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How to Tell a Girl You Like Her Without Coming Off Desperate

By Emyli LovzJanuary 20, 2019Conversation
how to tell a girl you like her

Wondering how to tell a girl you like her without appearing desperate?

All the greatest writers abide by the same maxim, “show, don’t tell.” To tell is to explicitly tell the reader how a character feels. To show however is to describe the action that indicates anger.

Telling a woman you’re into her is no different. Instead of flat out informing her of your feelings, show her: touch her in a caring manner, compliment her, slyly sneak a poem into her purse. There are plenty of ways to tell a girl you like her without appearing desperate.


How to Tell a Girl You Like Her Tip 1. Build Up Attraction BEFORE You Tell Her

Expressing your romantic interest shouldn’t seem like an ambush. If you’re unaware of how she feels about you, you’d better get to investigating. Allow yourself to communicate your feelings without spelling them out. Be cognizant of how she responds to your touch. Does she recoil in disgust or lean into your soft gestures of affection?

One of the boons of MegaDating is that it sharpens your ability to read woman you’re dating. When dating a range of women you’ll begin to notice certain gestures that each one will use to convey her feelings. By constantly interacting with women in a romantic context you’ll create an internal catalogue of non-verbal and verbal cues that indicate attraction.

If despite MegaDating you still have trouble reading the signs, here’s a checklist of affection that will help illuminate the way. Should most of the actions be checked off, there’s a high probability that she’s into you.

  • Have you kissed?
  • Does she keep going out with you?
  • Have you met her friends?
  • Does she initiate contact?
  • Does she initiate a conversation via text?
  • Has she asked you out?
  • Is she mirroring your body language?
  • Does she talk about doing things with you in the future?

Your checklist doesn’t need to be completely checked off to ascertain whether she’s into you. However, the more checks the greater likelihood that she likes you and wants to have her feelings reciprocated.

2. Stay Confident

You’re never going to get what you want by staying in your shell. Playing it safe means never getting hurt, but it also means that you will never obtain what you really want; a gratifying romantic relationship. Be aware that this girl could be binging the new season of Narcos right now, but instead she’s choosing to go out with you. Let’s be serious. In our modern world opting to be vulnerable and go on a date instead of devouring a newly released Netflix show is a pretty strong indicator that someone has the hots for you.

Jokes aside (but not really) woman are inherently attracted to levelheaded confidence. Use the fact that she’s spending time with you to feed your confidence. Even if you ultimately find out that she’s really not that into you, be confident in defeat. Dating a lot of woman means that in short time you’ll find someone else that animates you just as much if not more than prior women you’ve been interested in.

Regardless of the outcome, remain confident in telling her how you feel. No matter how you go about telling her, doing so with confidence will convince her that she feels the same way or that at least you’re worth spending more time with to see if she can develop similar feelings.

3. How To Tell A Girl You Like Her In Your Fantasies

Considering you’re currently reading an article entitled, “How to Tell a Girl You Like Her Without Coming Off Desperate,” you’ve probably put a great deal of thought into how you’ll reveal your feelings. It’s quite probable that you’ve already played out the perfect scenario in your head. If the topic makes your palms sweat and your tongue dry, it makes sense to practice beforehand.


No need to write a script and have your best friend play the girl you’ve been dating. Simply visualize what you imagine happening when you two meet. Do you greet her with a warm hug and kiss her on the cheek? Do you then proceed to joke about Trump’s latest faux pas before segueing into telling her how you feel? If you’re worried about coming off desperate, practice first and visualize yourself communicating your feelings in a non-desperate manner.

4. Manage Your Expectations

Sure this isn’t what you want to hear, but realize that her not reciprocating your feelings is a possibility, one that must be taken into account. There are a myriad of reasons as to why she may not feel the same way about you. Perhaps the reason for her not reciprocating has nothing to do with you or perhaps it has everything to do with you.

How will you act when the verdict is in? Just because her feelings don’t align today doesn’t mean that it won’t happen down the road. She keeps saying yes to going out with you because she genuinely likes spending time with you. That means there is still a viable path to intimacy.

Affection isn’t a constant. Perhaps in the moments after you tell her how you feel she feels contrary, but this may not always be the case. Stay humble in your rejection. Acting desperate or unruly after hearing the response you weren’t hoping for could serve to spoil any chances you have at a future together.

5. Be Vulnerable

The only way to get what you want is to drop your guard and leave yourself exposed. If you’re terrified of getting rejected here are a couple ways to frame the situation so as to give you that little push you need to tell her how you feel.

Frame 1

You like how things have been going but you know you want more. Without opening your mouth and telling her how you feel you’ll never get to experience what else this relationship can offer. Think of this moment as a gateway to something much better than what you already have.

Frame 2

If you’ve been MegaDating you realize that there are plenty of other women deserving of your attention. Getting to the point and knowing how she feels will save you time. So what if this woman’s feelings aren’t on the same page? There are plenty of other women out there that would love to give themselves to you emotionally and physically.

How to Tell a Girl You Like Her Tip 6. Be Direct

Show, don’t tell. If Gabriel Garcia Marquez were a dating coach he’d probably advise you to write her a poem and slip it into her purse when she’s not looking or make her wildest fantasies come true by stealing her away to go surf Big Sur. But maybe you don’t have time to woo her in fantastical Gabriel Garcia fashion. Sometimes you’ve got to channel your inner Hemingway.

With other women on the horizon you don’t want to waste away in uncertainty. Sometimes you can show her all the affection you can muster and her stoicism still won’t budge. For times like these you’ve just got to tell her what’s on your mind.


When you broach your affection, play it cool. Think about how you might tell her so as to avoid emotional vomit. Emotional vomit occurs when you’ve been harboring feelings for a while without any release. You know you’re experiencing emotional vomit when you start listing a litany of things you like about her followed by a sappy line you no doubt swiped from a Disney movie. To avoid this, simply tell her enough to let her know that you like her without coming off desperate.

What does this look like?

Ideally after a joke or an intimate moment say something like:

  • I think you’re into me. Which is good, because I’m starting to feel the same way. 
  • Do people still use the word crush? Or would it sound odd if I told you that I had a crush on you.
  • I’m glad you’re available, because I think you’re awesome and I’m beginning to like you.

Be sure to tell her in a way that plays into your personality. Just be sure not to dive headfirst into the unknown, but rather dip your toe in the water and react to the ripples. This is to say, reveal your emotions, but not to the full degree. Keep Gabriel Garcia Marquez tucked away on the shelf for when you need him later. For now, Hemingway will do the trick.

7. Sharpen Your Dating Skills By MegaDating

Though briefly touched on before, MegaDating’s many benefits warrant a more in-depth walk-through. MegaDating is simply dating multiple people simultaneously in order to quickly refine your dating skills and find a meaningful long term partner.

Notice how you’re fearful of how she’ll respond after you tell her you like her? By MegaDating, that fear won’t completely evaporate, but the hit you take from rejection will be softened. Rejection is an inherent part of dating. With MegaDating you’ll learn how to overcome your fear of rejection and to rebound from it.

You’re probably only reading this article because you’ve reached a point where you need to know how the person you’re dating feels about you. Yet if you’re a mega-dater you’ll be able to create a catalogue of non-verbal cues and sift through them every time she gives you a signal. In this way you’ll intuitively know if she’s into you or not, thus making it easier when taking the relationship to the next level whether that be asking her out again (make sure to use a TDL), kissing her for the first time, or asking her to be your girlfriend.

Interacting with a myriad of people in a romantic context will sharpen your dating skills and help you get what you want. That being said the old cliché that practice makes perfect needs a bit of tweaking.


Perfect practice makes perfect.

To understand what perfect means, consult with me on how to achieve your dating goals and properly implement MegaDating. For guidance on how to tell a girl you like her without coming off desperate check out my calendar and let’s chat on a new client 1-on-1 Skype session today.