How to Get Over a Girl You Are Infatuated With
Infatuation can be exciting and even intoxicating. When you are dating someone and become infatuated, you experience that passion, lust, and giddiness that is known as the “honeymoon phase” in a relationship. However, if your feelings go unreciprocated you are going to want to figure out how to get over a girl immediately.
Being rejected by a girl you have strong feelings for can feel agonizing and make you never want to date again.
Luckily, there are several things you can do to get over the girl you are infatuated with but can’t have.
What is Infatuation?
When people talk about “unrequited love,” they’re usually referring to infatuation. Many people confuse infatuation with love, but in reality infatuation and committed love are very different. Although infatuation can often be a precursor to love and commitment when two people are compatible, anyone can become infatuated with someone whether or not that person proves to be a good match.
Infatuation is characterized by feelings of lust, passion and an unquenchable desire to be near someone. When you’re infatuated with a woman or girl you’re dating, you can almost have a sense that you are addicted to her and this addiction colors your perception in an irrational way.
Don’t worry if you feel this way, though — you’re not going crazy.
The reason infatuation feels the way it does is because of brain chemistry. During infatuation, the brain releases a variety of chemicals, including dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These feel-good hormones are what make you feel basically intoxicated with someone. And when this person doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, the drop in these hormones can leave you with a sense of withdrawal that’s uncomfortable, to say the least.
So why am I telling you all this?
Well, basically, understanding the science behind infatuation can help you to view it in a more logical way. To some extent, infatuation is your mind playing tricks on you. Yes, you may feel like you love this person and that you’ll never get over them, but these feelings of anxiety and depression are more the result of a bruised ego and brain chemistry.
The good news about that is, regardless of how bad you feel right now, you can rest assured that the pain will be short-lived. Infatuation is different from love because real committed love is mutual and also takes more time. Learning how to get over a girl you love is also a lengthier and more substantial process.
However, other than having a knowledge of what infatuation is and changing your perception, there are some things you can do to expedite the pain and get over a girl you are infatuated with.
Tip #1: Exercise
Have you ever noticed people going out and exercising a bunch post-breakup or after they’ve been rejected by someone they really liked? Although you may be thinking that they’re trying to work on a “revenge body,” working out can truly heal your heartache.
Working out releases endorphins — the same kind that are released during infatuation — so you can replenish the big dopamine drop you’re currently experiencing.
You don’t need to go ballistic at the gym or start running 10 miles a day to feel the benefits. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of American, as little as 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day for five days a week can do wonders for your mental health.
Of course, a side effect of regularly working out can also be losing weight and gaining muscle, which is definitely attractive. Not only will working out make you look good, this can help increase your confidence, which is something that’s really important in getting over a girl you’re infatuated with.
Tip #2: Listen to Music
Like exercise, music is a healer, especially when you’re struggling to figure out how to get over a girl who just dumped you.
I mean, really, why do you think so many hit songs are about heartbreak and sadness? Clearly, a good number and singers and songwriters learned that music is extremely cathartic.
In fact, I’d recommend you get yourself a good beer (or wine, or rum, or — whatever you’re into, honestly), dim the lights and listen to the weepiest, saddest songs you can find.
According to a study, sad music can actually improve mood. Even when a tune is saturated with depression (hi, Sinead O’Connor and your one single, sad as hell tear), it can bring up positive memories and make you feel better.
Other scientific studies have discovered a bevy of benefits when it comes to listening to music, including:
-Decrease in depression
Tip #3: Remember Her Faults
When it comes to a girl you’re infatuated with, remember that she is human like everyone else and everyone has faults. Don’t allow the shroud of infatuation to blur your vision and make you think that she was perfect. She wasn’t. No one is.
If you got rejected by a woman you were infatuated with, she saw something in you that made it so you weren’t a good match for her and, furthermore, she wasn’t a good match for you. There can be plenty of reasons that your feelings went unreciprocated and there are a variety of ways that she may have handled learning about your feelings, assuming you told her.
But to elaborate on this, let’s take a look at the things that made her a bad decision for you as far as finding a long-term compatible partner.
Was She Emotionally Unavailable?
Although men often get saddled with the whole “emotionally unavailable” label, there are plenty of women that are commitment phobic and chronically avoid relationships. When a woman is emotionally unavailable, you’ll notice that she:
-Never lets you meet her friends or family, and excludes you from events
-May shows signs of drug or alcohol abuse/dependency
-Gets hot and cold with you
-Gushes about her ex
-Bashes her ex
-Tells you she’s “not into labels”
-Constantly makes excuses for why she can’t see you or call you or text you back
Sometimes when a woman is emotionally unavailable it can be misconstrued as “playing hard to get.” But the truth is that an emotionally unavailable woman has issues or events to work through before she can have a successful relationship with anyone.
A relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable is never going to end well. If you think the woman you were infatuated with was emotionally unavailable, consider it a good thing that you never got in too deep with her.
Was She a Narcissist or a Sociopath?
Maybe the girl you were infatuated with was cruel to you when she cut ties with you. Maybe she seemed to be extremely interested only to use you for something before ghosting you.
People that have these types of personality disorders are often charming when you first meet them. They may even shower you with affection or make you think they are falling in love with you before violently cutting the cord on your relationship.
Narcissists and sociopaths are unable to treat people well due to a lack of empathy and compassion. Whether you are a coworker, a friend, a lover or even a family member, someone who is a narcissist or a sociopath will never be able to fully earn their trust and always hurt people that get close to them.
Because they are manipulative, you are often left confused and wondering what you could have done differently to make the relationship work.
There’s nothing you could have done and it’s not your fault. The earlier you get out of a relationship with someone like this, the less it will hurt in the long run.
Did She Recently Get Divorced?
A recently divorced woman may often fall into the emotionally unavailable category, as she may need to go through a long healing process before being ready to date again. If the woman you are infatuated with has recently gone through a divorce, understand that this factor can greatly complicate romantic feelings.
She may have shown zero interest in you or your infatuation, but she likely has zero interest in any guy right now because she just got divorced.
Is She Currently Married or in a Relationship?
If you’re infatuated with a woman who is married or in a relationship, then I’ll say this:
She is taken. Don’t get hung up on women that are unavailable. The next time you find yourself talking flirtatiously or eyeing up a taken woman, jump in a cold shower and throw those inappropriate thoughts in the trash can.
Tip #4: Get Better Sleep
Remember what I said about the feelings of withdrawal that occur when you get rejected by a woman you’re infatuated with? Part of the side effects of that withdrawal can be sleep disruption.
And when you’re not getting adequate sleep, your heartache can feel ten times worse. If you’re having problems sleeping, check out these tips from the National Sleep Foundation so you can stop counting sheep and greet each day more energized and less anxious.
Tip #5: Talk to People You Trust
When you’re having trouble getting over someone, reach out to people you can trust. Leaning on friends who are empathetic and kind can work wonders when it comes to healing.
Moreover, trusted and smart friends can offer you an outside perspective that will help you see things in a more realistic way.
Think about the times you’ve seen a friend struggle to get over someone that wasn’t right for them or treated them terribly. While you may not have pointed out the faults you saw in their partner during the relationship, didn’t it feel great to let your friend know how much better off they were once things had ended? Let your friends do the same for you.
Aside from turning to friends for comfort, you should also book two appointments with friends and family each week when you are struggling with the fallout from your infatuation. Too much time alone can lead to extreme rumination. This will do nothing but encourage a negative mindset and disrupt your healing process.
Tip #6: MegaDate
A lot of times when we get hopelessly worry about how to get over someone, this sense of hopelessness comes from a scarcity mindset. When you’re fixated on finding “the one,” you may falsely believe that the person you developed feelings for was that one.
This is where MegaDating comes in. MegaDating is a dating process that reduces anxiety and helps you see that there truly are plenty of fish in the sea.
MegaDating involves going on dates with several different people at the same time. MegaDating isn’t about being on the rebound, being a player or trying to hook up with a bunch of women at the same time — quite the contrary.
When you MegaDate, you’re dating a lot, which means you get really good at it. This increases your self-confidence, reduces anxiety and makes dating fun instead of frustrating. You will also avoid settling for the mediocre when it comes to relationships because you will be meeting a variety of interesting women.
Moreover, MegaDating lessens the pain of rejection and can prevent you from getting infatuated with the wrong woman. Because you are hanging out with a few women at one time, one rejection isn’t going to hurt so much.
How You Can Move On & Reach Your Goals
Tired of having one-itus? We get it.
That’s why we offer full service coaching and matchmaking programs to help you reach your relationship goals so you can move to live the life you were meant to lead.
Our coaching programs are 3 months in duration and held in both private and group based formats.
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If you want to know how our services work in more detail, then head over to our calendar and book a new client Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today.