We all want a relationship that lasts forever, one with the kind of love Hollywood screenwriters base their films on.

Yet when a relationship ends, many of us feel like failures. But a relationship ending is infinitely more likely to happen than a relationship lasting until death. It shouldn’t feel like a failure but instead be looked at as just another part of your romantic journey.

If you’ve recently broken up and feel like life is ending, perhaps understanding how long the average relationship lasts will give you some solace. While we’ll explore the question of how long does the average relationship last we’ll also explore the variables that determine that number.

How Long Does The Average Relationship Last?

According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, the average relationship lasts 3.54 years. 

Keep in mind that this takes into account the relationships that 1,345 participants self-reported. This includes all their past relationships regardless of their age at the time the relationship was started.

The biggest issue in answering the question of how long the average relationship lasts is defining what a relationship is.

What Is A Relationship?

It felt like only a few decades ago we only had a few labels to define our relationships. You had your family, friends, and romantic partner.

That has changed.

In the romantic world you can have friends with benefits, a spouse, a situationship, someone you’re breadcrumbing, a throuple, someone you’re casually dating, someone you’re seriously dating, an open relationship, etc.

Defining what a relationship is has never been more complicated.

When we talk about what a relationship is in this article, we’re referring to a monogamous relationship.

Your Age Dictates How Long Your Relationship May Last

How mature you are and where you are in your life has an impact on how long a relationship will last.

Naturally, the younger you are, the shorter your relationship will last.

If you asked a girl in your 5th-grade class to be your girlfriend and she accepted, chances are that by 6th period, she was already having second thoughts.

The University of Florida found that, on average, teenage relationships didn’t last very long:

• 12 to 14-year-olds: 5 months
• 15 to 16-year-olds: 2 years
• 16 to 18-year-olds: 1.8 years

Shorter relationships for younger kids make sense. They’re more fickle, are still finding themselves, exposing themselves to more personalities, are more combative, and lack the emotional maturity to have difficult conversations and move past conflict.

A small study of those in their early 20s found that most of their relationships in their 20s lasted between 2-4 years. Naturally these relationships will come to a close because of logistical reasons, immaturity, or because of a desire to continue to sample the dating pool rather than shacking up at such a young age.

A relationship that you enter into in your late 20s or 30s will normally have the legs to last longer than any previous relationship. You’re likely to be more stable than you’ve ever been before, both mentally and financially. You’re less likely to move, make major life decisions that put you on a different path from your partner, and most importantly, you probably know what you want in a partner. For this reason, relationships you begin in your 30s tend to last longer than any you’ve had before.

Average Length Of Marriage

While the majority of marriages do go the distance, just under half end in divorce.

Of marriages that end in divorce, on average, they last 8 years before coming to a close. 

This number changes depending on the country you reside in. Marriages that end in divorce last on average 18 years in Italy while that number drops to just 5 years in Qatar.

Even in the US, divorce rates vary from state to state.

The states with the highest divorce rates include:

1. Arkansas (11.85)
2. Wyoming (11.01)
3. Kentucky (9.92)
4. West Virginia (9.66)
5. Oklahoma (9.34)

States with the lowest divorce rates are:

1. Vermont (4.65)
2. New Jersey (5.16)
3. Alaska (5.46)
4. Minnesota (5.67)
5. New York (5.71)

On average, married couples dated 2-5 years before tying the knot. This number has only crept up over time. It used to be that couples would date for a year or two then get married around 22 or 23 years of age. This isn’t the case anymore. Couples want to graduate school, be established professionally, and live together, all before getting married. 

Average Age When First Married

As you can see, Americans are waiting longer than almost ever before to get married.

In the 1960s the median age of a woman when she first married was about 21 years of age while men were just a couple years older. Fast forward to 2023 and women are waiting until 28 to marry while men wait until they’re 30. 

It’s not necessarily that men and women have less of an appetite for marriage, but rather there are external factors that play a role in their decision to wait.

A study published in the NIH journal found that several factors played a significant role such as, “Social barriers include marital aspirations and expectations, norms about childbearing, financial standards for marriage, the quality of relationships, an aversion to divorce, and children by other partners.”

Who Should You Marry According To An Astronomer

Johannes Kepler famously articulated the laws of planetary motion and discovered heliocentric and elliptical orbits, but if you’re a scientific romantic like we are, we remember him most for his contribution to love.

After crunching the numbers, he found that to meet your most compatible partner, you need to reject the first 37% of all potential marriage partners. After rejecting the first 37%, you need to marry the “next best one.” 

While this would have been difficult advice to apply in the 17th century, with the abundance of romantic options we swipe past on a daily basis, this rule has a sexy application in the 21st century.

If you marry the first person you date, you could easily have a lifelong, fulfilling relationship, but chances are there will be someone else out there that you’re more suited to be with. On the flip side, you could be exceedingly picky. But if you are a serial rejecter, you’ll have a smaller dating pool to choose from when you finally decide to settle down.

Kepler advises a sampling and rejecting approach that sees you use your first 37% of potential relationships to refine who you’re looking for. Once you have an idea of who your ideal partner is, the next best person (who is better than everyone else you dated) should be your forever partner.

Sure, it’s not a sexy way to go about finding love, but it offers the highest probability of finding a partner who you’re more than content with. This mentality can be leveraged in all walks of life. Whether you’re hiring candidates, looking at new houses, or figuring out which car to purchase.

By sampling and rejecting and then choosing the next best option after having rejected the first 37% you’re more likely than not to find a lasting love.

Why Breaking Up Should Be Celebrated (sometimes)

There’s a decent chance that after 3.5 years, your relationship will end.

While most breakups are hard and generally lead to binge-eating Ben and Jerry’s they’re not all bad, even if you were broken up with.

As Kepler teaches us, you only find your best possible relationship after having rejected the first 37% of potential partners. If you haven’t dated a lot, this breakup could be liberating. 

It gives you a chance to dive head-first into your dating pool.

But how should you go about making the most out of your newfound singlehood to a super compatible partner?

Dating Decoded

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz.

Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample potential partners to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find a highly compatible partner in just weeks and become the most eligible single in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists for men. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Darshil is our mock date coach for women. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting singles online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded you’d be joining a community of supportive singles and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Here’s what our students are saying about us.