Are you looking to change your nice guy image without being a jerk? You’ve come to the right place.
I talk to a lot of guys who feel hampered by their perpetual image as a “nice guy.” And when you subscribe to the old adage about how “nice guys finish last,” the dating world can seem extremely daunting. I’ve even known some guys who tried to act like jerks in hopes that they would attract more desirable women.
And if you’re one of those guys…QUIT IT.
You can change your nice guy image without being a jerk. It’s possible to attract gorgeous, high-value women you always felt were out of your league and still maintain your amiability. Don’t believe me? Take a look below!
Change Your Nice Guy Image By Improving Your Self-Esteem
One of the reasons that nice guys finish last has nothing to do with the fact that the guys are nice. It’s actually because a lot of guys who wear the “nice guy” label with dishonor have some serious work to do when it comes to their self-esteem.
Women are attracted to confidence. And if you’re someone who exudes low self-esteem it won’t matter if you’re nice or a jerk — high-quality women are less likely to find you desirable.
Self-esteem is an inside job. There are several strategies you can use to make you feel better about yourself, including:
- Holistic practices like meditation and yoga that help you zen out and improve mental health
- Making sure you get a good night’s sleep every night so that you can brace the day with confidence and energy
- Eating healthy and exercising, which will help you feel more comfortable in your own skin and improve your mental health
- Wear a cologne that makes you feel sexy before a date, listen to music that puts you in a good mood and practice, practice, practice (I’ll let you in on an expert strategy that will allow you to get tons of practice in the dating world at the end of this article)
Fake it Until You Make It
Gaining self-esteem can be easier said than done. That’s why, when it comes to figuring out how to change your nice guy image, you may need to fake it until you make it.
Even if you’re not feeling confident during a date, the simple act of smiling can help you seem confident.
Turn That Frown Upside-Down
Practice smiling before the first date and during the date. Although it may seem counterintuitive (why smile if you don’t feel happy?) research shows that smiling can actually ease stress and increase confidence immediately.
Not only does slapping a smile on your kisser improve your mood regardless of whether or not you feel like smiling, but a big grin can also be contagious. Your smiling will put your date at ease, and it will make her want to reciprocate the smile by showing her own pearly whites. This reciprocal smiling can actually ease you both and lead to things like laughter, fewer nerves and give you a real reason to smile.
Take a Stand
Another way to exude confidence without actually feeling super confidence is taking a stand — literally and figuratively.
In a now iconic TED talk, Harvard professor Amy Cuddy detailed the many benefits of “power posing.” Power posing involves shifting your body in a way that appears powerful in order to make you feel confident. These poses include things the powerful stands made famous by Superman and Wonder Woman (hands on hips, feet shoulder width apart), along with several others, such as:
- Raising your arms in a high V as if you’re crossing a finish line
- Leaning forward with your hands placed on a table as a show of dominance
- Clasping your hands behind your head and resting your feet on a table when sitting
Now, DON’T practice any of these poses while you’re actually in front of your date. Practice these poses at home (or even during a bathroom break if appropriate) to put yourself in a more confident mindset. You can check out eight examples of power posing here.
Stop Chasing After Women
Want to change your nice guy image without being a jerk? Here’s one way that’s super easy: Stop chasing after women.
When you chase a woman that you’re not exclusive with (or a woman that you aren’t even dating at all), you become completely beholden to her. You may end up losing some self-confidence as a result of that chase and this kind of game playing serves as a distraction from other high-quality women who would be upfront with you and never expect you to exhaust yourself with a chase.
Moreover, when you chase a woman, you also run the risk of coming off as a certified stage-five clinger. Trust me when I say that women can’t stand when a guy is clingy. Furthermore, being clingy has nothing to do with whether you are nice or not. A clingy person is someone who is overbearing and seems to lack respect for an individual’s personal space.
A lot of guys that I talk to who feel trapped in a “nice guy” image are inadvertently coming off as clingy to the women they’re interested in. If you don’t want to be a clinger, avoid the following:
- Texting multiple times even when you get no response
- Obsessively checking the person’s social media accounts.
- Deciding you are “in love” with someone after not knowing them very well.
- Constant rumination over the status of your relationship.
- Attempts to see the person as often as possible or insert yourself in events you know they will be at.
- Canceling dates and plans with other people to see them instead
Don’t Be Overly Agreeable
One way you can change your nice guy image is by challenging a woman in a healthy way. Women like to be challenged and get turned off by men who are overly agreeable. When you’re overly agreeable, you come off as disingenuous and overly eager to please. In some cases, you can even come off as desperate.
If you and a woman don’t see eye to eye on every subject, that’s ok. In fact, a healthy debate can be a great way to learn from each other and build a deeper connection. Conversely, when you’re overly agreeable:
- You seem like you’re overcompensating for something else
- Your kindness can be mistaken for weakness
- It can be difficult to weed out women who are wrong for you because you’re simply going along with everything she says
Women appreciate chivalry. No matter who you are, you should practice chivalry if you want to attract high-quality, desirable women.
If you feel like nice guys always finish last, take a closer look at your dating habits. Have you always been chivalrous? In this day and age, it can be easy to let classic acts of chivalry slip through the cracks. In fact, some guys feel that women would take offense to certain acts of chivalry, like paying for the first three dates and holding the door open for a woman.
I’ve spoken to men before who think that women might actually be insulted if they pay for a date. Although there are a few outliers, for the most part, women want the man to pay for the first three dates. And this isn’t because a woman is a golddigger or is trying to wreck your credit score.
Paying for a first date, offering a woman your coat, opening for the door for her etc. ensures that you maintain a strong masculine and feminine dichotomy on your date. When you and a woman start treating each other as complete and utter equals, sometimes the masculine and feminine roles creep too close to the center.
In heterosexual relationships, this can create more of a platonic chemistry, which can lead to a one-way ticket to the friendzone.
Do Things You’re Passionate About
If you want to change your nice guy image, stop worrying about it so much! Rather than focus exclusively on how you come across to women, fill your life with things you’re passionate about. Take up a new hobby, make more of an effort to get together with friends and family, and stop viewing getting a girlfriend as the end-all, be-all.
Focusing on things that make you happy that don’t necessarily involve romance is a great way to build your self-esteem and decrease stress. And when you’re a person who takes time to focus on becoming your best self, people notice. Have you ever noticed that women tend to desire men who aren’t looking for a relationship or, at least, don’t put pressure on the notion of love?
That’s because these guys are more confident and automatically seem more approachable.
Stop Putting Women On a Pedestal
Another problem you might be having as a self-proclaimed “nice guy” is putting women on a pedestal. When you meet a woman you like, do you shower her with compliments? Gifts? Do you treat her like royalty even before you two enter an exclusive relationship?
What you think is nice is actually overwhelming. No one is perfect and treating a woman like a goddess can actually come across as desperate or just plain extra. One woman I know found herself becoming less attracted to a man she was dating because he put her on a pedestal. While he thought he was being nice, she felt overwhelmed.
The thing is, when you put women on a pedestal, you’re holding them to an impossible standard. Along with feeling overwhelmed, the woman I just mentioned also felt like she wouldn’t ever be able to measure up to the image her boyfriend had of her. And she felt like he’d be thoroughly disappointed if she started making mistakes or having bad days that were at odds with the “goddess” he decided he was dating.
How to Change Your Nice Guy Image By MegaDating
If you want to attract droves of gorgeous, high-value women and stay out of the friendzone for good, you need to start MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating several women at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your social calendar full. When you MegaDate, you see firsthand that there are plenty of fish in the sea. This lends itself to an abundance mindset, where suddenly the stakes aren’t so high when you meet a woman you like.
Rather than chase after a woman who could potentially be “the one,” you’ll see that you don’t have to put women on a pedestal or settle for the mediocre in order to change your marital status. The pain of rejection is also lessened with MegaDating because, when one woman rejects or ghosts you, you still have a few different women you’re hanging out with.
MegaDating also increases your confidence because you’ll constantly be practicing your dating approach through MegaDating. And because practice makes perfect, you will get really, really good at interacting with a variety of women.
Ready to get started?
Change Your Nice Guy Image and Transform Your Dating Life
If you’re ready to change your nice guy image and transform your dating life, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 new client Skype session with me today! During our, session we will create an action plan to help you overcome your dating roadblocks and crush your goals.
I’ve helped tons of men all over the world reverse their bad habits and find lasting love. I look forward to doing the same for you.