She looks even better than her photos, smells like she should have a perfume named after her, and has tons of killer stories.
You two hit it off and when you get home you message all your friends about this awesome woman you’re one day going to marry.
Then the next morning you receive this message:
“Hey Dax. It was a pleasure getting to know you, you seem like a great guy but I just don’t see us dating romantically. Best of luck on your 10k.”
Damn… well, at least now you have more time to get ready for that 10k.
The thing is, this isn’t the first time you’re asking yourself why do dates never work out with women you like?
This is a pattern you’re ready to break and that’s why you’re here.
“Why Do My Dates Never Work Out with Women I Like?”
If you’re never making it to a second date it’s probably because you keep taking your buddy’s advice.
You wait to call her six days after getting her number, always try to kiss her on the first date, and take other bonehead advice from friends like these.
Look, I’m not your friend.
For the next 1k words or so I’m the commander and chief of your romantic life.
If you follow my advice you’ll not only make it out of your first date alive but with a second date in tow.
Follow The First Date MD Blueprint
There are rules for a first date, but it seems as though no man is aware of them.
Let’s take a closer look at a few of these points.
You probably paused when you read that dates should be brief and cheap.
I say this for a few reasons.
For one, considering most relationships start online nowadays chances are you’re going out with a complete stranger. Why invest $100+ dollars and countless hours on a woman you might be repulsed by the second you make eye contact?
Secondly, only spending an hour on a first date builds sexual attraction. The fact that you can only give her an hour of your super valuable time makes her want more of you. Not to mention that only spending an hour with someone leaves plenty of mystery left to keep her thinking about you and filling in the dots of your personality long after the date has ended.
I also recommend touching at least three times as this quickly builds a connection. A well-placed hand will release dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin — otherwise known as the happy hormones.
The ability to break the safety barrier and touch her in non-threatening ways will quickly increase attraction.
Lastly, let’s talk about the TDL.
TDL stands for time, date, and location.
One reason she may not want to see you again isn’t because she doesn’t like you, rather she doesn’t like how you asked her out.
A TDL solves this for you by always including the time, date, and location of the date.
When asking her out make sure the second date is too fun and easy to agree to that she simply can’t say no.
Use what you know about her to create an amazing TDL. Ideally, you’ve created one prior to the date so that you can devote all your attention to her during the date.
A few examples might look like:
“So you’re cool and we should see each other again. How does rock climbing at Mt. Tam this Thursday at 7 work for you?”
“Seeing as how you’re a nature buff, why don’t we go for a leisurely stroll at Beth’s Beach during sunset this Wednesday at 6pm?”
These date ideas are 1) concrete 2) awesome and 3) ideally close to her home or place of work.
As arguably the best conversationalist (read; listener) of all time, Carnegie knows a thing or two about getting people to like him.
He revealed all of his secrets in his book.
One of his crack pieces of advice is to listen 80% of the time.
Here are some other Carnegie-inspired pieces of advice:
— Ask questions you want to know the answer to
— Listen and genuinely care about what she’s saying
— Remember what she says
— Call back to it (and joke about it)
— Avoid red flag topics (work, exes, boring things, dangerous things, how great you are, health issues, family issues) and pivot away from them if she brings them up
Before jumping to the next topic you need to read what my good friend Dale said about having good conversations (read: macking like a G).
“Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”
First Dates Don’t Have High Success Rates
A first date isn’t a romantic outing as much as it’s an interview.
It’s the initial and most superficial step of a screening process.
Should things not work out it’s most likely not because of anything you did but more so simply because you two aren’t compatible.
Don’t be too hard on yourself when things don’t work out, it’s a natural part of the process. Sometimes you’ll be the one getting rejected, other times, you’ll be the one doing the rejecting.
If getting rejected by a strange hurts so bad, it might be because you don’t have other dates lined up. Putting all your eggs in one basket can lead to quite the emotional mess when those eggs come crashing down.
To ward off one-itis you’re going to want to date around.
When a woman rejects you, ask for feedback on what you can improve.
Tell her you are serious about improving yourself and finding the right partner and it would really help you out a lot if she had any feedback to share that could help you improve.
This is super charming and many women will oblige and respect you for having the courage to ask. Humility is sexy!
If you don’t know how to broach such a sensitive request, after she’s made it know that she doesn’t want to see you simply text her something like:
“I understand where you’re coming from and respect your honesty. I actually appreciate you being upfront. Would you mind helping me be better on my next date by telling me what I can improve on or if there was something that threw you off?”
Chances are she’ll simply tell you that you’re a great guy but that you two just aren’t compatible.
That’s fine, you did your part in asking, if she doesn’t want to give you specific feedback it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt/anger you.
Don’t Be Afraid To Push The Envelope
It’s better to have an opinion or ask a personal question that’s polarizing than to be too nice and forgettable.
Forgettable won’t get you a second date. It’s true that polarizing might also lead you to get cursed out, but it may also lead to a meaningful conversation and connection.
Your goal is to elicit an emotional reaction in her, don’t try to be so nice that you become overly agreeable and emotionally and intellectually flaccid.
That’s boring and kills sexual tension.
A woman doesn’t want a man who always agrees with whatever she says because then she can’t really trust you as you don’t have your own thoughts, opinions, and perspective.
Who cares if something you say offends her, that’s on her. You just gotta do you, be confident, and express your truth.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Look, we’re only just waking up from this nightmare we call COVID-19.
Chances are you’re like the rest of us and haven’t gone on many dates recently.
If that’s the case, oil up your conversational machinery prior to your first date.
There are two ways to do this.
One is to go on a mock date with a friend. Tell her you’re going to treat her like she’s your date. You’ll send her a TDL, flirt a bit, touch her a couple of times, and try to charm your way into a second date.
When it’s all said and done ask for feedback.
However, I can totally understand if you’re friend isn’t up for this.
If that’s the case perhaps it’s best to turn to a professional.
Schedule a mock date with an emlovz team member to pinpoint opportunities for improvement that may be unconscious.
On a mock date, you’ll meet with one of the girls on team emlovz for a 50-min virtual date where you’ll act as if you’re on a real date.
The mock date coach will assess your appearance and communication and give targeted and actionable feedback after the date for how you can improve in any areas that might need optimization.
You can even request feedback on specific issues that you want to know more about
Some questions you might ask include:
— Am I talking too much?
— Are my stories boring?
— Do I look attractive?
— Am I flirting well?
— Am I doing something that might be putting me in the friendzone?
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