Should I Break Up with My Girlfriend? 10 Signs It’s Time
Spoiler: Only you can know for sure.
Read all the online content you can find and speak to as many friends as you’d like but only you know if it’s the right decision. And secondly, only you can make that decision.
As a dating coach for men that has helped hundreds of guys find love, all I can do is aid you in making a decision that’s ultimately your choice.
Only you know the intimate details of your relationship and how she makes you feel.
What I’m about to do is ask a series of probing questions and use various perspectives to help you examine your relationship from different angles.
So… if you’re asking yourself “should I break up with my girlfriend?….” Let’s dig in.
Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend?
Well, that depends.
Through a series of revealing questions and red flags, I’ll help you take the next step in your relationship.
Here’s the first question.
Do You Talk Junk About Her?
Remember the last time you got drinks with the guys?
When they asked you about your girlfriend, what did you tell them?
Did you say honestly that things are going swimmingly, or that she’s distant, doesn’t have time for you, and that you’re kinda sick of her?
More importantly, did you talk smack about her? And no, I’m not talking about trash talk.
It’s fair to say that happy guys don’t say bad things about their girlfriends behind their backs.
Of course, everyone does once in a while.
However, if it becomes a habit (one ideally your friends can help identify) it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
But be warned!
If all your friends know about your girlfriend is what you tell them, listening to their advice could be akin to listening to an echo chamber.
In the end, you know best.
Are You Staying With Her Because It’s Easy?
I can’t tell you how many clients and friends have told me that they stay in a relationship longer than they should because they’re comfortable or afraid of the unknown.
Everyone at some point has done this.
They stay with the person they’ve been dating because it’s easy.
They’re complacent with the routine, enjoy sleeping next to a warm body, and aren’t brave enough to venture out into the world as a single person.
Look, I get this.
Apart from what I just listed, you’re suffering from the sunk-cost fallacy.
The sunk-cost fallacy is the psychological and economic idea that because you made an investment you feel an obligation to continue investing even when you realize it’s not in your best interest.
You purchased a large milkshake for $12 and opted to finish it despite feeling full halfway through.
We feel the impact of this urge in every context of our lives. It’s no different when it comes to romance.
Just because you’ve been with her for 6 months or five years, isn’t a good enough reason to keep dating her.
Instead of viewing the relationship as something you’ll lose, frame a breakup as something gained.
When you break up, you open the door to romantic possibilities.
These possibilities can be best imagined with MegaDating.
MegaDating is the solution to one-itis.
When you MegaDate, you’re going out with various people at once.
You have a date lined up for Wednesday with Becca, Thursday with Katie, and Saturday with Victoria.
You date prolifically in order to quickly find someone you’re compatible with.
But you also do it to prove to yourself that there are women out there worth spending time with. There’s no reason to settle when you know you can date amazing women.
Is Your Life Worse Since You Started Dating Her?
Pretty straightforward question here.
Has your life improved or gotten worse since you started dating your new girlfriend?
How has your career, mental health, relationship with friends changed since dating this woman?
Perhaps your relationship with her is fine, but how has it changed other aspects of your life?
If the relationship has negatively impacted other areas of your life it might be time to break up with your girlfriend.
Also ask yourself if this is her fault, yours, or a problem you have with every relationship you’re in.
The Pie Chart
If I were to ask you to break your relationship down into a pie chart and divvy up how often you feel certain emotions around her, what would it look like?
Hopefully not like this.
Take out a paper and pen and create a pie chart right now.
How often do you feel happy, sad, excited, annoyed, content, etc. when you’re around your girlfriend?
If the negative emotions outweigh the positive ones (or even if you’re not relatively happy 90% of the time) you probably have your answer to if you should break up with your girlfriend.
Are Your Morals And Values Aligned?
How long have you and your current partner been together?
It’s possible that you’ve been together so long that you and your partner have changed over the years.
At first you two had values that aligned — now that’s not so much the case.
We’ve seen the country become more polarized than ever over the last 5 years or so. Social media paired with vitriolic politics and the increasing importance of various issues, has created the perfect polarization storm.
Do you still want to date someone whose moral and/or political views have changed so drastically over the past few years?
As Pew Research shows, dating someone from the other end of the political spectrum is a major holdup.
People are allowed to change. Just as you’re allowed to end things with that person should they change in a way that isn’t to your liking.
Ask yourself if you could imagine raising a child with this person? Ask if they would insist on raising their child with views that don’t square with yours. Broaching these difficult questions will help you determine whether the relationship has the strength to last.
Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend? Get Advice From Those Who Have What You Want
Far too often men only take advice from their tribe.
They huddle around their friends as their buddies beat the drum and vomit horrible advice into their ears.
It doesn’t matter how money they think you are (or they are) what matters is that they give quality advice.
When shopping around for the best romantic window, don’t settle on words of advice from people that don’t have what you want.
If your buddy hasn’t had a girlfriend for years, chances are he’s not the guru he thinks he is.
I, on the other hand. have helped close to 1,000 men through this very problem. I’ve seen many a man go through the same issues you’re currently hung up on.
And spoiler: When you turn to the internet looking for advice on whether or not to ditch your girlfriend, that’s a good sign you should break up with her.
Can You Visualize Yourself Single And Happier Than You are Now?
What does life look like after dating this woman?
I know it’s difficult to imagine but let’s imagine this new life for you.
Don’t ask yourself how things change immediately, but rather what does your life look like a month or three months from now?
How has your relationships with friends changed? Do you see yourself dating new people and happy?
Most importantly do you see yourself missing your ex or being sad that you don’t have her in your life anymore?
And don’t misunderstand the yearning for her and yearning for a warm body. Other women are out there, you just need to create the opportunity to find them.
After you’ve imagined a future without her, imagine one with her.
Will you be happy if you continue to date her? Is this a long-term investment you’d be happy to make?
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
The only way to know for sure is to leave your girlfriend and try out single life. The best way to make a splash in the dating scene is to MegaDate.
MegaDating is like ordering a beer sampler as opposed to a pint of one beer.
It allows you to quickly get a taste of what’s out there without committing to the first person you meet.
MegaDating involves going on various brief first dates with women you meet from different social circles.
First dates should last no longer than an hour with less than $10 being spent.
This is done to both free up time, save money, and weed out gold diggers or women just looking to snag a free meal.
First dates should also take place during the day time and be close to her house or place of work.
Look, she doesn’t know you and you don’t know her. Pitch a date that’s both brief and easy for her to say yes to. Asking a woman on a 5-hour first date an hour away from where she lives will almost always be rejected (unless you already know her).
Does She Avoid Dealing With Problems In The Relationship?
Every relationship will run into a roadblock or two.
This is inevitable.
What’s not pre-determined is how quickly relationships are able to get past these blockages.
The best way to do so is with open lines of communication.
What was it like talking with your girlfriend about your latest disagreement? Was there even a conversation or did she completely deflect and refuse to talk about it?
Communication is a fundamental aspect of every healthy relationship.
You know this, she knows this, yet one of you refuses to buy in.
Do you really want to continue to invest in someone that is better at avoiding difficult questions than a politician?
Does She Meet Your Needs?
We all have basic needs that we want met in a relationship.
We all want to be respected, enjoy the other’s company, be supported, sexually gratified, and safe.
Does she make you feel this way?
If not, have you requested that she change her behavior in order to give you these things?
It’s difficult asking yourself, “should I break up with my girlfriend?”
What makes it a whole lot easier is when you ask the right questions.
If you have made your desires explicit, yet she refuses to gratify you, it’s time to move on. Assuming your needs are realistic, if she can’t meet them, someone else certainly can.
Can You Trust Her?
I’m not necessarily talking about her being faithful here.
Rather, can you trust her to pick you up on time, to make dinner occasionally, to be there for you when you need her, to listen to you, etc.
For a relationship to work in the long-term there must be mutual trust.
How are you supposed to be intimate with another person or build a life together when you don’t trust them with certain essentials?
Re-read this article and make a checklist.
Answer the questions honestly.
Is your partner checking off all the boxes she should?
If not, it may be time to move on.
You might be scared and I get that.
The best way to overcome fear and loss of moving on from a relationship is to grieve consciously and then MegaDate.
Remember MegaDating is the process of dating multiple women to diffuse your energy, combat loneliness, increase confidence, and have the where-with-all to choose the right long-term partner for your sustained happiness.
If you want to learn how you can fill up your dating funnel and MegaDate effectively, book a 1-on-1 Zoom appointment with one of our coaches.
In this appointment we’ll listen to your concerns and share how our dating coaching program can help you achieve your dating goals.