“She broke my heart and then left me — what should I do now?” It pains me to hear this question. And, as a dating coach, it’s a question I receive often. Heartbreak is a tragic inevitability in life. Unless you’re one of the lucky few, a girlfriend or boyfriend will break your heart at some point.
I’ve been through it. You have likely been through it. Most of my male clients have experienced it.
But as difficult as heartbreak is, going through this type of pain doesn’t need to hold you back from finding lasting love.
Before I embarked on my 100-date experiment, I was at a point in my life where I questioned whether or not love truly existed. By the end of that year-long experiment, I learned more than I ever imagined learning about the dating world. I came out of the experiment armed with a wealth of knowledge and a boyfriend who I am still with today (over 6 years later :)).
Heartbreak doesn’t have to hinder your dating goals. Take a look below for some of my expert strategies on how to heal and put yourself out there.
Tip #1: Give Yourself Time to Heal
Before you can dip your toes back into the dating pool, you need to allow yourself time to heal. You don’t want to throw yourself back into dating when you are fresh out of a relationship where you find yourself saying, “She broke my heart and then left me.”
Dating when your heart is broken is going to lead to you rebounding and attempting to stifle painful feelings. In reality, you can’t get around pain when it comes to heartbreak. You have to go through those feelings and allow yourself to be sad. But don’t worry, after doing that, you’ll come out on the other side as a stronger, more confident person.
I suggest the following things to help you heal post-breakup:
- Take two weeks to do whatever you want. Mope, binge watch standup comedy or your favorite show on Netflix (like mine- Ozark season 2) and allow yourself to be sad.
- Book two appointments with family each week. Too much alone time gives way to things like rumination, which is detrimental to your emotional health.
Tip #2: Avoid Things Like Alcohol and Binge Eating
It’s very easy to turn to unhealthy habits like binge drinking and junk food when you’re going through a breakup.
I’m not saying you should leave yourself feeling totally deprived, but these things are only going to act as a band-aid when it comes to your heartbreak. You may feel better for a night or even a day, but the depression and anxiety will come rushing back stronger than before.
Remember that alcohol is a depressant. You can get hammered and forget about your ex for one night but what happens the next morning? Moreover, numbing yourself out to feelings prevents you from actually dealing with them. This can extend the grieving process.
Similarly, loading up on junk food and crying “she broke my heart and then left me” into a bag of chips isn’t going to make the breakup any easier.
Use your breakup as an opportunity to grow and move forward as a healthier, more confident person.
Tip #3: Exercise Daily
As little as 45 minutes of exercise per day can work wonders when it comes to anxiety and depression.
If you’re not big on exercise, start small. Take a walk each day, jog lightly or go hiking.
When you’re in a serious relationship putting effort into your appearance through things like exercise isn’t always a priority. But now that you’re single, it’s time to focus on rebuilding your confidence and getting prepared to reenter the dating world. Exercise is a big part of that.
Along with working out more often, make sure you’re eating a healthy, balanced diet. When your heart is broken, you’re going to naturally experience sadness and fatigue. But we all have daily responsibilities at work and home that need to be maintained. Fuel yourself with healthful foods to give you energy so that you don’t experience setbacks in other areas.
Tip #4: Reflect on Your Part in the Breakup
I don’t want you to beat yourself up over your breakup. Blaming one’s self during times of heartache is common but it isn’t helpful.
On the other hand, it’s important to analyze mistakes that were made in the relationship as you move forward.
What caused the breakup?
Did you cheat? Were you insecure during the relationship? Did your girlfriend feel like you were too clingy?
If so, use those mistakes as lessons going forward. Later on in this article, I will offer some fail-proof dating strategies that can combat common mistakes men often make in relationships, such as:
- Taking the relationship for granted
Tip #5: Reflect on Her Part in the Breakup
“She broke my heart and then left me,” is a statement that indicates the breakup wasn’t your choice. Thus, you presumably are the one left in the greatest state of grief.
But people break up for several reasons. Even when you weren’t the one to initiate the breakup, it’s important to remember that the relationship wouldn’t have ended if it was the right one for you.
Furthermore, it’s easy to get caught up in “what if?” and feel like you want to get back together with someone right after a breakup.
However, a compatible partner won’t bolt so easily. As difficult as it may be, keep in mind that your ex did a favor, in a way, by ending a relationship that wasn’t going to last.
Maybe your ex cheated on you and or did something else to break your trust. If that’s the case, you definitely don’t want to entertain the idea of getting back together. Trust and honesty are two of the most important components of a healthy relationship. When the foundation of a relationship is fractured in such a hurtful way, it can be beyond repair.
It’s important to remember that, no matter what went awry in your relationship, you don’t deserve to stay in something that isn’t making you happy. They say that “love hurts,” but — in reality — the right kind of love is going to provide more happy times than sad times.
Tip #7: Discover New Hobbies
Being single frees up your schedule. Take advantage of this free time by exploring passions and trying out new hobbies. This will distract you from feelings of upset and help you build your confidence.
One thing I highly recommend trying out (at least once) is an improv comedy class. Improv comedy classes are designed to get you out of your shell, provide a nonjudgmental atmosphere and are a great for increasing your confidence and discovering new talents within yourself.
Tip #6: MegaDate When You’re Ready
Once you have healed and feel ready to get back out in the dating world, I recommend you start MegaDating. MegaDating is the top dating strategy I recommend to all of my single male clients. I used it to find lasting love and you can do the same!
So what is MegaDating anyway? MegaDating is a dating process that involves going out with several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your calendar full. When you MegaDate, you see that there truly are plenty of fish in the sea, which keeps you from settling for the mediocre.
MegaDating also helps you work on your dating strategy so that you get really good at approaching women.
This dating strategy isn’t about sneaking around or sleeping with a bunch of women. In fact, whether or not you have sex with anyone you’re seeing is completely up to you when you MegaDate. By going out on dates with lots of different people at the same time, you are simply able to accomplish your dating goals at a faster rate.
The process of MegaDating allows you to build confidence, learn more about what you want in a partner and guides you toward the right person faster than dating one person at a time.
Tip #7: Use Modern Dating Tools to Your Advantage
In order to MegaDate, you’re going to have to find women to go out with, obviously. I always recommend that my clients use modern dating tools to their advantage by downloading at least a few dating app and websites.
Be sure to check out my online dating tips so that you get the most out of this type of technology.
Tip #8: Meet Women in Places Other Than Bars
If you had been dating someone for a long time, you may not be privy to all the different ways you can meet women. Sometimes men relegate all their pursuits to the bar scene, but there are several different ways to meet women, including:
- Through mutual friends
- Social media sites like Facebook
- Group exercise classes
- Adult sports leagues
- At speed dating events
“She Broke My Heart and Then Left Me” Final Tip: Hire a Dating Coach
Every heartbreak is different, which is why hiring a dating coach is a great way to find love after a woman leaves you. As a dating coach myself, I have helped men throughout the world find long-term relationships by creating action plans tailored specifically to their needs.
I can do the same for you!
If you’re ready to get started, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today! During our session, we will discuss your dating roadblocks and come up with ways to overcome those roadblocks so that you can find the woman on your dreams.
I also offer Dating Profile Services for all your online dating needs. Online dating is a great tool when it comes to MegaDating, but it also is very competitive, especially for men. My dating profile services are designed to help you stand out from the competition so that you can turn online connections into a real-life relationship.
Whether you need one-on-one services, a simple assessment of your dating profiles, or want to enter a long-term coaching program, I look forward to connecting with you.