Sex is important when it comes to any romantic relationship.
Sure, there’s much more to a relationship than sex, but getting busy is a major factor in maintaining a healthy, long-term partnership.
After dating for a period of time, many couples allow sex to fall by the wayside. Although this may seem like a normal evolution as relationships become more comfortable, it’s important that you understand why sex is important in a relationship — whether that relationship has been going on for three months or three years.
Sex can improve the connection between you and your partner, decrease stress and could even increase your lifespan! Learn more below.
Reason #1: Intimacy Increases Connection
The words “sex” and “intimacy” can be used interchangeably, but they aren’t always one in the same. Case in point, the connection that comes from sex during a relationship is quite different than that you may feel after a one night stand.
When I talk about why sex is important in a relationship, I’m referring to intimate sex. So what is makes sex intimate?
- A mutual respect and understanding of one another
- Clear, open communication about desires as well as boundaries when it comes to sex
- Comfort with yourself and the other person
Sex is just one aspect that can build intimacy, trust, and longevity in a relationship. And why is this connection so important?
Being able to have an intimate sexual relationship with someone is something that involves complete trust and respect. It also involves foregoing any shame, doubt or insecurity (you are gonna be naked, after all — it doesn’t get much more vulnerable than that) in favor of being with someone in a physical, emotional way.
Reason #2: When That Connection Builds Over Time, it Continually Strengthens the Relationship
Having sex with someone — when it’s not purely for gratification, as with a one night stand or booty call — can be one of the pinnacles in building trust and strength in a relationship.
Sex in a committed relationship is a very special thing. Having sex means sharing yourself completely with someone and — regardless of how pleasurable sex is — it’s an extremely vulnerable state. As a carnal act, sex allows us to let go of our inhibitions, while also allowing us to feed our inhibitions and desires.
In a committed relationship, all these things are reserved for one person, which makes it extremely special and is one more reason why sex matters in a relationship.
Reason #3: Sex is Important for Your Overall Health
The third reason why sex is important in a relationship can actually lower your mortality.
Want to decrease your visits to the doctor? Put in some time in the bedroom to prevent a sick day or two.
Getting busy isn’t just about a good time, people — it could actually save your life!
(Sidebar: Please refrain from using the line, “If you have sex with me, it could save your life,” to pick up women. I can not be held responsible for any drinks that get thrown in your face.)
According to a bevy of studies, intercourse boasts a plethora of health benefits, including:
- Decreased stress and anxiety
- Greater ability to fight off colds and infections
- Better memory
- Increased fitness levels
- Pain relief
- Better sleep
- A more youthful appearance (no, really!)
- Decreased risk of heart disease and certain cancers
Looking at this list, it’s easy to see why sex is important in a relationship. And as far as taking care of your health goes, this is definitely one of the more enjoyable methods — i.e., getting busy definitely beats going on a juice detox IMO.
Reason #4: Sex Can Contribute to Happiness
Saying that sex makes us happy may seem like stating the obvious, but allow me to elaborate.
That after sex glow that leaves you grinning from ear to ear can carry over into your overall happiness as a couple.
According to research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, couples who have sex once a week tend to be happier overall — significantly happier than couples who reported having sex once a month or less.
Moreover, for whatever reason, the “once a week” method seemed to yield the greatest results. A caveat is that, although this is frequent, going much above this number can lead to discomfort and negatively impact your relationship.
Basically, if your sex life is getting in the way of your daily responsibilities, it’s time to slow down.
Reason #5: It’s Important for You to Both Feel Desirable
One semi-obvious reason sex matters in a relationship is desirability. Feeling desirable comes from more than physical elements of a relationship. Still, it’s undeniable that sex is an important component in letting both you and your partner know that — no matter how long you’ve been together — ya still got IT!
For both men and women, feeling desirable is essential to happiness and confidence in a relationship. We often hear about the importance of letting women know they are desirable, but this emphasis can sometimes come at the cost of male self-esteem.
Society can often lead women to mistakenly believe that, in order for a man to enjoy sex and feel desirable, they can simply show up. If a man is able to climax, some women may assume he is good to go and won’t give a second thought to the fact that she wasn’t feeling it.
But according to research, feeling desirable is just as important to men. And if the woman a man is with is noticeably disinterested in sex, it’s not going to make for a very intimate or enjoyable situation for the guy.
Surveyed men indicated that the following were important to them and made them feel desirable:
- Compliments about physical appearance
- Enthusiasm during sex
- Initiating sex
For women, any form of sex has the potential to leave them feeling desirable, but the highest form of desirability comes when sex is a part of love. Attraction and sexual desire are just as much about mental stimulation as physical stimulation for women.
Learn more about creating desirability and fulfilling a woman’s needs (as well as your own) here.
Below are some additional ways you can use sex to increase a feeling of desirability for you and your partner.
Good Sex Requires Practice
As with most things in life, practice makes perfect!
Sex is no exception.
A mistake many couples make as they get further into a relationship is allowing comfort to replace libido.
Now, it’s completely understandable that the gotta-have-you-right-then-and-there desire that accompanies that honeymoon phase of dating will dim somewhat, but that doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t still get creative when it comes to knocking boots.
Communication, Communication, Communication
It’s important that you and your partner keep sexual discussions open and frequent. These discussions should feel safe and free of judgment, which will allow both you and your lady to open up about what you both want out of your sexual relationship — what you want more of, what you haven’t tried yet, and what you’d prefer to STOP doing.
Be prepared to put your pride aside and not take things personally. For example, maybe something you enjoy (and assumed your partner enjoyed) during sex is something like light hair pulling. But then, once you allow her to have the floor on what she does and doesn’t like, she lets you know that it’s just not her thing.
Remember that this is not a critique of your sexual prowess — this is simply a matter of personal preference.
Being able to communicate and set boundaries will leave you both feeling more comfortable and open during sex, which can ALSO lead sexual activity to become more frequent.
Reason #6: Discover Something New
A final reason why sex is important in a relationship is that it allows you to consistently be surprised (pleasantly, that is) by your partner, and vice versa.
The more often you and your partner have sex, the more likely it is that you’ll get into a rhythm you both enjoy AND that you may discover new positions, foreplay etc. that work well for each of you, thus improving your sex life and emotional connection.
By now you understand why sex matters in a relationship. But what if you’re still struggling to find a relationship?
That’s where I come in.
As a dating coach and strategist, my job is to help guys just like you find happy, healthy and long-term relationships. One way of doing this is through megadating.
Megadating is the method I used during my 100 date experiment. It involves dating a variety of people at once in order to learn more about what you want in a relationship, increase self-esteem and ultimately finding a girlfriend.
Want to learn more? Book an introductory Skype session with me today. During our intro session, we’ll discuss your dating roadblocks, goals, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.
Just like good sex, good relationships aren’t reserved for the lucky few. My strategies and programs are designed to help you build confidence and avoid settling for a mediocre relationship.
Talk to you soon!