There’s something to be said about any age that ends with 9. You know, 19, 29, 39, 49, and so on. For instance, my boyfriend and I both felt weird at 29. Then at 30, we both naturally decided to let go of late-night drinking. (You know what I’m talking about … the parties, and all the other after-midnight ridiculousness that makes you feel like trash in the morning.)

By 30, we were just over it. And it’s funny, because I see this “number 9” dilemma with many of my students, too. Dating in your 30’s as a man especially makes you rethink things. Hitting the next decade in age is a huge milestone. Mainly, you ask yourself: How can you make the next 10 years better than the previous ones?

Well, if you’re 29 — or even in your early 30’s — and your dating life isn’t where you want it to be, then it’s time to get serious about that. After all, things shift once you start dating in your 30’s. It becomes more competitive and women have different expectations. So, if you want to stay ahead of the pack, then you’ll have to do a couple of things. First, you’ll need to develop parts of yourself that are still stuck in your old 20’s mindset. And second, you’ll have to be more focused in your approach with women.

The good news is, dating in your 30s as a man doesn’t have to suck. At all. In fact, if you play your cards right, these could be some of the best years of your life. Here are seven ways you can get the most out of dating in your 30s.

Dating in Your 30s as a Man

Tip 1. Bumble And Hinge Are Your New Wingmen

More than half of the single women you’d consider dating are on dating apps.

Specifically, they’re on Bumble and Hinge.

Sure many are also on Tinder, but they’re not the type of women you’d necessarily want to settle down with (or are open to a long-term relationship). Tinder is what singles use when they want a short-term fling, a foodie call, or a confidence boost.

When women want a serious relationship they graduate to Bumble and Hinge – it’s here you’ll find your new leading lady.

These apps are less superficial than Tinder, have a serious userbase, and a chuck full of users.

But just because they’re must-use tools for finding a girlfriend, doesn’t mean it’ll happen easily.

Bumble has a gender ratio of 7 men to every 3 women – Hinge’s ratio isn’t much better.

With that in mind, it’s vital that you invest in creating a quality profile, that you learn to interact with women online, and learn how to pivot away from the apps and into the real world. 

Tip 2. Use More Than Dating Apps

According to Stanford, about 40% of new relationships start online. This stat helps make our case for downloading apps and getting your swipe on, but it’s even better evidence for why you shouldn’t only rely on them.

You’re more likely to meet someone IRL than online.

So where should you meet all these lovely single women?

Gone are the days of meeting women in bars and clubs. As you get older this just isn’t as easy as it used to be (unless you’re trading seedy college bars for breweries).

When you’re in your 30s it’s best to start meeting women in places that don’t revolve around drinking copious amounts of alcohol and yelling at someone not even a foot away from you.

To meet super compatible women I recommend making a list of your favorite activities.

Maybe you love hitting the gym, working out, doing yoga, playing video games, etc.

Based on what you love to do find communities of people that share these same hobbies. Meeting women that have a shared interest boosts the odds that you two will connect and progress the relationship.

Some other places you might look to meet women IRL include:

• At a friend’s party
• Group workout class
• Religious circles/events
• Adult sports leagues
• Business networking events
• Vacation
• Meetup events
• Speed dating
• Trivia
• Street fairs
• Festivals
• Work

There are dozens of places to meet women IRL.

I recommend first thinking about the type of woman you want to date, then frequenting places she spends time at.

Tip 3. Create Go-To Dates

After learning to MegaDate you’ll be going on multiple dates a week.

It can become tiring always brainstorming the best first, second, or third date to take a woman on.

So don’t.

Instead create go-to first, second, and third date ideas/spots.

Maybe for a first date you have a go-to ice cream spot that you pair with a walk through your favorite park.

For second dates you grab your canoe and pack a lunch.

Third dates you have a go-to Spanish restaurant with a relaxed vibe that has booth tables and is just a few blocks from your house.

Creating this process for yourself will simplify the headache that is dating. It will also normalize dating in a way that you’re comfortable with.

Tip 4. Take Dating Seriously

Every week I take intro calls where men in their late 30s and 40s are telling me how it’s so difficult to find a lady to date nowadays.

And they’re right.

The dating pool is drying up.

It shrinks with every passing month.

When you were in your 20s everyone around you was single and ready to skip from one relationship to another. Now the women you’re looking to date are most likely in their late 20s or 30s and are starting to settle down.

Her priorities have changed, and hopefully yours too.

Now is the time to get serious about finding a long-term partner before all the good ones are taken.

Tip 5. Join Communities

Get social.

It doesn’t matter if you’re joining an all-male community, the more people you meet the likelier you are to find or be introduced to a woman you’re mad about.

Not to mention, being social is great for developing confidence, social skills, and improving overall quality of life.

Being single is tough, but it’s even more difficult when you’re going through the process alone.

At emlovz, we offer men a chance to join a community of single guys who are looking for the same thing. Our students understand, interact, and team up with one another to achieve their goals.

Twice a month we also offer our students a chance to participate in our Man Cave gatherings where our male students get together to talk about their dating lives and lives in general. It’s a chance to get things off their chest, express themselves without fear or being judged, and a chance to connect with one another.

Tip 6. Consider Letting Go of Your “NSA” Lifestyle

The great thing about being in your 30s (versus your 20s) when it comes to dating is that women start paying more attention to you. Why? Because most women date “up” a few years in age. According to one study, on average, women desire men who are 3.5 years older than them. So, now that you’re 30, you’re at a competitive advantage over your 25-year-old counterparts, if you’re still looking for women in their 20s.

But, there’s a catch: The expectations are also a bit different. Once you’re 30, it’s more likely that the women who will be searching for you are the ones seeking a long-term commitment. So, it’s time to get real. Are you ready to let go of your NSA (aka “no strings attached”) dating lifestyle and commit to one person? If not, you’d better get ready, because those are the types of women who will be targeting you in your 30’s.

I suggest that you get mentally prepared for this ahead of time by expecting some harder date conversations from women. Consider the first, second, and third date questions you might get from women once you’re dating as a man in your 30’s (and have your answers lined up ahead of time!):

On the first date …

• What do you do for fun?
• What did you study in school?

On the second date …

• How well do you get along with your parents?
• What are your goals?

On the third date …

• Why did you and your ex break up?
• Do you want kids someday?

Notice the questions will get increasingly more personal and difficult to answer (assuming she desires an LTR with you).

7. Get Comfortable Leading

When you’re in your 20s, you’re still figuring yourself out. You’re establishing your habits, getting to know your own preferences, starting your career, and so on. Since you’re still sort of new to adulting, you might tend to just go along with whatever’s popular or recommended to you.

But by the time you’re in your 30’s, it’s time to start leading … by making “following” a thing of the past. Women love a man who can lead, both on dates and in other areas of life. So, what does this mean? You lead by:

Sticking to your opinions

One rookie mistake that guys in their 20s often make is to outwardly agree with everything a woman says, even when they secretly don’t agree. They think it makes them easier to get along with, but it’s actually perceived as weak. Don’t be afraid to assert your opinion and stick to it (in a friendly way, of course). Having a spine never hurt anyone, and it certainly helps once you’re dating in your 30’s as a man.

Being decisive

Another important way to show your leadership is to be specific and decisive when you ask a woman out. No more vague, “we should hang out sometime” requests. Instead, approach her with a solid date idea and make sure to include a TDL (time, date, and location) when you ask. Your energy will come across as more masculine, and more attractive.

If you’re not comfortable leading, I recommend reading The Way of the Superior Man and 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader.

8. Do What You Love to Do

Now that you’re dating in your 30s, however, that doesn’t mean you have to change everything. Keep doing what you love to do! There’s nothing more attractive than a man who has interests outside of his career and women.

You know … hunting, fishing, hiking, dancing, reading, traveling … it could be anything. Finding that one thing that lights you up and puts you in the “zone” will do wonders for your confidence and mood, which will definitely show when you interact with women. Being genuinely satisfied with your life — even without a girlfriend — is ironically one of the biggest aphrodisiacs there is.

So what do you like to do? Or, what did you love to do as a kid, but let go of in your 20’s? Reignite an old passion. For example, you might hop on Meetup and join a group of people in your city who get together weekly around an activity you’re into. For example, my boyfriend plays on an adult softball league every Thursday night. And I have to say, there’s nothing more attractive than watching my man do something he loves — even if it’s a beer league.

9. Say “No” to Things That Don’t Serve You

Chances are, when you’re dating in your 30’s as as man, you’ll genuinely get to the point where you want to find a real relationship. Rather than just “acting as if” in order to keep a woman’s interest, the idea of settling down might actually start to sound kind of nice. If that’s the case, then you have to start SAYING NO to people and activities that don’t serve you. Let me be clear. This means saying no to:

• Your buddies who just can’t let those long club nights go
• Your ex (or your skanky FWB) who keeps hitting you up

There’s a classic saying that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If that’s true, take a good look around. Wouldn’t you like to move forward and keep improving your life, rather than keep hitting the same old bars and clubs to meet women? Your old friends (or lovers) are going to just pull you back into the same behaviors and mindset you had in your 20’s, which won’t make you competitive when it comes to dating in your 30’s. Do yourself a favor and put some distance between you and your past.

10. Adjust to the New Playing Field

Maybe you were in a committed relationship for most of your 20’s. Or, you’re just getting back into dating at 31, or 33. One thing you need to prepare yourself after you come back on the market is that the pool of available women will be smaller: both in terms of quality and quantity.

Think about it: The average age of a first marriage for women is 27.4 and average age of a first marriage for men is 29.5. So if you’re in your early 30’s, you can expect many women in their late 20’s to be spoken for. Don’t get me wrong, though. There are still thousands of single women out there. It’s just not as many compared to when you were last single — at say, 25 — when there were a lot fewer married women. When you’re dating in your 30s as a man, you’ll need need to understand that not every woman in spin or yoga class will be available for your date offer.

11. Start Setting Goals, If You Haven’t Already

As I mentioned earlier, dating in your 30’s as a man becomes more competitive. While it was perfectly fine to not take it seriously in your 20’s, your choices become slimmer as time goes on. This is why it’s important in your 30’s to not just date randomly, but have a strategy.

You have to understand exactly what type of woman you’re looking for and where she is likely to be. You need to find ways to raise your confidence level so that you become more attractive — and you need to learn how to approach women in a way that gets them intrigued.

Sound daunting? Then it makes sense to get help. Instead of trying to muddle through it all yourself, a female dating coach like me can tell you immediately where your strong and weak points are, in order to help you create a dating strategy that’s not only customized to your situation, but that works.

12. Time Is Slipping Away

As you get into your early to mid-thirties, all the best women start getting taken left and right.

It’s time to put your hard hat on if you want to compete for the remaining women who haven’t been married or don’t have kids.

There will always be single women around, but they might not always be super compatible. Ensure you find yourself an amazing partner by having a more proactive dating style.

And if you’re competing for women in their 20s, get your confidence up by getting back in the gym and joining communities just like ours.

Dating in Your 30s as a Man: Wrap-Up

Your 30’s are such an exciting time. Obviously, you’re no longer naive like you were in your 20s, but at the same time, there’s still a ton to look forward to.

Since there’s so much potential at this stage in your life, don’t go through it casually! When it comes to dating, especially, being mindful about how you spend your time — and the quality of people you surround yourself with — can make the difference between misery and happiness when it comes to your 40s.

Interested in learning how we here at emlovz can help you?

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine your not only your dating skills but who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll have a team of romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our SM specialist. Revamp your SM profiles with her help and start meeting women online

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.