Are you wondering how to flirt with a girl without being a creep? As a dating coach, I get a plethora of questions on flirting techniques. The art of flirting can be a difficult thing to navigate. You want to increase the chemistry with a woman so that you don’t end up in the friendzone. However, if you go too far or a strategy falls flat, you run the risk of coming off as a creep — which is the last thing any guy wants.
There are several strategies you can use when it comes to how to flirt with a girl that will leave women swooning rather than cringing. In this article, I offer a variety of techniques to help you flirt with confidence and charisma.
But first, let’s take a look at the flirting techniques you should avoid at all cost.
How NOT to Flirt with a Girl #1: Negging
What is negging? Negging is an act of emotional manipulation where one person uses backhanded compliments to basically low-key insult another person. You may neg a woman and not even realize it. If you’ve spent time in the PUA community (pickup artist), then I’m sure you’ve have even been instructed on how to neg.
For example, let’s say you’re on a date with a woman and she tells you that she believes a man should pay 100% of the time. Now, I personally disagree with that. I do recommend that men pay for the first three dates (find out more here), but past that, you two can start splitting the tab.
But if a woman offers her opinion on this and it’s not something you agree with, respectfully let her know that you disagree and let her know the reasons why. Do not say something like, “Wow, that’s cool that you want to send the feminist movement back a few decades.” That’s negging and it’s NOT ok.
How NOT to Flirt with a Girl #2: Challenging Her too Much
Women like to be challenged and, when a man is too agreeable, it comes off as disingenuous. You want to challenge her and show that you have your own opinions. A healthy debate could even increase the chemistry between you two. However, if you’re overly opinionated, that’s a bad thing.
If you find yourself not allowing a woman to get a word in edgewise and feel your blood start to boil, you need to chill out. It’s great to be passionate about things, but don’t let it get to a point where you’re being rude.
How NOT to Flirt with a Girl #3: Love Bombing
Love bombing is when someone will shower a person with gifts, compliments, and affection in an attempt to hook them into a relationship. At its most insidious, love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is used as an attempt to gain control over someone and the love bombing will eventually devolve into abusive behavior.
Now, if you are showering someone with affection, compliments, and gifts, DON’T WORRY — I’m not calling you a psychopath. But you should know that the girl you date may view this behavior as a huge red flag, especially if she has dealt with a manipulative boyfriend before.
Moreover, when you love bomb someone, it can come off as desperate. You don’t offer a woman a challenge because you are clearly reserving all your attention to her. This automatically gives her the upper hand and can cause her to put zero effort into the relationship.
How NOT to Flirt with a Girl #4: Turn Into a Stage-Five Clinger
Clingy guys do the following:
- Text or call a girl ad nauseam
- Make their schedule open in a way that it revolves around her availability
- Don’t take no for an answer
- Constantly check the woman in question’s social media accounts
- Ruminate over the state of the relationship
- Even if you are not exclusive with a woman, you refuse to date or think about anyone else
- Cancel plans with friends just to see her
If you’re doing these things, you need to quit it ASAP. You are not being a “nice guy,” you are being codependent. Women don’t want a guy chasing after them constantly, attempting to elbow their way into their good graces rather than let the chemistry evolve naturally.
How Not to Flirt with a Girl #5: Be a Fake Nice Guy
If you feel like you have been treading into fake nice guy territory, be warned that you are the type of guy that women will run from with the speed of a triathlete. The good news is that there are ways to reverse being a fake nice guy, which I will get to in a bit.
A fake nice guy is one who constantly bemoans the fact that he is “a nice guy.” He is constantly wondering (aloud) what is “wrong” with all these girls that don’t want to go out with him, and has convinced himself that “women clearly just want bad boys.”
The thing is, the fact that you are constantly taking on a woe-is-me mentality is the exact reason that women don’t want to date you.
Mature women actually do want a nice guy, but they also want a confident, strong guy. When you snivel about how the dating world is so unfair to you and that you are being punished for your kindness, you come off as negative, immature, and incapable of growth.
Another trait of the fake nice guy is putting other guys down. Most often, the men that “fake nice guys” attack are those they perceive as “bad boys,” “agro males,” or any type of man they see as arrogant competition.
Now that you know how to NOT flirt with a girl, let’s take a look at some ways you should flirt.
How to Flirt with a Girl #1: Make Eye Contact
Get your gaze on if you want to increase the chemistry between you and a woman that you like.
Maintaining good eye contact can be the difference between a woman taking an interest in you and a woman putting you in the friendzone. When you look away, it just comes off as you not paying attention to us, which is super annoying.
Maintaining eye contact is one simple way to increase attraction, according to Jeremy Nicholson of Psychology Today. Nicholson cites a study where participants were paired up, with some being instructed to stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Results indicated that those who maintained a long gaze developed stronger sexual attraction than those who did not.
How to Flirt with a Girl #2: Smile
Women like men that are confident; smiling is one way to exude this self-assuredness to women, which will automatically make sure appear more attractive.
How to Flirt with a Girl #3: Make Her Laugh
There’s a reason that “looking for a man with a good sense of humor” is basically a cliché. Women love a guy who has a good sense of humor. When on a date, one of the biggest turn-offs for a woman is when the guy is super serious about everything. So lighten up!
I mentioned taking an improv comedy class earlier because that is a great place to learn some great games to play, how to come up with great jokes, and just be naturally wittier. You can also use funny movie and TV quotes when it fits the situation.
Most importantly, don’t take yourself so seriously. Self-deprecating humor (as long as it doesn’t foray into masochism) is a great way to show a girl that you know how to roll with the punches.
How to Flirt with a Girl #4: Break the Touch Barrier
Breaking the touch barrier is critical when you want to escalate sexual tension. When you first break the touch barrier with a woman, it should be done on safe, non-threatening areas like the shoulder, upper back, and arms. Don’t caress her knee or snake your arm around her waist until you’ve spent some time together and the time seems right.
Some ways that you can break the touch barrier include:
- Sitting next to her, as opposed to across from her, on a date
- Showing her something on your phone
- Brushing the small of her back while guiding her to the next date location
- Tapping her on the shoulder after she tells a joke and makes you laugh
You can naturally break the touch barrier when you choose active dates and craft compelling date ideas that allow you to be playful.
How to Flirt with a Girl #5: Reciprocate Her Interest
You should pay attention to the potential flirting signals a girl is sending you and reciprocate those signals. Some flirting signals women tend to send include:
- Locking eye contact with you
- Decreases her proximity to you
- She taps or touches you
- She continuously runs her fingers through her hair
- She remembers everything you say
- She continuously wants to be around you
- She asks to “hang out”
When you notice that she has interest in you, reciprocate that interest by using the flirting strategies I mentioned. And then, make sure you do the following things.
Come Up with a Date for the Two of You
Think about your shared interests and how you can incorporate that into a compelling date idea. Make sure that the date has a clear TDL (i.e., a specific time, date, and location) to ensure that there’s no confusion about where to meet. Using a TDL shows that you’re a good planner and also prevents the two of you delaying the date as you go back-and-forth about where and when.
And remember, even if she has been giving you crazy signals that she’s into you, don’t get lazy just because you have the upper hand. If you like this girl, make the date special and don’t treat it like every other time the two of you have hung out.
Use My Failproof Dating Blueprint
If you’re unsure of how to move forward, refer to my dating blueprint for the first three dates:
- The first date should be no longer than an hour, cost no more than $10-$15, and should take place during the daytime (preferably on a Saturday, between 11 am and 2 pm). The purpose of the first date is to build trust and rapport. Never have first date sex.
- The second date should be active and free. The purpose of the second date is to escalate sexual attraction.
- You can go all out with an intimate dinner on the third date. The purpose of the third date is to establish if the two of you are a good fit when it comes to morals and values.
By following this blueprint, you can allow things to build naturally and prevent yourself from rushing a relationship before you’ve established whether or not you two are truly compatible.
Practice Makes Perfect
Ultimately, the more you practice flirting with a girl, the better you will become. One of the ultimate ways to build your confidence in the dating world and get your flirt on is through MegaDating.
What is MegaDating?
MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your calendar full.
When you MegaDate, your anxiety decreases and your confidence increases as you continually practice your dating approach. And because practice makes perfect, this strategy helps you become an expert on several things, including flirtation. As you MegaDate, you’ll notice that you have an easier time escalating chemistry and sexual tension on a date.
Moreover, going on dates with several different people at the same time prevents you from getting hung up on one person, which can help you deal with things like rejection.
MegaDating also helps you avoid settling for the mediocre. This is very important because settling in relationships can lead to things like unhappiness, an unfulfilling marriage, and even divorce.
Furthermore, the fact that you are dating more than one woman at a time stimulates an unconscious sense of competition in women. Rather than chase after women, MegaDating makes women want to chase after you.
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a long-term, compatible partner and it can do the same for you!
How to Flirt with a Girl Wrap-up
If you’re ready to become a master of flirtation and also reach your dating goals, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today!
During our session, we will diagnose your dating history, create an action plan to help you overcome your dating roadblocks, and see if my three month coaching program could be right for you.
I’d also like to invite you to check out my Dating Profile Services, which can help you find success in the ever-growing world of online dating. My online dating profile services will quickly improve the number of responses to your outgoing messages, the number of incoming messages you receive, your overall profile views, and more. During my 100 date experiment, I analyzed thousands of dating profiles. Since then I’ve been helping men write, assess, or revise their profiles.