is unlikely to ring.
One strategy you can use to make a fast response more likely is to text with an open-ended question. Don’t simply send a “Hey” or “Hello.” Ask her something that is specific to her interests or harkens back to something you talked about during a previous conversation. For example:
“Hey, hope you’re having a great Tuesday. How’d your work presentation end up going?”
Not only is this more likely to prompt a response due to the specifics of the question, but you earn bonus points with her by showing her that you were paying attention to something important to her.
Another thing you can do to avoid being clingy but also get a response is to use a TDL. This is especially important if you just started dating someone. A TDL stands for a time, date and location and it is an extremely important strategy to use when it comes to dating, attraction and getting responses from women.
When you use a TDL, you show a woman that you are able to take initiative by planning a date that is based on her specific interests. Learn more about the importance of a TDL (and how you can use it to get a high-quality girlfriend) here.
Tip #2: Spend Time With Friends
Refusing to renounce your social life in favor of a relationship is one of my FAVORITE pieces of advice when it comes to learning how to not be clingy with a girl you’re crushing on.
Whether you have just started dating or are already in a relationship, it’s important to enjoy social activities apart from one another from time to time.
If the girl you’re dating wants to spend a night with her girlfriends, don’t get upset, jealous or insecure because she is choosing to be with other people instead of you. If she sees that you are upset about these things, all it is going to do is push her away.
Instead, spend time with your guy friends or family members that you are close to. Allow the time apart to be a benefit — not a drawback — in your relationship.
Distance really can make the heart grow fonder. In fact, a study from the Journal of Communication found that the interactions between couples in long-distance relationships tend to be more meaningful than those who see each other regularly.
And if people thousands of miles apart can make it work, you and the girl you’re seeing should be able to handle a little distance — especially if said “distance” just involves one or two nights apart.
Ensuring that a budding relationship doesn’t disrupt your social life is a great thing for you, your friends, and it will ultimately benefit your relationship.
Tip #3: Savor Your Alone Time
Enjoying some sweet solitude is another great way (although it can be difficult) to stop being clingy with a girl you’re thinking about all the freakin’ time.
We as human beings are inherently social creatures. It makes sense that we would want to spend our time with other people. But making room in your schedule for yourself — and ONLY yourself — can yield a multitude of benefits that will impact you as an individual, as well as your future or current relationships. Why?
Being Alone Inspires Creative Thinking
When you indulge in times of solitude, you eliminate distractions that unknowingly stymie your creativity. This helps you explore your passions and increases your overall happiness.
Alone Time Increases Productivity
According to a study published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology, being around people can lower productivity. Use your alone time to finish (or start) a project, plan out your next vacation or catch up on reading.
Alone Time Helps You Get to Know Yourself Better
It may sound hokey, but the most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself. Being able to find comfort in solitude allows more time for introspection and can help you appreciate yourself. Without distractions or a fear of judgment, this time can help you be the most authentic version of yourself.
Tip #4: Increase Your Self-Confidence
When you’re confident and secure, you won’t even worry about finding advice on how to stop being clingy. Neediness often comes from insecurity or jealousy — i.e., you’re always questioning whether or not your girlfriend reciprocates your feelings and worry the relationship could be in jeopardy.
In actuality, relationships that involve a codependent, clingy boyfriend often end because the independent girlfriend feels suffocated and overwhelmed.
I discuss confidence and self-worth in-depth in two of my blogs: How to Be Confident When Dating a Girl You Like, and Why Feeling Worthy Will Help You Attract Any Woman. Here are a few highlights to help you get started if your self-esteem feels in the dumps:
- Exercise and meditate: Regular exercise and meditation work wonders for your self-esteem.
- Practice positive self-talk: Talk to yourself in the third person and make every internal message a positive one. For example, if your name is Steve, say something like, “Steve, you’re going to be fine” or “Any woman is lucky to have you, Steve.”
- Smile: Even if you’re feeling down, the simple act of smiling can boost your mood and increase confidence.
Tip #5: How to Not Be Clingy with a Girl- Simply MegaDate
MegaDating is one of the best dating strategies out there. I know, because I successfully found a compatible, long-term partner by using this strategy!
If you’re not exclusive with a girl or have recently re-entered the dating world, this could be the most important tip on our list. MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several different women at the same time in order to diffuse energy and increase self-esteem.
When you Megadate, you’ll be too busy (and having way too much fun) to even wonder about how to not be clingy with a girl. MegaDating prevents you from being a clingy dating partner, clingy boyfriend, or codependent by showing you that there are plenty of fish in the sea. And when you have a full social calendar and are meeting a variety of high-value women, it’s basically impossible to be needy.
I used this strategy during my 100-date experiment. It worked for me and it can work for you too!
Ready to crush your dating goals? Need some one-on-one guidance? Book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we’ll discuss your dating roadblocks and create an action plan to help you find the girl of your dreams. And if you’re still wondering about how to not be clingy after reading this article, I am here to help you navigate the specific difficulties you are having with your situation.