Non-monogamous relationships have never before been so mainstream. Surely you or someone you know has engaged in an open, polygamous, monogamish, or one of the many other forms of non-monogamous relationships. While these non-conforming relationships abound, there is one dynamic that is more popular than the rest, friends with benefits.
Despite up to 60% of college students having been in a friends with benefits relationship at one point, people still struggle to get the most out of their relationships. With a torrent of new relationship dynamics having recently been accepted into the dating landscape, the former FWB rules have been blurred. To build a relationship that works for both parties, heed these friends with benefits rules for guys.
Define The Relationship with Your Sex Buddy
Transitioning into a relationship based on sex isn’t always seamless. Perhaps before your relationship was confined to the bedroom you were platonic friends or dating romantically. So how do you reconcile your new relationship with the one you had previously? The whole dynamic of the relationship can be thrown off when sex is tossed into the equation.
Traditionally sex goes hand in hand with strengthening a relationship and building towards an exclusively monogamous romance. Despite being more open minded, the second most of us are tangled among the bed sheets with another we immediately turn out thoughts towards a conventional relationship. Stop these bedroom musings before they go too far by outlining what your newfound friends with benefits relationship entails.
The chief hindrance to a smooth friends with benefits relationship is miscommunication. Refusing to define such a non-conventional relationship will inevitably lead to misunderstandings down the line. Be upfront with your sex-buddy and have a sincere conversation in which both of you voice what you want from the relationship.
Keep The Lines Of Communication Open
Just because your initial conversation about your relationship concluded with keeping it both platonic and sex-centric doesn’t mean it’ll always be this way. Social dynamics are fickle, especially when chemical inducing sex abounds. Don’t feel bad if after a while your feelings on the matter change.
Being upfront from the beginning is great in any relationship, especially one as narrowly defined as a friend with benefits. Talking about your relationship doesn’t need to be a dramatic affair. Simply check in every once and a while and ask her how she feels about your current arrangement.
If she asks why you’re asking, say that you just want to confirm that she’s happy with the ways things are. This is one of the most important friends with benefits rules for guys that you need to remember and follow.
Don’t Treat Her Like A Girlfriend
This isn’t to say don’t treat her right. But you have to realize that there are certain things that you just can’t do if you want to maintain a friends with benefits relationship. The quickest way to mess up everything you’ve carefully crafted is if you break one of the rules you outlined during the genesis of the relationship.
Transgressing is fine as long as you’re willing to redefine the relationship. However, if you like things as they are, you can’t tell her you want to be with her forever, go on romantic dates, or slip affectionate notes into her purse when she’s not looking.
You also can’t be jealous when she tells you she can’t come over tonight because she’s on a date. You signed up for a sex-centric relationship. You’ll just have to do without the trappings of a standard romantic relationship.
Always Come Equipped
FWB is an inherently sexual relationship. The primary purpose of it is to enjoy a purely carnal experience. Not bringing a condom with you to every meetup is tantamount to not preparing for a meeting or stretching before a 5K.
You know what you’re getting yourself into when you see your sexual partner. Leaving a condom at home is willfully negligent. If the relationship has been explicitly defined you shouldn’t have to think twice about stuffing a few condoms into your pocket before speeding off to your sexual rendezvous.
Practice Safe Sex With All Your Partners
Perhaps you don’t make emotionally romantic commitments with your FWB partner, but you do make sexual ones. An implicit agreement among friends with benefits is that protection will be used in and outside of the relationship. Being sexually lax isn’t permissible if you put your sex partner in harm’s way.
If you’ve already defined sexual parameters with your FWB it’s safe to infer that sex will be a weekly fixture. You may have felt like you’ve done all the romantic heavy lifting needed to secure the relationship, but that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to eschew genital maintenance. Keeping your trimmer game strong is a courteous gesture that can go a long way in a purely sexual relationship.
Just because a conversation regarding your relationship has been had doesn’t mean that she’ll always want to have sex with you. Stay on top of your game by ensuring optimal pleasure between the sheets.
Friends With Benefits Rules For Guys: Don’t Take Her Out To Dinner
A convenient perk that your new relationship confers is not having to splurge on a fancy dinner. In fact doing so would be against the friends with benefits rules and guidelines, and of course amendments. The thing is, dinner could be acceptable in such a relationship. But you should only take her to the restaurant if doing so won’t damage the integrity of the relationship.
If checks are split down the middle and eating good food is your form of foreplay, then sure dinner is acceptable. But such points should be discussed prior to your public outing. Forgoing a conversation and heading straight to the table for two will only serve to send mixed signals.
Stay On The Lookout For New Relationships
What are the reasons you chose to restrict your FWB relationship? Most likely you’re already aware that you’ll never see the person you’re sleeping with as a long term girlfriend. If I’ve guessed right, keep your heart on a swivel for romantic prospects. Download a few free dating apps, optimize your dating profiles, and send out compelling messages. Here’s a few articles that’ll help you:
- List of Free Dating Sites and Apps
- Best Tinder Bios for Guys
- Best Bumble Bios for Guys
- Top 30 Opening Lines for Dating Sites
- 11 Bumble Hacks for Guys
It’s easy to emotionally stagnate in a relationship where sex is a weekly fixture. But you know that remaining content in a relationship confined to the bedframe has its limits. Keep those dating applications open and continue MegaDating. As far as friends with benefits rules for guys go, hitting the town and meeting at least one new person a week is a must.
Don’t Introduce Her To Your Friends
The reason you shouldn’t be introducing your FWB to your friends has nothing to do with shame or jealously. It’s all about not getting her intertwined in your day-to-day life. You’ve already made your mind up about what kind of dynamic you want with this person. The last thing you need is a friend taking a liking to her and subsequently encouraging you to bring her around more often and slowly weaving her into the fabric of your friend circle.
An unwanted comment from a close friend can raise doubts. Be certain of the decisions you’ve made and keep your friends and lovers living their parallel lives.
It sounds cruel doesn’t it? Cuddling is the most natural thing you can do after sex. Holding your lover in that post-coital glow fortifies those feelings you have percolating inside. But that’s just the reason to keep your hands to yourself.
Cuddling floods the brain with the “love hormone,” oxytocin. A brain high on oxytocin will generate feelings of empathy, generosity, and most of all, attachment.
If your goal is to maintain a strict, friends with benefits relationship you would do well to avoid cuddling after sex. I’d go so far as to advise creating a “no sleepover” rule. Implementing this rule safeguards against bonding during the post-sex period.
Don’t Expect A Girlfriend
Even though you’ve written out a checklist of ways in which you’re allowed and not allowed to act with you FWB you may still be expecting certain girlfriend-like behavior. Don’t bank on her bringing over groceries and cooking with you or helping you sort out work problems.
Romantic relationships function on a spectrum. Not every FWB will operate the same way. Some may want to have sex and then binge Netflix with you while others prefer popping in at midnight only to have a quick romp before jetting off to their own abode.
Whatever the case may be don’t expect your FWB to act like a girlfriend when clearly she isn’t. Thinking of her as one is setting your relationship up for failure.
Don’t Talk About Your Other Relationships In-Depth
To be fair, this friends with benefits rule for a guy could be accompanied by an asterisk. If you and your friend have the ability to remain committed to a romantically platonic relationship, talking about romantic prospects might be possible. But in all likelihood you nor your partner have the emotional control to talk freely about romantic interests.
She should know that you’re seeing other women, but this doesn’t mean she needs to know the specifics of your most recent date. Play it safe and keep your romantic adventures to yourself.
Navigating the murky waters of a strictly sexually relationship doesn’t have to be complicated. Should you need a little guidance feel free to book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me and let’s talk about what’s on your mind.
During our session, we’ll diagnose your dating history, strategize about your friends with benefits dilemma, create an action plan around your current and future dating goals, and see if my 3 month Signature coaching program is right for you.